Worker #1: How much fiber do you think is in a bat?
Worker #2: Not a lot.
Worker #1, surprised: Really?
Worker #2: Well… It’s not like a bat is a vegetable.
Hospital
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Xen
- Posted on
- Coworkers, Meals and Snacks, Texas
Software developer to web designer: Our toilets don’t flush, so we don’t need cable television anymore. This is not a metaphor.
5th Avenue
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Logic Impaired
- Posted on
- Consultants, Michigan, Technology
Staffer: I just left Publix and my cashier’s name was Kartoon.
HR manager: Oh, yeah! My wife was telling me about her. Do you think her parents meant to name her ‘Khartoum,’ after the country in Africa?
Staffer: I don’t know. Maybe it’s just a popular name from her parents’ native country.
HR manager: Oh, you mean she’s not black?
Staffer: What? No, she’s Asian.
HR manager: Oh. Was I stereotyping just now?
Staffer: Ummm, yeah, a little bit… You are so in the right profession.
Office
Hilton Head, South Carolina
- Posted on
- Bosses and Underlings, Race, South Carolina
Guy descending escalator: Every time I pull down my pants I look down and it’s like, ‘Oh! I forgot it was there.’
Pier 70
Seattle, Washington
- Posted on
- Gossip, Strangers, Washington
Female worker: I’m serious, I don’t like to put things in my mouth that might squirt out! I mean–
Stunned coworker, interrupting: –No, you’ve probably said enough.
Female worker: I’m talking about the doughnut.
121 Zeeb Road
Ann Arbor, Michigan
- Posted on
- Coworkers, Michigan, Possible Sexual Harassment
Supervisor: We can’t say ‘Summer Solutions’ on this brochure, because it might confuse people in California because it’s summer all the time there. Any ideas of how to reword this?
Staffer: It’s not summer all the time in California. It’s summer during summer time.
Supervisor: But it’s warm all year round, so how do they know it’s summer? We need a way to explain that these things are only intended for the summer.
Staffer: But they still know what summer is, even if it’s still warm during the other seasons.
Supervisor: I’m not sure about that…
Staffer: Summer isn’t about temperature, it’s about the direction of Earth’s axis. Summer is always in June, July, and August. It always starts with the solstice in June.
Supervisor: I don’t know anything about solstices and all that. Let’s just reword this.
Staffer: But California still has a summer. I’m telling you, they know what summer is.
Supervisor: I don’t know. They might get confused.
Staffer: Confused about what?
Supervisor: Confused about when summer is. Like, it’s summer right now, ’cause it’s been warm lately.
Staffer: No… April is in the spring.
Delaware
Overheard by: rofl in cube next door
- Posted on
- Bosses and Underlings, Delaware, General Idiocy
US sales manager in teleconference: We gotta let the elephant be the hot dog right outta the shoe.
5 Thomas Holt Drive
Sydney
Australia
- Posted on
- Advice, Australia, Consultants
English teacher: Nice shirt.
Manager: Tell me about it… It’s laundry day.
Italian teacher: Oh god, I hate laundry day. I always run out of underwear and have to wear nothing under my skirt. I’m terrified that the dog will stick his face up my vagina… You know, literally.
Manager: Yeah, I don’t think there is a way to mean that in a non-literal sense.
434 Peixoto Gomide
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: English Teacher #2
- Posted on
- Brazil, Dumb Employees, Gossip
Boss: You know, if you’re behind the train, then you’re probably driving on the tracks again.
200 West Oak Street
Fort Collins, Colorado
- Posted on
- Colorado, Dumb Bosses, General Idiocy
Supervisor: I have to clean this place up today before one of the company reps shows up!
Worker: Are they bringing us some squishy balls?!
Supervisor: No… Oh, not that kind of rep — this guy is from one of the companies that pays us.
Worker: What? Are they at least bringing some candy? Candy! Candy! Candy! Yay, candy!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Rasputin
- Posted on
- Arizona, Bosses and Underlings, General Idiocy
