Maintenance man #1: Oooh, my date last night had some fine titties.
Maintenance man #2: Yes siree, when we hooked up I loved me some of them.
Maintenance man #3: I’ve seen better than hers. [Gesturing to passerby] Look at those. But I guess I’d have to see them naked to really compare.

Office building, House of Representatives
Washington, DC

Incompetent project manager, after asking redundant questions: Um… Are you going to charge this time to my project?
Competent cube dweller: Oh, yeah, I’m gonna charge this! I’m gonna charge the fuck outta this project!

940 6th Avenue SW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Carver Stone

Employee to another: You’re down on your hands and knees eating a banana. How do you not know what that symbolizes?

Route 209 and Weir Lake Road
Brodheadsville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: CW

Manager to self, while cleaning store’s sign: Scrubbing the N, I’m scrubbing the N… Cleaning a T, I clean the T, that’s right… Scrubbing the A, I’m scrubbing the A… [Reaches through the center hole of the A.] Scrubbing the A-hole, cleaning out the A-hole… Wait…

Valley View Mall
Roanoke, Virginia

Overheard by: Amused newbie

Cube rat on phone: They’re cheap and easy.

9744 Forest Lane
Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Renee

New girl: I’m excited about the new direction of the company!
Boss: Um, we try to avoid saying ‘new direction’ around here.

Bellevue, Washington

Overheard by: Amused coworker

Worker bee: So, there are seven categories, and each category has seven sections. Seven times seven is… a lot.

Mercer Street and Fairview Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: passed 3rd grade math

Supervisor: You were loud.
Underling: We were just talking.
Supervisor: You were screaming.
Underling: Well, we always scream.

550 Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Cube rat on phone: Yeah, last year I did about 75 kids, and I’m hoping to do more this year.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Newbie: Are you Chinese or Japanese?
Korean working the register: What?! Japanese are rich, ignorant fools, and Chinese are murderous barbarians. I am Korean!
Newbie: Oh. I never knew that…

Korean deli, 1700 Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Septimus