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Best Quotes from 7-8 Weeks Ago
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12PM That's a Sobriety Test in and of Itself
Lab tech: He needs to retake the drug screening.
Nurse: Why? He said he was ready to give a urine sample.
Lab tech: Well... How do I put this delicately? He did give us *a* sample... Just not the kind we needed.
Nurse: Wait, you mean... he... Oh my god! How the hell did he poop in that cup? I am impressed!
Lab tech: Yea, I kinda am to.
Hospital
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Workin' here for the insurance
11AM Where They Don't Nag About Deadlines All the Time
Supervisor: This was supposed to be done hours ago, what is taking so long?
Employee: I was too busy working on my resume so I can get a better job.
Park Avenue
New York City, New York
9AM Or, As I Affectionately Call Him, "My Little Tar-Baby"
Office manager, calling out to boss: Do I have to take the diversity training if I am married to a black guy?
Viking Drive
Eden Prarie, Minnesota
Overheard by: I wouldn't think so
9AM There's a Reason There Are "Naughty Nurse" Halloween Costumes
[Nurse #1 attempting to restrain combative patient in a dark room.]
Nurse #2: You ah... Want me to turn the lights on?
Nurse #1: No, I tie people up in the dark all the time.
University Hospital
San Antonio, Texas
9AM Mexico: Hey, We Warned You!
CSR, on speakerphone: And where would you like this order shipped?
Secretary: 123 Main St.*, Los Alamos, New Mexico.
CSR : We don't ship out of the country.
Secretary: That's fine, but this address is in the country.
CSR : No, you said to ship it to New Mexico.
Secretary: Yes, New Mexico is a state in the US.
CSR : Sorry, but we can't ship out of the US.
Secretary: Do you have a supervisor I can talk to, please?
[Long pause.]
CSR supervisor: This is Tim. Can I help you?
Secretary: I hope so, Tim. Your employee doesn't seem to understand that New Mexico is a state in the United States, and so refuses to ship me your product.
Supervisor: Well, that's true. We can't ship out of the country. I'm sorry ma'am.
Secretary, raising her voice a little: Have you never even heard of the state of New Mexico? It's one of the big, square ones? It's right between Texas and Arizona? It's one of the 50 United States?
Supervisor: I'm sorry, it's just our policy not to ship out of the US.
Secretary: Tim, let me get this straight. Your company is going to lose a $14,000 order because the people in your customer service department are too moronic to know or comprehend that the state of New Mexico is a part of the United States?
Supervisor: Yes, ma'am. That's our policy.
Secretary, completely exasperated: Well, I guess there's nothing more to be said, is there?
Supervisor: No, ma'am. Have a nice day.
Los Alamos, New Mexico
Overheard by: New Mexican
10AM Is Glitter Allowed in the Military?
Sailor, with sheet to sign: I need your signature on this.
Boss man: Ok, do you have a pen?
Sailor: Uh... No.
Boss: Tell me, Frank, how am I supposed to sparkle if you don't give me any glitter? [Storms out of the room.]
Pt. Mugu Naval Base, California
5PM Like When I Drive Through New Jersey
Manager at employee bathroom: Why is this door propped open?
Waiter: Eric* just dropped a bomb in there.
Manager: Fuck, man, spray that air freshener.
Waiter: I did. The stink actually laughed at me.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
4PM Do You Want to Be in Another Country Song? Do You?
Co-worker #1: Who was that boy? He was cute!
Co-worker #2: It won't work. He's a preacher and you're a whore.
Main Street
Gainsville, Florida
3PM The Copier Won Last Week's Fight, Too
Female coworker to copy machine: You have enough paper, you bitch.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: The New Guy
10AM Very Slowly
Boss on phone: Excuse me? I'm sorry, I don't speak stupid, let me get one of my employees to speak to you.
Coppell, Texas
Overheard by: Luckily, it wasn't me.
10AM The Company Should've Trained Him
Manager: I'll never get promoted. I'm misunderestimated.
[manager leaves]
HR Clerk: If "misunderestimated" is defined as crapping your pants at work, then he is misunderestimated.
Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM People With No Short-Term Memory Shouldn't Use the Phone
CSR: Click on the number on the left hand side.
Customer: Okay.
CSR: Okay, did that take you to a different page?
Customer: You want me to type in the number?
CSR: No, click on the number.
Customer: Okay.
CSR: Did that take you to a different page?
Customer: No.
CSR: Did you click on the number?
Customer: I didn't click on anything.
CSR: Click on the number.
Customer: What number?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: loves three way calling and the mute button
4PM Why Are You Giggling, Sir?
Social worker on the phone: No sir, the hospital does not offer financial assistance for penile prosthesis. Well, have you spoken with Dr. Wang in the erectile dysfunction clinic?
Holcombe & Bertner
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Just the Secretary
