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Best Quotes from 5-6 Weeks Ago
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10AM The Company Should've Trained Him
Manager: I'll never get promoted. I'm misunderestimated.
[manager leaves]
HR Clerk: If "misunderestimated" is defined as crapping your pants at work, then he is misunderestimated.
Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM People With No Short-Term Memory Shouldn't Use the Phone
CSR: Click on the number on the left hand side.
Customer: Okay.
CSR: Okay, did that take you to a different page?
Customer: You want me to type in the number?
CSR: No, click on the number.
Customer: Okay.
CSR: Did that take you to a different page?
Customer: No.
CSR: Did you click on the number?
Customer: I didn't click on anything.
CSR: Click on the number.
Customer: What number?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: loves three way calling and the mute button
4PM Why Are You Giggling, Sir?
Social worker on the phone: No sir, the hospital does not offer financial assistance for penile prosthesis. Well, have you spoken with Dr. Wang in the erectile dysfunction clinic?
Holcombe & Bertner
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Just the Secretary
3PM Dude, You're on Speakerphone
Brit at end of conference call: I'm so glad I don't have to hear that bloody cow anymore.
Large chick: Uh...I'm still here and heard that.
Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mad Phat Pat
3PM Why Your Personal Life Should Remain a Mystery
Cashier #1, trying to unlock a drawer at the front desk: I... Can't... Get... The key... To work.
Cashier #2, who recently found out he got his booty-call pregnant: You have to jiggle it, and then pull it out.
Cashier #1, laughing: Cause that has worked so well for you in the past.
Grocery Store
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Loves It!!
11AM Joe Had to Live with the Knowledge That He Was Outsmarted by a Hollywood Video Clerk
Cashier: You have $3.99 in late fees for No Country for Old Men. Would you like to pay that today?
Customer: I didn't rent that.
Cashier: You handed it to me when you walked in, sir.
Hollywood Video
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Jen
2PM I'm Also Sorry for My Current Involuntary Venom Seepage
Co-worker made to apologize to client: I'm sorry I didn't have you on hold when I called you an asshole.
Marietta, Georgia
10AM Stupid Question, Stupider Answer
Clerk behind counter: Has anyone given you anything to carry on or placed anything in your bags that you aren't aware of?
Passenger: How would I know?
American Airlines Terminal
Kennedy Airport, New York
Overheard by: Paul V.
10AM So There's Gay, Married --and Now Possibly This Third Category
Female peon #1, in reference to cute co-worker: So, what happened with that guy you gave your number to?
Female peon #2: Oh, girl, I didn't tell you?!
Female peon #1: No, what happened?
Female peon #2: Listen to this... he never called me, right? And I really wanted to know what was up with that. So, I walked over to him the other day and said, "Hi, how's it going?" Well, we got to talking, and he said he was sorry he never called, but that he isn't looking for a relationship right now... because he's trying to concentrate on his relationship with Jesus Christ!
[Female peon #1 and eavesdropping co-workers break into laughter.]
Female peon #2: Can you believe that? I was rejected for Jesus!
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Kitty
9AM We Imagine the Pimply Clerk from The Simpsons in This Role
Customer: I would like four chocolate chip, four raisin, and four cinnamon crunch bagels to go, please.
Employee: [Turns to look at bagel rack, turns back to customer.] I'm sorry ma'am, I can't sell you those.
Customer: But you have four of each sitting right there.
Employee: [Looks back at bagel rack.] But those are the last of our special bagels, and they are reserved for our in-store customers.
Customer: But I'm in your store, and I want to buy your bagels.
Employee: But my manager said I can't sell those to go.
Customer: So let me get this straight. You're selling bagels, I want to buy bagels, but you won't sell me your bagels?
Employee: Well, yes... but it's my manager...
Customer: How bout I speak to your manager?
Employee: [Gets on phone, whispers to manager, comes back to counter.] Okay, I'll sell you the bagels.
Customer, under breath: Holy shit.
Panera Bread
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: kim
12PM A Day Without Double Entendre Is a Day Without Sunshine
Female coworker, passing her piece of cake to male coworker: You better not touch my creamy bits!
Male coworker: It's okay. I only like the bottom anyway.
Broadway, Newmarket
Auckland
New Zealand
10AM Cigarette, Anyone?
CEO wrapping up a video conference: I just want to thank everyone for making this the best three-way I've ever had!
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Admin Assistant K
9AM Oh No, My PayPal Account Is Empty! How Will I Pay This Strapping Young IT Guy?
Tech guy: I need to update your microscope software, have you seen the dongle?
Grad student: Um... Excuse me?
Tech guy: I need to plug the dongle in to get access to your machine.
Grad student: Uh... What would... That... Look like?
Tech guy: Oh wait, never mind, I see it. Thanks!
[Tech guy leaves.]
Grad student, to undergrad nearby: What the hell was he talking about?
Undergrad: I don't know, but I feel like we were about ten seconds away from being in a very nerdy porno.
North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
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