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Best Quotes from 3-4 Weeks Ago
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2PM What Happens When You Don't Train a New Manager
HR clerk: He got so excited and he crapped all over himself.
Receptionist, laughing: Did Jim [manager] do that again?
Hr clerk: Uh, no, I was talking about my new puppy.
Receptionist: Oh, forget what I just said. Please forget! I was supposed to forget.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
3PM Butter Me Up If You Must
Guy engineer #1: Hey, want a muffin?
Guy engineer #2: Dude, you're my muffin.
Guy engineer #1, in small voice: I feel uncomfortable now.
E. County Road
Wellington, Colorado
5PM Jason Learns of Places Even Worse Than Indianapolis
Busboy: I'm joining the national guard next week. You get lots of tuition for only one weekend a month and two weeks a year.
Manager: Yeah, right. Pick me up a key chain from Baghdad, would you?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
3PM The Clerk Used to Work at Starbucks
Customer: I need to get a dozen and a half, mixed.
Clerk, counting on her day-glo orange fingernails: It'd be cheaper if you got 18.
Customer: What's the difference?
Clerk: ten cents.
Smirking customer: Ok, I'll take 18.
Dunkin' Donuts
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: are u kidding me?
12PM When Season 5's Lisa Peed in an Adult Diaper, the Show Forfeited Any Outside Chance at Glamour
Female staff: Oh man, I'm so into "America's Next Top Model." You know that show.
Male staff: Oh yes. Good quality programming.
Female staff: They were having this marathon on VH1 this weekend, like the whole last season all at once. I got so hooked. But I missed the last two or three episodes, so I don't know who won it.
Male staff: That's awful. You really don't know? That was last season.
Female staff: No, I didn't see the last few episodes.
Male staff: You mean to tell me that you don't know who won last season's "America's Next Top Model"?
Female staff: I didn't see the last episode?
Male staff: But you don't recognize her from all of the glamorous advertisements and runway shows she's been doing?
Female staff: Well, no, I... Oh. You're being sarcastic.
Male staff: For minutes now.
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
12PM No Matter How Much MacGyver I Watched As a Kid
Frustrated lawyer on phone: I know they are engineers! But I cannot draft a contract using only Venn diagrams, mathematic equations and animé references!
Lamar Overland Park
Kansas
Overheard by: Needs A Drink
5PM I Was Thinking More in Terms Of Using It As Toilet Paper
Editor to writer: Do you want to talk about your cover story submission?
Writer: Not really.
Editor: Well, there are a couple of techniques we could use to improve it.
Writer: Is one of them leaving it the hell alone?
Augusta, Georgia
10AM Just Answer the Question, Miss
Nurse, screening for life insurance: So tell me about your siblings...
Male worker: Well, I have 3 sisters, two older and one who's a twin. I'm the youngest by two minutes.
Nurse: Oh, really? You have a twin sister? Are you identical?
Male worker: Are you serious? You're a professional nurse and you're asking me if I'm identical to my twin sister? Is this screening over because I've got work to do.
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Stan Green
9AM Is There a Shortcut for That?
Office girl #1: Is there a shortcut to delete something in excel?
Office girl #2: Just hit delete.
Office girl #1: Yeah but you know how Control-c is copy and Control-v is paste.
Office girl #2: Well there is an actual delete button.
Office girl #1: No, I know -I am just trying to save time.
Office girl #2: Well hitting two buttons is not going to be quicker than hitting one.
Office girl #1: I know -but it's a shortcut, you know?
Office girl #2: Google it.
Corporate Pointe
Culver City, California
Overheard by: Lyn
5PM The Gift Store Did Have Designer Hand Grenades, Though
Coworker #1: Yeah, I went to Egypt but I didn't really like it that much because it was so commercialized.
Coworker #2: I felt the same way about Israel... It was like there were just too many gift shops.
Ex-army coworker: I went to Iraq. It wasn't commercialized at all.
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Emily
11AM The Customer Is Always Righteous
Cashier: Alright, so that's going to be $47.68.
Customer: What? The book was $31.99!
Cashier: Ummm, actually, it was $44.99...
Customer: It says $31.99!
Cashier: I'm afraid you were looking at the American price, ma'am...
Customer: So?!
Cashier: We're in Canada.
Customer, indignant: Well, I want to speak to a manager!
Cashier: Unfortunately, I don't think he'll be able to change global economy, but let me page him...
Ontario
Canadia
9AM Dick, on the Other Hand...
Boss reviewing Myers Briggs Type Indicator results: I am surprised by Stan's* P-ness. [Silence.] Well, Stan's results show that he has a slight P-ness, and I was expecting him to not have any P in him at all. [Room erupts with laughter.]
Cherry Hill, New Jersey
Overheard by: Still Laughing Inside
12PM How Canada Was Settled
Flight attendant to delayed travelers: Last call for Winnipeg... We still have plenty of seats available. I know there are a lot of canceled flights today. Have you ever considered a trip to Canada?
O'Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Considered it.
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