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12PM A Day Without Double Entendre Is a Day Without Sunshine
Female coworker, passing her piece of cake to male coworker: You better not touch my creamy bits!
Male coworker: It's okay. I only like the bottom anyway.
Broadway, Newmarket
Auckland
New Zealand
10AM Cigarette, Anyone?
CEO wrapping up a video conference: I just want to thank everyone for making this the best three-way I've ever had!
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Admin Assistant K
9AM Oh No, My PayPal Account Is Empty! How Will I Pay This Strapping Young IT Guy?
Tech guy: I need to update your microscope software, have you seen the dongle?
Grad student: Um... Excuse me?
Tech guy: I need to plug the dongle in to get access to your machine.
Grad student: Uh... What would... That... Look like?
Tech guy: Oh wait, never mind, I see it. Thanks!
[Tech guy leaves.]
Grad student, to undergrad nearby: What the hell was he talking about?
Undergrad: I don't know, but I feel like we were about ten seconds away from being in a very nerdy porno.
North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
9AM He May Be on to Us
Employee #1: Where does our CEO go? He randomly disappears for days.
Employee #2: He goes to CEO mountain, where all the CEOs stand around and circle jerk.
[CEO walks in minutes later.]
Employee #1: Hey Ben*, where were you? CEO mountain?
CEO: [Laughs.] Yeah, CEO mountain.
Employee #2: What do you guys do up there?
CEO: We all stand around and talk about our truculent staff.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
1PM In Fairness, the Employee Is 83 Percent Correct
Office drone #1: Where is the Pentagon?
Office drone #2: It is in Washington, DC...
Office drone #1: Oh! Isn't it that big hexagon shaped building?
Office manager: [Walking away] Oh Jesus fucking Christ...
Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
10AM Bitch, You Better Tip Me Like It's Christmas!
Client: I used to know a girl in school that always played with my hair... She was always messin' with my hair.
Hairdresser: Do you know what happened to her? Maybe she became a hairstylist?
Client: Oh no... I doubt it... She was really smart.
Hair Salon
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: ColorMeFabulous
2PM And How Many Times Has This Happened to You?
Client on phone, returning from lunch: What, we have a meeting now? I'll be there in ten minutes. Is [the boss] around?
Admin: Yeah, he's right here.
Client: Good, go kick him in the shin for me.
Admin: Um, you're on speakerphone.
Client: I hate you! How many times have I told you never to put me on speakerphone!?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
4PM The Workshop Required Them All to Crochet "Fags Is the Best Girlfriends" on Little Pillows
Black female coworker: Oooh, honey, I love me some fags. Fags is the best girlfriends.
White queer coworker: That's 'cause we all want to be black women!
White female coworker: Can the rest of us get workplace diversity hours for listening to this shit?
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Giggling in my cube
5PM Unless You Wish to Enter the Ranks of Ravaged Interns
Peon #1: But you don't drink that coffee.
Peon #2: I just want something down my throat.
Peon #1: Oh, you shouldn't say that.
Peon #2: I mean I just want something warm down my throat.
Peon #1: You shouldn't say that either.
Stevens Creek Boulevard
Cupertino, California
4PM And When I Call Her, She Answers Only to Say, "I'm Not Here-- Leave a Message"
VP: I can't understand some people. I emailed *Karen with a specific question and she just replied, "I am currently out of the office and will return in one week". Why didn't she answer my question?
Beachwood, Ohio
9AM Can I Play, Too?
Worried manager: What are you doing over there? Sounds like you are playing with Legos. Dear God, you are!
Hartford, Connecticut
2PM I Used the Sacred Highlighter of Righteousness
Office clerk: Wait, this doesn't look right.
Manager: It has to be right -it's highlighted.
Office clerk: Maybe someone highlighted the wrong thing, because that's not right.
Manager: I highlighted it.
Office clerk: Well, I think it may be wrong.
Manager: It can't be wrong. It's highlighted.
5th Avenue
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Saw the Light
5PM He Needs Special Arthropodic Shoes
Asian girl: I only know his size in millimeters -it's 245.
Shoe store clerk: I won't be able to help you, we only have American sizes and centipedes.
Asian girl: Ok, Einstein. Give me a 24.5 centipede.
Potomac Mills
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Steve
10AM Better Than Last Year's Price Club Fiasco
Diner in expensive restaurant, arguing over the bill for his family Christmas party: This wine is a lot cheaper in the grocery store!
Manager: And what would your in-laws think of you if you had the family Christmas party in isle three of a super Wal-Mart?
Illinios Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
2PM What Happens When You Don't Train a New Manager
HR clerk: He got so excited and he crapped all over himself.
Receptionist, laughing: Did Jim [manager] do that again?
Hr clerk: Uh, no, I was talking about my new puppy.
Receptionist: Oh, forget what I just said. Please forget! I was supposed to forget.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
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