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1PM ...Oh.
Cube monkey: Why do things that happen to stupid people always happen to me?
Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
10AM Taking the Lessons I've Learned in This Office Back to the Mothership
Pregnant woman in meeting: This is Kate, she'll be taking over for me, since I'll be leaving in March to reproduce.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Really?
4PM And When She Comes Back She'll Be All Hopped Up on Java
Exec: I'm having problems receiving e-mail.
IT guy: It's the IMAP you are using. It's not compatible with the settings that you have in your program.
Exec: This is unacceptable. I want you to call IMAP and get this resolved immediately!
IT guy: I can't.
Exec: Why can't you do this?
IT guy: Because IMAP is out to lunch with HTTP.
Los Angeles, California
10AM ...Now I'm Going to Have Some Special Needs for This Meeting...
Executive to director: What are you doing at five pm today?
Director: Whatever you need me to be doing.
Executive: I'm interviewing a young lady with Down's syndrome and I was hoping to have someone sit in with me to make sure I don't say anything retarded.
Director: (blank stare)
Executive: Oh. Yeah. Like that.
Kansas City, Missouri
3PM It's California, Jake
Frazzled accountant: So yes, please mail me the statement ASAP! Yes, thanks, thanks. Okay, love you.
(after a minute, to peon)
Did I just say "I love you"?
California
11AM He Sounds Exactly Like the Real Song!
Real estate agent #1: My son is teaching himself how to play guitar! He's getting real good!
Real estate agent #2: That's great! What's he using?
Real estate agent #1: This program called Guitar Hero.
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: JMB
4PM Why Does It Also Say "No Fat Chicks?"
Wife, reading advertisement: What is an erotic petting zoo?
Husband: A what?
Wife, louder: An erotic petting zoo!
Husband, looking: That says "exotic" petting zoo.
Wife: Oh, well...that makes more sense.
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
5PM I Hear He's Religious.
Boss: How do you spell "Matthew"?
Receptionist: Ask Matt, he might know.
Vancouver
Canadia
3PM Career Tip: Find Out Which Colleagues Not to Joke With. And Don't.
Coworker #1: It was amazing. He was the first blind man to climb mount Everest. He was in the news and everything.
Coworker #2: Did they say anything about his dog?
Coworker #1: What?
Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Meesh
4PM I Mean Nuns! Nuns!
Octogenarian lobby help desk guy: I have a joke for you.
Hot 20-something: Is it appropriate?
Octogenarian lobby help desk guy: Yes, of course it is.
Hot 20-something: Alright.
Octogenarian lobby help desk guy: So there were two strippers...
Hot 20-something: (walks away)
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: waiting for the rest of the joke.
4PM On the Plus Side, Last Time I Did That, I Missed Most Of the 80's
Boss: Were you asleep?
Manager: No, I was just in the middle of a really long blink.
Kitchener
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Michele R.
5PM It's What All the Olympic Athletes Are Doing These Days
Male employee #1, at lunch, peeling a banana: So, I'm doing a detox diet, where I eat only fruit for two weeks, and a bit of meat is introduced during the third. It's rough, but I'm actually starting to feel more sprightly.
Male employee #2: I say...it really works? I should try it. I'm knackered, and I'm getting a paunch. I'd like to detox that baby from my midriff.
(thin, lovely, female coworker, clutching mug of coffee, enters lunchroom)
Male employee #2: Sophie, what do you do to keep fit? Do you eat fruit at breakfast, perhaps?
Sophie, taking sip of coffee: I believe for breakfast I had beer and chocolate biscuits.
High Holborn
London
England
Overheard by: Mr Tickle
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