CEO: People don't do that with their pants down, do they? They just unzip, right? Manhattan, New York
Engineer: I’m against Google Earth! The terrorists are using it! And the communists!
700 West Capitol Avenue
Little Rock, Arkansas
Temp: So the seal was playing a wind instrument?
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Coworker #1: So, what is a Thai roll?
Coworker #2: Well, Thailand is a country…
Coworker #3, laughing: Oops, I just farted…I laughed so hard a fart came out. Bethpage, New York Overheard by: Gette
Cube monkey girl: I don't have any gray hairs on my head, but I have a gray patch down there.
Male coworker: Those are cobwebs, not gray hairs. Las Vegas, Nevada Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
Female CSR #1: Did you get a brownie?
Slightly-larger female CSR: No, I can’t leave my desk and work to get a brownie. That would be brushing off my duties.
Female CSR #1: Well, I’m not a fat person. I wouldn’t know. 473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey Overheard by: office peon
Co-worker: She was like, “Nigga, just drop me off at daycare and go about your business.”
11100 USA Parkway
Fishers, Indiana Overheard by: minkey
Office mate #1: My brother's girlfriend brought dinner over last night.
Office mate #2: Is it weird–since you guys are twins– that your brother's girlfriend knows exactly what you look like naked? Santa Monica, California
Woman #1: I feel bad he’s stuck talking to her. I feel like I should rescue him.
Woman #2: Oh, they deserve each other; they’re both full of shit.
Woman #1: But his is a different kind of shit.
Woman #2: Yeah; his is bull, hers is horse. 175 S. Third Street
Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn’t know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She’s adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you serious? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my contractions were about two minutes apart, he got nervous and attempted to distract me. So he kept making that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those robot things made in Revenge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you’re talking about. What a jerk! That’s so funny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stomach and called him a bastard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were getting a divorce. Poor guy wouldn’t even talk to the nurses after that. 777 Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan