Office guy: I was using the adjective, not the dwarf. Manhattan, New York
Worker bee: I was asleep! I don’t want to know how they were wiggling things around in my body!
333 South Street
Secretary : The guys who clean my yard never take any off my plants, because I threaten them, I say ‘If you touch anything, I’ll kill you!’ And they never touch anything since then. Because they’re Haitians, and you know, Haitians scare easy.
1252 Memorial Drive
Coral Gables, Florida
Female 30-something coworker: I know after my c-section, I never got my feeling back down there. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Overheard by: confused by those parts
Exec #1: …Yeah, anybody can own a Louis Vuitton nowadays. You know someone really has money when they can control other people’s time.
Exec #2: Totally. 1212 6th Avenue
New York, NY
Coworker #1: So, I had this dream last night. I was looking at the ceiling, and a rat wearing sunglasses peeked out at me from the air conditioning vent.
Coworker #2, catching the end of the conversation: Was this a dream? Melbourne, Florida Overheard by: Despite all my rage…
Server support: The server is still taking errors?
Network support: Okay?
Server support: Did you run the new cable we asked for?
Network Support: Yes.
Server support: Are you sure you ran it to the correct server?
Network support: Yes.
Server support: Did you test the cable?
Network support: Yes.
Server support: How did you test it?
Network support: I farted on one end and I could smell it on the other. 1600 Dublin Road
Boss lady: Wait a second…February….February…
Gay underling: Feb-ROO-ary
Boss lady: It has an R?
Gay underling: Two, in fact.
Boss lady: Great. I work in publishing. 302 Temple Street
New Haven, Connecticut
Boss: Tara, there is a big stack of Christmas cards on your chair. Please put stamps on each one and make sure they are exactly a quarter inch from both the side and the top of the envelope.
Tara, to coworker: Can you bring a ruler over here? I need to put stamps on the Christmas cards. Old Town
San Diego, California Overheard by: Glad I'm not the new girl
Old lady #1: She's on the pill.
Old lady #2: I can eat anything since I'm on the pill.
Old lady #1: Nan's on the pill too.
Nan: I'm on a lot of pills. Delran, New Jersey Overheard by: Bruce Banner