I'm Glad This Counter Is Here

Barista taking coffee order: I guess I was just thinking about your sister's cup size. Chattanooga, Tennessee Overheard by: Double Grande Latte

Now That Was a Happy Hour

Female employee, preparing for office happy hour: Do any of you have a bottle opener for the beer?
Male employee #1: He does.
Male employee #2: No, I don't.
Male employee #1: Yes you do, isn't there one on your belt buckle or key chain?
Male employee #2: Uhhh… No.
Male employee #1: Really? I'd swear that last time we did this, you took something out of your pants that did the job very well for her. Kansas City, Missouri