I Never Should’ve Shown Grandma How to Use the Internet

Employee: Hi, can I help you? Customer’s cell rings. Customer: Hold on a sec… [answers cell] Hey! did you talk to Jeremy*? He is pissed at you… Why? ‘Cause you put gay shit all over his MySpace! There is a guy with a huge dick on his MySpace! Yeah! You better help him get it off ’cause he doesn’t know how! Okay, bye.
Employee: Uhhh…
Customer: Yeah, can I get a sundae, please? 1050 Montauk Highway
Copiague, New York Overheard by: i hate customers…

If We Can Watch

Manager #1: Time for the meeting.
Manager #2: Can I just tie a fucking bag of stray cats over my head instead? Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana Overheard by: Shatmandu

It’s Amazing He Can Be Such a Good Lawyer, Despite Being Blind

Female staffer #1: You know what David* said to me? He said, “In case you know anyone who’s having a vasectomy, I have some advice for you to give them.” And then he told me about how they gave him a jock strap to wear after his surgery to keep everything in place, but that the one they gave him was too small. And I said, “David! I don’t want to hear any more!” But he kept talking about how uncomfortable it was to wear a jock strap that was too small for him after having his vasectomy. I was afraid he was going to start describing exactly how his balls were getting squeezed.
Female staffer #2: See, that’s a perfect example of how David is always so passive. If he weren’t so passive, he’d just say, “I want everyone to know I’m hung like a horse.” 10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina