1PM I'll Bet He's Got an Incredibly Tasty Brain

CSR: And my four-year-old was over at the church petting zoo telling the volunteers the graveyard was full of zombies that will eat everyone's brains.
Manager: You have a cool kid.

Burnsville, Minnesota

Overheard by: Smoking Break


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11AM ...Who Says I'm Not Management Material?

Cubicle dweller to another: We should have carpooled in together today so that you could drive me home drunk.

Dallas, Texas


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10AM I'm Guessing It's Either Larry, Moe, or Curly-- But Which One?

Office hoochie on cell: You need to call him and find out who is the source of all the knuckleheadedness.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana


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9AM Uptown Girls Rarely Come Downtown

Male middle manager on phone: You did it? (pause) You came!

Lower Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: badTiming...


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5PM ...But Why Am I Telling This to a Purple Stegosaurus?

Detective #1, walking away from meeting with chief: Man,where do you come up with some of this shit?
Detective #2: There were a couple summers in the 70s when I thought LSD was a vitamin.

Manhattan, New York


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4PM ...I'll Probably Need a Short Nap to Recover.

Manager, finishing excruciatingly long presentation: Wow, I just way overblew my load!

Renton, Washington


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3PM Best. Job. Ever!

Employee, moving into new office holding up jar of green seeds: Is this marijuana?

Vienna, Virginia


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2PM Your Editors Are Now Conducting Interviews

Office lady to another: I don't care if he's married. I would make a great step wife. Wait, is that even a thing? A step wife?

Chicago, Illinois


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1PM All Of Pinocchio's Girlfriends Feel This Way.

Ex-Raiders cheerleader boss: Ugh! I can't stand the taste! It's like licking wood.

Burbank, California


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11AM ...Insider Trading Is Illegal.

Office dude to another: Get out of me!

Waco, Texas


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10AM ...How's Your Squash Game These Days?...What??

Boss: That guy was a stud. And he liked it. He enjoyed it. And I was in pain for days!

Louisiana

Overheard by: That's not right


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9AM ...And Do You Think You Could Get Me John Leguizamo's Autograph?

CSR, on customer welcome call: Is your last name Valdez?
Customer: Yes, it is.
CSR, on customer welcome call: Is your father Juan Valdez? You can say you have a famous father!

Troy, Michigan

Overheard by: Mortgage Whisperer


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5PM ...Also, You Just Said "Hard Data." Hee!

Office worker #1: But we don't have any hard data for that.
Office worker #2: Don't worry, we'll just make up some numbers for the presentation.

Plano, Texas


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4PM Perhaps the Only One in San Francisco

New recruiter: I really am hoping to get that spreadsheet from you so that I can finalize mine.
Contract recruiter: Wow. You're organized.
New recruiter: I am an anal nut.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Matt


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