Coworker to another: For God's sake, man! It's poetry!! You can't take a beautiful, profound, poetic and tender expression about two people sharing the taste of the perineum and analyze it like that! You might as well ask why Romeo didn't bother checking to see if Juliet had a pulse.
Manhattan, New York
VP: So, the event is going to be on the USS Constitution in Baltimore's Inner Harbor. The top deck holds about 125 people, and we can't put any people on the lower deck because that's where the cannons are.
Event planner: Where do they land the planes?
VP: What?
Event planner: Isn't it an aircraft carrier?
VP: Um, no.
Los Angeles, California
Trainee: Well, I'll see you Friday
Employee #1: No, I'm off.
Manager: Yeah, me too.
Employee #2: So am I.
Trainee: Whoa, where's the party?
Manager: Your house.
New Milford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nik
Drone #1: My hairdresser gives the best shampoos. I love the way she massages my head as she's rinsing it out.
Drone #2: Oh, so she gives good head... massages?
Ventura, California
Coworker #1: So after my cat died, we buried it in the backyard.
Coworker #2: How sad. At least you gave her a proper burial.
Coworker #1: A year later my husband dug it up and pieced the skeleton together. It's on our mantle.
Riverhead, New York
Warehouse manager leaving cubicle #1, to cubicle #2: Just so you know, we were not whispering.
Cubicle #2 dweller: I have my headphones on, I don't care what you do.
Warehouse manager: We weren't talking about you either.
Cubicle #2 dweller: It's okay if you were. I get talked about a lot. Was it good?
(warehouse manager ponders)
Cubicle #2 dweller: Not good like positive, but gossip fulfilling?
Warehouse manager: Oh! (pause) It was very positive.
Cubicle #2 dweller: Really? Well. Well, I was not expecting that.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Female coworker: I would never leave you such a message, nor tell you to suck anything.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Barista taking coffee order: I guess I was just thinking about your sister's cup size.
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Overheard by: Double Grande Latte
Woman to her colleagues: You missed a scintillating webinar this morning.
Manhattan, New York
Coworker, on phone with girlfriend: By the way, thanks for grinding on my boss' wife last night.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Office lady: This place smells like meatballs and carpet...
Chesapeake, Virginia
Coworker to another: She's nice, but she's very German.
London
England
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Coworker #1: You like my Kermit the frog impression?
Coworker #2: No, I have a headache.
Coworker #1: Yeah, I get headaches sometimes because of the brain injury I had in 2007.
Coworker #2: That explains a lot.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Coworker #1, trying to identify characters on SpongeBob crackers: What about this one? The monster.
Coworker #2: Oh yeah, the one-eyed one! He's evil, isn't he?
Coworker #1: I dunno--we should google it.
Coworker #3, laughing: Yeah, go ahead and google "one-eyed evil monster," see what kind of results you get!
Baltimore, Maryland