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3PM That's One Scavenger Hunt Item Out of the Way
Frat boy to another who is wiping something off his shoe: At least you stepped in dog shit!
Walking into Bobby Bowden Stadium in Tallahassee for FSU/NC State football game.
2PM Until the Day He Gets the Shaft
Coworker #1 to vendor carrying box out door: Dick, are you coming back in?
Coworker #2: That's what he does, he comes in, he goes out, he comes in, he goes out, all day long.
Coworker #3: Don't you think that gets old after a while?
Coworker #2: What? I'm telling the truth. Dick comes in, dick goes out, he comes in and goes out.
Coworker #1: What grade are you in? Third?
Coworker #2: I wasn't saying anything that wasn't true. It's not my fault you guys have dirty minds. Dick comes in and goes out a lot, all day long.
Connecticut
Overheard by: omfg, he's so annoying
1PM Ten Bucks Says the Planets Were Misaligned When She Was Born
Little Turkish woman: Since when is September considered part of summer? I mean, years ago, September was considered fall!
Office grunt: Well, technically, fall just began this past week with the autumnal equinox and...
Little Turkish woman (interrupting): I don't believe in astrology. Damn, it is hot out!
Brookline, Massachusetts
Overheard by: She blinded me with science
12PM Why Kids Smoke Pot
Loud mother, entering lingerie department holding hand of 11-year-old daughter: Can you tell me where your smallest training bras are? And I mean the smallest!
Chestnut Hill Macy's
Boston, Massachusetts
11AM It's One Big Fraternity Party Over There
Office guy #1: So I heard that people in China are naming their kids after both parents, cause there are a lot of Wangs in china.
Office guy #2: Wow... That is a lot of Wang.
Toronto
Canadia
10AM Presenting, the World's Smelliest Lock-Box
HR clerk to room full of tech guys: Hey guys, the men's restroom is going to be closed for a while. The plumber is here.
Senior tech guy: Okay. Our loads are secure.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM Supporting Our Troops' Drinking Is the Most Important Thing Right Now
Soldier #1: Sir, are you going to do anything while on leave?
Lieutenant, sitting in the one shady spot in the blazing heat: Yeah, I think me and my cousin are going to get some fuckin beers, get all smashed, go out and get tattoos. It's gonna be cool shit. Grab some brews, bitches...way cool.
Soldier #2, walking up: Yeah? Are you going to get a tattoo of a penis on your forehead, dickhead?
(shocked silence)
Lieutenant (thoughtful): Naw...fuck that.
Iraq
Overheard by: TK- soldier#3 almost peed stopping from laughing
5PM ...Until I Learned Proper Grooming Habits
Female office worker, while eating trail mix: Man, all these nuts are making my throat itchy.
Male coworker, excitedly: That's what she said!
Baltimore, Maryland
4PM Explains Why I Get a Chill Whenever I See Susan Sarandon
Woman #1: Mandy received her first Precious Moments figurine.
Woman #2: I hate Precious Moments. They steal your soul while you sleep, that's why their eyes are so big.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
3PM In Unrelated News, Our CEO Just Got a $100 Million Golden Parachute
Division manager, addressing 200-member division: As part of the new policy, employees will not be allowed to carry over vacation days to next year.
District manager: Could I use days I have left in the first week of January?
Voice from speakerphone: That's next year, asshole!
(stunned silence)
Morristown, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jack Satan
2PM Which I Saw at a Carnival Once
Guy reading note: That's his handwriting? It looks like a retarded fourth grader writing with his left foot.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Guy Who Does His Hair at Work
1PM I've Even Learned How to Make It Shoot Confetti
Communications manager: He said your box is boring.
Graphics designer: He said my box is what?
Webmaster: You have a boring box?
Graphics designer: I've never had complaints before.
Sensual Products Office
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: sensual products copywriter
12PM Two-- I Only Count the Happy Years
Coworker #1: So what are you doing this weekend?
Coworker #2: My wife and I are celebrating our 23rd anniversary.
Coworker #1: So how long have you guys been married?
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: huh?
11AM Tomorrow We'll Work on Buttons
Boss to new sales rep: And here is your laptop with the carrying case. The computer just goes in the bag like this and then you use the Velcro straps to strap it in. You're familiar with Velcro, right? You just push the two sides together and... (proceeds to demonstrate)
Norcross, Georgia
