Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
5PM Because He liked 'em cold and limp and unresisting
Coworker to another: For God's sake, man! It's poetry!! You can't take a beautiful, profound, poetic and tender expression about two people sharing the taste of the perineum and analyze it like that! You might as well ask why Romeo didn't bother checking to see if Juliet had a pulse.
Manhattan, New York
4PM What About Some Helicopters?
VP: So, the event is going to be on the USS Constitution in Baltimore's Inner Harbor. The top deck holds about 125 people, and we can't put any people on the lower deck because that's where the cannons are.
Event planner: Where do they land the planes?
VP: What?
Event planner: Isn't it an aircraft carrier?
VP: Um, no.
Los Angeles, California
3PM You Want This Job Or Not?
Trainee: Well, I'll see you Friday
Employee #1: No, I'm off.
Manager: Yeah, me too.
Employee #2: So am I.
Trainee: Whoa, where's the party?
Manager: Your house.
New Milford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nik
2PM yes, I've never met a stylist who uses her tongue before, but I'll never go anywhere else
Drone #1: My hairdresser gives the best shampoos. I love the way she massages my head as she's rinsing it out.
Drone #2: Oh, so she gives good head... massages?
Ventura, California
1PM A Year After That We Added Strings and Made Her Into a Marionette!
Coworker #1: So after my cat died, we buried it in the backyard.
Coworker #2: How sad. At least you gave her a proper burial.
Coworker #1: A year later my husband dug it up and pieced the skeleton together. It's on our mantle.
Riverhead, New York
11AM Frankly, I'm a Little Disappointed
Warehouse manager leaving cubicle #1, to cubicle #2: Just so you know, we were not whispering.
Cubicle #2 dweller: I have my headphones on, I don't care what you do.
Warehouse manager: We weren't talking about you either.
Cubicle #2 dweller: It's okay if you were. I get talked about a lot. Was it good?
(warehouse manager ponders)
Cubicle #2 dweller: Not good like positive, but gossip fulfilling?
Warehouse manager: Oh! (pause) It was very positive.
Cubicle #2 dweller: Really? Well. Well, I was not expecting that.
Charlotte, North Carolina
10AM ...Lord
Female coworker: I would never leave you such a message, nor tell you to suck anything.
Raleigh, North Carolina
9AM I'm Glad This Counter Is Here
Barista taking coffee order: I guess I was just thinking about your sister's cup size.
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Overheard by: Double Grande Latte
10AM Twenty Minutes Of Content Turned Into Four Hours Of Agony
Woman to her colleagues: You missed a scintillating webinar this morning.
Manhattan, New York
9AM The Office Experienced an Outbreak Of Raises
Coworker, on phone with girlfriend: By the way, thanks for grinding on my boss' wife last night.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
5PM I Feel Like I'm at the Jersey Shore House.
Office lady: This place smells like meatballs and carpet...
Chesapeake, Virginia
4PM And Therein Lies Project Runway's Secret to Success.
Coworker to another: She's nice, but she's very German.
London
England
Overheard by: Kaitlen
3PM If You Think That's Bad, You Should See What Happened to Jill When She Came Tumbling After!
Coworker #1: You like my Kermit the frog impression?
Coworker #2: No, I have a headache.
Coworker #1: Yeah, I get headaches sometimes because of the brain injury I had in 2007.
Coworker #2: That explains a lot.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
2PM They're Not As Dirty As You'd Think, Unfortunately.
Coworker #1, trying to identify characters on SpongeBob crackers: What about this one? The monster.
Coworker #2: Oh yeah, the one-eyed one! He's evil, isn't he?
Coworker #1: I dunno--we should google it.
Coworker #3, laughing: Yeah, go ahead and google "one-eyed evil monster," see what kind of results you get!
Baltimore, Maryland
