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3PM I'll Give You $3 Change Back
Coworker #1, in men's room, to Coworker #2 as he zips up: You can just give me the $5 later...
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Shakes It Off Himself
2PM How Computers Say 'No'
IT on phone: Are you sure you are plugged into the right site? (pause) That just sounds wrong. It shouldn't make those types of noises upon insertion.
Manhattan, New York
1PM I'm Sure That's Why
Suit: It's hard for me to put myself in other people's shoes because I'm so awesome.
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: coolerthanme
11AM You'll Soon Be Hating Her Like the Rest Of Us Do
Boss, orienting new employee: And this is June*, our local bitch.
Los Angeles, California
10AM Management Would Be Fun If It Weren't for the Employees
Office drone to VP: Hey Bob*, Bill* asked me to ask you to e-mail to me the e-mail that he e-mailed to you that you made changes to, and then e-mailed back to him because he can't e-mail it to me, and he wants me to e-mail it to Mary* from his e-mail address, so that it looks like Bill* e-mailed Mary* directly from his e-mail instead of my e-mail. Okay?
VP: Are you effin kidding me?
Durango, Colorado
9AM *Crickets*
Woman #1: 2012 is the year of the dragon.
Man #1: My oldest son was born in the year of the rabbit, and my youngest son is a snake.
Woman #2: And I'm a cock!
Richmond, Virginia
5PM And Then Mate with Our Cousins
Partner: Nah, I have plans at my lake this weekend. We're gonna watch snakes eat fish.
Cincinnati, Ohio
4PM You Should See Trick Candles
Secretary: Have you ever watched Mythbusters?
Coworker: Yeah, and you know, I've been thinking about blowing up things a lot lately. My friend just married a pyrotechnic guy.
Secretary: Yeah, you can get hours of entertainment out of that stuff.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Cubicle 2.0
3PM I Blame Oregon
Accountant: I'm headed for the bridge.
Secretary: To jump off?
Accountant: Yep. If you see my shoes, you'll know I'm gone.
Secretary: Why would you take off your shoes?
Accountant: Well, I won't need 'em where I'm going!
Nashville, Tennessee
2PM My Other Car Is an Ambulance
Woman exiting elevator at lunchtime: And if I get bored, I can just hook up to that Dilaudid in my car!
Renton, Washington
Overheard by: Editoreador
1PM She'd Eat the Whole Box
Editor #1: She was crazy.
Editor #2: That's not nice to say.
Editor #1: Okay, I'll rephrase then. She was staunchly in favor of coco puffs.
Boston, Massachusetts
11AM The Next Thing You Know, Old Jed's a Millionaire
Accounting manager on phone to accountant: I will need you to watch The Beverly Hillbillies season 1 finale, and submit full character synopsis by COB... Yes, it's a priority. Thank you.
Dallas, Texas
10AM Seals? Really?
Male coworker: If polar bears can eat 'em, I can wear 'em.
Raleigh, North Carolina
9AM Mr. Slurpee Never Loses His Cool
Female worker bee: If I get too slurpy, just tell me.
Male worker bee: Oh, don't worry, they put up with me all day long.
Middleborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mikey
