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11AM Whether or Not You Find This Offensive Will Be Directly Proportional to Your Distance from the Mason-Dixon Line
Office brute, 15 minutes late to sexual harassment seminar, to female instructor: Sorry, darlin', I hope I didn't miss anything.
Austin, Texas
10AM The Boss Said I Should Spiff Up for Our Afternoon Meeting
Drafting dork: Hey, do you have any binder clips?
Female coworker: Why?
Drafting dork: I want to clip them to my nipples.
Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: I'mNotHazel
9AM I Can't Guarantee He'll Like You, Though
Woman #1: I want a boy! How do I make a boy?
Woman #2: Like a baby?
Woman #1: Yeah, like a baby boy.
Woman #3: Well, my cousin did it! There's one way to get a girl, and another way to make a boy. I can ask him if you want.
Manhattan, New York
5PM Pop Quiz: Which Employee Is Overweight? Show Your Work.
Male employee #1: What did you bring for lunch today?
Male employee #2: A salami sandwich.
Male employee #1: That's it? You can't just have salami as your main meat! You can garnish with salami, but you have to have other meat.
Des Moines, Iowa
4PM And Now You Won't Let Me Stick Anything In You at All
Temp, yelling to fax machine: If you would have sucked it right, there wouldn't be a problem!
Fayetteville, North Carolina
3PM Like Gay Men Have to Do
Boss to pregnant employee: Yeah, but it's not like you're growing the baby in your ass!
Calgary
Canadia
2PM Come Back and Talk to Me When Your Husband Poops in Your Shoe
Excited coworker: I have to tell you a story about Jackson.
Surly coworker: Wait, is Jackson your dog?
Excited coworker, excitedly: Yes!
Surly coworker: I have to go. (walks out of the room)
Mississauga
Canadia
Overheard by: Snowmageddon
1PM Can't Be Gouda for Your Career
Cubicle drone: Oh my gosh, I have cheese everywhere!
Raleigh, North Carolina
12PM Bank Tellers Are Like Priests, Ma'am
Bank customer: As I sat down on the toilet I heard this sickening snap.
Bank teller: So you need a replacement ATM card?
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sara
11AM ...And the Reverand Will Pronounce You Man and Wife
Employee: So, you just cut the head off...
Sydney
Australia
10AM He Always Bores Me with Inane Stories About His Kids
Worker: So, what did the phone company says about the phone line?
Boss: I don't know. The robot pick up the phone! I hate talking to a robot, so I hung up.
Greenwich Village
Manhattan, New York
9AM At Least He Learned How to Hold a Vomiting Woman's Hair
Woman #1: What are you doing for New Year's?
Woman #2: I don't have any plans yet, what about you?
Woman #1: Probably just sit at home and drink some wine.
Woman #2: Yeah, I did that last year, and I accidentally got completely bombed in front of my son, so I'm not doing that again.
Manhattan, New York
5PM ...on My Computer
Server #1 : So...yeah, I'm going on a cruise to Hawaii.
Server #2: Oh, wow, where are you leaving from?
Server #1: Florida.
Server #2: That's a really long cruise.
Server #1: No, it's not! They're practically right next to each other!
Twinsburg, Ohio
4PM The Day We Learned the Truth About the Bulge in Joe's Boxers
Coworker: I don't have a listing for anyone, period. Okay, wait...that is a lie. I have listings, just not like on a list or anything.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rusty
