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1PM This Year It Was Mostly Switchblades and Liquor.
Office drone: Well, in the past I'd seen him hand out stuffed animals and candy to kids, but this year he didn't do that... from what I saw.
Prosser, Washington
Overheard by: was santa in a windowless van
12PM Neatly Slumped Over My Desk, the Way Headquarters Likes It
Middle manager: I'm not going to eat until all of these problems are solved.
Office temp: Wow, you're gonna die.
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
11AM Wouldn't You Like to Know?
Coworker to another while tweaking settings on their iPhones: Where's your colon?
Birmingham
England
Overheard by: Bex
5PM That's Nothing-- My Blackberry Can Perform It.
Reporter: I know how to do CPR. I have the CPR ap on my iPhone.
Augusta, Georgia
4PM Now That Was a Happy Hour
Female employee, preparing for office happy hour: Do any of you have a bottle opener for the beer?
Male employee #1: He does.
Male employee #2: No, I don't.
Male employee #1: Yes you do, isn't there one on your belt buckle or key chain?
Male employee #2: Uhhh... No.
Male employee #1: Really? I'd swear that last time we did this, you took something out of your pants that did the job very well for her.
Kansas City, Missouri
3PM Never Hire a Ballerina
Coworker on cell: I have a confession to make fast, horse peeps! Are you ready for this? (pause) The reason I have to go home is to do number two. Because last time I think it came out like a subway sandwich. And the toilet doesn?t work upstairs anymore. (pause) Yes, that was me! So there, I feel better now.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Trevor Arnold
2PM So Much for My Liquid Assets.
Senior broker to associate broker: I am drowning in my own snot.
47th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: CaseyMarie
1PM Sometimes Customer Service Is Difficult to Stomach
Sales clerk on phone: So the reason I lost the baby was because he punched me in the stomach. Yes, girl! The police don't just investigate innocent people like that. (looks at coming customer) I'll call you back. (slams phone) Can I help you?
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: AP
12PM How Much Crank Does That Take?
Female coworker: I received your collections file for the $57,700.00 claim. Have you run an asset check on this lady to see if she has anything we can file suit against?
Male coworker: No. When I spoke to her she sounded barefoot, pregnant, and poor. Like she was living with someone else.
Female coworker: I didn't realize you could get all of that from someone's voice.
Male coworker: I'm crunk. I'm good.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Not Crunk
11AM And Now I'm a Great Big Carnivwhore
CSR #1: Yeah, I was a vegan for a few years.
CSR #2: What happened?
CSR #1: Chicken happened.
Indianapolis, Indiana
10AM Australia Has Homie Boys?
Boss, walking into meeting: All I'm saying is that if those homie boys spoke more clearly they wouldn't have to finish every sentence with "know what I'm saying?"
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: dmac
9AM ...In the Past Five Minutes.
Office guy #1, laughing: Man, your polo shirt is on inside out.
Office guy #2: That's the second time I've done that.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: rdguy
5PM Here's Huey Lewis to Explain
Female coworker: (makes kissing noises while hovering over male coworker's neck)
Male recipient: See? I had a wart there. Now, gone!
The Loop
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Office Ninja
4PM We're a Federal Agency-- So Yes
Boss: You're not making up this crap about your grandmother dying, are you?
Analyst: No, do I have to prove it to you?
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Steve
