Coworker #1, in men's room, to Coworker #2 as he zips up: You can just give me the $5 later...
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Shakes It Off Himself
IT on phone: Are you sure you are plugged into the right site? (pause) That just sounds wrong. It shouldn't make those types of noises upon insertion.
Manhattan, New York
Suit: It's hard for me to put myself in other people's shoes because I'm so awesome.
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: coolerthanme
Boss, orienting new employee: And this is June*, our local bitch.
Los Angeles, California
Office drone to VP: Hey Bob*, Bill* asked me to ask you to e-mail to me the e-mail that he e-mailed to you that you made changes to, and then e-mailed back to him because he can't e-mail it to me, and he wants me to e-mail it to Mary* from his e-mail address, so that it looks like Bill* e-mailed Mary* directly from his e-mail instead of my e-mail. Okay?
VP: Are you effin kidding me?
Durango, Colorado
Woman #1: 2012 is the year of the dragon.
Man #1: My oldest son was born in the year of the rabbit, and my youngest son is a snake.
Woman #2: And I'm a cock!
Richmond, Virginia
Partner: Nah, I have plans at my lake this weekend. We're gonna watch snakes eat fish.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Secretary: Have you ever watched Mythbusters?
Coworker: Yeah, and you know, I've been thinking about blowing up things a lot lately. My friend just married a pyrotechnic guy.
Secretary: Yeah, you can get hours of entertainment out of that stuff.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Cubicle 2.0
Accountant: I'm headed for the bridge.
Secretary: To jump off?
Accountant: Yep. If you see my shoes, you'll know I'm gone.
Secretary: Why would you take off your shoes?
Accountant: Well, I won't need 'em where I'm going!
Nashville, Tennessee
Woman exiting elevator at lunchtime: And if I get bored, I can just hook up to that Dilaudid in my car!
Renton, Washington
Overheard by: Editoreador
Editor #1: She was crazy.
Editor #2: That's not nice to say.
Editor #1: Okay, I'll rephrase then. She was staunchly in favor of coco puffs.
Boston, Massachusetts
Accounting manager on phone to accountant: I will need you to watch The Beverly Hillbillies season 1 finale, and submit full character synopsis by COB... Yes, it's a priority. Thank you.
Dallas, Texas
Male coworker: If polar bears can eat 'em, I can wear 'em.
Raleigh, North Carolina
Female worker bee: If I get too slurpy, just tell me.
Male worker bee: Oh, don't worry, they put up with me all day long.
Middleborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mikey