5PM Of a Doubleheader?

Sales girl, shouting to assistant: I told him I would just drink and drive the whole time, and maybe play the back end.

28th Street
New York City, New York


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4PM These Aren't Sufficiently LensCrafty

Woman wearing glasses straining to read document: Ugh! I need glasses.

San Diego, California


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3PM I Can Probably Make It to the River

Large woman looking in bathroom stall: Lord, I can't even fit in there! I'm just gonna hold it.

Navy Yard
Washington, DC


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2PM Tonight's Movie: Office Spaces

Female estimator: My boss is going to deep dive me on this tomorrow. He knows where all my holes are.

Everett, Washington


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1PM Can You Ask Derek in Accounting If He Wants to Join Me?

Female coworker: You're my best friend and I love you and all but I just really don't want to Wikipedia Greek porn with you ever again.
Male coworker: It's not porn, it's art! They're etchings.
Female coworker: Whatever. Ewwww.
Male coworker: Seriously. Wow. Ewww. (looks around room) Ummm, yeah, I think I need to go cry in the executive shower.

McKemmy
Chandler, Arizona


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12PM More Like a Donkey Punch, Really

Female Facebook coworker: My old professor just Facebooked me.
Male non-Facebook coworker: That sounds wrong. Is that like a dirty Sancho or something?
Female Facebook coworker: It's Sanchez. And no.

Wacker Drive
Chicago Illinois


Overheard by: Hear No Evil


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11AM Or Are You Still Pounding It Out?

Editor to legal reporter: Did you write the story about whether sex was a major life activity?

Crystal City, Virginia


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10AM Preschool Admissions Criteria Get More Daunting by the Day

Serious nurse: ...but, I'd be lying if I said bloodlust didn't have a lot to do with it.

Hospital
Manchester, Tennessee


Overheard by: Mouse


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9AM Unless There's Cake. Unless There's Cake

Woman on intercom: David*, to the back office. David*, to the back office, please.
David*on intercom: No, I don't want to. No, I don't want to.

Kinko's
San Antonio, Texas


Overheard by: The Flying Aspidistra


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5PM At the Regional Conference of Elementary School Teachers

Director to underling: So you're trying to tell me that you work in this industry and you don't have an alcohol or substance-abuse problem!?

Broadway
New York City, New York


Overheard by: Garrett


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4PM Even Though He'll Probably Go Apeshit

Manager to worker on phone with customer: Tell him we ain't got a monkey, and don't know when the stock's coming in.

Hemel Hempstead
England


Overheard by: Do we sell monkeys?


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3PM You're Not Properly Formatted

(coworker is walking down the corridor with 3-D glasses on)
Girl
: That's a bit odd. Does he realize he's only going to see things in color, not in 3-D?

Guy: You didn't just say that.
Girl: What?
Guy: Well, how many dimensions do you think I am?
Girl: One.

Portland, Oregon


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2PM I Totally Respect the Fact That We'll Never Speak Again

Female coworker #1: I just don't trust people who are openly trying to tear me down.
Female coworker #2: Probably a good instinct.

Big Beaver
Troy, Michigan


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1PM "Candy Left Over from Christmas" Is So Much Less Exciting Now

Boss to secretary: You know what I still have?
Secretary: Herpes.
Boss: Uh, err, get back to work!

Mullica Hill Road
Glassboro, New Jersey


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