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10AM That's What You Said About "Who Let the Dogs Out?"!
Coworker #1: No harm, no foul.
Coworker #2: I've never heard that expression... Is it from basketball?
Coworker #3: It's Shakespeare!
Law Library
Ann Arbor, Michigan
9AM I'm Starting to Feel Underemployed, Here
Security guard: Brain massage.
Cop: Brain massage? That works?
Security guard: Oh yeah, totally.
Manhattan, New York
5PM Rather Re-Vealing
Employee reading e-mail out loud: At least you are constantly changing your meat. (pause) Oh lord, did I say that out loud?
Itasca, Illinois
Overheard by: You sure did!
4PM Are You Trying to Sell Me Avon Again?
Coworker to another: You remember how we had that problem where all of our cancer patients looked like they were dying?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
3PM Their Facebook Status Is "In a Series Of Transactional Relationships"
Director: We need clients that are above sucking dick for coke. If they'll suck dick for coke, they'll definitely try to steal from us.
Fort Mill, South Carolina
2PM Actually, No One; I'm Just Here for the Bud Light
Rep #1: You'd think they'd put them away in the winter time.
Rep #2: Put what away?
Rep #1: Those.
Rep #2: The Ferris wheels?
Rep #1: Yeah, so they don't get all wet and snowed on.
Rep #2: Okay, where would you want to put them?
Rep #1, exasperated: I don't know; a garage?
Rep #2: Who the hell hired you?
Louisville, Kentucky
1PM Monkeys Use 3-Ring Binders
Coworker #1: Do you know what sets us apart from all other human species?
Coworker #2: Ah... what is that?
Coworker #1: Paper clips. See this paper clip in my hand. Monkey's don't have these.
Twin Cities, Minnesota
11AM That Would Be Foreplay
Coworker #1: That guy is a real butt-licker!
Coworker #2: He's a what?
Coworker #1: You know, a butt-licker. He's always sucking up to management.
Coworker #2: Do you mean brown noser?
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM At Least They Can Joke about that Freak Hands-In-The-Lawnmower Accident Now
Nurse: Lou* probably had to use both hands to count inventory on Saturday, huh?
Attendant: Yeah--wouldn't have been so bad, but his idea of using both hands to count means: "one" (holds one hand up) and "two." (holds other hand up)
Dallas, Texas
9AM Wait, isn't this the bakery?
CSR: Thank you for calling Large Corporate Office Supplies. This is Andie*. How may I help you? (pause) Uh-huh. It's a box of a dozen. (long pause) Pardon? (pause) No, ma'am. It's a regular dozen so just the 12 pencils in the box. You're welcome. (takes off headset) I need Vallium!
Rosebery
Australia
5PM Well, It's Probably Okay If You Just Look
Coworker #2 Hey, Gary*, you're using your pants as a towel nowadays?
Coworker #1: Stop staring at my ass, Mike.*
Lyndale Avenue South
Minneapolis, Minnesota
4PM It's Like...How Could We Not Have a Right to Bear Arms?
Law firm partner #1: The 5th Amendment is a wonderful thing!
Law firm partner #2: Haha, I know... it's so useful!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Harpua
3PM Position Classification
Sales girl: I'm a screw hunter, baby!
Charlotte, North Carolina
2PM Her Performance Has Really Slipped Since That Kryptonite Incident
Nurse to another: I'm a superuser and I don't even know how to use it yet.
Tall nurse, walking into room: Oh, are you a superuser? Can you teach me?
Hospital
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Carina Griggs
