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12PM You've Always Struck Me As More Of a Swallower
Supervisor to staff member: Leave me alone or I will spit my nastiness on you.
Mclean, Virginia
11AM Best. Slot Machine. Ever.
Web developer boss: Aww, I didn't get a dildo this time. That's sad.
Mesa, Arizona
10AM I've Already Stuck a Little Flag in Mine!
Girl to friend: We'd take a day off to celebrate our box!
St. Louis, Missouri
9AM But Your Call Is Important to Us, So Please Remain on the Swine
Man on cell: That's just the delay in copulating your pig.
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: MonCree
5PM I'm Working on Your Employee Evaluation
Loud American coworker in next cubicle: Are you a mammal?
University Research Centre
Sydney
Australia
4PM They Tend to Cut Into My Boob-Watching Time
Admin on phone with engineer: Hello, it's me. (pause) At the desk. (pause) I know, what are you wearing? (pause) Haha...okay, we need to end this conversation, because I do not need to go to a seminar.
Boston, Massachusetts
3PM Something Of a Stretch for Americans
Coworker #1: I'm on this new diet.
Coworker #2: Oh yeah?
Coworker #1: Yeah, it's this diet where if you aren't hungry you don't eat.
Bloomington, Minnesota
2PM ...And Figure Out If They Need to Lose Weight.
Coworker: I just grab any woman who walks past--that's how I empower them!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I've been on the receiving end.
1PM Sometimes I Just Sit on Their Chests and Play Video Games
Student teaching CPR: They're unconscious. They won't know what's going on, so it's all good.
Leesburg, Virginia
12PM There Go My Free Hot Dogs for Life
Man on phone: Okay. (pause) Well, can I speak to your supervisor? (pause) Hello? Can I speak to your supervisor? (pause) What's your name? (pause) Nathan? Nathan who? (pause) You there? Nathan who? (pause) Okay. Well, do you have some sort of employee number? (pause) Hello? (pause) Why? Because you're a dickhead! You're a fucking idiot, mate! (hangs up, talks to employee) Well, that didn't work.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: James
11AM She Should Enter a Neck-Wringing Competition and Win Money for Food
HR supervisor on phone: He called me the other day all worried because she was running out of food. I told him: she has all those animals and she likes to wring their necks...
Fontana, California
Overheard by: Aeirlys
10AM That's What You Said About Using Your Intern As a Bench
Suit #1: Hey, did the DB team ever send you that data for your report?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: Can't you just make up the numbers?
Suit #2: I would, but I already made up 60% of the numbers in the report.
Suit #1: 60%?
Suit #2: Yeah, generally 40% of the numbers in a report have to be accurate. It's an accepted standard.
Cleveland, Ohio
9AM ...And a Vagina Backpack.
Lackey: I'm secure in my masculinity. I can wear balls on my head.
Memphis, Tennesee
Overheard by: Rabbit
5PM A Phenomenon I Refer to As The Streisand Syndrome
Manager to humming receptionist: You have a nice voice.
Receptionist: Yeah?
Manager: Well, not when you talk.
Scotts Valley, California
Overheard by: Mari
