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5PM Because That Would Be Really Unpleasant for Me
Office manager, getting off phone: Well, that was awkward. She said that Jim died in march.
Accountant: He didn't leave any unpaid invoices, right?
Orange, California
Overheard by: Peon with a soul
4PM Like That Scene in Real Genius.
Frustrated coworker: Every time I get mad at Sue, I keep telling myself "what would Jesus do?" but one of these days, Jesus is going to yell at her!
Washington, DC
3PM You Should Totally Go to Work at the State Department
Employee #1: The Latinos that work there...it's like they have their own little language.
Employee #2: Is it Spanish?
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Meghan
2PM That Exoskeleton Won't Maintain Itself, Buddy.
Loud office chick: You're growing new bones in your body! You have to drink milk!
Hudson Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
1PM You Decide Whether This Is Funny-- We Wash Our Hands Of It.
50-something African American visitor: There are brownies in the kitchen!
Coworker: Yeah! Feel free to have one!
50-something African American visitor: I can't. I might bite my finger.
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Still Not Sure if it's OK to Laugh
12PM I Went Home and Rubbed Out a Batch Of My Own
Cube dweller #1: Did you like the cookies Tom handed out yesterday?
Cube dweller #2: Yeah, they were real good.
Cube dweller #3: I liked them.
Cube dweller #1: I love moist cookies. They really excite me!
Herndon, Virginia
11AM So Don't Accusify Me Of That.
Office drone: I know that, I'm not stupidity.
5th Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Apparently I'm With Stupid
10AM Which One's a Country Again?
Paralegal: I know there's Chinese food, and there's Japanese food, but is there Korean food?
Coworker: What? Of course there is!
Paralegal: What's the difference?
Coworker: Countries.
Port Washington, New York
9AM I Have a Limited-Liability Contract With the Idea Of Work
CSR #1 to CSR #2: You know, you should really try getting to work on time. You don't want them to fire you.
CSR #2: They can't fire me! I put my notice in the day I started!
Greenville, South Carolina
5PM That's a Date We'll Never Forget
Employee, on 9/10: Ohhh...I just realized what tomorrow is.
Boss: Talk like a parrot day?
Employee: Uhh...no.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Intern
4PM All Year Round?
Client in high end salon to receptionist: I've got to ask you: how do you keep such a fabulous year-round tan?
Receptionist, giving blank stare: I'm half black.
Bellevue, Washington
3PM ...Put Me Down for Fifty Bucks.
Coworker #1: I heard on the radio this morning that this girl is selling her virginity for tuition on eBay.
Coworkers #2 and #3: Oh, that's terrible!
Coworker #4: That girl's so ignorant, she won't even be able to walk to school!
Toronto
Canadia
2PM 47
Coworker: How many times have you told a customer to go suck on a goat?
Orem, Utah
Overheard by: Not too many
1PM And Take Your Gobbets With You!
Employee #1: Oh, god! Tammy*!
Supervisor: What now?
Employee #2: I drooled on her!
Employee #1: Get out of my cube, drooler!
Sycamore, Illinois
12PM That's Facebook, Sir
Boss, shouting from neighboring office: Oh my god, I love those mugshots!
Los Angeles, California
11AM The Law & Order Noise? Really?
IT guy: It sounds just like the snack bell, and it makes me drool every time.
Richmond, Virginia
10AM ...Trust Me.
Exec: Your logic doesn't make sense. I could also try and get nine women to have one baby in a month, but I don't think that would work either.
Port Washington, New York
9AM I Thought His Last Name Was Smith?
Sales manager #1: I just got a contract back from Denmark.
Sales manager #2: Denmark, Germany?
Sales manager #1: No. (pause) Denmark, Denmark.
Resort Hotel
Florida
Overheard by: Underpaid
5PM NewsFlash: Writer Neurotic and Delusional. Film at 11.
Receptionist, as editor walks in: How did [aspiring author] sound on the phone?
Editor: I dunno, what do you mean?
Receptionist: Well, I sent him information about how to publish his book, and he told me that his family was trying to kill him.
Lawrence, Massachusetts
4PM New MBAs Shouldn't Tap Dance Around the Office
Frustrated graphic designer: Goddamn Shirley Temple! What the hell?
Glendale, Wisconsin
Overheard by: here too early
3PM Well, Why Are We Giving a Presentation on Kierkegaard, Anyway?
Project manager, regarding principal of firm: He has been driving around with his windshield wipers on because he can't figure out how to turn them off, do you really think he will understand this?
98th & Broadway
New York City, New York
2PM Whereas Guatamalans Are Assessed by Girth
Cubicle dweller #1: How much is a Brazilian anyway?
Cubicle dweller #2: I think it depends on the size.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Eli
1PM Which I Discovered Purely by Occident
Professor: Yes, the Chinese are very oriental.
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: She's teaching us?
12PM Is That the Next Step Up from Smuggling Tic-Tacs?
Boss entering office, to coworker: Are you hiding any knives up here?
New York City, New York
11AM So I Did
Dollar store sales clerk to another: Did you hear that customer? She tried to return panties, I told her she couldn't, so she said "you can smell them if you want"!
Lawrence, Massachusetts
10AM I Was Like, "Bark Now, Bitch!"
Lady in break room: I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed I had gone out to my backyard, dug up my dog and took off its head and put it on my mantle.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Rob
9AM Or Did He Already Come?
Secretary #1: Did Jack come to work today?
Secretary #2: I don't know, I think he called in sick.
Secretary #1, on phone with front desk: Hey, is Jack off today?
Indiana, Pennsylvania
5PM I Had No Idea Being Normal Would Be Hard
Part time girl: Isn't it illegal to work five days in a row?
Coworker: That's what normal people do.
Part time girl: Oh...that sucks.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Nicole
4PM No-- Not Mr. Teeny!
Senior consultant to underling: I swear to god, if you don't change your answer I'm kidnapping your monkey!
Austin, Texas
3PM Or Just Give You Noogies Until You Answer
Executive, referring to salesperson: What purpose does it serve to have her review these files?
Production manager: What purpose does it serve to have her work here?
Executive: Let me ask again. What's the point of giving her these files?
Production manager: I'll answer your question if you answer mine.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Art Dictator
2PM Not the Most PC Way to Treat Wheelchair-Bound Employees...
Company owner: Everyone who works here, stand up! Who are you kidding, Mary? Sit down.
Indianapolis, Indiana
1PM We Don't Pretend to Know What Passes for a Compliment in Suburban Ohio
Man #1: No, man, I'm telling you! You have really big toes!
Man #2: Thanks!
Solon, Ohio
Overheard by: David Anon
12PM The Episode Of Pimp My Ride That Never Made It to Air
Worker: So last night I got the '08 Altima I was telling you about. It's got the continuously variable transmission, so when you accelerate it doesn't have to downshift for power.
Coworker: Cool! What color is it?
Worker: Black on black.
Coworker: Just like inner city crime!
Omaha, Nebraska
11AM Sleeping Around Requires Intensive Planning and Dedication
Coworker #1, introducing coworker #2: His favorite thing to do on the weekend is to be loose.
Coworker #2: Lazy, not loose!
Broadway & Canal
New York City, New York
Overheard by: office peon loves her new job
10AM We'll Never Understand Oak Porn
Manager: It's getting a little soft.
Accountant: You might not want to use a twig.
Toronto
Canadia
9AM Or Rita, Who Once Spent a Month in Kansas.
Coworker #1, showing cube neighbor a sheet of paper: How would you pronounce this?
Coworker #2: I think it would be "Matsuyuki Suzuki," but that's just a guess.
Coworker #1: I'll ask Rich*, he's going to Italy soon.
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Guido Honda
5PM Never Wear Girl Keds in Pennsylvania, Guys
50-something coworker: Oh, tell him your cross-dressing story!
20-something coworker: Which one?
50-something coworker: The one from the weekend!
20-something coworker: Oh, right!
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Good Weekend, Huh?
4PM From the Best-Selling Tuesdays with Moron
Smoking coworker, making a cigarette "dance", singing: It's that time again, time for a kiss with my smoky friend.
Receptionist: Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Smoking coworker: Actually, I was!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amused
3PM Or The Exorcist. I Forget.
Drone #1: I had a really disturbing dream last night.
Drone #2: What was your dream?
Drone #1: I dreamed that my grandmother cut off my cat's head and was eating his body.
Drone #2: Oh my god! What were you watching last night before you fell asleep?
Drone #1: The Republican National Convention.
56th & Madison
New York City, New York
Overheard by: the8ball
2PM I Will Say That the Pen Is Cuter Than the Sword
Manager: Hey Annie, have you seen my new pen?
Waitress, excited: Oh my god, how cute!
Manager, excited: I know, right? (pause) It's really sad to think that is the most exciting things that's happened to me today.
Theater Distrtict Restaurant
New York City, New York
1PM Yeah, and I Used to Volunteer to Work Weekends
Coworker: I can't believe you used to swallow them!
Hicksville, New York
Overheard by: HR Laughing
12PM Isn't She the One Who Chews Ice in the Corner at Company Picnics?
Coworker #1: We had our monthly departmental breakfast this morning, and Lauren* just wouldn't stop going on about how she never eats sausage. But she sure looks like she eats a lot of sausage.
Coworker #2: Come on, man--we all know that Lauren has never even seen a sausage in her life!
Bellevue, Washington
11AM My Career Here Is Ova.
Gentleman fundraiser, waving hands: I can't be trusted with eggs!
Seneca Place
Ithaca, New York
10AM Even Though, to You, It Might Seem Like a Trivial Pursuit.
Office girl: And that game of Pictionary nearly broke up our family.
Scarborough
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: C.note
9AM And It'll Be Good Practice for Breathing in All the Smoke That's in Hell
Peon #1, seeing ambulance and EMTs in warehouse: What's going on?
Peon #2: Michael's* having a heart attack.
Peon #1: Let's go smoke a cigarette, no one will notice!
Laporte, Indiana
Overheard by: and yes, he lost his job
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