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5PM Just Kidding! It's Actually "Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff"
CSR on phone: Let me spell that for you, that name is McKeon: "m" as in "m", "c" as in "c", "k" as in "k", "e" as in "e", "o" as in "o", "n" as in "n".
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
4PM What? Like African Geography Matters?
Receptionist: How was Ireland?
Office manager: Actually, I was in Scotland.
Receptionist: That's not the same place?
Park Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Sammy Sanchez
3PM And Repeat, If Necessary
Male creepy marketing director, asking how to change copier's toner: So you just pull it out and shove it in?
Female office manager: (sigh)
Royal Oak, Michigan
2PM Let Me Introduce You to My Staph
Employee #1: Is this your office in there?
Employee #2: It's my Petri dish.
Redmond, Washington
Overheard by: another bacterium
1PM Now Zip Up Your Pants, Sir.
Reservations manager: You look very small today!
GSR: Umm...thanks?
Charleston, South Carlolina
12PM Now I'm Requesting Sick Leave
Coworker: Just to let you know, I need to leave at noon today because I have a leak.
Office manager: That sounds like a personal problem.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
11AM ...Give or Take About Six Weeks.
Business user: So you're telling me that it will take six weeks to roll out this new bit of code to the stores?
Project manager: Yes.
Business user: This is ridiculous. Why can't we just have a set of rules that tells the systems what we want to do instead of inserting all this coding crap?
Project manager: Well, yes, we could do that.
Business user: Perfect! How long will it take to do that?
Project manager: About six weeks.
Wilkesboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Firebabe
10AM Uh-Oh, There I Go Again
HR clerk, reading weather report: It will be dry today.
Receptionist: Not if I think about the new guy.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM They Depend on Seeing-Eye Metrosexuals
Man: It's green!
Woman: It's blue.
Man: You know men are color blind.
Woman: Not *real* men:
Man: The big ones are!
Penn Plaza
New York City, New York
Overheard by: That's what she said
5PM But It's Free, So Let's Stock Up!
Large GSR #1: That food stinks!
Larger GSR #2: I know, I can smell it with my mouth!
Charleston, South Carolina
4PM This Is the End, My Only Friend, the End
Female cube dweller, to no one in particular: The grapes in the cafeteria are going soft on me.
Washington, DC
3PM ...Outside Of a Country Song
Male coworker: So, I met my brother's married Russian fiancee over the weekend...
Female coworker: Those four words should never be in the same sentence!
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: KDog
2PM But Then I Saw the Blood, So We're Cool
Female employee: At first I thought she was bullshitting me to get out of going to daycare.
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Joy
1PM We Have to Be Good Now So We Can Be Bad Later?
Coworker: I think heaven will be like one big open bar.
Jenkintown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Even in context it was awesome
12PM Thank Goodness Texas Has No Law
Suit to friend: I'm 30 years old and talking about a 15-year-old's scrotum. I'm pretty sure that is against the law somewhere.
Fort Worth, Texas
Overheard by: tina
11AM ...How About a Kiss?
Line cook: Man, did you fart?! Uhhh! That stinks!
Cute waitress: No, that's my breath.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Marcus
10AM It's Just Nuts.
Blonde Asian: Dude, whole cashews taste way better than half cashews.
Sunburnt Mexican: I totally agree...I can't believe we're having this conversation right now.
El Camino Real
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: nadia
9AM Dolphin Porn.
CFO: What are they going to use video equipment for?
Budget services director: Making porn.
River Forest, Illinois
5PM If You Suggest the Concept Of "Sombrero Fridays" One More Time
Manager: One of these days, I'm gonna stuff you with candy... I'm gonna hang you by your toes and beat you like a piñata.
Washington, DC
4PM Much to Their Chagrin, It Was Replaced by a McCain Billboard
Employee #1, realizing Kevin Costner's Swing Vote billboard was being taken down: Thank god I don't have to look at his big head any more!
Employee #2: Yeah...it was kinda creepy.
Los Angeles, California
3PM Why'd I Give Grandma My Work Number in the First Place?
Admin on phone: That's not a problem, Brenda, I can do that for you now. (hangs up). Old hag!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: clare
2PM WhenWe Caught You Playing Magic: The Gathering
Grad student #1: Do you at least remember going out onto the porch last night?
Grad student #2: Was I naked?
Grad student #1: Yes. Well, you had a blanket to cover your...dignity. But I think you lost your dignity some hours before.
Arlington, Virginia
1PM Despite Still Wetting the Bed.
Worker #1, about friend's two children: I like Mike, he's a cool kid. Jake, though, just scares me.
Worker #2: Me too! Serial murderer material.
Worker #1: Yeah! He's probably just this misunderstood, clinically depressed kid that nobody loves because he is so ugly. And underneath it all, he's probably a lovely person, but the world will never know because of two bitches like us. Oh, who am I kidding? He's a psychopath, and you and I are awesome.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: lurking in the shadows
12PM Probably Just a Glitch in the Matrix, Bob
Engineer: Did you grab my dongle?
Ohio
11AM You'd Need a Trampoline to Make the Minimum Payment
Boss: Yeah, the credit card rates were higher than the balls of a giraffe.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Nance
10AM Is It Apathy If You Intensely Don't Care?
Customer: I don't care! I don't care that I need to talk to him! I don't care that he's unavailable! Do you hear me? I don't care.
Customer service rep, blandly: Then why have you called us today, sir, if you're so apathetic?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i used to be his supervisor
9AM Reader Poll: Which Is More Obscene?
Communications manager: So what did you do this weekend?
Female site admin, as garbage truck drives by: I rediscovered Lionel Richie.
Communications manager, confused: You discovered lesbian orgies?
Female site admin: Wow.
Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
5PM MySpace? Ooo, Sorry, We Don't Want Your Business.
50-something guy on important-sounding call: Well, do you have a Facebook account?
New York City, New York
4PM Not Much Of a Life, but It's What I've Chosen
Coworker, very matter-of-factly: Well, that's why I don't have stomach problems. I don't watch the news, I don't read the paper, and the only financial thing I watch is my bank account.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: The receptionist hears the craziest stuff
3PM ...BTW, K?
Coworker, during conference call: So David, I just wanted to FYI you.
Tallahasse, Florida
Overheard by: meetings cut into my blog-reading time
2PM You Need More Women Friends, Bonnie
Office girl: Dude, I took a weird deuce this morning!
Office guy: What? How?
Office girl: Have you ever seen anyone make a funnel cake?
Durham, North Carolina
1PM And I'm Still Wearing the Tutu, Aren't I?
Suit walking out of office: No, I don't want to do that. I'm far too pretty to go to prison! (whole office stops and stares at him) I just said that way too loud, didn't I?
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Scotty
12PM ...For the First Hour, and Surf the Web for the Other 7.
Worker: So, what's the plan for today?
Boss (loudly): Same thing as always. (now quietly) ...try to take over the world.
Brooklyn Army Terminal
New York City, New York
11AM ...Pimple.
Mother on phone with family member: Look, you're going whether you want to or not. Just tell people it's a malignant.
Gaithersburg, Maryland
10AM Why Mr. Benson Got Fired: Explained
Middle aged TA, muttering to computer: Oh, look! It's an anal party!
Middle School
Iowa
Overheard by: former NYer
9AM Fighter Pilots Often Have Difficulty Adjusting to the Civilian World
PA walking down corridor and pushing trolley: Danger is my business! (grins manically at passing colleagues)
Ultimo
Australia
5PM Being Cool Is Hard Work, My Friends.
Trader #1: I'm down.
Partner: I wish I were down as much as I'm down.
Trader #2: Doesn't he mean he wishes he were down as much as you are down?
Trader #1: It's okay, my dad messes up all the time too. I just translate in my head.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: dp
4PM Think I Should Put That on My EHarmony Profile?
Confused coworker: I think I'm intuitively dyslexic.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: urzzz
3PM Satan Was Apparently So Last Season
Phone rep on cell: All right, we'll just keep giving praise to god then!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Project Manager
2PM We're Just Discussing Hands-Across-the-Water, Sir
Cube guy #1: Yeah, you should go to the overseas office if you get a chance, they treat you real nice there.
Cube guy #2: Really?
Cube guy #1: Yeah, they were real good to me.
Cube guy #2: Yeah? They give you the reach-around?
Supervisor, walking by on the way to his office: What?
Austin, Texas
1PM You're Thoughtful to Keep a Spare, in Case He Forgets
Guy on phone with his mom: I think if an axe murderer breaks in, he'll already have an axe.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Deek
12PM No Wonder He's Terrified
Female admin #1: So, how's Pepe doing?
Female admin #2: He's a figment of his own imagination.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Melissa
11AM Oddly, I Learned It from a Fortune Cookie at That Restaurant
Cube dweller: I learned something last night. Never trust a restaurant that has a sumo wrestler in a pink tutu and high heels on the menu.
Los Angeles, California
10AM Gotta Love the Cornell Admissions Process
Recruiter on phone: Are you bilingual? (pause) Do you speak a language other than English? Do you speak Spanish? Okay, do you speak English?
Park Ave
New York City, New York
9AM Oh Jennifer, This Is So Sudden!
Cube rat to another: I don't want to play your stupid game, I just want the purple monkey!
Alpharetta, Georgia
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