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5PM These Bibles Aren't Gonna Sell Themselves
Boss to office employees, about receptionist: We're gonna need Jennifer to start wearing provocative clothing to get some customers in here!
Marietta, Georgia
Overheard by: Sure, I'll slut it up for you a bit...
4PM Are You on My Email-Update List?
Guy at urinal: Hi, Jim. Bad result over the weekend, wasn't it?
Jim: Yes, shame really.
Guy at urinal: Yeah.
(pause)
Jim: These tablets the doctor has me on really have improved my flow. It feels so good now.
Guy at urinal: Ummm? That's nice.
Exeter
Devon
England
Overheard by: Minding my own business
3PM ...Which Was That the Lamb Tartare Was Improperly Garnished
Awkward coworker: I kept throwing up over and over, but that wasn't my main problem...
Santa Monica, California
2PM Yeah, We All Miss President Clinton, Sir
Director to manager: Oh, that. I forgot about that. Actually, I didn't forget it. I just didn't remember that I knew it.
Oregon
Overheard by: gurltech
1PM Ohmigah, a Photocopier? Cute!
Law student intern #1, on first day: Wow, look, we get cubicles!
Law student intern #2: Oh my god! This is so cool. It's just like on The Office!
Vancouver
Canadia
12PM And You Still Splash the Seat?
Employee #1, reading a list of names: Johnson?
Employee #2: I don't have a Johnson.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Bronson Pinchalot
11AM Stay-at-Home Parents Need a Lot of Encouragement
Woman on phone: You shaved today? Wow! You're such a big boy!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Ellen
10AM Christian Siriano Never Did Get the Project Done.
Female accountant: I'll work on that when I feel less bitchy.
Saskatoon
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Overheard by: Scarlett
9AM Dude, You Want Your Computer to Love You Long Time
Boss to computer: Don't fuck with me! No fucky fucky!
Downtown Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: SJ
5PM Not a Woman and a Marmoset.
Ghetto anthropologist: As far as I'm concerned, I only came out of one woman!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Right Place
4PM Scene from the Upcoming Two Girls, One Lump
Office girl #1: She talks about him like he poops gold or something. Wouldn't it be great to poop gold?
Office girl #2: Um, no not really.
Office girl #1: Think about it. It's gold.
Office girl #2: Okay, I guess so. But, I mean, would it still smell?
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Peps
3PM Check Out The Cover Story: Girls Just Wanna Have Funds
Boss, walking over to two female employees reading The Financial Times: Is that paper pink? What paper is that?
Underling: It's special. Just for girls.
Boss, cautiously: Oh, okay. Carry on.
San Francisco, California
2PM ...And Then Tossing It!
Cafeteria worker: Urinating in the Caesar!
Harvard, Illinois
Overheard by: Dave
1PM A Fatal Misunderstanding About the Meaning of "Troubleshooting"
Boss to secretary: At my last job, the two tech guys were the happiest. Except for the one that killed himself.
Denver, Colorado
12PM It's a Dirty Job, But...
HR boss to intern: I need your screwing skills now!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: HR Manager
11AM As in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying?
Coworker in kitchen #1: Have you always had the problem, or have you changed you routine lately?
Coworker in kitchen #2: No, but I am on my knees a lot.
Marblehead, Massachusetts
10AM I'm Pantsless Right Now. True Story.
Intern to boss: Ya ever just wanna work with no pants on?
Royal Oak, Michigan
9AM Just for Balance.
Woman in elevator, pointing to sonogram picture: What is that?
Man showing the sonogram: Oh, she is holding his testicle.
Dallas, Texas
5PM That's Why We Call You McSteamy
Boss to underling: You owe me for taking that call.
Underling: No problem, I'll buy you lunch tomorrow.
Boss: I'll just take a tea bag.
Lenexa, Kansas
Overheard by: Alicia
4PM "No They're Not!"
Waitress #1: Oh my god, a couple out there are arguing about whether squid and calamari are the same thing.
(waitress #1 and #2 laugh)
Waitress #1: Are they?
Waitress #2: ...yes.
Adelaide
South Australia
Australia
3PM That Is to Say, We've Coded Your Crack.
Tech support: Good morning, this is Steve* from technical support. I think that I have got to the problem of your bottom.
Slough
England
2PM ...If I Decoupage Her Kitchen
Male database administrator: She said she'd do all of my hookings for the next year and a half!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Lady Ash
1PM Debbie Does Dr. Seuss Was a Mixed-Genre Masterpiece
Boss: See Bob spurt! Spurt, Bob, spurt!
Mississauga
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: TCon
12PM So I've Renamed Them All "Barbie" or "Ken"
Female coworker: I like to think that my coworkers don't have genitals.
Mississauga
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: TCon
11AM And Then I Won't Have to Pay for a Gynecologist
Overly exuberant raffle organizer: I'll drag someone in, blindfold them, and say "stick your hand in this!"
New England
Overheard by: Dude
10AM ..."We Don't Care How Many Of Them Are in That Little Car"
Peon: I will lay pipe to get clients.
Boss: We will lose business if you do that. They'll be like "woah, they're inadequate. We're not working with those clowns again."
International Place
Boston, Massachusetts
9AM I'm Sure I Don't Need This Much Purell
Administrative assistant: Are you feeling okay?
Redneck supervisor: You know me, sometimes I like to overdose.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: (Not so Redneck) Supervisor
5PM And Carrier Pigeons Are Notoriously Unreliable
Customer service rep to customer: No, sir, you cannot fax a payment.
Southington, Connecticut
4PM Why Is That Bottle Half Empty?
Human resources drone: I mean, we have some wine here but as the human resource person, I can't advocate for us drinking it while at work. I mean, we are a work-free environment.
Seattle, Washington
3PM It Beats Rock, Paper and Scissors
Student #1: Check out my bone sword. (holds up arm)
Student #2: Your what?
Student #1: My bone sword. It's strong!
San Diego, California
Overheard by: 5th gr. teacher
2PM Worst. Lifeguard Service. Ever.
Cashier: There'll be somebody out there to help you, but there probably won't be.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Capt Grayson
1PM A Man Needs to Dunk While the Coffee Is Hot
Project manager: She came by for a donut this morning, and I forgot to nail her then.
Las Colinas, Texas
12PM And Don't You Dare Delete It Without Reading It
Girl over cubicle wall: Please check your e-mail!
Guy: Okay, what is it?
Girl: I sent you a blank e-mail. That's because I'm ignoring you.
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: cubical gopher
11AM Unless You Want to Enter My Chamber of Secrets First
Cubicle chick on phone with boyfriend: It's your wandy thingy...your wand isn't good. You need a new wand. (pause). No, I'm not going to eat that!
Carol Stream, Illinois
10AM Leaving Kegs Unattended in an Office Is Like Scattering Money Out on the Street
Claims adjuster: Can we go to your office? I need to discuss something. And I'll bring the kegs. Where are the kegs? They were just here.
McKinley Square
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Receptionist
9AM Hell, Make That Dimes!
Accounts manager (shouting): This is our biggest sales event of the year! This is going to be bigger than ever! Big! Big! Big!
Accounts clerk: Does that mean I should get an extra roll of nickels at the bank?
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
5PM But I'm Afraid Fluffy's Gonna Have to Help Herself at This Point
Boss to peon: I tried googling "hamster mating rituals".
Cambridge, Massachusetts
4PM Nobody Ever Listened to Cassandra Until It Was Too Late
Server, walking past applicant: Get out while you still can!
Mississauga
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Slacking off
3PM And Sometimes Not Running But Easing Softly
Male entering bathroom and noticing someone at urinal: I'm always running into the back of you in here.
Morgantown, West Virginia
2PM I've Started Hiring Little Kids to Crouch Down and Push the Pedals for Me
Fat, older employee: How long is that marathon you're running in?
Marathon runner employee: 26.2 miles.
Fat, older employee: 26.2 miles?! Are you kidding me? I can't even drive that long in my car without getting tired!
La Jolla, California
Overheard by: Punkgrrl25
1PM In Totally Unrelated News, Homemade Cookies Anyone?
Crazy new guy: I was reading a book about serial killers by that guy who came up with profiling. It listed traits of a serial killer and I have five of the nine traits. No one around me had better go missing or I'm going down for it.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Thanks for the warning
12PM And Don't Think I Didn't See You Kissing My Boyfriend Under the Football Bleachers!
Boss: I think I'll have a sandwich now.
Employee: Okay, cool.
Boss: What's cool about that?
Employee: Nothing.
Boss: Why'd you say it then?
Employee: You're so difficult!
Boss: No, you're difficult!
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
11AM He Remembers Shindler's List As a Children's Fairy Tale
General manager: Folks, this year is going to be like The Perfect Storm. You know, that movie with Kevin Costner.
Sales rep #1, whispering: Was Kevin Costner even in that movie?
General manager: We can either ride it out or we can push to the crest of the tsunami!
Sales rep #1: Didn't people die in The Perfect Storm?
Sales rep #2: Yes.
Plainfield Pike, Rhode Island
10AM I Don't Wanna Have to Give You the Pink Slip
Boss: So I don't keep stroking you on this, how about Friday morning?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: am i still here?
9AM In a Perfect World...
Coworker #1: Where did you just go?
Coworker #2: I had to go get beer for a meeting.
Dallas, Texas
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