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5PM My DVDs Are Selling Like Hotcakes
Woman #1: Look at you! You're a sexy pregnant woman! Not many pregnant women can pull off sexy.
Woman #2: I know.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: MissPink
4PM Because Our Country Can't Handle a Cool Whip
Suit to other: I just don't understand why the minority whip is never a minority.
Denver, Colorado
3PM This Is So Much Better Than Having On-Site Tech Support
Woman on phone with tech support: Yes, ma'am, I am in front of my computer. That's how I know it's frozen.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
2PM What? I Just Think "SnoBalls" Sounds Kinda Fruity.
Coworker: I cannot wait to eat these cake balls.
3rd & Fairfax
New York City, New York
1PM And a Subscription to Scientific American
Boss: My daughter's turning two tomorrow.
Employee: What can I get her? Anything she doesn't have that she really needs?
Boss: An "off" button.
Santa Barbara, California
12PM And I Tool Around My Apartment on a Segway
Worker bee #1: You're too skinny!
Worker bee #2: It's not my fault. I try to eat crap!
San Rafael, California
11AM Technically, This Is a Bus Stop
Judge, on the bench: This is not a court of justice! This is a court of law!
Elyria, Ohio
10AM Are You Contextually-Active?
Boss to colleague on phone: Yeah, the English language is quite infectious. It's like an STD.
Atascadero, California
Overheard by: I speak Gonorrhea
9AM Translucent
Editor: His name is Kobe.
Office manager: Kobe? Is he white?
Editor: Yes.
Office manager: Pure white?
Delray Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Lois Lane
5PM L.A. Greets 'Administrative Professionals Day' With a Certain Skepticism
Coworker to intern: Are you sure they're not taking you out there to kill you?
Los Angeles, California
4PM Meet the Poster Boy for Conservative America
Man on phone: Now, is this something that if I open it at home, it'll explode? Oh, right, in case a group of nuns is taking a tour. Well, thank you uncle Eugene! I hope you shoot something this weekend!
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Who exactly is this Uncle Eugene?
3PM Now Presenting: Deaf, Dumb, and Blind
Male office worker: So, are you looking forward to the symphony this weekend?
Female office worker (excitedly): Oh yes! Beethoven's only opera, Fidelio!
Male office worker: Have you heard it before?
Female office worker: No, it's my first opera. But I've been reading about it. Beethoven was a genius!
Male office worker: Yeah. But why do you say that?
Female office worker: Well, he wrote all that music, and he was blind!
St. Louis, Missouri
2PM And a Convenient Snack!
Employee: What's that on your head? (pause) Oh, a hat.
Stanford University, California
1PM And I Thought Enquiring Further Might Lead to Additional Work
Office guy #1: Did you get the e-mail?
Office guy #2: Which one?
Office guy #1: I don't know. Someone just asked me.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Deek
12PM Tell the President It's Time to Go Back to Work
Police officer: He's talking to ducks.
Dispatcher: Ducks? As in quack-quack duck?
Police officer (very perky): 10-4!
Dispatcher: How many ducks is he talking to?
Police officer: Uh...just one that I can see.
Huntsville, Alabama
Overheard by: Niki
11AM Allow Me to Execute the Awkward Turtle Hand Gesture
Paper-white new dad: Would like you to see a picture of my son?
Coworker: Oh, he's so cute! What ethnicity is your wife?
Paper-white new dad: She's Spanish.
Coworker: Oh, I love brown babies.
Paper-white new dad: What, excuse me?
West 22nd Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Phil F.
10AM The Downside of Being Secretary to the Lord
Peon: So, why did you come in if you're sick?
Sick secretary: I came in because my boss needed me.
Peon (looking around office): But he's not even here!
Sick secretary (grimly): Oh, he's here. Believe me. He's here. He's definitely here.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: hope he's not here
9AM Or Little Italian Choir Boys
Coworker #1: Hey, listen to this: "2.3 million Americans are currently incarcerated." That's about 1% of the population!
Coworker #2: What's that mean?
Coworker #1: In prison.
Coworker #1: Oh, I was thinking castrated...and I thought they only did that to animals.
Muscatine, Iowa
5PM Is It Okay If I Finish This in Crayon?
Customer completing an application form on phone: Would my sister be a sibling to me?
Washington, DC
4PM My House Is on Fire, My Children Are Gone!
Consultant: Happy birthday, ladybug! Are you okay?
Admin: I'm fine, I just feel awful.
Consultant: Did you go out drinking last night?
Admin: Yeah, I had Crown and Cokes all night, and shots at every bar, but that's not why I feel bad.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Red Head
3PM How Josh Ended Up in a Saudi Prison
Guy on phone with accent: I'm going to take a picture of you milking a camel--it's going to be super!
Main Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts
2PM The Office Discontinued "Nitrous Wednesdays" After Just One Week
Male coworker: Why are you laughing so hard?
Female coworker: I have absolutely no idea, but her head is in my crotch!
Fairfax, Virginia
1PM Meatland Would Go on to Be a Board Game Flop
Boss on phone: It needs to be beef, not candy.
Victoria, Texas
Overheard by: Diana
12PM Nothing More Dangerous Than a Heart-Cloud
Rep #1: What are you looking at?
Rep #2: It's a Mexican government web page. You can see the clouds and stuff anywhere in the world.
Rep #1: Cool.
Rep #2: It's super cool. I like, like the clouds and stuff. Maybe I should have been a cardiologist.
Sioux City, Iowa
11AM I Have a Feeling That Led to My Itchy Throat in the First Place
Female coworker #1: I just haven't been feeling well lately.
Female coworker #2: Do you want to suck on something?
Westminster, California
10AM Yes, But I Loved Working for Girls Gone Wild
Interviewee: Did I sell my soul to the devil for $15.22 an hour?
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
9AM And I've Got Dibs on Your Honey Roasted Peanuts
Boarding agent: Last call for Felix Calderon, we're about to close the door on flight 2175. You've been waiting for it all day. (shortly after) Boarding has ended for flight 2175. Felix Calderon, you're S.O.L.
Bob Hope Airport
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Alan J. Pedersen
5PM And They Always Get Grumpy When I Wear My "Go Palestininians!" Shirt.
Jewish executive: The CEO of [name] company is coming from Israel for negotiations.
Redneck executive (exasperated): I hate dealing with Israelis! They're the hardest people to negotiate with. They're never satisfied with any deal you work out.
Jewish executive: (silence)
Redneck executive: It's like water torture!
Peon: Um, I think that's the Chinese.
San Mateo, California
4PM The Crew of Sesame Street Had an Unusual Reprimand System
Office drone: I'll have to tickle myself for that...
Ojai, California
Overheard by: IntellectualWhore
3PM But I Deflowered It and Everything!
Girl: Stop playing with my bush.
Guy: I'm not playing with it, I'm moving it out of the way.
Girl: Well, don't come in here if you have to move it.
Guy: I can't stay out here and get what I want without coming in, and the bush is in my way.
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Mel
2PM I'm Beginning to Regret Telling You About My Eleventh Toe
Work bee #1: Do you get paid more because you speak two languages?
Work bee #2: No. I should, right? One would think...
Work bee #1: Yeah, seriously, speaking two languages is like having an extra toe, it makes you stand out.
Shelton, Connecticut
1PM Despite What I Did on the Howard Stern Show
Bimbette, loudly: My name is not Kielbasa!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: we call her Meathead
12PM Have You Tried Trimming Your "Tomato Patch"?
Older employee to younger employees: That's why I don't live in town. I would be in jail. They would say, "you can't have a beer out here" and "you can't be in the nude" no matter how hot it is in your tomato patch!
Roanoke, West Virginia
11AM More Than the Entire Cast of The Hills Has Ever Done
Employee to another: So she lost her two front teeth saving the potbellied pig jumping in the pool.
Silver Spring, Maryland
10AM Does It Ever Really Work?
Coworker on phone: Well, 69 works for me if it works for you.
Dana Point, California
9AM We're Skeptical-- Successful Group High-Fives Are Nearly Impossible
Director (without any trace of irony): So we're going to do a high five every time? That's a great idea!
Producer: Yeah--let's get you all in a circle for the high five.
Onscreen talent (forming a circle): Let's get merchandising! (group high five)
Westfield, New Jersey
5PM Regardless, Your Hand Should Not Be There
Unseen man in cubicle: I'm not touching it. I'm just mooshing it!
W 46th St
New York City, New York
4PM I Just Mean, I See You Reading a Lot of Menus
New guy to female coworker, handing her lunch menu: You look like someone who would be interested in this.
Female coworker: What is that supposed to mean?
New guy: Oh.
Main Street
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: so glad i'm not male
3PM ...Or Risk Being Fired?
Coworker to intern: So do you want to have a two hour jam session? For Jesus!
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: claire
2PM Save It for Our 3 PM Coffee-and-Entendre Break
Female cube rat, reviewing document: This text is pixelated.
Male cube rat: What is that? (reads over her shoulder.) "Senior oral presentation"? (snickers) I don't think I want to know about that.
Female cube rat: Really, Jim? This early in the morning?
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Haven't had enough coffee yet
1PM Their Presentation on the Buddha Left a Lot to Be Desired
IT guy #1: Asian. Asiaaaann.
IT guy #2: Like, 800 years old. A thousand. Thousands of years old.
IT guy #1: Asian. Asian. Asian.
43rd & Madison
New York City, New York
Overheard by: WTF?!
12PM But I Love When He Gives Me Massages
Female suit to another: I don't mind the dude with extra fingers making my tamales.
Victoria, Texas
11AM After Our Little "Board Meeting"
Male employee, on his way out of meeting: And, by the way, I just want everyone to know that my jaw is still sore from yesterday.
Employee's boss, explaining to silent coworkers: He should probably add that he went to the dentist yesterday.
Denver, Colorado
10AM Yours Is Much Thicker, Though.
Dude: I just got back from waxing my board.
Receptionist: Oh, yeah? I noticed your board is long, like my husband's. Must be because you're both tall.
University Avenue
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: that's what she said
9AM Next to This Cunning Drawing of a Confused Bird
Grad student: How was the meeting?
Neurology professor: It was great, and this time I took really good notes, see? Right here I wrote, "Why is the neurons are gone?"
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
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