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5PM Like Stimulants and Depressants?
Female suit to employee: I'm a weird person and I'm in a weird mood today, so you'd think they'd cancel each other out.
Iowa City, Iowa
4PM Though I Do Know Enough Not to Call Somebody "a Mix"
Office drone #1: Hey, did you know the new guy was a mix? Yeah, he's half Haitian and half Mexican.
Office drone #2: Really, no way!
Office drone #1: Yeah, really!
Office drone #2: Hmmm, shows what I know about people, I thought he was white.
Madison Ave
New York City, New York
3PM Outside of a Phish Concert
Developer, cleaning out fridge: Wow, I've never seen pink mold before!
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men...
2PM You've Typed the Word "Boobies" 57 Times
Cubemate to another: You know, I am thinking and typing at the same time...
Jersey City, New Jersey
1PM Wait 'Til She Launches Into "There's No Business Like Flow Business"
Employee, singing on the way down the hall: I need to change my tammmmmponnnnn
Coalinga, California
12PM I Know You've Never Heard Yourself
Temp #1: I have great hearing! Remember the test we'd take in school?
Temp #2: Yeah.
Temp #1: I remember one time you heard that girl, it was on half a zero and I heard it.
Cedar Place
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: evildead
11AM Who Buries a Dead Cat?
Loud office coworker a few cubes over: Why don't they make a big belt buckle out of it?
Greenwood Village, Colorado
Overheard by: Probably they shouldn't
10AM That, and All the Erotic Pastry Sex.
Male coworker: What's up with everybody being sick right now?
Female coworker: Seriously! I was sick a few days ago and went to the walk-in clinic. The doctor gave me an antibiotic but I didn't take it. I gave it to my husband because he's sick too.
Male coworker: What do you mean you didn't take it? Why are you being non-compliant with treatment?
Female coworker: Well, this is probably TMI, but I can't take antibiotics. They give me yeast infections.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by:
9AM I Like the Cut of Your Jib--You're Hired!
Interviewer: On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the lowest, and 10 being the highest...
Interviewee (interrupting): Do you ever do 1 as the highest and 10 as the lowest?
Interviewer: No, I really like 10 as the highest.
Interviewee, thoughtfully: Yeah, I do too...
Omaha, Nebraska
5PM And Suddenly the Judge Is Telling Me I'm in Contempt?
Attorney: Seamen. (employees chuckle in their cubicles). I just want to say the name.
Wall Street
New York City, New York
4PM What Happens When You Moonlight As a Really Cheap Stripper
Boss, muttering to himself as he walks away: Now, how did I get pennies down there?
New Haven, Connecticut
3PM From the American Gladiators Porno
Office clerk #1: Where did you put the batteries?
Office clerk #2: They go right here on the pole.
Office clerk #1: Wow! I like the long pole...look at it squirt!
Columbus Avenue
Lebanon, Ohio
Overheard by: Did I hear that right?
2PM She Twist-Tied My Heart, Yessir
Suit in a sea of suits: One man's garbage is another man's treasure... That's how I got my girlfriend!
Tarrytown, New York
Overheard by: Laughing in their Faces
1PM This Way You'll Never Forget It
CSR: So that is apartment "E," like "echo"?
Customer: Eh... No, no, no. "E" like "elephant"!
Kitchener
Ontario
Canadia
12PM ...You'll Need a Big Spatula to Get Her Off the Ceiling
Cube mate on phone: Yeah, with that spray-on chest hair...
Suitland, Maryland
Overheard by: Wondering if He is on a 70's show...
11AM Are You Doing This Deliberately?
Employee #1: Is George Harrison the guy that directed Star Wars?
Employee #2: No that's George Lucas.
Employee #1: Oh, but he was in Star Wars then.
Employee #2: No, that's Harrison Ford.
Employee #1: Oh. Wasn't Frank Sinatra in The Beatles?
Addison, Texas
10AM Everyone Retrieve Their Illegal Arms from Their Overhead Compartments
Amtrak conductor #1: There's no quiet car on this train, folks.
Amtrak conductor #2: That's right. This is the party train. We gonna get arrested tonight.
South Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: enigmattic
9AM The Power Steering Was Their Best Feature
Old lady in wheelchair: My first car's name was Chelsea.
Girl, pushing wheelchair: Oh, I have jeans and they are Chelsea, too... Bootcut, though.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: jullylully
5PM You Assume I'm a Bottom?
Cubicle dweller #1: What better way to die, backpacking across Antarctica?
Cubicle dweller #2: I can see the headline now, "Man dies while being sodomized by a leopard seal."
Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
4PM But That's Barely Even a Sandwich!
CR manager: I don't want some bulky thing, a 2-incher ought to do it.
Las Colinas, Texas
Overheard by: Cubical Dweller Pita
3PM Rachel and Tara's Quest for Their Own Office Turns Ugly
Cube girl: Man, I'll be farting with you!
Corpus Christi, Texas
2PM Every Office Has Its Ninja
Systems admin to office manager: And she didn't tell me he was coming up right behind her!
Sales assistant, walking through the room: I didn't know he was going to follow me! One minute he was in his office talking about roosters and the next minute he's standing behind me at your desk! He was sneaky!
Charlotte, North Carolina
1PM ...To Fill a Hole Completely
Architect to detailer: You can't depend on the caulk.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: just the intern
12PM Only More Embarassing
Female worker: I've been here so long, I can think of a million ways to get back at you.
Male worker: I'll just come in and start throwing water balloons.
Female worker: That's like stabbing, though.
Wall Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Tonic
11AM ...As I Have with My Other Roommates
Woman walking by to someone across the room: And I will never confuse you for my common-law spouse.
Toronto
Canadia
10AM So When You Said You Had a Hankering for Little Women...?
20-something girl: Alright, I need to go get Knocked Up...you all know I mean the movie, right? And not, not me getting...screw it, I'm getting Knocked Up. See you later!
Sand Lake Commons
Orlando, Florida
9AM I Think I Saw This Episode of The Simpsons
Guy serving lunch: Do you want meatloaf?
Kid: No, I'm a vegetarian.
Guy serving lunch: Not today, you're not! (slaps a big piece of meatloaf on kid's plate)
23rd Street
New York City, New York
5PM Then I Realized It Was Ethan Hawke
Young female associate: So the homeless guy kept coming at me and I got scared, so I kicked him in the balls.
Law Firm
Wilmington, Delaware
4PM Yeah, We Read Your Invitation on the Bulletin Board
Team leader: Tomorrow we're having sexual harassment training. (laughs) Jane, you can't touch Sophie.
Male coworker: They can touch me!
Melbourne, Florida
3PM She Must Really Annoy the People She Works With, Huh?
Salesperson, in response to reading a news article: Why would anyone name their pet Booger, then have him cloned?
Customer: I wish aliens would come down and take Paris Hilton away.
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: bearer of randomness
2PM What About This "Paula Abdul" All the Kids Are Talking About?
25-year-old: All you listen to is old music, like David Bowie 'n shit.
40-year-old: I don't listen to just old stuff! I listen to new stuff too!
(turns radio to Eveerclear, Father of Mine)
40-year-old: See? This is new!
25-year-old: You kiddin? This is like ten years old!
40-year-old: Damnit.
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: back seat driver
1PM Someone Left an Issue of Bitch Magazine in There
Woman #1: Hey!
Woman #2, coming out of the employee restroom: Hey! Oh, I was just thinking about you!
Woman #1: Wait, weren't you just in the restroom?
Bobst Library, NYU
12PM Sigh --John Candy Was Like Four Dead Famous Fat Guys Ago
Worker #1: I don't think he looks like John Candy. I think he looks like the guy who killed John Candy.
Worker #2: With what? Donuts?
Lakeside Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Not paid enough.
11AM Would You Rather We Tried a Back-Door Approach?
Salesman: Is it the size that you didn't like or can I somehow make it better for you?
Beachwood, Ohio
10AM Who Was That, by the Way?
Suit #1: Good morning, pal!
Suit #2: I'm not your pal...
Suit #1: Well, sure you are, buddy!
Suit #2: Look, my day would be far less painful if you'd stop referring to me using synonyms of "friend." M'kay?
Suit #1: Sure thing, friend!
(Suit #2 storms out)
Suit #3: That's a new record...fifteen seconds!
Bank
Glasgow
Scotland
9AM And the Extra Diapers Really Came in Handy After the Baby Was Born
Coworker: You have kids?
New guy: Yeah, two. You?
Coworker: No, but we started trying.
New guy: Are you kidding? This is the greatest time of your life. I know a guy whose wife did all role playing--you know--when they were trying. Said he never had better sex...ever!
Coworker: (blushes).
Court & Montague
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: INQ
5PM I'm Pretty Sure You're Mis-Remembering Erin Brockovich
Supervisor: Girl, you better give me back those files or I'll take you outside. Like that girl in that movie.
County Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lan
4PM Which Has Been Lifted, Due to Cornea Movies Like Brokeback Mountain
50-something admin talking about a gay couple she knew in the past: Back then there was an astigmatism associated with it.
Medical Center
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Wow am I glad my last day is in a week.
3PM Barnes and Noble Are Two Separate Guys
Manager on phone: Yes sir, I'm aware that the auto-message is in two different voices. No sir, I did not think that people would be confused...I'm sorry you feel that way, sir.
Barnes & Noble
Greenfield, Wisconsin
Overheard by: darkhorse
2PM Too Bad--They Make Great Stress Balls
Female coworker: Um, hi.
Openly gay male coworker: Oh, hi. Sorry, I was just admiring your work.
Female coworker: Don't worry, I know you're not checking out my rack. Hm, and that actually makes me sad.
Openly gay male coworker: Yeah, I know. Keep dreaming.
Exchange Place
New York City, New York
1PM My Swim Coach Was Quite Unhappy with the Arrangement
Girl to friend: Did I ever tell you that for like a year in high school I wore pantyhose everyday, even if I was wearing jeans, I'd have pantyhose underneath them.
Dallas, Texas
12PM Chicks Get All the Cool Medical Excuses
Female office worker: My mother's having surgery to remove a tumor in her breast today, so count me out for the lunch meeting, I'm going to wait for a phone call on her condition.
Male office worker (uncomfortably): Uh, I hope she's ok. Have you heard from Chris today?
Female office worker: No, he's coming in, right?
Male office worker: As far as I know, hope he doesn't have breast cancer.
Law Firm
New York City, New York
11AM Casual Fridays Don't Last Long in Some Offices
Sales manager: Wait...aren't all chaps assless?
Graphic designer: Only when you wear a thong under them like me.
Broad Street
Augusta, Georgia
10AM Not After You Returned My Tigger Costume in Such Poor Condition
Marketing guy: Hey, do you still have that hot and fuzzy DVD?
Designer guy: Yeah.
Marketing guy: Can I bum it from you?
Orlando, Florida
9AM That's What Our Bin Of Spare Nipples Is For
Angry manager on phone to late employee: I don't care if your nipples fall off! You need to get your ass in here now!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
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