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5PM Not Arby's Fesh, But Close.
Dingbell: I love shopping at Trader Joe's! Their frozen food is so fresh!
Carlstadt, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gary
4PM Oh Well. Later, Orphans!
Young guy to girl: I see you everyday and I'm completely unaffected.
Valparaiso, Indiana
Overheard by: jake
3PM Who Diagnosed Me As an Old Fart
CEO, farting as he walks by cubes: Excuse me, I just came back from the urologist.
(cube dwellers look at each other in confusion and start to giggle)
Springfield, Virginia
Overheard by: Glad Im Healthy
2PM We're Selling the Video at the Counter
Butcher holding up pork: These are the finest butts I've ever seen. In fact, I just boned them myself!
Grand Blanc, Michigan
1PM Let Me Guess--White Castle?
Girl #1: Did somebody fart?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Oh wait, never mind, that's just somebody's food.
New York City, New York
12PM Why You Shouldn't Tell Your Co-Workers You Speak English
Temp #1: Are you drinking hot water?
Temp #2: With some lemon, yeah. Why?
Temp #1: Doesn't hot water make you have to crap?
Temp #2: What?
Temp #1: Hot water makes my grandmother have to crap.
Temp #2: What?
Nashville, Tennessee
11AM Some Writers Got Out of Practice During the Strike
Worker #1: It's cold out.
Worker #2: Yeah, it's like having half a cup of coffee thrown in your face...but cold.
Worker #1: That's the worst analogy ever.
14th Street
Arlington, Virginia
10AM When Really, He Was Just Gellin' Like a Felon, with Dr. Scholl's
CSR on phone: They found out my boyfriend is a felon and now they are throwing us out of the trailer park.
Colonial Heights, Virginia
9AM Allllll the Time, Baby
Flustered admin: Hey guys...does your hand ever get sweaty on the mouse?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Pod Buddy
5PM Every Metaphor Is a Rainbow Metaphor in San Francisco
Senior VP: For all you people who are worrying about this problematic new travel coordination system, I just want to reassure you that there is, truly, light at the end of the rainbow.
San Francisco, California
4PM Stop Beeping at Me, Sir!
Man on phone: Hello? Yes, am I talking to a real person?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: unreal_person
3PM But Potentially in the Desert
Professor: It's an island somewhere...probably in the ocean.
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Anne
2PM Barf Bags Are Provided in the Event of Their Ugliness
Passenger to another: Federal law requires that you must follow all instructions from uniformed crew. If a naked flight attendant approaches you, you don't have to listen to them.
Southwest Flight
Islip, New York
1PM Stop Contrimanding Everything I Say
Manager: B.O.T.A. It's an anagram. Do you know what it stands for? "Bend over and take it up the ass."
Employee: That's an acronym, not an anagram.
Manager: What? I didn't say acronym.
Oneonta, New York
12PM Has the Wii Already Become "Old"?
Game developer on speakerphone: Bestiality is totally the new Wii.
Columbus Circle
New York City, New York
Overheard by: The Professor
11AM A Sassy Tigress?
Peon #1: Of course, he described it as riding a tiger.
Peon #2: Who rides a tiger?
Richmond, Virginia
10AM Which Reminds Me--Send Out an Email Notifying Everyone That the Computers Are Down
Outdated salesmen: Why didn't you respond to my text?
Office lackey: I never received your text!
Outdated salesmen: From now on, when you don't get my text you have to call me and let me know.
Office lackey: (walks away mumbling)
Burnsville, Minnesota
Overheard by: Eric Bouchey
9AM Umm...
Boss: No, kangaroo rats are not rodents! They're just mini kangaroos!
Maine
Overheard by: amused employee
5PM How Does That Distinguish It from Any Other Month in Pittsburgh?
Manager: This month's data looks solid, but can we use November's data?
Office guy: Well, November was like the transition, it's not crap like it was before but it's not as good as this new stuff...
Manager: So, November is like solidifying crap?
Office guy: Uh...sure?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
4PM No One Go in the Conference Room 'Til We Can Get a Cleanup Crew in There
Boss, exiting a staff meeting: The internet was the greatest invention for the perverts. They're having a hay day!
Dallas, Texas
3PM This Is a Job Where You Have to Pace Yourself
Boss to employee: Can you just wipe your forehead on my ass?
Columbus, Ohio
2PM Where Are You Going?
Coworker: Hey, you know that new radio station that started last week? It's like when you meet a new friend but then the next week you realize they aren't cool and you don't want to be seen with them.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: rita
1PM And It's 2008.
Project manager: So what do you think the chances are that we will have a meeting giving us the status of what is up?
Admin: I'd say the odds are better that the girls' gymnastic team will win the 2006 Super Bowl.
Evanston, Illinois
Overheard by: teh aml
12PM Everything She Knows About Male Anatomy She Learned from Her Ken Doll
Coffee girl #1: Yeah, he's hot but he has weird thighs.
Coffee girl #2: Do guys have thighs? I mean, I know they have legs but do they have thighs?
Coffee girl #1: Ummm...
Wollongong
Australia
11AM I'm Told You're Extremely Bitter
Sales rep to manager: Your shirt is a very weird green. It reminds me of green tea.
Manager: Do you want to eat me?
Sales rep (staring silently): Uh no.
Oregon
Overheard by: I love green tea
10AM And They Remind Me Too Much of My Baby-Carrot Member
Man, referring to golf pencils provided: Can I borrow something to write with? I can't use those small pencils. I'm a VIP!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
9AM Just Because Dirk Meyer Wears That Vadar Mask?
Worker #1: Hey, what's generally better, Intel or Athlon?
Worker #2: Of course, Athlon.
Worker #3: What?! No! That's the dark side!
Irvine, California
Overheard by: Jon
5PM Bill Gates Finally Forays Into Porn
Woman, matter-of-factly, to male associate: Micropenis.
Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
New York City, New York
Overheard by: jt & lc
4PM The Sauciest Little Office in Mississippi
Male office worker: Hold your hands out.
Female office worker: I am so tired of you squirting on me! And I don't want to be tied up unless I want to be. Got it?!
Baldwyn, Mississippi
3PM Though, When We Hired Him, He Seemed Brazilliant
Coworker: Did you know Tom* was fired?
Boss: I guess he was bolivious to the the fact he just didn't have the education to keep up with the workload.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: stuckinacube
2PM He's the Big Cheese Around Here
Female office worker: There's a mouse in the trap under my desk! Come move it!
Male office work: Is he dead?
(supervisor walks in with on tail end of conversation)
Supervisor: All deceased records go to George.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ear Hustler
1PM For Making Such a Terrible Quiche
Culinary professor: There were times that I wanted to be spanked.
Niagara Falls, New York
Overheard by: wishing she heard the beginning
12PM It's Just, the Company's Been Accused of Getting Soft
Office grunt: I was just going to jerk them off but I figured it would be best to ask first.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: wes
11AM ..."Which of the Sales Guys Are You Going to Have Intercourse With?"
Benefits & payroll lady: So which of the sales guys are you going to do?
Admin: (awkward silence)
Benefits & payroll lady: Ummm...let me rephrase that...
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: uh i hope none of them
10AM Because Trolls Are Unionized, Moron
Boss: Well, they apparently thought the gnome was a good idea, so why not go with a troll?
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: David
9AM Only When I Pulled Off the Duct Tape
Coworker #1: I almost said something stupid, but I stopped myself.
Coworker #2: Did it hurt?
Coworker #1: Yeah, a little.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Miranda
5PM Not to Be Confused with the Compulsive Nintendo-Playing Syndrome "Wario-osis"
Secretary #1: Yeah, he has warosis. That's when you've just gotten back from a war and you have all this trauma from it.
Secretary #2: Oh gosh. I've heard of that - my granddad had it when he got back from the war.
Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia
4PM I Wondered Why They Took That Photograph at My Interview.
Female coworker: The only way a woman can make it in the industry is if she has huge boobs!
Male coworker: Hey, guys need to have large nuts to make it.
Vancouver
BC
Canadia
3PM ...or The Real World?
Coworker #1: You know those warehouses where the kids go when they have no parents?
Coworker #2: Are you talking about an orphanage?
Chattanooga, Tennessee
2PM Slim-Fast Isn't So Embarassing
Grumpy loud guy to confused coworker: Stop going out and drinking your lunch!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1PM Then I Realize I'm Married, and Reading Them
Woman smoking on loading dock: I get e-mails from him at 3 and 4 am on Saturdays and I think to myself, "if he's married, he must hate his wife."
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: fly on the wall
12PM And Be Home in Time for Dinner
Office monkey: You can shoot a goat with an M16 for $10.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Jen
11AM If I Pass Out, Inject Me with the Blue Needle
Frazzled boss: Today has been just awful.
Concerned coworker: I know, hun. (in a hushed tone) Do you want a Xanax?
Frazzled boss: Oh, god, no...thank you...I have my own supply. (in hushed tone) And I've already had several.
New York City, New York
10AM Why Her Friends Stopped Letting Her Give Wedding Toasts
Female quality engineer: There is a fine line between wanting to hurt someone and having fun with them.
Texas
9AM I Thought It Was for Using Internet Abbreviations in Everyday Speech
Young guy: What, you don't like Skittles?
Slightly older guy: No, I feel like my teeth are rotting when I eat them.
Young guy: How about Starbursts?
Older guy: Nope.
Young guy to boss lady: Did you hear that? Did you know you're working near a communist?
Boss lady: You see, the fact that you care about this epitomizes why the gen Xers hate your generation.
Los Angeles, California
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