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5PM Madre De Dios--the Legends Are True!
Guy to librarian: So, I heard y'all umm...loan books here?
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Club Strozier
4PM Uh Huh
Crazy female VP: So, who are you voting for in the election?
Unassuming employee: Obama.
Crazy female VP: Oh, really? I'm voting McCain.
Unassuming employee: Uh huh.
Crazy female VP: But, you know...I don't even see Obama as a black man.
Rockefeller Plaza
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Blonde Leading The Blind
3PM I Used to Call Them "The G Spot," But Everyone on Staff Got Confused
Male receptionist: I like to listen to Warren G when I'm doing a cryptorchid neuter.
Female receptionist: Why's that?
Male receptionist: Because he lets his nuts hang.
Veterinary Hospital
New York City, New York
2PM Presenting the Year's Best Adult Film Title
Executive assistant: So I'm going to a different lab this time, so I don't get the bitchy Nazi titty tech.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: grabbed mine and kept on walking
1PM I Think You Look Lovely, Stan.
Coworker #1 (looking in the mirror): Did you notice that I was wearing blue eyeshadow today?
Coworker #2: No, I didn't.
Coworker #1: Thought it would bring out my blue eyes, but it just makes me look like a whore...
Addison, Texas
Overheard by: emily
12PM Ten-Million-Dollar Discrimination Suits Start Out Innocently Enough
Manager: We really need to work on proper pronunciation on the phones. We really hear a lot of this, and it definitely needs to be improved. For instance: How do you say a-s-k? Anyone? (pause) You say "ask" not "axed"!
Employee: Well, who say dat?
Wayne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: office grunt #12
11AM On the Other Hand, I'd Love to Be on Top of Old Smoky
Cube dweller #1: I heard Obama smokes! I wouldn't want someone who smokes in the White House!
Cube dweller #2: But you smoke!
Cube dweller #1: It's just so irresponsible!
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: just a temp
10AM Especially If You Smoke Pot and Watch C-SPAN
Proofreader: It happens. You talk to each other long enough and eventually you're going to start talking about corpse puppets.
Washington, DC
9AM We'll Be Doing a Demonstration, Followed by a Brief Q&A
Office manager (over the intercom): Whoever had a problem with the new toilet, please report to the bathroom at this time.
Warner Robins, Georgia
Overheard by: I just work here.
5PM It Was Already Occupied
Female peon to supervisor: I'm going to get us a room, but you said you wanted to do it in your office!
5th Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Miz Met
4PM In Hindsight, It's Easy to See Where Things Started to Unravel
Event planner: Don't you think we should have background music?
Manager: That would be too expensive.
Event planner: What about just one person playing a harp?
Manager: Do you know someone?
Event planner: Yeah. I know a harpoonist.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Tim
3PM You Really Rock Those Jorts
Plumber: Do you know how many times I have worn pants this year?
Project manager: Probably not many.
Olympic Peninsula, Washington
2PM I Was Like, "Nothing to See Here, Pal-- Mooove Along!"
Pregnant lady (annoyed): So he said "Hey, you look nice today," but I told him it's just the milk in my breasts.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Really? You're talking about that at work?
1PM He Was Mugged On the Way Back to His Cube
Coworker (exchanging his stapler for absent coworker's stapler): My stapler is broken.
Intern: You're bad! Bad!
Coworker: Muahahaha! I am eeeevil!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Hiding my stapler
12PM Turns Out That's Not a Male Porn Star
Girl in cubicle: I feel so professional today... I just googled Dow Jones.
Research Triangle Park
Durham, Raleigh
11AM ...Which Is Why He Walks Like That
Coworker showing visitor around office: And this is Dave*, he's the big cojones around here.
New York City, New York
10AM I'm Scared of the Conscience-Suppressors
Peon: I'm not on nearly enough medications to be a lawyer.
Kanata
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: not a lawyer
9AM Just Wait 'Til She Learns the Third Primary Color
Boss, singing: Blue and yellow! Yellow and blue! Blueeee! Yelloooooow!
Employee: Here she goes again.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
5PM Yeah, This Job Is Really a Drag
Male office drone #1: I was just talking to a bunch of people and I realized afterwards that I had ChapStick all over my face. That's just great.
Male office drone #2: The same thing happens to me, except with lipstick.
Mesa, Arizona
4PM And Now She's Laying Eggs
Boss: This Chinese guy stroked my turtle.
Edmonton
Canadia
3PM Tonight, on No-Context Theatre...
Manager: I've got it up. I just don't know how to use it.
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Doug's Mom
2PM ...My Child-Support Payments and Was Sent to Jail
Boss: This tastes like ass.
Worker: How do you know what ass tastes like?
Boss: Because I was drunk and missed.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
1PM Don't Practice Law Without It
Worker #1: I mean, I just want to tell them I can't make them feel better. *Bob* can't make them feel better. *Katrina* can't make them feel better. Their doctors can't make them feel better.
Worker #2: No, that's what the oxycodone is for.
Law Office
Northern California
12PM So You've All Been Issued Rubber Gloves, Toothpicks, and Journals
Manager: You have to check your poop everyday in case you get a disease.
Starbucks
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Muffin
11AM Bethany Always Makes Prank Phone Calls in Person
Customer: I have a question about something that's not pictured on your website. Can you describe it?
Coworker: (stares at her blankly)
Portland, Oregon
10AM Followed By a 1 PM Heroin Appointment
Engineer: Welcome back. It's 2 pm. Where have you been?
Senior project surveyor: Oh, I had to go out drinkin'.
New Cumberland, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: teh intern
9AM Which Is Anything Involving Science
Engineer #1: July 21st--is that the equinox or the solstice? I always get the two mixed up.
Engineer #2 (home-schooled): I dunno... I don't know anything about that satanic stuff.
Mississippi
5PM Her Name Is RuPaul
Client with sick dog: I need to see the veterinarian on duty because my dog isn't feeling well.
Veterinarian receptionist: Is your dog a male or female?
Client with sick dog: She's a male.
Wooster, Ohio
Overheard by: netty
4PM You'd Be Excited, Too, If You'd Been Changing Diapers for Ten Years
Receptionist on phone: Hey, little man! Did you go pee pee on the potty? (announcing to office) He peed on the potty!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
3PM I Told You to Stop Fiddling Around Down There
Manager: I left it sticking out. Just tuck it back in and he'll never know we were in his drawers.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: urzzz
2PM So I Had to Go Out and Kill a Hobo
Coworker to another, walking through office: I had a Kirk Cameron craving, it was very odd...
Los Angeles, California
1PM Not to Mention How Our Company Softball Team Will Suffer
Man: Wow, I still can't believe they're laying off so many people. It's going to be really sad.
Woman: Yeah! Just think how little our potluck days are gonna be!
Green Bay, Wisconsin
12PM You Wacky Brits Pickle Everything
Female teacher to male teacher: Aw, you're such a gentleman! When you die we're going to pickle you and put you in the corner and label you "the last gentleman."
Arts and Humanities Dept
Bexhill College
England
Overheard by: Corinne
11AM Good Thing That's Second in Importance to WoW
Nerd #1: You need to stop playing that damn game. It's horrible. Look at yourself!
Nerd #2: Look. You can get on me all you want about World of Warcraft, but at least it's not Scientology!
Nerd #1 (looking nonplussed ): You mean to tell me that's your excuse for why World of Warcraft is acceptable!? Are you kidding me?
Nerd #2: Hmmmm, I suck at life.
Orange, California
10AM If You Accidentally Move the Heavens and Make That Happen
Long-haired guitar dude to customer: Sometimes it's because the neck is warped. That can happen if you leave it out in the sun all night.
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: realized it 5 minutes later
9AM Oompa-Loompas Kept Hitting on Me
Female coworker: I used to spray tan, but they make you orange and then you smell like Chinese food.
Male coworker: Good Chinese food or bad Chinese food?
Female coworker: Not the good kind. And then it gets all dark in the creases, and you get jaundiced knees...
Male coworker: Just what every man wants...the munchies and a sickly white woman.
Female coworker: I wanted to look Italian.
Male coworker: But instead you wound up with jaundice, smelling like Chinese food.
Plaza VII
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Hungry now
5PM ...Bong Water
Check-out clerk: How are you doing today?
Customer: I'm good, how are you doing?
Check-out clerk: My stomach hurts. Too much drinking.
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: Can sympathize
4PM Who'd Want a Woman When Goddesses Walk the Earth?
Female art director, watching male creatives gawking at models: They're just human.
Male copywriter: They're not human! Take that back!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Lucy
3PM Or Is There a Silent "H"?
VP: How do you spell "only"? Is it o-w-n-l-y?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: the man has 3 degrees
2PM And I Think the Hairy Mole Is Rather Jaunty
Coworker #1 (checking out woman who just entered office): Damn, that bitch is ugleeee. Yikes!
Coworker #2: Hey, you jerk! That's my mom!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: agreeing with co-worker #1
1PM What? It's 1973, Right?
Boutique girl #1: We could go out to Dexter's after work, but there's a Beatles cover band there tonight.
Boutique girl #2: Ugh! Yeah? Oh well...
Boutique girl #3: I don't even know any of their new albums.
New Jersey
12PM Mr. Kilmer's Rep Was Having Surgery to Locate His Heart and Couldn't Comment
Manager of TV company: I like Val Kilmer but his rep can kiss both sides of my ass.
Burbank, California
11AM The Lost Stanza to This Land Is Your Land
Work bee, complaining about wife's: So I said, "Babe, we live in this country for two reasons, breakfast food and good toilet paper."
Colorado
Overheard by: shaine
10AM And Grandpa Went Through Just Fine with the Platinum Cock-Ring
Woman: I CC'd my daughter on it and she wrote back. What grandma is trying to say is that you won't get through security dressed like that. But, apparently, the dog collar is already gone because he was allergic to it.
Alexandria, Virginia
9AM Often Happens When There's Pot Involved
Facilities manager, explaining a construction delay: So the erectors didn't come...
Carmel, Indiana
Overheard by: ass chaps
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