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5PM Hey, What Happens on the Holodeck, Stays on the Holodeck
Tech dude #1: So I told him to stop putting dirt in my hole.
Tech dude #2: Uh...that makes me uncomfortable.
Dallas, Texas
4PM But, Today, Filing Is Your Destiny
Older strange employee to new employee: 200 years ago you would have made a great warrior.
Mississauga
Ontario
Canadia
3PM Sure, They're Crocs. But Baby Steps
Judge to clerk: Hey, you got shoes on. You're first class today!
Oakdale, Louisiana
2PM I'll Be in the Conference Room with Scented Candles
Manager: Where's Mike Love's file? I need Love by 9 o'clock!
Richmond, Virginia
1PM Here, Use My Crayola
Office worker: Leslie, before you leave, let me see if I have anything for you to sign.
Leslie: You know I'm signatorially challenged.
A&M University
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
12PM When a Pipe-Layer Came to the Office, They Had Fun for Weeks
Ditzy office peon looking at pregnant celebrity in magazine: It looks like she's wearing one of those sha...sha-long things, ya know, that you carry a baby in.
Girl: Don't you mean "sarong"?
Male office peon: Hahaha you said "shlong"!
Central Avenue
Wood Dale, Illinois
11AM The New Summer's Eve Commercials Dare to Be Explicit
Female coworker holding wooden box: My box smells a lot like smoked fish.
Parnell
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Gus
10AM Perhaps We Shouldn't Have Taped That $100 Bill to the Ceiling
Office peon #1: I think it might be a wobble.
Office peon #2: A wobble? On the toilet?!
Office peon #1: A wobble.
Office peon #2: Well, who's jumping up and down on it?
San Diego, California
Overheard by: No idea what they were talking about
9AM It's 12:01 AM...
Staff member (to the radio): Okay, it's too late for Kenny G. You've gotta get Kenny G off the radio. Kenny G should only be played during the day. It's too late in the day for Kenny G.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: music snob
5PM Face It, You're Just Selfish
Boss, about molding: I am better at injection than I am at blow.
Cincinnati, Ohio
4PM Enroll It in Law School
Suit to another: You don't have to suck my dick. Just put some pressure on it...
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: Thoroughly Amused and Confused
3PM Why She Makes Terrible Mashed Potatoes
Office manager to female coworker: It doesn't matter what it looks like, as long as it's hard.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Oh no she didn't
2PM But a Lot of People Feel That Way About Communism
Boss: So when it works, does it work?
CTO: When it's working, it should work.
Boss: Good, because if it didn't work when it worked that just wouldn't work.
Houston, Texas
1PM Do Other People Have to Be Able to See Them?
Student: So how many participants will I need to use?
Acting Pro-Vice-Chancellor: So you could just use eight friends.
Student: Oh. Okay. Really?
Acting Pro-Vice-Chancellor: Do you have eight friends?
Otago University
New Zealand
Overheard by: he's my supervisor too...
12PM Where Do You Think Seventh Heaven Gets Its Audience?
Coworker #1: What's a lobotomy?
Coworker #2: It's when they do a brain transplant.
Coworker #1: They do that?
Coworker #2: I hear they aren't very successful...
Portland, Oregon
11AM Just Don't Ask Me How to Get to Sesame Street
CSR girl: C-s-z.
Accounting girl: C-s-b?
CSR girl: No, "z"! "Z!" Like, um..."xylophone."
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
10AM Nah, Just Positive Reinforcement from My Wife
Executive, reading underling's shirt: "World's coolest dad" ...your kids buy that for you?
Orchard Park, New York
9AM How Very European of You, Sir
Boss to secretary: I think we need to have this copy machine looked at.
Secretary: Is something wrong?
Boss: It's stapling things on the bottom instead of the top.
Los Angeles, California
5PM I Found Myself Strangely Drawn to You
Man #1: Your hair's much longer than last time I saw you.
Man #2: I accidentally shaved too close and kept going.
Woman: Yeah, it was really short then...like serial killer hair.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
4PM Wendell Begins to Regret Starting the Conversation
Worker #1: So I spent most of the weekend in the bathroom.
Worker #2: Oh, partying too much?
Worker #1: No, problem with the other end.
Worker #2: Oh, sounds like someone had a case of faucet ass.
Northbrook, Illinois
Overheard by: Not suffering from it
3PM A Problem Never Before Reported to OITO
Architect: There's too much...there are too many people thinking around here.
Charlottesville, Virginia
2PM Victor Borge: I Spit on You!
Help desk: Thank you for calling, this is SUU, how can I help you?
Ditzy caller: Yeah...hi, I'm having problems with your website. Whenever I enter my employment in this field it kicks back a scary warning and says invalid characters.
Help desk: Okay, we're having a bit of a glitch with that, so just go ahead and remove all of the punctuation, then it should go through no problem.
Ditzy caller: Punctuation? You mean like capital words?
Atlantic Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ang
1PM Why the President Stopped Conducting His Own Transactions
Customer: I need to send an international wire transfer for 1,000 euros please.
Teller: Okay, let me check...yeah, we can do that. How much is that in money?
Customer: Excuse me?
Teller: How much is that in money?
Customer: Do you mean how much is it in US dollars?
Teller: Yeah, how much is it in money?
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Currency Expert
12PM Just to Be Safe, I Better Buy a Backup TV
Coworker: Bon jovi's on American Idol?! Good god, this calls for a new pack of batteries and the tv on in the bedroom!
Portland, Oregon
11AM So the Baby's Coming UPS
New mommy: So when's your baby due?
Pregnant lady: The doctor said I may have to have a c-section as my public bone isn't big enough for normal delivery.
Brentwood, Tennessee
10AM This Conversation Could Be an Entire Movie in England
Person #1: Where are you going?
Person #2: To the elevator.
Person #1: Why are you going that way?
Person #2: Because that is the way I know.
Person #1: You are so British.
Office
New York City, New York
9AM Hey, They Expect to Be Micromanaged
Female boss, yelling to male coworker down the hall: Is he going to wear his shirt, Mark?
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Christine
5PM A New Twist on the Old Quarter-Out-the-Nose Trick.
Coworker #1: Well, do they exude toxins?
Coworker #2: I dunno.
Coworker #1: The doctor had her block off one nostril and it shot right out. Just like CPR!
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Does this end with monkeys again?
4PM And Rearranges Whatever's Left
Lady on phone: Well, you know...surgery really takes something out of you.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Bearphan
3PM Did It Rob a Convenience Store?
Cute chick holding up water bottle: Has this water gone bad?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: only cause i peed in it
2PM And Writing Haikus and Shit
Employee #1: I really want to learn Italian.
Employee #2: You should just go to Milan for the weekend! And then you'll come back and be all, merci beaucoup!
Manhattan
New York City, New York
1PM Like a Cruise Ship?
Sales rep #1: How do you spell "Pacific"?
Sales rep #2: Huh?
Sales rep #1: You know, if I'm talking about something in Pacific...
Commodore Street
Rockingham
Australia
Overheard by: David
12PM Alternatively, We Could Make Salad Dressing
Female coworker, talking about the new waterless urinal installed: I don't understand how it's not gonna smell if you pee in there and no water washes it out.
Male coworker: There's oil in there that rises to the top and keeps the smell from coming back out. I'm about to go try it. Wanna watch?
Manchester, Connecticut
11AM Can't Explain. Texting
Receptionist: What's a BlackBerry? Is that some kind of desert?
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Stunned
10AM Unless It's One of Those Prairie Schooner Cruises
Woman: So, when people take an Alaskan Cruise, do they go to the west coast of Alaska?
Man: Yeah...I think so.
Chicago, Illinois
9AM You Did Say She Was Finger-Sniffin' Good
Employee to boss returning from lunch with wife: Excuse me, can I smell your fingers?
Frisco, Texas
5PM Therefore Doubly Exempt from Knowledge of Your Crappy Music
Older cube dweller: That was the title of a great Rascals song. Have you heard of The Rascals?
Younger cube dweller: No, I'm young. And foreign.
Troy, New York
4PM Don't Nocturnal If You Haven't Tried It
Ditzy member of upper management: No, it's not internal, it's out-ternal.
Schaumburg, Illinois
3PM But the Really Cool Ones Come Out With Sunglasses
First-time father of twins to female coworker: So, when do newborns open their eyes?
Coworker: Um...it's not like kittens, babies are born with their eyes open.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Dea at work
2PM Plus the $45 for the Cappucino Itself.
Paralegal #1: The partner just asked me to run to Starbucks because our client wanted a cappuccino.
Paralegal #2: Oh my god...they seriously made you get it for them? I would have refused.
Paralegal #1: I didn't want to go but the way I figure it, my time is billed at $120 an hour. That cappuccino just cost the client $50.
46th & 6th
New York City, New York
1PM She's a Little Bit Crunchy, But Just Sweet Enough.
Boss: Yes, and the other lady's name is "Glenola," like a Granola bar.
Caller: "Glenola"?
Boss: Yeah, she's the black one.
Sun City, Arizona
Overheard by: Mama en Fuego
12PM They Won't Even Let Us Order Shoestring Fries
Coworker #1: How did your project team get out of having to wear a tie every day?
Coworker #2: They took them away so we don't hang ourselves.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
11AM Company Slogan: We Turn Good Things Into Bad Things
Employee #1: I love Chex Mix so much I'd grind it up, stick it in an IV and mainline it.
Employee #2: I...well... (pauses in thought) You couldn't *freebase* it...
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
10AM Try the Baghdad Hilton
Salesgirl #1: Can you believe that shooting at the Montage Resort in Laguna Beach?
Salesgirl #2: Yeah, it's the front page of the LA Times.
Salesgirl #3: I could really use a weekend getaway...I wonder if they are doing a shooting death discount.
Venice, California
9AM It's the Lightest He's Been in Years
Man #1: How's your grandfather?
Man #2: Good. We were really lucky to see him.
Man #1: Yeah?
Man #2: Yeah. He had surgery to take out his colon.
Elevator, Park Ave
New York City, New York
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