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5PM One Hundred Dollars--- a Special Deal for You
Customer: What price tickets do you have available?
Call center rep: $70, $60, and $35.
Customer: Okay...(long pause) What tickets do you still have though?
Call center rep: Um...70 dollar tickets, 60 dollar tickets, and 35 dollar tickets.
Customer: Okay... (pause) But how much are the tickets that you have left?
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Kathy
4PM To Prove I'm the Alpha Male
Male coworker to another: I just couldn't pass up the chance to dominate you.
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Platinum
3PM Good for You, Maggie. Good for You.
Cube dweller: What's up, chest hair?
Office dweller with unbuttoned shirt: I don't *have* any chest hair...and I like it that way.
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
2PM Or Is It Another Tailgate Party?
Customer: What's going on? Why are there a bunch of cop cars outside?
Bank teller: I don't know. (looks at other tellers) Are ya'll getting robbed?
Kleberg Street
Kingsville, Texas
1PM Perhaps a Half-Hearted Handshake
Black boss: I just found out I'm white!
White employee: Is there any way for me to properly respond to that?
Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: Cube Dweller
12PM Barbara Bush Has a Similar Issue
Oldest employee: You know the structure of the company? Can you tell me who our President is?
Young employee: Your son.
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Chenga
11AM Inspector Gadget Doesn't Always Use His Powers for Good
Man in kitchenette: Don't worry! I can teabag from afar!
Adams Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Glad I drink Coffee
10AM Though I Believe "Douchebag" Was the Term He Used
IT guy #1: Christ, I'm retarded!
IT guy #2: I'm sure he's aware of that.
Waltham, Massachusetts
9AM If He Promises Not to Bogart the Spliff, Like Last Time
Indian developer to Russian-Jewish developer: When you're sitting with Jesus are you going to smoke dope?
State Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Brad
5PM Everyone Bring Their Trenchcoats?
Manager: Okay, are we all here? Good. Let's flash Tom*. (picks up the phone and hits the star button)
Confernce Room
Boston, Massachusetts
4PM Work Is Better When You Don't Say Stupid Things in Anger
Camera guy to audio guy: It's zero! Zero is zero! You can't have more above zero than zero!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Tigertail
3PM The Customer Is Always Right
Customer: I don't know if I should get the two years subscription, I might not live that long.
Employee: How old are you?
Customer: 68.
Employee: Well, Tom*, that's a crapshoot.
Harrisburg, North Carolina
2PM Why Are You Looking at Me Like I'm Wearing a Paper Hat?
Programmer to manager: It's not wrong. It may not be in the format they were expecting, but it's not wrong.
Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia
1PM This Sort Of Thing Happens Before Lift-Off at NASA All the Time
Boss to office (about imminent website launch): Five minutes to go live!
Boss to sysadmin: Are you going to do anything?
Sysadmin to boss: I'm diabetic, I need a burrito.
Boss to office: Go live delayed for burrito.
Tucson, Arizona
12PM Same Thing He Does Every Night, Pinky
Puzzled teen: And I'm like... What is Jesus doing in my cheetos?
Hillsboro, Oregon
Overheard by: Beth
11AM ...Shit-- I Broke an Acrylic Nail.
Employee #1, looking at t-shirt designed by Daisy Fuentes with a spanish word printed on it: God, when did Daisy Fuentes become Spanish?
Employee #2: Hasn't she always been Spanish?
Employee #1: No! She thinks she's so cool she can just decide to be Spanish one day.
Employee #2: But her last name sounds Spanish.
Employee #1, pronouncing it wrong: Fuentes? Whatever, that isn't Spanish. She's so fake. God, I hate people that are fake.
Kohl's Department Store
Minnesota
Overheard by: Expect Great Things
10AM Guess You've Never Seen Rent, Alice
Male coworker: I have a date with a new woman this weekend.
Female coworker: Yeah? What's she like?
Male coworker: Sounds promising. She doesn't smoke. No kids. No pets.
Female coworker: You do realize that your endgame involves being this woman's boyfriend and not her landlord, don't you?
Lakewood, Colorado
9AM Bob Was Never Heard from Again
Office gal: So last night I learned that human skin is essentially an evolutionary trait that allowed us to run!
Office guy: Okay...
Office gal: Cause it has more sweat glands and less fur, which meant we didn't overheat when chasing down prey...
Office guy: Great. (turns to leave)
Office gal: Hey, where are you going?
Office guy: To the bathroom.
Office gal: Okay, but come back because I have more things to tell you about sweat!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
5PM So When You Said, "Katrina Was So Sad," I Shouldn't Have Sent a Sympathy Card?
Coworker: I hope that Gustav comes through and knocks the computers down for three days.
Blonde coworker: Oh yeah... Is that the new IT guy?
Coworker: Umm, no, that is the hurricane.
Houston, Texas
4PM Get My Baseball Bat
Coworker, waving arms in the air frantically: Ahhh! The kindergarteners are rioting!
Orem, Utah
Overheard by: Do what?
3PM The Perfect Job for People With Impulse Control Problems
Blonde cube dweller: I can't get this damn profile to load. Now my screen froze! Fuck this, I'll be a stripper!
Chelmsford, Massachusetts
2PM Second Star to the Right, and Straight on 'Til Morning?
Supervisor: Can you send this letter to The Netherlands?
Receptionist: Where's Neverland?
Old Town Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: i wish i could say this doesn't happen on a regular basis...
1PM The Rainbow-Flag Poncho Was Also a Tip-Off
Male coworker to female coworker: I like your shirt.
Female coworker: Thanks. It's new.
Male coworker: The ruching makes your boobs look really perky.
(awkward pause)
Male coworker: I guess now would be a good time to tell you I'm gay.
Female worker: Yeah, you had me at "ruching"
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: It's pretty obvious
12PM Smithers: Oh, Mr. Burns, Really!?
Sales manager: Do me a favor and go help that customer.
Employee: Can't I just touch you inappropriately and get sent home because I make you feel really uncomfortable?
Sales manager: Maybe if I thought there was some feeling behind it.
Chicago, Illinois
11AM I Don't Care That It's Humpday!
Agitated coworker with rage issues: Please don't mount my cube!
Old Port
Porland, Maine
10AM Or, Like, a Highchair...But Low!
Employee, looking at a lawn chair: It reminds me of a wheelchair...without wheels!
Kingston
Ontario
Canadia
9AM Huggy Bear: Get Over Here, Baby!
Tall, muscled naval officer: Is there a prostitute service where you can just buy a hug?
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Kaiti
5PM What the Song "Shake, Shake, Shake, Señora" Is Really About
(in the restroom)
Man #1: You wanna shake it for me when I'm done?
Man #2: What would your wife think?
Man #1: As long as it's not a woman, she doesn't care.
9th Avenue
New York City, New York
4PM No Fair-- You Started Without Me!
Coworker: Stephanie [the manager] isn't here, so we can say "taint" and "dirty sanchez" all we want!
Springfield, Ohio
Overheard by: Monika
3PM I See We Have Much to Teach One Another
Guy: Have you seen To Catch a Predator?
Girl: I've read To Kill a Mockingbird.
Savelli's
Knoxville, Tennessee
2PM From My Big Book Of Ways to Deal with Nosy Co-Workers
Worker: Hey, Cheryl*, do you know where the Tylenol is?
Receptionist: It should be under the fax machine. Do you have a headache?
Worker (nonchalantly): No, my balls really hurt today.
Receptionist (after long pause): Oh.
Omaha, Nebraska
1PM But When They Die, We Get Whole Meals!
Coworker #1: You know, Diana* is leaving to move to Austin.
Coworker #2 (bitter and disappointed): I hate it when people leave.
Coworker #3: Really? I like it because we get snacks.
Park Avenue
New York, New York
12PM Tell Me You Wouldn't Enjoy a Good Beanbagging
Girl: Don't do that.
Guy: Why? Oh, does it look like I'm giving the Beanie Baby a blow job?
Girl: (silence)
Guy: I'm okay with that.
Dallas, Texas
11AM Mama Is Not Going to Be Happy
Manager of maintenance staff, yelling to distant peons: Have you seen a bag with two turkey basters and a jar of vaseline?
Apartment Complex
Kansas City, Missouri
10AM The Best I Can Do Is Be Amish Via Fax
Phone rep to others at lunch table: I'm sorry, I just can't make myself a Mormon on the phone.
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Project Manager
9AM It Was My Mom's Favorite, Too
Tech support #1: It is shatter proof, like pyrite.
Tech support #2: Have you ever dropped a dish?
Tech support #1: No, but I dropped a glass dong.
Call Center
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
5PM Um, That Was an Automated Message, Dude
CSR, after completing a phone call with customer: He just sounds strange on the phone. He's either foreign or from Canada. I don't know which.
Romulus, Michigan
4PM Sarah Palin's Original Platform in Alaska
Girl to coworker: I can't stop complaining, I'm a woman!
Hudson Street
New York City, New York
3PM Ever Have the Truth Just Jump Out Of Your Mouth?
Sales peon: You'll have to excuse my intelligence, sir.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: You're Excused
2PM These Are Just Two of My Favorite Things-- C'mon, Sing With Me!
Male worker #1: Would you do coke off of Lindsay Lohan's ass?
Male worker #2: What, like snort it out of her asshole? Yes.
SoHo
New York City, New York
1PM But Triumph the Insult Comic Just Laughed and Laughed
Woman with thick Chinese accent on phone: Poop!? Poop!? You poop on the floor!? How old are you?
Somerville, New Jersey
12PM Crime Goes Better With a Nice Dessert
Employee #1: I think you were aiding and abetting a felony.
Employee #2: Yay, it's been a big day. I made brownies.
Chicago, Illinois
11AM Why We Always Get Tech Support's Voicemail: Explained
Tech #1: Is Victor* here?
Tech #2: No--if I'm here it means Victor's in Chapel Hill.
Tech #1: Oh, I was going to tell him there's a butterfly outside.
Tech #2: A butterfly?
Tech #1: I know how he likes them.
Tech #2: Is it big?
Tech #1: It's a good one.
Tech #2: I'd like to go look.
(they both leave)
North Carolina
10AM 'Cause Home Is Where the Pancreas Is
Drug rep: All the regulations in this industry just keep getting more strict all the time. I set up a meeting the other day with one of our medical reps and a doctor I know and I couldn't say a word the entire time except to introduce them. I was like a mouse on the floor.
Admin (laughing hysterically): Do you mean "a fly on the wall"?
Drug rep (embarrassed): Give me a break. It's Friday morning and I'm wearing a suit for a meeting that was canceled and nobody told me. I'm going home!
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: Genyis
9AM Don't Act Like This Isn't in Your Job Description
Editor, about to show tv show to office before lay-off: Okay, are you ready?
Production assistant: Yeah, what am I looking for again?
Editor: Um, Pastease... Ass cracks and nipples.
Chappaqua, New York
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