Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
5PM And Brandishing Our Daggers in Baseball Hats Is Starting to Look Ridiculous
Worker #1: So, is everyone coming for break?
Worker #2: Not me, I have to stay and make pirate hats.
Worker #3: That's the worst excuse ever to avoid us.
Worker #2: Well, I cant have a drawer labeled "pirate hats" without pirate hats. That'd just be silly.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Code Monkey
4PM Regan MacNeil Grows Up
Secretary in a loud voice, walking down hall: I'm evil, I have a lot of evil thoughts!
Market Street
Wilmington, Delaware
Overheard by: Urban Achiever
3PM Though I Could Also Picture David Duchovny Saying It
New partner, opening mail: Oh, it's my gold card. Wonder what's the difference between this and a regular Amex.
Smart-ass IT guy: Well, it creates a gravitational anomaly when you whip it out in high-end restaurants, causing all the girls' panties to hit the floor.
New partner: I could have asked a thousand people that question, only you would have given that answer.
Winnipeg
Canadia
2PM Especially When They Say "Sexual Harassment"
Elderly attorney on phone: I knew you were Armenian. Armenians always have sweet, kind, whispered, milky voices.
Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Slaveia
1PM All the Men in the Office Are Burning, If You Follow Me
Intern to girlfriend: Do you really have to be a slutty fire-lady?
Chigaco, Illinois
12PM The Difference Between Those Who Lived Through the Depression and Those Who Didn't
Cube rat, opening a personal package received at work: This is more fun than a new bar of soap!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: I like soap too
11AM Yet We're Way Ahead of Canadia
Marketing girl #1: Everything south of us is an hour ahead right?
Marketing girl #2: Ummmmm... No. Everything east of us is an hour ahead.
Marketing girl #1: But Florida is south of us, and they are an hour ahead of us.
Marketing girl #2: (blank stare)
Chicago, Illinois
10AM Is the Weather Up There Kinda Bitchy Today?
Woman: Don, can you hang this on the wall, because you are tall?
Man: I hate being tall... People are always asking me to do things. Maybe next time I drop a coin I will ask a midget to pick it up.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
9AM It's Kinda Like Finding a Long-Distance Provider
Black FedEx guy: You married yet?
White banker guy: Haven't met the right girl yet.
Black FedEx guy: There are no white girls!
Banker guy: No right girl.
Black FedEx guy: There are no right girls either. You just got to pick one and marry them and have some kids, that's what I did.
Midtown
New York City, New York
Overheard by: CDog
5PM Marie Curie Heard That a Lot
Female coworker to another: You are so smart! You should have been born a man!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: sixtwentysix
4PM Complain to the Potato Chip Company?
Cube dweller: But what if you come across a clumpy lay?
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
3PM ...Back When It Was a Swedish Colony
Actor #1: I can't believe that Barack Obama is getting away with running for president! I thought you had to be born in the United States.
Actor #2: He was born in the United States.
Actor #1: Nooooo! He was born in Hawaii!
Equity Audition Center
New York City, New York
2PM That'll All Change Once the Keypad Urinals Are Installed
Boss (in restroom): This is the only room in the building where I know what I'm doing anymore.
Washington, DC
1PM Have You Read The Da Vinci Code?
Cubicle dweller: God, I hate when I type like a retard. Hmmm... Wonder what a retard types like.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Forrest Gump
12PM Because I'm Not Sure How to Interpret Your Moaning.
Woman in cubicle: Does it feel good to have the mouse run down there?
Honolulu Credit Union, Hawaii
11AM ...Well I Know You're in Surgery, But I'd Like an Answer
Female co-worker on phone: I know his grandmother died yesterday and his other grandmother has a week to live, but is that really an excuse to get out of a wedding with me this weekend? Am I being selfish here?
Clifton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Grandma's Boy
10AM It Was More Of an Exclamation
Boss: Who's better then me?
Worker: Jesus.
Coworker: Good answer.
Huntington, Texas
Overheard by: kaleena
9AM You Must Be the Best Catholic Ever
Female manager to peon: Sometimes I violate myself.
Nashua, New Hampshire
5PM They're a Good Source of Protein
Coworker #1: Ouch!
Coworker #2: What happened?
Coworker #1: I'm bleeding--I hit my elbow on my desk and knocked a scab off.
Coworker #2: Ooooh, can I have it?
Everybody: Cheryl*!
Coworker #2: I can't help it! I just love scabs!
Regional Medical Center
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Yes, she's real
4PM I Never Metameme I Didn't Like
Internet hipster: It's a meme of a meme, so it's meta.
Boss: What?!
Fontana, California
3PM Ad: A Billion Chinese Can Be So Wrong...
Manager to VP: Yep, that Chinese porn will get you every time!
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Roman
2PM If They Wait 'Til It's Overripe, It Begins to Ferment
Office worker #1: So, what are they going to do if the baby hasn't come this week?
Office worker #2: Well, they are going to have her cervix ripened on Friday.
Office worker #3: Um, you mean she is getting induced?
Office worker #1: Uh oh, I think Jane* just threw up in the plant.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
1PM Which I Should Not Have Done at Milking Time
Guy in next cube: I told her that if she came at me like that again, I'd cut her tits off... Yeah, I seriously told her that...well, I was drinking heavily.
Warren, Michigan
Overheard by: Scared for my tits
12PM She Slapped Me for an Innocent "Warm Nuts" Comment
Airline worker: I'm clear at gate 20 and that flight attendant is a bitch.
Denver International Airport, Colorado
Overheard by: Headed toward the Flight Attendant
11AM Maybe I Shouldn't Have Partied Like It Was 1999
Receptionist: What are those?
Office worker (holding engraved wine glasses): These are wine glasses left over from our Christmas party in 1999, they say "Christmas 1999" on them.
Receptionist: Wow! How old are those?
Pleasanton, California
Overheard by: Mike A
10AM What Are You, American?
Suit #1: ...and then there's the thing about the readiness proposal.
Suit #2: And are they readiness?
Suit #1: Uh, yeah...they're ready.
Shell Center
London
England
Overheard by: I judge you when you use poor grammar
9AM Confusing Superman and Batman Is Pretty Gay
Angry boss: Why can't the pen have a laser pointer? Why does the pen have to project the company logo? Why does it have to be gay like we're calling Superman or something?
Overland Park, Kansas
5PM Gosh, I Miss Newlyweds
Woman to coworker: Why is it called a short story?
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Mike
4PM Double-Dealing, Backstabbing Electronic Tattletale!
Speaker during break: That double dealing, backstabbing son of a bitch. I wouldn't trust him further than I could throw him. (taps on mike) Is this microphone off?
Town Hall Meeting
Marietta, Georgia
3PM Actually These Are Just Designer Cell Phones
Body builder in gray wind pants, pink tank top and new Reeboks: So, do you lift weights?
Girl lifting weights: Sometimes.
Evanston Athletic Club
Evanston, Illinois
2PM I Gotta Say, She Gives Me Hope
Secretary on phone to other secretary: Yeah, I know, like he wants us to go out and pull people off the street to get them in here... What the fuck? (pause) Oh, the hooker who works at the corner by the station is still alive, I saw her the other day, some dude dropped her off out front, she got out wiping her mouth, ewwww, it was totally nasty! But she's still alive!
Lincoln Park, Michigan
1PM Calms My Worries About My Health
Saleswoman: I've had this cough for weeks. It's in my back now. I'll cough so bad sometimes that I'll almost pee myself or I'll throw up. I've tried every over-the-counter medicine they make. Tylenol, Theraflu, I've tried them all. I just can't get rid of it.
Coworker: Cigarette?
Saleswoman: Yeah, I could really use one.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: non-smoker
12PM Where It's Bound, Who Can Say?
Full timer to temp: We're in the East because that is where New York is from.
Park Ave
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Mary Beth
11AM So Now He Just Does the Nanny
Coworker on phone: So I told my husband, "I'm not going to have sex with you anymore until you lose 30 pounds!"
Dallas, Texas
10AM Good Thing I Practice Safe Socks
Sheepish cube dweller trying to be quiet: Yeah. This is Angie* from last night. I think I left my gym shoes in your car last night when we were done.
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Septimus
9AM And Likes Booty
Coworker at reseller conference: I thought one of the resellers was talking like a pirate, but he was just Australian.
Grapevine, Texas
Overheard by: Chuckles The Porn Star
5PM A Plan That's Bound to Ruffle Some Feathers
Hypersensitive woman: Tacos are a great idea. We'll definitely need a lot of ground beef, but we should also have a vegetarian option, like ground turkey.
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Tuff Bandito
4PM A Dramatic Re-Enactment Of the Napster Debacle
Queer (in tears): What you did hurt me, it hurt me to the core!
Fag hag: What are you talking about?
Queer: That was my song, I sing that song--you stole it from me!
Fag hag: It's a song, it's karaoke...fucking get over it!
Queer (still in tears): You don't understand, it's my song!
Brooklyn, New York
3PM Like the Ones on My Super Sweet 16
Employee: Did you punch your mother?
Manager: You know...some mothers just deserve to be punched.
Arizona
Overheard by: George
2PM As Long As I Can Bring My Sled Dogs with Me
Woman in elevator: Listen, I survived four years in Canada, I think I can survive your house.
Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York
1PM We'll Continue to Monitor This Development Closely
Receptionist: Ooh! I like your boots!
Teaching assistant: Thanks! I actually have legs now!
Receptionist: You have great legs!
Passing teacher: She's never had legs before.
Bexhill College
England
12PM Let's Talk Again After You Have a Donut
Female employee: You've never had Krispy Kreme donuts?
Male employee: Nope.
Female employee: Ohh. They are so good!
Male employee: Really?
Female employee: Yeah, they're better than sex!
Male employee: Hmm. You must be doing it wrong.
Centerville, Utah
11AM The Dance All the Kids Are Doing
Employee: Let me ask Roxanne to void it. She always cusses me when I void and toggle.
Nashville, Tennessee
10AM What Reproduction Will Be Like in the 22nd Century
Female cube dweller: See! If I click "okay", it'll knock me up!
Dublin, Ohio
9AM When Louis Farrakhan Dreams
Account executive on phone: I don't think we can release the Caucasian...
46th & Lexington
New York City, New York
Read the Previous Week's Quotes!
