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5PM Why There Are So Few Mexican Internet Cafes
Cube rat #1: Hey Chris, go install this on Ben's computer.
Cube rat #2: (lets out audible fart)
Cube rat #1: Never mind.
Cube rat #2: Hey, I'm only getting two bars for my laptop's Wi-Fi connection.
Cube rat #3: It's because that damn fart cloud is out blocking the signal!
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Cube Rat Holding Nose
4PM When I Have Time to Inflate Him
Office mate: Someday I'm going to have to crawl under my desk and pick up my husband...
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Andrea
3PM When Serial Killers Dream
Woman: Hopefully I'll have a few carcasses when I get home.
Norwich
England
Overheard by: Nat
2PM Drat and Deuteronomy!
Christian male cube dweller: I don't hear curse words for days at a time.
Lapsed female Catholic cube dweller: What?! Sitting next to me?!
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Cube Monkey
1PM And That's When I Realized I May Not Be a Lesbian
Sales exec: I've seen things in the women's bathroom that I never want to see again in my life. And I've seen them more than once.
St Louis, Missouri
12PM I Can't Stand His Awaker-Than-Thou Attitude
Office peon #1: He has a tendency not to sleep when he's at work.
Office peon #2: That's good, that's good. Should we invite him for tonight?
Office peon #1: Nah.
Manila
Philippines
Overheard by: Kaye
11AM Business Conspires Against the Human Body and All Its Workings
Redneck salesman #1: Don't you have a customer coming into the showroom?
Redneck salesman #2: I sure do, but if she's there when I walk in I'm gonna walk right by because I have got to take a shit.
Wichita, Kansas
Overheard by: crittle monkey
10AM Would You Quit Swinging at Those Windmills?
Employee #1: Dude, have you ever dreamed with your eyes open?
Employee #2: Uh... Yeah, it's called thinking.
Pomona, California
9AM Different Religions Have Varying Explanations
Case worker: Deb*, where can I find the new intake forms?
Deb*: You know, I've always wondered about that.
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
5PM Indian or African Elephant, Sir?
President yelling at CFO: You eat an elephant one bite at a time, but we're trying to swallow it whole and we're starting with the tusks!
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
4PM And a TV, a Hot-Plate, a Pup Tent...
Secretary, looking for manager: Have you seen Thomas* anywhere?
Peon at photocopier outside restroom: Yeah, he's just gone in there. I think he might be a while.
Secretary: Why?
Peon: He was carrying some sandwiches and a coffee.
Onehunga
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: KiwiBloke
3PM Isn't There Supposed to Be a Tortoise in This Story?
Disgruntled employee at table filled with others: I don't know what's gonna win the race: a heart attack, finding a new job, or getting laid off.
Blue Bell, Pennsylvania
2PM Forcing Us to Hire More Temps
Middle-aged manager: Whoa! You're new here!
Young female temp (making copies): Yeah, I just started on Monday, I'm a temp.
Middle-aged manager: Has anyone shown you the dead bodies yet?
Young female temp: Uh, no.
Middle-aged manager: Once the temps realize what creeps we are, they kill us.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: a temp
1PM This Is a Proud Day for Trannies Everywhere
Boss: Then Megan* and Elizabeth* can review it.
Lisa: Don't you mean Courtney*?
Boss: Oops! Excuse me. You're right.
Lisa: I know; We Americans all sound alike.
Boss: No, not really. I do the same thing with my kids.
Lisa: Are they all the same gender?
Boss: Not at all. I've got three of them--one of each.
Lisa: Okay. One's male and one's female. What's the third one?
Boss: (silence)
Redwood City, California
12PM James Often Regrets Going to Work for Donner Party Supplies
Coworker: You're pissed at me because Dave* wants to eat you!?
Alpharetta, Georgia
11AM For the Last Time, Tasseled Loafers Aren't That Evil
Office philosopher: Short people can't be trusted. Too close to the ground. You know, where the devil is.
Wausau, Wisconsin
10AM How Will He Locate It When There Are So Many in This Office?
Sales VP: You know, Dave* in IT has a navigation tool you can use to help you with that project.
Marketing VP: Great! (mutters note to self) Must ask Dave to show me his tool.
(CEO starts giggling uncontrollably)
Lexington, Massachusetts
9AM So Which Is Scarier, Life or Death?
Employee #1: Oh my, that Rue McClanahan did not age well.
Employee #2: But Betty White kept it. Good for her.
Brea, California
Overheard by: rehey
5PM Yehah, Typing Wiith Onej Hand Succks
Part-time receptionist: This is why people should have more arms.
Naperville, Illinois
Overheard by: Ready to go home
4PM He Came Over on a Temporary Visa from San Francisco
Manager: I remember him when he was still an exchange student, what do you call those?
Intern: Interns?
Oakland, California
3PM I've Always Wondered How These Things Appeared
Receptionist looking out the window: Wow, they're really building that building over there.
New York City, New York
2PM Now Go Have a Snack and Get Ready for Naptime
Boss lady: So this list needs to be redone and given back to me. The deadline is July 1st.
New worker: But it's August 10th!
Boss lady: Oh, honey, you work for the Government now, nobody gets in a hurry when they work for the Government.
Raleigh,North Carolina
1PM I Can Hear the Gospel Singing All the Way Down the Hall
Coworker returning from restroom: There's joy in the men's room.
Macon, Georgia
12PM Lunch Required a Gantt Chart
Manager: It's complicated to be me today.
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
11AM Your Date's Slow Leak Shocked and Saddened Us All
Serious boss: Tom*, we need to discuss the appropriate use of inflatable novelties at the beach.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Last day at work
10AM Well, We Are the Bikini Carwash Company
Office dictator: Folks, I just met with the budget people, and we really need to adhere to our T&A until the end of the year.
Peon: Um, do you mean T&E?
Windward Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
9AM Plus He'll Never Play Naked Again
Customer #1: He was whacking it, and when I say whacking, I mean he was really going at it!
Customer #2: So you saw him do it?
Customer #1: Yeah, he was really embarrassed afterwards, but at least he was enjoying himself.
Customer #2: So what happened?
Customer #1: He was hitting it too hard and it snapped!
Customer #2: Oh... So you need a new PlayStation controller then?
Customer #1: Yeah.
K-Mart
Australia
5PM You'll Get What You Need, but It'll Be Messy and Unpleasant
President: You can ask them for it, but technically, when it comes to that, we would no longer be partners, but competitors.
Intern: So it's like we're in a dysfunctional marriage with them? Like love/hate?
President: It's more like they're a bitch and it's the wrong time of the month.
Tampa, Florida
4PM Having Lost the Thread, I Sit in the Labyrinth Waiting for the Minotaur
Very old man: Dammit, I forgot to take my medication.
Adult son: So take it now.
Very old man: I'm supposed to take it right after meals.
Adult son: But you just finished your meal.
Very old man: I know, so I'm going to take it now.
Adult son: So you didn't forget.
Very old man: Yeah, but if I didn't remember, I would have forgotten it.
Long Beach Diner
Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
3PM So Many Skin Cells in So Much Pain...
Producer #1: Ever since I started taking this new pill I cry when I see commercials for fucking Sunset Tan!
Producer #2: Oh, I don't need the pill to cry at commercials like that!
Beverly Hills, California
2PM I Need Plausible Deniability Regarding His Whereabouts
Boss: He's going to either London or England. I'm not sure which.
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: Paper Pusher
1PM When Pragmatists Attempt Wisdom
Forgetful manager: Fool me once... Um... Shame on me... Fool me twice... And... I'll have to file a disciplinary report on you.
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: clang
12PM Here's a Question: Why Wouldn't Nuts Be Vegan?
Marketing manager: Do you want some vegan nuts?
Operations wonk (after long pause): I don't think you should ever say that to me again.
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Septimus
11AM Dear Sir-- Might I Have Your Phone Number?
Bored cubicle rat: That's my penis? It looks like a leg!
Marysville, Washington
10AM A Simple "You're Not Fat" Will Suffice
Female Asian coworker: I need to lose weight. I'm considered fat for an Asian girl.
Male Asian coworker: But you're more like a black girl. Asian men don't want the normal Asian girl. We're tired of body surfing!
Chambers Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: uncivil servant
9AM I'm a Cyborg
Technical support worker on phone: I am not a robot!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: RockJonny
5PM He Sent the Boy on His Way with a Warning and Season 1 of Law and Order
Judge: Son, there is a reason most murders take place between 10 pm and 4 am. If you do not want to *get* murdered, do not find yourself out at those times.
Detroit, Michigan
4PM Hate Baseball. Love Northerners
Coworker to another: Are you a Yankee fan or a baseball fan?
E 42nd street
New York City, New York
3PM In a Manner of Speaking, I Suppose
Male employee to foreign coworker: So you're going swimming today? Brought your Speedos?
Foreign coworker: You mean my panties?
Maylands Avenue
Hertfordshire
England
Overheard by: laughing uncontrollably
2PM Even a Better Investment Than Her College Tuition
Office guy: So I told her I would give her $15,000 and a ladder to elope. And that she could keep the ladder when she got back.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Zaphod B.
1PM Eventually, You Run Out of Things to Say to Your Conjoined Twin
Admin to boss: Well, you're totally opposite from me, but we have different brains.
Seattle, Washington
12PM Kevin Federline Has a Rare Moment of Self-Awareness
Coworker: Oh, you know what? I'm retarded.
East Windsor, Connecticut
11AM It Would've Been Like a Bad Flashback to a Middle-School Party
Overworked admin: I typed up that document for you.
Stressed-out peon: Thanks for saving me several hours of incompetent, fat, fingering.
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: Roma Tekovi
10AM Unless You Seriously Consider a Boob Job
Office grunt: Tony*, you're retarded--of course you're going to be poor!
Wall Street
New York City, New York
9AM Could Someone Please Re-Set His Needle?
Office assistant on the phone in cubicle: Who's your deddy, who's your deddy? Who's your deddy, who's your deddy, who's your deddy?
Michigan Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: It ain't me, that's for sure!
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