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5PM Oh, Wait-- A Tattoo Of a Five-Year Chip?
Serious receptionist: Just because she has a tattoo doesn't mean she's an alcoholic!
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Are you for real?
4PM Or to Practice Your Marilyn Monroe Poses With
Admin chick: Here's a fan for your office.
PhD Chick: What's this for? To like cool me off?
Baltimore, Maryland
3PM I'm Deaf on My Grandmother's Side
Six-year-old camper #1: I'm half Jewish and half Irish!
Six-year-old camper #2: I'm half Finnish and half Polish!
Six-year-old camper #3: I'm a quarter sign-language!
Look Park
Florence, Massachusetts
2PM And Son of Sam Was a Dr. Seuss Character?
Smart girl: Okay, that guy was nice but really kind of creepy.
Girl: Yeah, but he seemed harmless enough.
Smart girl: Sure, but so did Ted Bundy.
Girl: Oh I love that guy!
Smart girl: Wait... what?
Girl: He's the one on Married with Children, right?
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: glad my gf is the smart one
1PM And My Light Fixtures Are Starting to Sag
Customer service rep on phone: I know exactly what you mean. I haven't gotten a manicure in so long... my cubicles look horrible.
Cypress Creek Road
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Ava
12PM Is February the One with Only Ten?
Junior art director: Hey, what month is eleven?
Chicago, Illinois
11AM Looks Like Bill's Work, to Me
Graphic designer looking at logo: Looks like a free hand job to me.
England
Overheard by: Johnny Bystander
10AM I'm Very Interested in Getting Drunk and Staying Thin
Woman (looking at new drinks): I don't need more drinks to choose from. I'm not that interested in beverages. I like my Diet Coke, I like my vodka, and that's all I need.
Lakeshore Drive
Birmingham, Alabama
9AM Did You at Least Get My Psychic Vibrations?
Sales rep: Why didn't you answer the IMs I sent you yesterday?
Designer: I was off yesterday.
Sales rep: You mean IMs don't go through if someone isn't online?
(designer stares)
Sales rep: What?
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Dunder MIfflin
5PM The Hamburglar's Clean-Up Man
Coworker to office pet turtle: You are such a little turd-burglar!
Neenah, Wisconsin
Overheard by: stinky turtle
4PM Or Since He Hated the Old Man, Maybe Toxic Waste Disposal
Accountant: The boss is charging all his personal expenses to the firm. We'll have to use a little creative camouflaging to make them look like office expenses.
Trainee: How do we show his father's funeral coffin?
Accountant: Packaging & forwarding?
Garden Square
Panjim
India
Overheard by: Paige Turner
3PM When I Shake It Too Hard, It Just Explodes Like That
IT guy: Your laptop is not booting up because you have a stuck function key. What happened, anyway?
Rep (refusing to make eye contact): Yeah, I ... uhhh, think I dropped something on it.
It guy: Like what?!
Rep: Ummm yeah, well, like my fist.
Fern Valley Road
Louisville, Kentucky
2PM ...Taters?
Male cube rat #1: What was that guy's name you just hung up with?
(simultaneously)
Male cube rat #2: What are you doing for lunch?
Female cube rat: Dick.
New York City, New York
1PM Family Reunion?
Weird coworker: I found a lot of great trash this weekend.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: huh?
12PM The Other Commuters Have Seen Weirder Behavior from Me in the Past
Worker on phone to boyfriend: So you'll be waiting naked when I get home? Oooh...I'll come home naked.
Downers Grove, Illinois
11AM Lederhosen. Why?
American patient on cell: ...and I don't even know *how* it happened, I remember I had my pants on...
Emergency Room
Germany
10AM No More Burritos for Lunch-- Okay, Gladys?
Supervisor woman: I felt something back there and then it was all-out war in my pants!
Wildwood
Jefferson City, Missouri
9AM They Play "Jiggle Bells"
Boss to chubby young female coworker: Hey, why are you jingling?
Chubby young female co-worker (after brief pause): Umm, because I'm fat.
Boss (horrified): Wait... What?! No, no, not "jiggle" ...jingle!
Chubby young female coworker (laughing): Oooooooh! (lifts up foot and gives it a shake) I have little bells on my socks!
New Market, Maryland
5PM With a Name Like Mary Jane, You Kinda Have to Be
Lady suit #1 (serious): But I'll tell you this, I flew the highest kite. I usually do.
Lady suit #2 (joking): That's what I've heard about you.
Lady suit #1 (serious): Yeah, I feel high all the time.
Parkway Commons Drive
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
4PM Men and Women May Laugh at This for Different Reasons
Wholesale meat salesman to customer on phone: We've got 12-inch weiners on special.
Fairbank Road
Ashville, New York
3PM Still Say Weight Watchers Sucks?
WeightWatchers at Work leader: Today our topic is going to be "Eating Out and Not Blowing It."
Washington, DC
Overheard by: But what if I need the protein?
2PM Should I Take Notes?
Project manager #1: I'm taking a class, but someone stole my notebook.
Project manager #2: Learning sucks... Let me tell you what I'm going to have for dinner.
Troy, Michigan
Overheard by: Then wouldn't I be learning?
1PM You Have a Harsh Attitude Towards Women, Bob
Female coworker: What are you going to do with it? Eat it?
Male coworker: Well, for right now it's a pet...
Cincinnati, Ohio
12PM Like a Sundae With Whipped Topping
Intern guy: I'm trying to imagine what a masochistic society would be like.
20-something girl: ...amazing.
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/08/ouch.html
Overheard by: Ian
11AM Those Are the Two Paths to Career Success in San Diego
Office girl: So I decided to be different and do psychotropic drugs while everyone else did cannibalism. It was pretty cool.
Office guy (nodding): That makes sense.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Slowly backing away...
10AM ...Will "Hi, Ho" Be an Acceptable Workplace Greeting
Female employee: (unintelligible)
Male employee, testily: Well. Not until we hire a dwarf.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jamie B.
9AM It Sang 'Let's Do the Time Warp', As I Recall
Urologist: Can we do a time-out, please?
Nurse: Mr. Henderson* is here for a cystoscopy. You've seen this patient before.
Urologist: I've never heard of him. (uncovers the field) Hmmmm. I don't remember the patient's name, but I have seen this penis before.
Hospital, Virginia
Overheard by: CJ Wiretap
5PM We Can't Just Abolish the Chain of Command
VP in theological discussion: Hitler copied the Catholic Church, for Christ's sake!
Bank Street, Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: without
4PM But It's Important to Our Relationship That I Share Inappropriate Facts About Her
Newbie: So Diane* is the one with dirty blonde hair?
Seasoned worker: I don't think they like the term "dirty."
Newbie: Oh yeah, my girlfriend kinda likes being called "dirty."
Seasoned worker: I meant the hair color.
Newbie: I know!
Inverness Work Plex
Denver, Colorado
3PM And Milk That for All It's Worth
Woman #1: I'm so excited about the new mother/meditation room. I can totally pretend to be meditating.
Woman #2: I can totally pretend to be lactating!
Evanston, Illinois
2PM You Don't Bring Me Problems, You Bring Me Shooters!
Intern #1: I need to talk to you, there is an issue with a drop-down menu.
Boss: You are like the problem child I never wanted!
Intern #2: What about me?
Boss: You know a lot about alcohol.
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
1PM Ringo Was Never the Most Clever Beatle
Loud British coworker: Bongs? Is that even a word, "bongs"? "Bongs"? Well I guess it is, like you can "bongs" a drum.
Swiftwater, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: wookie
12PM I Was Delighted to Learn There Was an Old Gummy Bear Stuck to It
Cube dweller #1: There's one bagel left.
Cube dweller #2: I think that's the one that was on the floor.
Cube dweller #3: No, I ate that one.
Jersey City, New Jersey
11AM Then We Give It to the Clients, and It's a Happy Ending for Everyone
Data geek #1: Do they massage the data before they give it the clients?
Data geek #2: Oh, we massage it like it's Kobe beef.
Salt Lake City, Utah
10AM AMA Rule #1: When Cornered, Deny the Corner Exists
Receptionist: I have Ms Jones* on the phone, she still has pain and wants to know if you will refill her Endocet prescription.
Doctor: No. She can have Vicodin.
Receptionist: She's allergic to Vicodin.
Doctor: Then she has to go to the hospital.
Receptionist (after speaking on telephone again): She asks if these are her only options: take medication she's allergic to or go to the hospital?
Doctor: Tell her I'm not here.
Kinnelon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
9AM And Now It's Full
Office worker: After my father died I needed something to fill my head, so I thought "Oh! Celebrity doll collecting!"
Beacon Street
Newton, Massachusetts
5PM Good Thing We Only Have a Couple of Those a Year
Woman on phone: That's why I'm not going to drive the Kia on hot days anymore.
Lind Avenue
Renton, Washington
4PM ...Once I Take These Pumps Off
Receptionist on phone: I'll be shorter than a midget on his knees!
Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC
3PM I Hear It Floats to the Top
Employee: I ordered 2448 washers today! What did you get done?
Boss: I took a big shit this morning.
Philadelphia, PA
2PM What Happened to the One I Love to See?
(admin walks into project manager's office)
Project manager: I don't want to see that! You're wearing that thong that I don't like to see!
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Effie
1PM Never Get Off the Metro at Foggy Bottom After Dark
Cute producer girl to smoking hot anchorwoman: Speaking of awesome, my ass hurts.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: WebHag
12PM Otherwise We Would've Been More Specific About the Plump Roundness of Your Butt
Male coworker #1: I don't care how much of a bitch she is, her tits are unbelievable.
Male coworker #2: Shit, did you see that red thing she was wearing yesterday? I had to jerk off in the bathroom during lunch.
Female coworker they're talking about: You guys are aware that I can hear you, right?
Male coworker #1: In our own defense, we weren't aware of that.
Chelmsford, Massachusetts
Overheard by:
11AM ...As Is the Custom in Brooklyn.
(male admin yawns)
Female admin: Nap time?
Male admin: I never sleep.
Female admin: You never sleep? What, do you put toothpicks in your eyes to keep them open?
Male admin: I'm going to write that down, that's a good idea.
Female admin: At least you choose to stay awake, rather than your husband waking you up by coming home at 1:30 in the morning.
Male admin: At least he didn't pee in the bed.
New York City, New York
10AM As Demonstrated in the Quality Film, The Battle Of Little Big Horny
Worker #1: What's up wit dat new chick, the one haulin' dirt, she Korean?
Worker #2: Naw, she's Native American.
Worker #1: Dat's hot yo, I wonder what Indian pussy taste like?
Worker #2: (long pause) Maize?
WTC Memorial Site
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Bob
9AM And Couldn't They Come Up with a Better Title Than "Do the Reich Thing"?
Boss: Someone submitted an underage Nazi girls site to our search engine? Are you fucking kidding me? As a Jew and a pornographer, this offends me on so many levels.
Virginia Ave
Seattle, Washington
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