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5PM Save Some Play Doh for Everyone Else in the Office
Intern #1 to intern #2: Dude, you need to stop making babies!
Virginia
4PM At the Regional Deodorant Convention
Lady on cell coming out of elevator: I think it's just going to be a roll on, roll off kind of thing.
Fair Oaks Lane
Frankfort, Kentucky
3PM I Use It to Drive Nelson Mandela Around
Hungarian coworker with heavy accent on phone with auto repair shop: I drive a 2007 black Foreigner. (pause) Yes, Foreigner, Foreigner -like the Toyota.
Broomfield, Colorado
2PM Or Too Few Girlfriends, Apparently
Student worker: You can never have too many Shrek posters, that's what I say.
Langford Architecture Center
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
1PM He's All, "Why Do You Always Come Into Work High?"
Angry coworker: Damn! The bossman makes me so mad, I gotta go home and shoot some heroin!
Burbank, California
Overheard by: hooya
12PM Clearly Miami
Dude to employee who just returned from Florida vacation: So were there more Mexicans in Miami or in Florida?
Employee who just returned from Florida vacation: That is the dumbest thing I have ever been asked.
Richmond West
Toronto, Canadia
11AM In the Meantime, Play Fetch with the Virtual Dog
Office lady on phone to son: I don't know, I think we have it on tape... on tape. Video tape. No, not DVD, video tape. It's black and rectangular, and you put it in the VCR to watch movies. The VCR?... It's... look, just wait till I get home, okay?
Picktown, Ohio
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
10AM Like, 'I Am Buttocks, Hear Me Roar'?
IT guy: If I harnessed the power of my ass, I'd be invincible.
Waltham, Massachusetts
9AM One Day I'm Going to Crochet That on a Little Pillow
Bar girl: So you haven't picked up in a year?
Bouncer: Look, it has to be right. I can pick up a girl, ball-gag her and fuck her in the ass, but sometimes I want to cuddle too.
Bar
Melbourne
Austrailia
5PM Or, for the Same Reason, White Pizza
Angry manager: I don't like hairy things on my pizza.
Stark Street
Portland, Oregon
4PM But That's Why We Have Interns
Red-faced manager: Frozen again! God fucking dammit! Jesus fucking Christ! I'm getting really fucking pissed off at this motherfucking computer!
Nonchalant passerby: Kick it, then.
Plymouth, Michigan
3PM The Car Was Yellow. Does That Help?
Customer: I left something in a cab and I would pay very well to get it back.
Dispatcher: Sure, I just need to know the description of the item to see if it's been returned.
Customer: Umm, I'd rather not explain.
Dispatcher: Well, how do I find it? It can't be that bad.
Customer: Well, it's a brown bag. Has anyone turned in a brown bag?
Dispatcher: Not that I'm aware of. Look, do you know the cab number?
Customer: No, but I think it was one of your cabs.
Dispatcher: You think? Did you catch a name? Know anything about the driver?
Customer: He was foreign, like, Middle Eastern. I think his name was Ali.
Dispatcher: Seriously?
Burnside Street
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Harassed Dispatcher
2PM Though If You Were Just Taller, at Least Your Face Would Be Further Away
Receptionist: Oh, excuse me!
Accountant: It's alright.
Receptionist: Hahaha... do you want to dance?
Accountant: Maybe if you were taller... and better looking.
112th Street
Seattle, Washington
1PM They Make Me Write on Paper Circles with Blunt Crayons
Cubicle-dweller nearby: I'm really surprised that they gave me these little things with sharp points on them, I'm usually not allowed to have sharp things.
Mission Ridge
Goodlettsville, Tennessee
12PM I'm Bringing You Warm Water from the Colorado River
Waitress to customer: Can I get you something to drink?
Customer: We've never been to Moab before, so we don't know what we want to drink.
Restaurant
Moab, Utah
11AM I Hear in New York They'll Deliver It 24 Hours a Day
Supervisor: I wonder if we could get her to move back here. What's keeping her in Austin?
Worker: She has a boyfriend.
Supervisor: Come on! You can get dick anywhere!
Dallas, Texas
10AM The New Zagat Guide Is Edgier Than Ever
Middle-aged female suit: Yeah, that place has pretty good sandwiches. Plus, there's someone there I want to fuck.
Colonial Place Office Building
Arlington, Virginia
9AM She Knows the Rules
Office chick #1: Hey, Lauren* wants you to answer her phone while she's out.
Office chick #2: Tell her to go jerk off in a corner.
Main Street
Peekskill, New York
Overheard by: Pam Beesly
5PM Back When Gay Sex Was Fly
Old office lady #1: I found out what "buggery" means.
Old office lady #2: What?
Old office lady #1: It means "sodomy." It must be an older word for it.
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: PS
4PM I've Gotten This-Close to Talking to Other People!
Marketer (to herself): You're not in my head today. What's wrong?
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
3PM If Only There Was a String You Could Pull
Employee friend: So, is everybody getting laid off then?
Executive friend: Not everybody.
(employee friend smiles)
Executive friend: Just everybody that wasn't on the commonwealth* project.
Employee friend: I wasn't on the commonwealth project.
Executive friend: Oh, yeah, uh...
Beacon Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I WAS on the Project!!!
2PM For a Fraction of the Price
New client: Excuse me, but I think there's been a mistake. I don't need to see an attorney. I thought I made an appointment to meet with a legal aide... A legal... You know... What are they called?
Legal assistant: No, ma'am. Everyone meets with the attorney. They are the only ones qualified to give legal advice. Otherwise it's considered practicing law without a license.
New client: But I don't need legal advice, I just need someone to tell me what the law says!
Country Club Road
Eugene, Oregon
1PM ...Used Condoms, First-Born Children, Heroin...
Male flight attendant holding garbage bag and walking down aisle: Trash, garbage, jewelery, wallets. Trash, garbage, jewelery, wallets...
Continental Flight from Berlin to Newark, New Jersey
12PM Now Who Would You Like to Play You in the Film?
Older woman: This is the first day since you started here that I haven't talked to you!
Younger man: I know! I'm going to go home and write about it in my diary!
Anoka, Minnesota
Overheard by: Will he use his sparkly pen?
11AM Why Cheney Is Always So Grumpy
Marketing rep #1 (discussing jobless friend): Well, at least she's not sucking off the government.
Marketing rep #2: No, but she's sucking off everyone else!
Insurance Company
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Doug E Doug
10AM Right Down to My Motivational Poster
White male suit: How's tricks?
White female suit: Tricks?
White male suit: It's a hip hop way of saying "How's it going?".
White female suit: You're so gangsta.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Totally gangsta.
9AM A Manly Man Can Always Use More Hares on His Chest
Male engineer #1 (cleaning a drawer): Oh, look! Temporary tattoos. Here, you can have them.
(male engineer #2 takes them and looks them over)
Male engineer #3: You can put them in your manly chest.
Male engineer #2 (excitedly): Ooh, a bunny!
Matamoros, Mexico
Overheard by: Female Engineering Intern (snickering)
5PM How Do You Do That Math So Fast?
Customer: How much is a sheeet of 100 24-cent stamps?
Clerk: $24.00.
Customer: Okay, I'll take a sheet.
Clerk: I don't have a sheet of 100. Will a roll of 100 be okay?
Customer: I don't know. How much is that?
Clerk: $24.00.
US Post Office
Newton, Kansas
4PM Dominatrixes Have Strict Certification Requirements
Coworker on phone: All I want to hear is you had a class...I don't want to hear about being tied up... It's all in a day's work.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: just trying to focus
3PM And Not Go Whoring Around With Other Seats
Professor, to student who changed seats in between classes: It's okay if you sit there from now on, but you've got to be willing to commit. It's like monogomy -once you've made up your mind you've got to stick to your choice!
Loyola University
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: saelo
2PM Plus It's More Likely to Get Me Elected to Office
Cubicle #1: Oh, Jesus!
Cubicle #2: Why are you saying "Oh, Jesus"? I thought you were a Baha'i?.
Cubicle #1: Because it's easier than saying "Oh Bahá'u'lláh."
Irving, Texas
1PM Huey, Dewey, and Louie Break Into the Money Pit
E-marketing project manager to group of account services team members: They still took your money. They took your money and they rolled around in it with their balls out.
Technology Park
Lake Mary, Florida
Overheard by: Design Goddess
12PM The Little Mustache and Fedora Are Enough to Make Anyone a Bit Paranoid
Attorney: Do you have an extra pen I can have?
Receptionist: Sure.
Attorney (writing with pen): Actually, I'm kind of suspicious of this pen. I'll just go get one of my own.
Hall of Justice Building
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Liz
11AM I Overthought It Until the Question Exploded
Engineer on phone: Now that's a good question. What was the question again?
Confederate Avenue
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM Too Little, Too Late for the Chicken
Marketing manager: My uncle had a chicken incident, and then he learned to keep his pants on.
Queen Anne Avenue
Seattle, Washington
9AM From Such Humble Beginnings, My Occupational Future Was Forged
Manager: Alyssa calls burritos "burros." What's the difference? I've always heard it called "burrito." What do you call it?
Graphic artist and authentic Mexican: "Taco grande."
Web designer and office coquette: That was my nickname in high school.
Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Looks like Diva
5PM I Kinda Like the Amputee Idea Better
Clueless dude: Did you hear that Stump is coming to town?
Chick with a clue: What is that, the amputee review?
(pause)
Chick with a clue: You meant "Stomp", didn't you?
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Ikeed Unaught
4PM A Penetrating Glimpse Into Corporate America
(young executive is talking about a presentation (aka deck) he sent to the director)
Director: You know, it just got me so excited to see a deck like that. I'm so glad. The deck actually got me almost over-excited. Now I'm going to be playing around with this deck all night.
Exec: Uh huh.
Director: It's just so stimulating .
Exec: Uh huh.
Director: I'm just fascinated by decks like that. I feel very over-excited about it.
Exec: Uh huh.
(pause)
Director: Oh, you must be getting really overheated. I should let you go. Have a good trip. I'll be thinking about your deck until you come back.
K Street
Washington, DC
3PM You Seem to Be Missing My Point Deliberately
Senior editor: I know! I could sue the company. I injured my toenail at a company event. What do you think loss of a toenail is worth?
Writer: I don't know. See what they're selling for on eBay.
Renton, Washington
2PM I've Started Letting the Kids Paint Them for Art Class
Very Republican coworker: I have more guns than I know what to do with.
Golden Valley
Minnesota
1PM New York Magazine Is Calling Them "The Poor Man's Godiva"
Minion #1: Do you have any chocolate?
Minion #2: Nope...I have beef chunks.
Minion #1: Uhhhhh...
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Virginia
12PM We Felt the Need-- The Need for Speed Stick
Employee #1: My god, I smell something.
Employee #2: Does it smell like scent?
Employee #1: Yeah.
Employee #2: Don't worry, it was me and Kevin having a deodorant war.
Downtown Toronto
Canadia
11AM In the Meantime, I Plan to Fake It 'til I Make It
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?
Candidate: Knowing things. Like, knowing knowledge about everything.
Miller Avenue
Fontana, California
10AM Full House Was Like Gazing Into the Abyss
Coworker: I think I'd like to party with the Olsen twins. I always see pictures of them, and they frighten me... But I'm intrigued by things that frighten me.
Campstool Road
Cheyenne, Wyoming
9AM I'll Send You the Pre-Law Application, Ma'am
University call center rep: Okay ma'am, what program were you interested in?
Prospective student: Well, I'm not exactly sure. I was thinking of something in prostitution. (pause) Oh, that's not right.
University Drive
Davie, Florida
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