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5PM Cornish Game Hens? Wtf?
Boss: I got two boxes of candy, 13 kinds of beer, 28 bottles of alcohol, 25 pounds of carne asada, 3 kinds of ribs, Pink's hot dogs, 6 Cornish game hens, and Angus hamburgers. I think we're set for the barbecue tomorrow. Oh, I forgot to tell you, they're filming another porno here on Saturday. Tell all your friends to come.
Los Angeles, California
4PM I Long to Eliminate My Own Job Position
IT professional #1: But the thing is that a lot of these people will need me forever... most of them are from 40-60 years old... Need I say more?
IT professional #2: Ugh, god! Just give them an abacus and call it a day.
Parnall Road
Jackson, Michigan
Overheard by: cubewalker
3PM She's Like, "Please, Doctor, May I Have Another?"
Female coworker: Yeah, I have to get a shot in the butt. Veronica will have fun though, she likes that kind of thing.
Tabor Road
Morris Plains, New Jersey
2PM I Mean, It Was the Most Hilarious Exsanguination Ever
Writer: For some reason, I just don't feel bad joking about her death.
Augusta, Georgia
1PM Or to the Statistically Inevitable Divorce Celebration
Cube dweller #1: For my wedding the colors were black and white. So I took my bridesmaids to the dress shop and told them to pick out whatever dress they wanted. They all ended up picking the same one.
Cube dweller #2: Well, that's nice.
Cube dweller #1: Of course they picked the most expensive dress, but I didn't have to pay for that part.
Cube dweller #2: And I bet it was a nice bridesmaid dress that they could wear again and again.
Cube dweller #3: Yeah, like to a funeral.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: eavesdropping cube dweller
12PM And It Monopolized All My Processing Power
Boss: So what did you think of the meeting?
Underling: It was pretty good -he seemed relatively accommodating and...
Boss: (stares hard at underling)
Underling: Ummmmm?
Boss: Oh yeah, sorry. I farted.
Bay and King
Toronto, Canadia
Overheard by: Wow.
11AM When Hipsters Go to Work in Offices
Intern #1: So I'm supposed to go through her Rolodex after lunch and add all of them into Outlook.
Intern #2: What's a Rolodex?
Intern #3: It's this round thing that has a bunch of cards and you put people's contact information. My grandma uses one still.
Intern #2: Wow! I never heard of that, I totally want one!
www.dcist.com
10AM Louise, I Think This Is the Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship
Patricia: Sometimes, and it depends on the day I'm having, I am either "Positive Patty" or "Pessimistic Patricia."
IT chick: Yeah? Sometimes, and it depends on the day I'm having, I put whiskey in my coffee.
University of Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Jennay
9AM Won Them at Bingo Night, I Believe
Girl #1: Ouch! My thong's making my buttcrack raw.
Girl #2: That's weird. Mine never do.
Girl #1: Yeah, it's probably because this is day three without washing it.
Girl #2: Uh...
Girl #1: I just got 'em the other day, and I love them so much that I don't wanna stop wearing them. They have an ice cream cone on the crotch and they say "lick me".
Girl #2: Cute! Where'd you get them?
Girl #1: I don't know, my grandma bought them for me.
3rd Avenue
Duluth, Minesotta
5PM What? I'm Being Ironic!
Bill: I wish we had a bar like Cheers where everyone knows your name.
Shawn: Maybe we could wear nametags next time we go to a happy hour?
Howard: We wore nametags at your company's happy hour fundraiser and no one remembered shit.
Shawn: Hey!
Bill: That's because the employees of Shawn's company are slow in the head.
Shawn: Okay, we may be slow, but at least we aren't uh... (pause) I'll think of something (scratches head) just give me a minute.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Management Ninja!
4PM Weren't They the Ones Who Diddled Sacagawea?
Security guard #1: Well you know Hitler's mother was Jewish.
Supervisor: I know! Wouldn't Freud have had a field day with that?
Security guard #2: Who?
Supervisor: You know, Sigmund Freud?
Security guard #2: Oh, the magician?
Security guard #1: What?
Security guard #2: You know, the magician with the tigers?
Supervisor: Thats Sigfried and Roy!
Lakeport, California
3PM Just a Matter of Time for the UN
Young male employee to friend: I mean there's no strippers in cages or anything, but it looks like it could turn into that kind of place, you know?
Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York
2PM I Assume I Made Sweet Harmony With Somebody
Office rocker girl: I woke up this morning with a guitar pick stuck to my face.
Office rocker guy: That is some kinky shit!
Office rocker girl: I don't even know how it happened.
Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
1PM Talking to You Is Better Than Smoking Weed!
Female coworker #1: If he is 5'6" and I am 5'7" then without heels we would be the same height.
Female coworker #2: Are you 5'7" with heels?
Female coworker #1: No.
Framingham, Massachusetts
12PM Stick Some Batteries in That Sucker and It'll Be Fine
Receptionist to trainee: Oh, you asked about the dead rabbit in my car. It's for Yolanda, her dad wanted it.
Charlotte, North Carolina
11AM I'm Wearing One Now
PETCO employee: All of the employees here love the wee wee pads. We use them all the time!
PETCO
San Rafael, California
Overheard by: Housetrained
10AM We Grab Our Asses During the Day
Boss, explaining how to prepare contract documents: We do this so that we're not running around, trying to grab our asses in the middle of the night. That's not what we want to do!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Matt
9AM It Was A Compliment!
(two coworkers at the urinals)
Coworker #1, about colleague: Man, what a pecker.
Coworker #2: Hey, quit looking!
Lebanon, Missouri
5PM Things Heat Up a Couple of Degrees in Wisconsin, Then Cool Off
Copywriter: So David*, did you thank your wife for the candy she gave you yesterday?
David: In more ways than one.
Proofreader: A simple "yes" would have been sufficient.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Why am I the one blushing?
4PM Unless You Want to End Up As Marketing's Bitch
IT manager: Start sharpening your ruler cause you're gonna need an office shank!
Waterloo
Canadia
3PM I Got My Last Four Dates There
Coworker #1: I feel like going down to Grand Central and hanging out.
Coworker #2: There is a name for people like that.
Coworker #1: What's that.
Coworker #2: "Hooker."
Port Chester, New York
2PM Whoa-- That Was No Lady!
Lady on cell: Hang on, some lady is peeing and I can't hear you. (pause) No, I called from the bathroom because there's no privacy at my cube.
Houston, Texas
1PM ...I Promise
Coworker on phone: Yeah, I'll be over later, but without the ticks.
Johnson City, Tennessee
12PM Very Loud?
Employee to manager: Do you know how to talk to deaf people on the phone?
Williamsville, New York
11AM She's What Happens When the Witness Relocation People Smoke Too Much Pot
PA: Buffy Capri, please call the operator, Buffy Capri.
Secretary #1: Who the hell is Buffy Capri?
Secretary #2: I don't know. An exotic dancer or a porn star?
Secretary #1: Buffy Capri, you're wanted on the lido deck.
Secretary #3: She's a paralegal. With a dumb name.
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM Probably Easier for Everyone If I Just Die at My Desk
Sales manager: Sometimes I think I'm having a panic attack. And then I realize I just have to poop.
Nashville, Tennessee
9AM And by "Broke Up" I Mean "Closed His Shutters"
Woman: So this boy I've been stalking broke up with me for no good reason.
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/06/hey-i-bet-i-can-think-of-one.html
Overheard by:
5PM Either That or You Just Looked at Our Quarterly Report
VP on phone: What are you doing? (silence) Sounds like you're taking a shit.
Springfield, Massachusetts
4PM Stop Helping, Okay?
Woman #1: I'm so upset about my aunt.
Woman #2: I know, but there is nothing you can do now.
Woman #1: It was so sudden. She's never going to be herself again. I can see it already.
Woman #2: That might be something to be thankful for.
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Red
3PM Now That I've Talked to You Verbally
Boss on speakerphone: Yes, I need the data charts for the presentation tomorrow, could you e-mail them to me electronically?
Employee: Electronically? Uhhhh, yes, I'll do it right away.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Corporate stooge
2PM Sometimes I Get Shocked Right Out Of My Logical Empiricism
Professor walking into new chemistry building: Whoa, is this an optical illusion or is this reality?!
University of Arizona, Tucson
Overheard by: Rasputin
1PM Well, I Certainly Hope That Person Was Fired
Copy writer #1: What is a leap year?
Copy writer #2 (disdainfully): It has to do with making up time that people screwed up back in the day.
Main Street, Buffalo
12PM Now That Maggie Retired
Customer: You did a wonderful job on your Christmas tree!
Boss: Actually, my staff did all the work.
Staff #1: No, you set the tree up.
Boss: Yes, but you added some ornaments.
Staff #1: Only a few, but I fluffed up the branches so I guess I'm the office fluffer.
Cleveland, Ohio
11AM Wendy's Learned Not to Riff on "Got a Match?"
Coworker on phone: Fool me once, shame on... you. (pause) Fool me... the second one is where it's my fault.
Thurston Avenue
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Audrey
10AM Shouldn't We at Least Try to Cater to the Semi-Literate?
Intern: So do any celebrities subscribe to our magazine?
Circulation guru: Actually, James Caan and Shirley MacLaine are longtime subscribers. Even Dennis Hopper got our mag for awhile.
Intern (sighing): I mean like real celebrities. You know: Tila Tequila or Zac Efron...
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: ugh.
9AM Whereas My Butt Would Prefer to Stay Home with a Good Book
Co-worker: I have extroverted genitalia.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
5PM Besides, No One Should Commit Career Suicide Alone
Retail employee #1: I'm gonna have to leave early today, my friend and I are going to go and get the Wii.
Retail employee #2: Oooh, the weed? I want some!
Stonebriar Mall
Frisco, Texas
4PM No One's Free in This Office, Missy
Peon, walking into boss's office: What smells so good? It smells like my grandmother's cooking.
Boss: Oh, Joan* brought pork chop for lunch. I guess she thought I was emancipated.
Peon, laughing and mumbling: She thought what?
Athens, Georgia
3PM Or So My Wife Keeps Telling Me
Man, finding coworker rummaging through his desk: I assure you there is nothing interesting in my drawers.
Stamford, Connecticut
2PM Which Is When He Told Me About Overheardintheoffice.com!
Coworker on phone: So I told our new accountant what I needed, and he looks at me and says: "But this will take me all day." I told him: "It takes me all day to do my job too. Did you have other plans?"
3rd Avenue
New York City, New York
1PM An Angry One
Coworker on phone: Well, it was bad too... and it was also a hand job.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Laughing
12PM Although Cats in Beverly Hills Have Major Bulimia
Coworker #1: Check out this cat stroller!
Coworker #2: If cats need strollers, no wonder us humans are so fat.
Farmington Hills, Michigan
11AM So How Long You Been With the Escort Service?
Southern woman: No! You suck the head because that's where all the juice is!
Confused employee #1: I thought your shirt said "Bite the head off and eat the meat!"
Confused employee #2: What the fuck are you sadistic bitches talking about?
Southern woman (laughing): Crawdads! I'm talking about crawdads!
West Fargo, North Dakota
Overheard by: Orion
10AM Poets Will Cut a Bitch
Building manager: Which is the drawer with all the tools?
Coworker: The middle bottom one.
Building manager (looking in tool box): Why do you guys have so many knives?
Coworker: It's a long story.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/310713849/sounds-like-a-good-story.html
Overheard by: a diligent worker
9AM Thankfully, Larry Would Learn How to Be a Better Criminal in Jail
Lawyer: Did you know there was a gun in the house?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you hold the gun at any point?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you threaten anyone with the gun?
Defendant: I don't remember.
Courthouse
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: not a juror
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