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5PM So Let's Get This Code Embedded
Suit #1: We have to make sure they get laid in our system.
Suit #2 (concentrating): Right...
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: ...and what exactly would that system be, now?
4PM He's Gone Through Four Keyboards This Week Alone
Amazed boss: Look at that! He drinks water and types at the same time!
Santa Monica, California
3PM Um, Unless That's You, Lord
Automated computer voice on elevator: Second floor. Going down.
Old man: Uh, up yours.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Up it to what?
2PM I Don't Know What I Know 'til Somebody Tells Me
Girl #1: Did you finish with the Christmas card?
Girl #2: We call it holiday card now. Because everyone is not Catholic.
Girl #1: You know it's not just Catholics that celebrate Christmas; Christians celebrate it too.
Girl #2: Oh they do? I didn't know because I'm Catholic.
Fifth Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: But Catholics ARE Christians
1PM ...and Made an Improper Suggestion
Phone girl #1: It has smelled like stuff in here all day.
Phone girl #2: I know, it's like food just walked over here.
New York City, New York
12PM The Temptation to Mess With a Colleague Can Be Very Strong. Resist It.
Blonde mom returning to the workforce: Can you help me send a fax?
Office coworker: Sure, what do you need help with?
Mom: Well, I need to send out this fax, but I also need to keep a copy of it, how do I do that?
Northwestern Highway
Southfield, Michigan
11AM Was It a Short Wedding?
Secretary: That's what my sister did. They went to Niagara Falls and got married by a midget.
Uniontown, Ohio
10AM That's for Our Shaman to Do
Mom to son: Once again, she wasn't stabbing you!
Exiting Doctor's Office
Campbell, California
Overheard by: Sami
9AM Where's Your Serenity Now, Suzy?
Account chick: Okay... Who wrote "boobs" in my zen garden?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Minding my own business
5PM By Bus?
Tech guy: Did you hear about all the snow in New York?
Help desk chick: Yeah, wow! That means it'll be heading here to California.
Tech guy: (silence).
Imperial Highway Brea
California
4PM Let's Go Ask Some Customers What They Think
Obnoxious server: Ewww, did you just fart, dude?
Timid new guy: Uh, no, I'm sorry.
Obnoxious server: Musta been me. Smells like pot roast, doesn't it?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
3PM Why Don't We Just Wear Sandwich Boards?
Employee: Do you think that font is big enough on these badges?
Manager: I think you have to make it really big, 36 font. Mark wants to be able to see who is coming at him from across the room.
Paramus, New Jersey
2PM Like the Fates of Greek Mythology?
Lasik tech to another: Can I borrow your eyes for a sec?
Lasik Vision Institute, California
Overheard by: blind betty
1PM You Laugh, But Do You Know?
Rep 1: The salon across the way, their back door is wide open, but they've been closed for hours. What should we do?
Rep 2: Call the police. The non-emergency number, I'd say.
Rep 1: Okay... er, what's the non-emergency number for 911?
Scatterfield Road
Anderson, Indiana
Overheard by: Oh, the pain...
12PM Let Me Be Blunt About That
Manager (after finding a flyer advertising "weed for sale" on his windshield): At first I was pissed, because they came to my home and put it on my car. But then I was like: "Really? There's no way I'm paying that much for an eighth!"
Texas
11AM The Difference Between Adam Sandler Managers and Tommy Lee Managers
Manager #1 to manager #2: I'm talking about sloppy joes and you're talking about sucking toes.
Cordele, Georgia
Overheard by: Marisa Griggs
10AM Only Women's Toilets, Though
Coworker #1: So you ate the cookies?
Coworker #2: Yeah, they had only been in the toilet for a second! Five second rule!
Coworker #1: That's still disgusting.
Coworker #2: Well, hey, at least I didn't lick my dirty foot.
Coworker #1: That was once! You've eaten cookies out of the toilet loads of times!
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Melissa
9AM Sock Puppets, in Particular
Middle-aged copywriter to young techno weenie: PowerPoint is nice, but don't ever underestimate the power of puppets.
West Lexington Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Here4theLaughs
5PM They'll Be Every Bit As Helpful As I Am
Mail teller: You'll need to call 1-800-USPS. Wait. That doesn't sound right. It must be 1-800-USPS though.
Customer: Okay. Thanks!
Post Office
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: How many digits in a phone number?
4PM And This Time I Won't Do It Out of Cruelty
Guy #1: I would do anything for a million dollars.
Guy #2: What about eat your arm?
Guy #1: I would eat any body part. It would grow back.
Girl: No! It won't!
Guy #1: It might.
Girl: Great! I'll go down to the missions downtown and tell the Vietnam veterans that they're going to be walking soon.
Wyoming, Michigan
3PM And, on a Serious Note, It Makes You Smell Yucky
Guy at conference table: Kimchi gives you stomach cancer.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Worrying about the Korean Peninsula
2PM I'd Like to Dip My Socks in Your Coffee
Worker #1: Did you hear me? I just said I hit my knee on the window.
Worker #2: But there are no windows in your cubicle.
Worker #1: I know, I meant chair.
Worker #2: Hey [worker #3], did you hear [worker #1]? She said window but meant chair.
Worker #1: I also meant arm not knee.
Worker #2: Wait, so when you said, "I hit my knee on the window," you really meant,"I hit my arm on the chair?"
Worker #1: Yeah.
Worker #2: You're beautiful.
Rt 31, Illinois
1PM Like a Priest?
Probationee: You're a good listener. You really listen when I talk to you. You're like a pedophile.
Probation officer: A what?
Probationee: A pedophile, you know. Someone who is a good listener.
Lancaster County Offices
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
12PM Beaver Not, Lest Ye Be Beavertoned
Marketing to IT worker: Would you stop looking in my trash and judging me?
Beaverton, Oregon
11AM Is That a Tachometer?
Designer: You make it sound like I'm a used car.
Copywriter: I didn't mean to. Nice dashboard, by the way.
Wausau, Wisconsin
10AM The Bitch Promises, but Never Delivers
Federal employee to coworker in ladies' room: Darlene, how long is a dog pregnant?
L'Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Just a contractor
9AM Sometimes You Have to Sedate the Boss and Use Your Own Judgment
Supervisor to peon: Do you know how to get rid of tracked changes on a document?
Peon: Yes, do you want to accept the changes, or reject them?
Supervisor: No, I want them gone.
Peon: Yes, but do you want them to be incorporated into the document, or do you want to reject them.
Supervisor: They can't be there! I have to send this document out! No tracked changes!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Allison
5PM I Finally Had to Pretend to Be Dead
Technician #1 to technician #2: When the boss asked me where I was at on the calibration I just thought to myself: "If I stand here very quiet and don't respond maybe he'll forget he asked me".
Avionics Shop, Washington
4PM Let's All Brush Up on Our Speakerphone Etiquette
IT guy on phone: Be ready when I get home.
(clicks it to speakerphone)
IT guy's wife: Well, that is fine but I did not put the butt plug in the freezer yet.
IT guy: (clicks speaker phone off) Hey! Sorry, I know you hate the speakerphone...
Naval Base
Pensacola, Florida
3PM Because They Will Eat Those Extra Toes for Him
Annoying cubette: So I say to him: "Look at Lucy*'s toes. Now look at John*'s toes." And he's like: "What?" And then he looks and sees he's got seven of them and he's like: "Wahhhh!"
Sane cubette: How many cats do you have?
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: intern in the next cube
2PM But If You're Looking for Good First-Date Conversation, Erectile Dysfunction's the Way to Go
Data manager to minion: Body parts aren't nearly as uncomfortable as homicide.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: AureateCalyx
1PM Employees--Ticking Time Bombs, All of Them
(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #2: Beth*, are you okay?
(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #3: Ma, are you okay?
Employee #1: I'm fine.
Employee #3: Ma, what are you choking on?
Employee #1: My own spit.
Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: file queen
12PM See My Gang Signs Motivational Poster?
Very white supervisor: Are we keeping it gangster in here?
Annoying cubicle inhabitant: Oh yeah. We keep it real gangster.
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: the intern in the next cubicle
11AM I Haven't Decided Which Half
(Tom* is juggling plastic Easter eggs).
Chris: Dude, you have to make up a clown name for yourself.
Tom: How about (pause) Naughty T?
Chris: Dude! Nobody is going to hire you for parties if your name is Naughty T!
Tom: I can be an adult clown. You know, half naked.
Vandam Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Soapnana
10AM Gwen Perceives a Mystical Connection Between Map and Territory
Blonde: You know that map in her office?
Brunette: What about it?
Blonde: Well, it's like so detailed. I can look at it and be like: "I live there!"
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Will you just shut up already?
9AM And Believes I'd Be Interested in All Four Seasons of Felicity
Angry sales rep: I hate how Amazon thinks it knows me.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Not Your Friend Either
5PM Harp Is All You'll Hear in Hell
Coworker #1: When I was at the hospital, they had this harp player that went around the hospital and played.
Coworker #2: Uh, are you sure they had a harp player? You may have just been on the brink of death, you know.
Dacula, Georgia
4PM How You Been, Montezuma?
Suit on cell in bathroom stall: I'm in the crapper, takin' a dump and I was thinking about you, so I thought I'd call.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
3PM Is It Just Me or Do They Both Sound Like Superhero Names?
Employee: Hi.
Receptionist (without looking up): Hi.
(employee walks behind desk)
Receptionist (still not looking) What are you doing?
Employee: Shredding.
Receptionist (looks up confused): What?
Employee (turns on machine): Wow, your shredder is really slow.
Receptionist: That's the laminator.
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Walking to the Bathroom
2PM But It Was a Booby Prize in Every Way
Faculty member: Her chest looked like it was being displayed as first prize at a raffle.
Notre Dame, Indiana
Overheard by: iz
1PM Um, Remember When You Asked to Borrow My Little Comb?
Lady #1: My dad doesn't have crabs anymore.
Lady #2: Oh, really?
Lady #1: Yeah, they all died.
Lady #3: Like pet crabs, right? Otherwise that's a little too much information.
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Who would know that about their dad!?
12PM Dissertations Have Been Based on Less
Gentleman in office: Hand jobs are nothing new. They've been around for centuries. You could just sit around and wonder how many hand jobs Anne Boleyn performed.
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: tacomeat
11AM Or Just Spit on Them, Like I Did With Your Soup?
Customer: Could you bring some crackers for him? (points to toddler)
Waiter: Sure, do you want me to crumble them up and throw them on the floor for him too?
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
10AM Actually, Can You Also Burn Me a CD?
Coworker #1: Do you want this document spf-ed?
Coworker #2: Do mean pdf-ed?
Coworker #1: Yeah, why, what did I say?
Coworker #2: Sfp.
Ellicott City, Maryland
9AM All Up in This Cubicle
White clerk: I'm feeling kind of black today.
Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Db's Mom
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