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5PM Whatever, Ed
Secretary: I have to wear this scarf over my shirt because the shirt is made for women with cleavage. But since I don't have any, I wear the scarf. All my cleavage is in my butt!
Wenatchee, Washington
4PM Ever Considered Beano?
Irish trader: There are always girls crying and falling over when I haven't even touched them.
New York City, New York
3PM Phone Sex Needs to Be Surreptitious When There Are Children Around
School administrator on phone: Hello. Has my cat peed yet? Great!
Elite Prep School
California
2PM He and Roy Orbison Stalk Her Nightmares Like Tag Team Wrestlers
Manager: Sorry I'm late. I was upstairs looking for pictures of Conway Twitty to print and scare Marie with. He's her Freddie Kruger.
Kanawha Boulevard West
Charleston, West Virginia
Overheard by: CubReporter
1PM You'd Think Library Staffs Have Poor Social Skills, or Something
Librarian: I just don't understand why he still works here. I mean, wouldn't you feel bad about yourself if nobody gives a crap how your New Year was?
Garden City, New York
Overheard by: Soapnana
12PM Then She'll Say "Stop Eating Your Ferns"
Factory worker: It's great, you know. I can go to my doctor and say stuff like: "This stuff is green, and it's making me sick."
Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Anonymous Temp
11AM Perhaps Start Wearing Pants to Work?
Regional director to underling: I can almost see up your ass and read your mind.
Underling: I don't know what to do with that.
Midway Road
Addison, Texas
Overheard by: covering my ass from now on
10AM It's Just That It Has the Periodic Table on It...
Grad student to undergrad: So I think we'll probably end up selling our plane tickets, since we kind of need the money.
Professor nearby: Damn it!
Grad student: Um, should I, not sell the tickets, then?
Professor: Oh, oh no, sorry. It's just that I don't think I should wear my bathing suit to work anymore.
North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
9AM How Else Can You Put Your Unmentionables On?
Associate, to coworker across the office: The question is, if you wouldn't want to mention it, why would you want to touch it?
New York, New York
5PM But That's Really More Like Young Adult Fiction
Cube dweller #1 (also a Pastor): I've always wanted to write a book and call it "Pratfalls in the Pulpit".
Cube dweller #2: "Crap Falls in your Pocket?"
Cube dweller #1: Well, that's appropriate, too.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tuna
4PM Kinda Krazy?
Suit: She really did look like the type of woman who would rub glue all over her face.
Washington, DC
3PM Deleted Scene From Stand and Deliver
Math teacher: So that was interpreting the graph. Gosh guys, this is really boring.
Wallingford, Connecticut
Overheard by: margo
2PM And There's Never Just One of You
Project manager: I'm like herpes. I don't go away.
New York City, New York
1PM Suffers from Seasonal Orientation Disorder
Worker #1: [Sneezes.]
[Several moments pass.]
Worker #2: Oh... Bless you.
Worker #1: Thanks, Merry Christmas.
Los Angeles, California
12PM So We're Engaged
Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.
Crewe
England
11AM That One Got Turned Into a Puppet for My Son's Play
Boss: Why don't I just shove a sock down your throat to shut you up?
Secretary: Yeah that's fine, just make sure it's not the sock you stuff your pants with!
Company Office
Fort Drum, New York
10AM Same Person Who Put the Ram in the Rama Lama Ding Dong?
Loud, angry voice from breakroom: Who forked the peanut butter?
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM But I Prefer to Think Of It As "Filled with the Holy Spirit"
Waiter: Did you get laid on vacation?
Busgirl: It was church camp.
Waiter: So "yes" then?
Busgirl (quietly): Yes.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
5PM They Make You Dig Through Manure for It
Boss on phone: The Farmers' market? Oh right. They have food there.
Center City
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: DyingMentally
4PM There's Always Been Doubt About That
Cubicle #1: Why is Jim* here!?
Cubicle #2: Because he works here?
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
3PM Payback for All the Office Gynecological Conversations, Ladies
Fellow cube dweller (after violently blowing nose and looking into tissue): I don't understand how when you're sick, you just never run out of boogers.
Rosedale Towers
Roseville, Minnesota
Overheard by: booger-free
2PM Is It Still a Place Where You Wash Your Hands?
Kitchen grunt: You ever poop and suddenly find the world a better place?
Main Street
Greenwood, Indiana
Overheard by: RDC
1PM It Was Cheaper Than Buying a Playpen
Coworker and mother of a two and a five-year-old : Oh wait! I gotta go. I have to pick my kids up from the jail!
N Willamette Street
Coburg, Oregon
Overheard by: Glad her husband is a sheriff
12PM Now Go Back to Your Storage Closet 'Til We Buzz You Again
Entry level peon: What I need is a lackey to follow me around and do stuff for me when I tell them to.
Manager: Listen honey, I hate to tell you this, but you are the lackey.
Argentia Road
Mississauga
Canadia
Overheard by: Nobody's bitch
11AM The Adult Industry Is As Bureaucratized As Any Other
Animated black suit: You gotta have benchmarks. What are you gonna measure?
Sweaty white suit: I don't need to measure.
Animated black suit: You gotta have benchmarks.
Sweaty white suit: My dick is the benchmark. Okay?
Animated black suit: That's fine. You just gotta have some benchmarks. That's all I'm saying.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: jjblu
10AM Specifically the Ones Who Are Plastic Surgeons
Copywriter (after watching a 1980s video on YouTube): YouTube is my fountain of youth.
Graphic designer: Young boys are mine.
Sex Toy Factory
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Looks like Diva
9AM I Wasn't Aware They Needed Food
Mother shouting on cell: How the fuck do I know what he eats? I'm his mother, not his nanny.
New York City Library, New York
Overheard by: Took care of my own children
5PM Next Week, on Survivor!: Corporate America...
Desk rat: Oh... We're out of coffee. (pause) I would rather kill everyone in this building than make a new batch.
(everyone turns to stare)
Desk rat: What? I didn't say anything that you weren't all thinking.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
4PM Memo: Coed Naked Butter Wrestling No Longer Offered at Company Retreats
Heard in staff meeting: Grease up and let it slide off!
Support Building
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Overheard by: AMuseIng
3PM I'm the Spirit of Elizabeth Taylor in the Body of Ellen Pompeo
Thin male college student: I'm hungry all the time. I must be a fatty--that's the only reasonable explanation, I think.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
2PM Look How Bad I Am at Math!
Interviewer: I'm sorry. From my conversation with your former supervisor I expected you to be a man!
Interviewee: I'm a girl! I'll show you!
Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California
1PM Who Would've Thunk? / It Says I'm a Hunk!
Coworker, testing e-mails: I got a funky one in my junk!
Corporate Park Drive
Herndon, Virginia
12PM This'll Be Much Better Than Celeryfest
Male cube monkey #1: Are you excited about the spring dinner tomorrow?
Male cube monkey #2: Yeah man! It's at a steakhouse.
Entire room: Steak! Steak! Steak! Steak!
Canal Park
Cambridge, Massachusetts
11AM Like Pippi Longstocking and That Giant Cake
Male coworker: The last place I danced was at a strip club!
Female coworker: I didn't think there was a place to dance at a strip club except that one little stage, and I didn't think they let boys up there.
Male coworker: Well, somehow I ended up there... They won't let me in the Dells anymore!
Female coworker: Why not?
Male coworker: I had my face in places it shouldn't have been.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: hoping he meant the guacamole
10AM Tonight's Movie: What's Elephant Got to Do With It?
Receptionist on phone: Did you finish it? What did it say? What do elephants have to do with anything?
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
9AM You're Livin' La Vida Loca, Ma'am
Boss: For an hour I'm going to do nothing but urinate. And then? Five minutes of blogging.
Los Angeles, California
5PM Anything More Important Than Twenty Caffeine Junkies Who Want to Kill You?
Angry manager: I've got more important shit in my life than that goddam coffee can.
New Mexico
4PM Dude, You're Taking The Imitation of Christ Too Far
(co-worker #1 limps to copy machine)
Co-worker #2: Dude, what's the matter with you?
Co-worker #1: I'm all messed up. But I'll survive... eventually.
Sidney Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts
3PM Your Editors Are Amused to Hear "Dang" Outside Far Side Cartoons
Female staff to male design teacher: Dang! You actually look like a teacher today! Who knew?!
Texas State University
San Marcos, Texas
Overheard by: Spizzy
2PM Except Occasionally in My Life-Action Roleplaying Games
Guy #1: Shouldn't you know?
Guy #2: Dude, I don't know anything. I'm not a Sultan.
West Greenwich, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Stan
1PM Even If It Is Very Controversial
Clinic pharmacist to nurse practitioners: Can we please not talk about my vagina anymore today?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: It's not THAT kind of clinic!
12PM Hope You Close the Deal, Ma'am
Sales exec, hurrying to the bathroom: Wish me luck with this one, I'm gonna need it!
Queensbury, New York
11AM Gotta Be One Somewhere in Ann Coulter's House
Videographer, immediately before promotional shoot: Where would you find the skin of a werewolf?
Maryville Center
St. Louis, Missouri
10AM Like "Queer"
Coworker #1 (talking about the newly designed official computer desktop wallpapers): I don't like the word "zero" in the wallpaper. It's like such a negative number!
Coworker #2: It's not negative if it's used in a positive way.
Shubhada Building
Mumbai
India
Overheard by: M
9AM What's the Big Dill?
Deli employee #1: That sandwich needs pickles.
(deli employee #2 hangs head and stops making sandwich)
Deli employee #1: Are you crying?
Wawa
West Chester, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Rachael
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