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5PM Or "Cuba"?
Receptionist: With a "c"?
(pause)
Receptionist: Catherine with a "c"?
(pause)
Receptionist: Oh, you mean "k" as in "cat"!
Seguin, Texas
Overheard by: Vivian
4PM So Many Wonderful Things Come in Plain, Brown Wrappers
Sales guy: Remember when you were a kid and got crabs? The medicine would come in a plain brown box like that.
Asbury Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: (to the)
3PM The "You Cumguzzling Gutter-Slut" Just Brought Him to It
Boss, about a customer's outrage at an e-mail: I think it was the "best regards" that sent him over the edge.
Los Angeles, California
2PM Well, Whenever. And Could You Buy Lots of Snacks?
Working mom to teenage daughter: I am not going to the store this minute to buy you a lava lamp. I'm at work!
Ohio
Overheard by: Jewels
1PM So I'm Pretty Sure the Boss Is Pregnant
Peon: Rice belly would jiggle. Beer belly would, like, wobble hard.
King Street East
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Thank you, sensei
12PM We Edited Out the Offensive Sign Language
Designer: So, David*, what are you doing tonight?
Deaf box office manager: I'm-on-eh-leh.
Designer: Oh, you're going to get laid?
(deaf box office manager nods)
Designer: Well, that's nice.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
11AM The Government's Alternative to Medicare
Middle-aged woman #1: I didn't get any vacation time this year because I was so busy with my mother.
Middle-aged woman #2: How is your mother doing? Does she have anyone to talk to? Like friends or anyone?
Middle-aged woman #1: Well, yes, but the problem is that all the 85-year-old men want is phone sex.
20-something girl: Well, there's something to look forward to.
Midtown Building
New York City, New York
10AM Broke Our Fun Meter
Boss (walks in and says, deadpan): My wife had a stripper over this weekend and now my entire house smells like coconut oil.
Victoria Parade
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Feeling inqdequate about MY weekend...
9AM But There's No Cure for Bureaucracy
Fat coworker: Dude, all these re-orgs and manager changes really suck.
Skinny coworker: You know what else sucks? Polio.
Ontario Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: The loud one
5PM Arthur Andersen's Enduring Legacy
Senior accountant to auditors: Well, you see I am just not that good with numbers.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Receptionist
4PM A Lovely Little Medium-Security B&B in Connecticut
Maintenance guy: I'll tell you. Back when I was in prison, at first, I couldn't sleep because of all the noise. But I got so used to it that now I can't sleep when it's quiet.
Boss: When you were where?
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Need to call the Temp Agency
3PM He Was Way Too Generous with Those Loaves and Fishes
Office peon: Not that I believe Jesus was Jewish or anything.
Silver Spring, Maryland
2PM She's Gonna Earn Her Salary Today
Office worker on speakerphone: Hello.
Creepy customer: I was just sitting here eating some creamed corn and thinking about you so I thought that I would give you a call.
Office worker: Please hold and I will transfer you to my supervisor.
1st Avenue
Birmingham, Alabama
1PM Ooh, or Maybe a Wicker Chair
Coworker eating twig cereal: I have eaten so much fiber today, when I get home, I'm gonna crap a wicker basket.
Rochester, New York
12PM The Walls Seem to Appreciate That Arrangement
Office lady: How can you drink that much Red Bull?
Computer nerd: I don't know, you build up a tolerance.
Office lady: If I drank that much I'd be whacking off the walls.
Computer nerd: Umm, you'd do what?
117th St
Broomfield, Colorado
Overheard by: The other nerd
11AM These Days, Everyone I Work With Is on Antidepressants
55-year-old post-menopausal help desk woman: I used to have naughty dreams about Simon & Simon, back in the day.
Glen Hendren Drive
Liberty, Missouri
Overheard by: RickyB
10AM After You Finish Crying
Security guy: I could be an officer, you know.
Sarge: Oh, shut the fuck up.
Security guy: No, really. It's just politics stopping me! Just politics!
Sarge: Oh, is Rudy fucking Giuliani preventing you from becoming a police officer? Why don't you fucking explain that to all of us?
Public Safety
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Shaye
9AM It's Burning a Cross on My Palm
Nurse #1: And I don't know. I just started having this anxiety attack.
Nurse #2: Well, on the bright side, I just made a Klan hood for my finger.
Royal Oak, Michigan
5PM Especially When It's Deja Vu of Making Copies
Peon, to no one: When you have deja vu more than once a day, you know you have a fucking boring job.
Omaha, Nebraska
4PM ...According to This Letter of Recommendation.
Cube rat: Jason* is a pretty good guy... for a racist homophobe.
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Is That All?
3PM It Sounds Like a Delicious Cocktail
Girl #1: Do you like Carly Simon?
Girl #2: I don't know what that is.
Canal and Broadway
New York City, New York
2PM Not His Fault Your Name Is Satyanarayanikinskahoveniska
Woman #1: So he called me his ex's name during a fight last night.
Woman #2: I hate it when that happens.
Woman #1: I don't really care... As long as it doesn't happen during sex... But then it hardly lasts long enough for him to say any name, let alone the wrong one.
Microsoft Way
Redmond, Washington
Overheard by: ouch!
1PM Could You Get Off My Lap?
Older female accountant: You're looking more like Burt Reynolds each day.
Younger male accountant: He's old, what are you saying?
Older female accountant: No, like... In a good way... When he was sexy and young.
Younger male accountant: (silence)
Older female accountant: I should get back to work.
Independence, Ohio
12PM Hey, Those Shackles Were for Our Safety
(at a three day workshop)
Suit #1: I don't think I can sit through another afternoon of this.
Suit #2: It's not as bad as yesterday. I'm finding it quite interesting.
Suit #1: That's what you call Stockholm Syndrome, when you start to love your kidnapper.
Istanbul
Turkey
11AM Prompting a Special Delivery in the Mailboy's Pants
Cube girl on phone: And I'm having a really bad day. I just licked an interoffice envelope.
New York, New York
10AM Instead, I Chose to Smile at Him Many Times Each Day
Worker: When he used to work here, I literally left work one day and spent ten minutes trying to figure out where I could park my car so I could shoot him when he left and not get caught.
Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: frightened newbie
9AM ...Care for a Homemade Cookie?
Lady in elevator: Well, I operated on my eye again. I looked in the mirror and saw another big white thing so I got the needle and the lighter. This time it went pop and all the stuff went into my eye. I was thinking: "Now I'll get staph!"
Century Place
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: delworthio
5PM And Its Little Dog, Too
Cube rat: Damn the metric system!
State College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Word.
4PM Okay, I'm Making a Note: "More Strippers"
Functionally retarded janitor: This job really needs some strippers.
Engineer: You could get a night job at a strip club.
Functionally retarded janitor: But those places fire you when you try to touch the girls.
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: This Company Needs to Do Better Background Checks
3PM What Happened Next Came As a Surprise to All of Us
Managing editor: Who didn't have their salad tossed?
Wilmington, Delaware
2PM That Jamaican Buttplug Was Thanks Enough
Accountant: Thanks for keeping it organized while I was on vacation.
Female manager: No problem. I like it anal.
Chevy Chase Drive
Glendale, California
1PM You Should Hear Him Whine When an Employee Dies
Male payroll processor: If you want me to process your payroll, you have to put the time you came in and left.
Female coworker: I was out sick. Did you see that I used sick time?
Male payroll processor: Yeah! What's your point?
Female coworker: I was out sick! I didn't come in or leave!
Male payroll processor: Whatever! More work for me!
Speedway
Tucson, Arizona
12PM I Was Planning on Having a Tossed Salad for Lunch
Nurse: It didn't hurt my tongue when they pierced it--just that first pop.
Tech: Ooooh, my asshole just puckered up!
Receptionist: Quit talking about tongues and assholes!
Front Desk, Medical Clinic
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: xrayguy
11AM Depends-- Do You Seriously Measure Them?
Tech worker: Are you seriously saying that eight inches is not a big dump?
Willow
Lansing, Michigan
10AM Oops, Let's Turn the Monitor On
E-consultant, explaining website program to potential customer: It's clear as night!
Smithtown Bypass
Smithtown, New York
9AM Okay, That's My New Worst Fear
Coworker: I hope I don't get molasses in my dog bite.
Niagara & West Ferry
Buffalo, New York
5PM You Already Complain About the Price of Orange Juice
Manager: One day you're going to make a really good old man.
Richmond, Virginia
4PM Like You Mean It This Time
Excited coworker: Hey, pet my pants!
San Rafael, California
3PM We Were Skeptical About Shaq's MBA, Too
Sales guy: That makes about as much sense as a shy stripper.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
2PM At Least You Skipped the "Analyst" Part of My Title
Admin: Here's your new door tag.
Advisor: "Stud serv prog coord"? That's my new title?
Admin: Well, it's abbreviated.
Advisor: Can we make the text smaller so it's not abbreviated?
Admin: Why? You don't want to be a stud service?
Advisor: I'm afraid they wouldn't get their money's worth.
Lake Road
Merced, California
Overheard by: sooo true.
1PM Until They Put You Into That Rectangular Solid in the Ground
Arrogant idiot: You see, the older you get, the more geometrically expensive your health insurance gets.
Stamford, Connecticut
Overheard by: my brain is dying
12PM I Don't Think Happy Meals Are Effective Going Out
Manager: I'll be right back. I'm going to the bathroom.
Cashier: Have fun!
McDonald's
Texas
11AM Glow-in-the-Dark Girl Can't Help But Brag
Man in lift: How are you, Susan*?
Woman: Radiant, *Stuart.
Government Office
London
England
10AM You Seem to Have Lost Your Passion for the Business
Market researcher, frustrated at client: I don't have auto pilot Las Vegas porn attendance statistics in my brain!
Pearl District
Portland, Oregon
9AM It's Overrated, Anyway
Boss: Stop communicating!
Underling (sheepishly): Sorry.
New York
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