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5PM I Assumed Your In-Box --or Is It Your Out-Box?
Office girl: But my box is falling apart.
Male co-worker: Hmm, we should look into that. A dysfunctional box is no good for anyone.
Office girl: Right... Would you mind helping me?
Male co-worker: With your box?
Office girl: What are we talking about?
McNally Drive
Nashville, Tennessee
4PM I Despise Decent Human Beings
Guy in elevator: Was he gracious?
Girl in elevator: Yes.
Guy: He's such a dweeb.
Park Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: BeccaGo
3PM That Explains Why Kitty Has Been Getting Home Late Every Night
Cat owner #1: So I went to the doctor yesterday, I asked him what was causing this rash on my forearms, he says, "It's your cat"!
Cat owner #2: My cat?
Rosewood Drive
Pleasanton, California
Overheard by: Jimmybob
2PM But the Boss Keeps Yelling at Me to Take the Clothespins Off My Face
CSR on the phone: At first it was a bad pain, and now it's like a good pain, like I can take it a little more now.
Graphics Drive
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: The Mole
1PM Or I Hope He Did, Because Otherwise That's Just Sad
Peon on the phone: My brother in-law's sister is coming over tonight, I think I'm gonna nail her. [Pauses.] Why not? He nailed mine.
Industrial Park Drive
Texas
Overheard by: peon incharge
12PM Not What I Look for in a Pet Turtle, But No Matter
Punk chick on her cell: Which one did you pick? Oh, the one that can fuck?
Ralph's
Los Angeles, California
11AM These Gas Masks Are Just Style
Bank employee, accompanying exterminator: [Sings.] Spraying for bugs!
[She realizes she sang that out loud to a room full of customers.]
Bank employee, under her breath: Oops. Just kidding, we don't have bugs.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Ken
10AM Unless You Really Improve Your Slapstick
Talkative grunt: That was a joke. I'm a comedian. Don't worry. I'll be here all week.
Boss walking by: Don't count on it.
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: I miss the days of job security
9AM Who the Hell Hired You, Anyway?
Operations manager: What are some of your goals?
New hire: I want to have babies!
Operations manager: Ok... Do you have any goals in regards to your future with our company?
New hire: Sure, I want to do my job right, but I was really just born to have babies.
Dallas Parkway
Dallas
Overheard by: Addy
5PM The White Stuff on the Ground Was a Bit Intriguing, Though
[Dead of winter.]
Supervisor: Oh my god -short sleeves! Why didn't you wear your coat?
Employee: I looked out the window and it didn't look cold outside.
Dallas Parkway
Addison, Texas
4PM Like You Should Judge, Mr "ILuvKittens5"?
Coworker #1: So what's your e-mail address?
Coworker #2: [Gives it to him.]
Coworker #1: Cool... How did you choose that?
Coworker #2: Oh, it means "big fart" in Chinese...
Santa Rosa, California
3PM From My Big Book of Things Not to Say to Men
Executive secretary, as she leaves a "Respect in the Workplace" class, to male worker: You've lost six in a week!? You're disappearing! Anymore and there will be nothing to grab on to!
South Park Circle Office
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Megalicious
2PM Or Will We Finally Get a Taste?
Suit to a group of coworkers who just crowded into elevator: Do you think we'll get to talk about Matt's nuggets at this morning's meeting?
SoMa
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Green
1PM In Fairness, the Employee Is 83 Percent Correct
Office drone #1: Where is the Pentagon?
Office drone #2: It is in Washington, DC...
Office drone #1: Oh! Isn't it that big hexagon shaped building?
Office manager: [Walking away] Oh Jesus fucking Christ...
Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
12PM Fine, Die, You Random Son of a Bitch
Office crony #1: Did you hear about the mid-air collision in California?
Office crony #2: Briefly, why?
Office crony #1: I wonder if there's anyone out in California I don't like?
Office crony #2: I don't think so.
Office crony #1: Just my luck...
West Cummings Park
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Chuckie Choo
11AM Um, What Do They Normally Do?
Boss: You look nice today.
Employee: Thanks, I wore a bra.
Bystander: Wait, what?
Employee, demonstrating: See... Look, the girls are free and easy today. They can do cirles too. Too bad I don't have any tassles.
Elm Street
Coalinga, California
Overheard by: Still losing the TMI Olympics
10AM Bitch, You Better Tip Me Like It's Christmas!
Client: I used to know a girl in school that always played with my hair... She was always messin' with my hair.
Hairdresser: Do you know what happened to her? Maybe she became a hairstylist?
Client: Oh no... I doubt it... She was really smart.
Hair Salon
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: ColorMeFabulous
9AM But He's Gonna Die in There If You Don't Keep Him Wet
Admin assistant: What do you mean you don't have sex? You live with your boyfriend!
Receptionist: Yeah, once you have the fish in the boat, there's no reason to keep throwing out the lure.
12th Street
Portland, Oregon
5PM Translation: I'm the Most Important Thing in This Room
Prof: Questions, comments, concerns, snide remarks, songs, poems, eloquent discourses on the topic of your choice? No? Good.
Economics Class, East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
4PM I'm Just Sayin' -- You've Got Balls, Lady
Professional woman: I work out at lunch everyday, it's part of my routine.
Professional man: Wow, you really have some testical fortitude to stick to that routine.
Woman: What?
One Shell Plaza Elevator
Houston, Texas
3PM ...and Gets Me Female Companionship
Comp tech: If I had a million dollars I'd invent popcorn that pops every kernel.
Broadway
New York City, New York
Overheard by: TerryFTW
2PM And How Many Times Has This Happened to You?
Client on phone, returning from lunch: What, we have a meeting now? I'll be there in ten minutes. Is [the boss] around?
Admin: Yeah, he's right here.
Client: Good, go kick him in the shin for me.
Admin: Um, you're on speakerphone.
Client: I hate you! How many times have I told you never to put me on speakerphone!?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
1PM Luckily This One Never Existed *Shredding Noises*
Lawyer: It's not exactly ethical but we have to get this thing out today.
Intern: That isn't just unethical... Isn't it illegal?
Lawyer: Only if you think contracts are binding.
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
12PM That's What You Said About Cancer Patients
Receptionist on phone: Some people say they have OCD. They don't have OCD. They're nuts!
Office
Lyndhurst, New Jersey
11AM ...Outside the Context of Our Basement.
Female cube worker #1: Have you ever heard of that black and blue ball thing? You know I would never go to that.
Female cube worker #2: Oh yeah?
Female cube worker #1: Yeah. My uncle and brother go to that. And my uncle only wears chaps.
Supervisor walking by: Are you guys working?
Male cube worker: Anyways, why don't you go?
Female cube worker #1: Well, frankly I just wouldn't want to see them in that state.
Taylor Avenue
Winnipeg, Manitoba
Canadia
10AM North, by God, America!
Paralegal: Well, Montreal is technically in America.
Design Center Place
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: umm ... really?
9AM And She Was Totally Ungrateful About Last Year's Weight Watchers Subscription
Thoughtful receptionist: What are you getting your wife for Valentine's Day?
Sales shark: Nothing. She's already my wife.
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
5PM Anaphylactic Shock Isn't the Worst Way to Go
Cube monkey #1: I'm losing my will to live.
Cube monkey #2: Would a tiny peanut butter cookie help?
Calgary
Canada
4PM Amy's Grandpa Is Also Her Father
Food court employee #1: I think I have a lizard tail growin' out of my butt!
Food court employee #2: Oh, I see it!
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
3PM A Tom Jones Song Is Never Called for in the Office
Female employee: [Burps loudly.]
Male employee: Ooh, sexy! [Singing.] She's a lady! Whoa whoa whoa!
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
2PM I'm Going to Call You Back Using a Fake British Accent
Engineer on phone: Hi, this is Jim from [Company A]. Oh, wait, that's you. Shit.
Paterson, New Jersey
1PM Elvis Costello: Genius!
Hardhat #1: Don't worry. You will do something wrong that will make her mad, sooner or later.
Hardhat #2: Impossible. I don't do wrong shit everyday!
Construction site
Austell, Georgia
12PM Thus Following the Golden Rule.
Office drone: Ahhhh crap! I peed on the floor. If I knew I was going to pee on the floor today, I'd never have come to work.
From within a Stall in the Men's Restroom, Office Building
Rochester, Minnesota
11AM ...How Much I'm Enjoying Your Discomfort
Beastly employee: That reminds me of when I was skinny. I was smoking. With my thigh-high boots.
Pretty employee: Mmmm... cool.
Beastly employee: I won't ever wear them again. I am too fat. I will bring them in for you.
Pretty employee, unhappily: Ummmm... ok.
Passerby employee to pretty employee, sympathetically: The boots went up to her camel toe... I'm sorry.
Hawthorne, New York
Overheard by: I have my own office
10AM Let Us Pour Libations and Examine the Entrails of a Goat
Clueless VP, whispering right after lightbulb has exploded: What does it mean?
Park Avenue
New York City, New York
9AM I Respect You Too Much to Listen to You
Experienced healthcare worker: I told you not to tell our boss that I let you do that procedure, but you told her. Why did you tell her?
New Asian healthcare worker: Sometimes you talk and I just nod my head.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Alarmed healthcare worker
5PM I Was Searching for Some Important Files
Lawyer #1: I have a buddy who wears a surgical mask when he flies.
Lawyer #2: That's crazy.
Lawyer #1: No it's not.
Lawyer #3: Wait. That's not crazy, but I'm crazy for not shaking your hand after you put it down your pants?
Lawyer #1: My hand was outside my underwear!
Constitution Avenue
Washington, DC
4PM Unless He Hits the Cancer Jackpot
Health care counselor, advising another about a caller: Well, unless he has AIDS or MS, he's out of luck.
Metrocenter Boulevard
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: happyhealthworker
3PM I'm Sorry, I Didn't Get That; Please Press 1 for English...
Manager on phone: Does panting count as a response?
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
2PM Probably for Historical Reasons
Assistant: They've already designed the corn maze for a Lewis & Clark theme.
Account executive: Why did they choose Superman?
Assistant: [Stumped silence.]
Thomas Street
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Pants
1PM The Meteorologist Said It'd Be Fabulous
Office chick #1: Have you seen the weather today?
Office chick #2: 100% chance of gayness today.
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: tater
12PM That's an Oven, Janet
Receptionist, staring at a door: This door confuses me.
Main Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Emily
11AM I Know That's Hard to Swallow, But It's True
Engineer on phone with supplier: Well, I didn't mean to cram Siemens down your throat.
5th Avenue
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
10AM Would You Like Some Ethnic Slurs With That?
Angry suit on cell: Get me the money or I take your ass to court. I'll take your ass to court.
Barista: Ummm... sir? Can I get you something to drink?
Angry suit on cell: Yes, I'd like a triple mocha. [To cell.] I mean it. I'll sue your ass, you greedy, lying Italian bastard.
Barista: Sir, would you like whipped cream on your mocha?
Angry suit on cell: Like hell you'll get me the money by June. You were supposed to give it to me back in September. [To barista.] Extra whipped cream, thanks.
W Washington St
Ann Arbor, Michigan
9AM An Admin's Tail Goes from Side to Side/ But a Sales Tail Goes Like This
Sales person: Did you just say, "dildo"?
Office admin: No! I said, "tail goes".
Sales person, laughing: Wow. That's not what I heard.
Office admin: You seriously need some alone time.
James Street
Syracuse, New York
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