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5PM Coddery Barn?
Lawyer on cell: ... But where am I supposed to find a codpiece?!
Park Central Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Disturbed Paralegal
4PM Gimme a Hand with It, Okay?
From inside copy room: Oh my god, my flap's gone up! Don't you hate it when your flap goes up?
Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: EM
3PM Fortunately, the Lobotomy Expedited the Review Process
Partner: Call Greg* and have him look over these documents.
Associate: Greg had surgery yesterday and is in the hospital. Do you want to call someone else to review them?
Partner: No, Greg can do it. It's not like he's dead.
Associate: Okay, I'll call him in the morning.
Partner: No, call him now. It's not like he has anything better to do tonight.
Law firm, 1201 Elm Street
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: jennifer
2PM The Gold Metal Bikini's Pretty Cool, Though
Office girl commenting on CEO's haircut: What happened to her?
Queer coworker: I know! It looks like something they created for Star Wars and then rejected: 'Ewww, too ugly!'
701 G Street
Washington, DC
1PM The Dress Code Still Requires Pasties on Casual Friday
Accounts receivable lady: I don't mean to be rude, but could one of you unhook my bra? I've about had it with this stupid thing! [Order entry woman unhooks lady's bra, and lady takes her bra off to swing around in air while keeping her shirt on.] Freedom! Freedom at last!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: never a dull moment
12PM Now, for Your Homework, Copy Page 49 of the Textbook
Biology professor: You can't just come up with your own hypotheses!
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
11AM Even If It Is Part of My Job Description
Woman exiting man's office: Give 'em a copy of your contract -- I don't care. I have better things to do than sit here and jerk myself off.
498 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: I care
10AM Which Also Leaves Out Spanking and Flogging
Boss to assistant: Well, we're not going to fire you, because you'd like that too much.
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Sir Rugo
9AM You're the Only One Who's Ever Noticed
Office peon: You smell like a giant fruit fly!
Fishers, Indiana
5PM Who Are You?
Peon: I'm not sure if everyone's aware, but I have taken the time to name people's tummies in the In-house Department.
Wilmington, Delaware
4PM Sure Thing, Tammy.
Waiter #1, pointing: Tammy's* either gettin' a poochy belly, or she needs to trim that beaver.
Waiter #2: It's beaver. I fucked her last month, after her sister died, and I thought I was suddenly in a '70s porno.
Manager: You guys need to go find something to clean.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
3PM Like You've Never Wondered?
Worker: Is the mailer-daemon a real person?
Tech: Really?
11766 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
2PM A Taser? Sweet!
Lawyer, offering cigarette: Need one?
Non-smoking secretary: I'm gonna need something a lot stronger to deal with you today!
Lawyer, exiting door to smoke: Top, right desk drawer in my office.
Law office
Indiana
1PM Oh Noz!
Cashier #1: What do you think of, you know, when people stick random Zs into words? Like, 'For shizzle, my nizzle'?
Cashier #2: Man, I hate it when people do that. They sound like they ain't got no speech.
8700 East 63rd Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Jedusor
12PM These Are the Options?
Office dude: Some of the guys here are so blatant when they stare at and talk about cute girls that work here. I think it's demeaning.
Office chick: Yeah, but I would rather be sexually harassed for being attractive than have guys call me 'ugly.' Wow... I just set the feminist movement back, like, 50 years.
Seattle, Washington
11AM I'm No Longer Sure I Want to Get into This
Girl assistant: Well, how often do you move your bowels?
Queer assistant: You mean, like, sit-ups?
745 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: finance is funny
10AM So Abandon All Hope, Yadda Yadda Yadda
Vice president: I know it's a hellhole, but it's my hellhole.
198 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
9AM Did I Mention the Horses in Gynecological Stirrups?
Medical scientist #1: You know, they've got sheep in the basement...
Medical scientist #2: Our basement?!
Medical scientist #1: Yeah. It's for heart surgery experiments. They bring them up for MRIs at night.
Medical scientist #2: There are sheep using our MRI machines?!
Medical scientist #1: Well, they're only small ones...
Hospital, Flemington Road
Parkville, Victoria
Australia
2PM Friday Afternoons Quickly Degenerate into Hide-and-Seek
Assistant: What are you up to?
Boss, gleefully: I'm fucking about!
Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Kate
1PM The Original Forrest Gump Script Left Something to Be Desired
Consultant describing different diagnostic tests to client: Gonorrhea is like a can of chili.
555 5th Avenue
New York, New York
12PM I'm Telling
Middle-aged man #1 on speakerphone: You're a poo-poo head.
Middle-aged man #2: Well, you're a pu-pu platter!
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
11AM Nuns Wore Stilettos
Older worker: You know what they used to call those shoes when I was your age?
Peon wearing ballet flats: Um, I'm not sure I want to know...
Older worker: Slut shoes. You could always tell which girls were easy because they wore shoes just like that.
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: wondering what she'd think of my 3-inch heels
10AM Um, Was That on the Table?
Annoyed executive: I wouldn't piss in his mouth if it was a urinal!
84 Newbury Street
Peabody, Massachusetts
9AM For Those Who Feel Bad about Quitting College
Engineer lady: The price of first class stamps is now 41 cents!
Engineer guy: If they made them in China, they'd be a lot cheaper.
3003 West Casino Road
Everett, Washington
5PM All I Meant Was You Seem to Need a Lot of Stimulation... Dammit!
Male manager to female assistant carrying two cups of coffee: Double fisting? ... Wow, sorry. I'm sorry.
175 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Emily
4PM You Get Used to Double-Entry Is the Best I Can Say
Receptionist: You can do that while you're sleeping?!
Accounting girl: Well, yeah.
Receptionist: ... Does it feel good?
Accounting girl: [Shrugs.]
Hutchinson, Kansas
Overheard by: The Temp
3PM Or Something the Size of a Seed, Anyway
IT nerd to another: Yeah, it was just a banana hammock, but I never did much with it besides keep sunflower seeds in it and stuff.
Park Lane and Highway 75
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: cherry
2PM When Cats Are Forced to Live in Suburban New Jersey
Cube dweller on phone: Stupid, beer-drinking cat.
Bedminster, New Jersey
1PM My Fainting Couch Won't Be Delivered Until Tomorrow
Employee: Why are you eating?
Hungry guy: Because it's Tuesday.
8531 E Marginal Way South
Seattle, Washington
12PM Kind of a Toxic Waste of Everybody's Time
Reporter: I can't get away from effin' Bernie Smith*. Every time the man farts, the attorney general calls me!
Newsroom
Ocean County, New Jersey
Overheard by: inothernews
11AM Have We Learned Nothing from the "Cock Diagram" Incident?
Secretary: Can you believe the new temp said her favorite movie was Blow?!
HR director: I am not familiar with that. Look up 'blow' on Google.
Accounting manager: I wouldn't do that if I was you.
1250 Broadway
New York, New York
10AM ... Without Being Shot
IT guy: I feel for teachers, because it's not like the good old days when you could take kids under the stairwell and pummel them.
Bush Lake Road
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: just trying to finish the day
9AM Condi Rice Finally Loses It
Loud office lady: I don't need to learn no more. You know money, you know dick, you know pussy -- you don't need to know no more.
Government office, 400 Maryland Avenue SW
Washington, DC
5PM Hint, Hint.
Post-doc: I see... You condition the mouse to know that it gets a treat after you pick it up.
Professor: Exactly. 'I know I'm happy when you touch me and give me food!'
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
4PM Just Easily Distracted. Look -- a Bug!
Accountant: It was my son's first day of second grade, and it took him two hours to do his homework.
Sales rep: Awww, poor guy. What kind of homework?
Accountant: It was a word search...
Sales rep: [Silence.]
Accountant: But he's not stupid or anything.
2100 Lafayette Street
Louisiana
3PM Or Maybe Like Epcot without Them
Grunt: I don't like Vegas. Actually, I liked Vegas when the mob ran it. Now it's like Disneyland with hookers.
402 Watertower Circle
Colchester, Vermont
Overheard by: Bastian
2PM We Happily Bring You an Amusing Anecdote Reader's Digest Won't
Clerk: God, why is that old man so angry?
Manager: Give him a break. How many more times is he going to be buying new shoes? He'll probably be buried in these.
Old crab, from across room: I'm not deaf, you bitches!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
1PM And Send Off a Whole Bunch of Crap
Secretary: I gotta shit... I mean, I gotta check my e-mail.
900 N Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: say what?
12PM Gotta Love That Extra-Thick Straw
Cube rat #1: Slurpees are the best things ever. Hawaiian Punch Slurpee, man. Only second to lemonade Slurpee.
Cube rat #2: I haven't had a Slurpee in, like, 20 years.
Cube rat #1: You're ridiculous.
Cube rat #2: You're gay!
Cube rat #1: Gay for my Slurpees.
12012 Sunset Hills Road
Reston, Virginia
11AM I Set My Expectations Low, and I Still Got Burned
Coworker, after snow predicted night before: So, I want to know what happened to the one to three inches I was promised.
Portland, Oregon
10AM And the Winner of Today's "Most Entertaining Location" Contest...
Male worker bee: Do you know it's getting closer?
Female worker bee: Closer every day.
Male worker bee: But do you know what that means to me?
Female worker bee: I do. Eggs!
Intercourse, Pennsylvania
9AM But You're Just Motivating the Hell Out of Me Today
New senior manager: So... When have you ever given a shit?
Employee: I don't know. It's been a while.
Interstate Parkway North
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Deno
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