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5PM For Those Who Are Always Getting Sucker-Taught
Coworker #1: You know how there are teachable moments?
Coworker #2: Yeah.
Coworker #1: Well, there should also be punchable moments.
Austin, Texas
4PM I'd Like to Push Another Boulder Up a Different Hill
Employee #1: If you want to send me your resume, I'll see if they're looking to hire designers. I think they are.
Employee #2: Does the place resemble Hell?
Employee #1: You mean like here?
Employee #2: Yeah. Like, if it's a few shades lighter red, and about half the amount of writhing souls, I'd be interested.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: cube prisoner
3PM Oh, Sure, Now That You Put It That Way
Coworker #1, carrying on secret relationship with #2: What are you trying to say?
Coworker #2: I'm not saying anything. You know what I'm saying.
Coworker #1: What are you trying to say?
Coworker #2: I'm not saying anything. You know what I'm saying.
Hospital
New York
2PM The Statute of Limitations Has Expired
Truck driver: Back in the old days, Larry* used to take bribes, Larry used to give bribes, Larry ran the company the way it should be run!
Dispatcher: Do you know what you just said?
Truck driver: I know what I just said!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: extracaffeinated
1PM Consumers Resist the Next Generation of IPods
Worker lady: I told him, 'You're not going to get the whole thing in -- I have a small mouth and a gag problem.'
343 State Street
Rochester, New York
12PM As a Condition of His Parole
Suit #1: Well, what about Harry*? We could put him on the local board. He has a lot of connections around the city.
Suit #2: Wait, didn't he just get out of prison?
Suit #3: Eh, he's paid his debt to society. Plus, I'm sure he's looking for a job.
Conference room
New York, New York
11AM And We'll Have the Scars to Prove It
Sales person: Hmmm... Are you doing the billing today since Sherry* is out?
Trainee: I'm going to try.
Sales person: Well, don't mess up my billing or I'll kick your ass.
Trainee: Promise?
Sales person: Oh, yes.
Trainee: My pain is your pleasure.
Sales person: You and I will get along fine.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
10AM We Will Now Commence with the Floggings
Manager: Okay, creatives, since [creative director] is away this week, I've decided to make you comfortable: Motherfucker, cunt, snatch, bitch, motherfucker!
Adelaide Street
West Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: just passing through
9AM Someone's Been Listening to State of the Union Addresses Again
Waitress #1: What's with your couple at table five? It's impossible to tell how old they are. They could be in their 20s or 50s.
Waitress #2: That's 'cause they're foreign. All foreign people look like vampires.
River Street
Savannah, Georgia
5PM Good Thing He Hired That Guy to Express Emotions for Him
Attorney #1: Where's Stew*?
Attorney #2: Getting Botoxed.
Attorney #1: Oh, god, not again.
1202 Kettner Boulevard
San Diego, California
4PM Whoever Answers the Phone Will Be Happy to Abuse You
Office girl on phone: I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Is there something I can do to you? Shit. I mean for you?
Cornwall
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Christina
3PM All While We Were Supposed to Be Paying Attention to the Professor
Preppy student: Hey, do you guys remember that penis enlargement video we watched in business class? Yeah, that was hilarious.
529 Vaughan Road
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: oh-that-new-curriculum
2PM At Least, I Think That's What It Was
Suit #1: I think my memory has improved since I started taking those Ginkgo biloba tablets.
Suit #2: Really? I bought a bottle of those, like, two months ago, but I don't remember where I put it.
2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
1PM Our Secret Formula -- It's Working!
Coworker: There are people making out on the lawn! [Everyone rushes to window to look.]
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Thanking God I'm not white trash
12PM Luckily It Was Faulkner, So Neither of Us Understood It Anyway
Lady peon: So, I was going home on the train the other night, and this drunk guy sat next to me, and I was just sitting reading my book, and I could tell that he was looking at me, so I wasn't looking at him. And then he starts talking, and I realize he's been reading over my shoulder the entire time and now he's reading out loud, and I was like, 'Hey! I haven't even gotten to that part yet!'
745 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
11AM Now He's a Christian -- and Not in the Good Way
Boss: Yeah, he was into doing drugs -- and not in the good way.
San Francisco, California
10AM What Do They Expect at a Snail Salon?
Large customer lady: I leave a big puddle... That's how people know I've been here!
Melbourne
Australia
9AM Everybody Says That about the Vatican
Suit: It was kind of like Little Red Riding Hood, except with Mexican hookers.
Irving, Texas
5PM Like All the Terrorists Have Agreed to Do
Older gentleman at counter: So, if my application is approved for the remote entry program, I can enter the U.S. after hours?
Customs officer: Yes, sir.
Older gentleman: But what's with this border passport requirement?
Customs officer, uncomfortable: The remote entry pass is for when the port is closed, sir. You will still need a passport to enter when we are open.
Customs office, Northern Border
4PM We Couldn't Even Give Away the Faux Faux-Leather Ones
Make-up counter girl: ... And can I interest you in our free gift?
Customer: Sure! What is it?
Make-up girl: It's a real faux leather bag!
Department store, 34th Street
New York, New York
3PM Any Normal Kid in Boy's Town
Smoking peon: I was like any normal kid -- give me a Butane Torch, and I'm gonna burn everything I can find.
22nd Street and 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Christina
2PM What? The Man Needs a Branch Manager
Clerk #1: My boss is bad off because he ain't had a BM for weeks.
Clerk #2: Ass-kisser.
Central Park West and 71st Street
New York, New York
1PM The Joke's On You -- Those Are Decoy Pop-Tarts
Worker leaving office to coworker on phone: Hurry up or I'm going to poke your Pop-Tarts.
5th and Jackson
Topeka, Kansas
Overheard by: D
12PM The Basement Is Visibly Firmer
20-something worker #1: You know, I've never had a bikini wax. Never.
20-something worker #2: What? How do you keep yourself... fresh down there?
20-something worker #1: Neutrogena works like a charm.
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bored in NJ
11AM Afford Homes
Peon #1: Yeah, I got the printer from this place that sells refurbished computers. Homeless people do it.
Peon #2: Ahhh, homeless people. What can't they do?
12 Desbrosses Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Grace
10AM Is Anybody Prosecuting the Vatican Over Rosary Beads?
Communications manager to public relations specialist about sex toy ban in Alabama: Well, we really can't control the situation if someone chooses to take one of our novelty items and stimulate their genitals with it.
Sex toy company
Virginia
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
9AM Tonight's Movie: Sideways
Coworker #1: When she [pregnant supervisor] saw what we did here, she almost had her baby.
Coworker #2: In a bad way?
Coworker #3: Nobody has a baby in a good way!
640 5th Avenue
New York, New York
5PM To Hear Me Speak Like an Automated System, Press 1...
Pharmacy tech on phone: Thanks for calling ABC Pharmacy*... Yes, ma'am. Ma'am... Ma'am... Ma'am! Just speak your refill number to me -- don't punch it in your phone!
Braselton Highway
Dacula, Georgia
Overheard by: PharmDawg
4PM Just Sent Us Hatemail for Calling It "Canadia"
Male peon: So, where are you guys located, anyway?
Customer: We're in Guyana.
Male peon: Oh, over in Africa, eh?
Black coworker, yelling from four cubicles over to male peon: Stan*, you're an idiot!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Andrew
3PM Oh, That Customer Again?
Cube rat: How do you say 'ejaculation' in Pig Latin?
11 Penn Plaza
New York, New York
2PM And Where Else Would We Store Our Hash?
Male cop: Just so you know, no matter what she said, I was not trying to play with her boobs. I was just trying to throw something down in there... You can ask Susan* -- she was there.
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: uh... didn't need to know that
1PM I Hadn't Thought That Far Ahead
Barista #1: So, what are you going to do with the dead bodies?
Barista #2: Ummm...
Starbucks
California
Overheard by: Aubrey
12PM Like "Chubby" and "Spanky" Were Any Better?
Employee #1, reading newspaper: This guy's name is Poon Tang! I can't believe they printed his name!
Employee #2: Isn't Poon Tang something they said on The Little Rascals?
Knoxville, Tennessee
11AM Can't Get Much Safer Than That
Lady employee to friend: Looks like we're both going solo together tonight.
Club, 815 V Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Matt
10AM Is He Supposed to Keep Coming Back?
Expansion specialist to trainee: So, did you put the dead guy in 'Deceased'?
4833 Rugby Avenue
Bethesda, Maryland
9AM The Judge Now Talks through a Hand Puppet
Attorney to secretary: You should be excited! There are no penises this time!
Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Walking In At The Wrong Time
5PM Sailing in Search of the Rest of Your Simile
Consultant on phone: You need to set corporate goals. Without goals, you're like a boat on the water.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Frumious Bandersnatch
4PM Hey, It's Your Name
CSR on phone: Your name, please?
Client: Patti Thomson*. That's Thompson, without a P.
CSR: No P in Patti?!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
3PM And I'm Not Going Down Alone
Worker lady: This year is my last birthday.
Post office, 10 Atlantic Street
Newark, New Jersey
2PM Mind If I Watch You Work?
Manager: Hey, you got a sec?
Developer: What's up?
Manager: I'm trying to figure out how much to charge the client for that new feature. How hard would it be for you to add it?
Developer, smirking: I can do it in 10 minutes... with my dick.
Manager: Sooo... about five hundred bucks then.
543 Richmond Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: laughing new guy
1PM Every Office Has Its Own Oral History
Office tech, fiddling with printer: I'm still getting that sensor dustiness error.
Office bimbette: Oh! I know how to fix that! You have to open it up and blow. Just give it a good blow and then it's fine!
922 3rd Street
Sedro-Wolley, Washington
Overheard by: T-Rex
12PM Trying to Turn on the Wheels in Her Brain Is the Hard Part
Blonde peon #1: My husband just texted me to tell me to turn on my all-wheel drive. He must think I'm an idiot.
Blonde peon #2: Well, it is icy.
Blonde peon #1: I mean, I only have four-wheel drive.
18th and Oak Streets
Kansas City, Missouri
11AM Twelve Full Months of Scary Doll Eyes
Worker: Hello! Are you looking for anything in particular?
Eight-year-old boy: Barbie!
Calendar kiosk, Victoria Mall
Victoria, Texas
10AM Sorry, Feminist Theory Is Down the Hall
Professor: So, you see how within Foucault's understanding power always returns, because it is in the very organization of our thoughts?
Student in back row: Those sons of bitches!
2001 Main Street
Buffalo, New York
9AM Great Work, John.
Boss: How long do I still have to wait for those reports?
Worker: Steve* is doing the final results. [Both stare at Steve.]
Steve, coming out of a reverie: A polar bear is as tall as an elephant!
New York, New York
Overheard by: WTF
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