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5PM It Delivered a Christmas Warning and Vanished
Lady suit: It was a full moon and I saw a cow standing right in my front yard!
Intern, slightly freaked out: Oh my god.
Lady suit: Yeah, with the moon shining it looked like it was glowing green.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Marie
4PM Socialism Was Fleeting but the Bud Light Dog Is Forever
Teacher: Does anyone know what Sputnik was?
Student: That's, like, a dog, right?
High school
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kong
3PM "Janey's Got a Gun"?
Music industry worker: I want to hear that one pretty song about her dad dying.
150 5th Avenue
New York, New York
2PM With No Yeast?
Employee: Hi! Can I help you?
Woman: Can I have a six-inch BLT on Italian?
Employee: I'm sorry, we're out of Italian.
Woman: Can I just have white bread?
Employee: That's the same as Italian.
Woman: Do you have plain bread?
13600 Solomons Island Road
Solomons, Maryland
Overheard by: I hate Jared.
1PM It's Really Just Packaging
Cop: Pick me up a diet water.
Secretary: If they don't have diet, is regular okay?
Police department
New Jersey
12PM When Richard Simmons Forgets to Take His Lithium
Male to female worker: I always support you. I empower you... You piece of shit.
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: Office Manager
11AM I Hate This Place
Cube dweller: Just don't go around wearing green tights and you're good.
Addison, Texas
10AM Are We Done Yet?
Boss: Do you have five minutes so I can talk to you for a sec?
Orlando, Florida
9AM And You're Positively Glowing with Health!
Employee: I really like the new floor tiles you picked for the office!
Boss: Good thing, too. These old tiles were put in in the 1950s, and I just found out they were made with cobalt.
Employee: Ah.
Boss: Yeah, they're actually radioactive.
Employee: Huh?
Boss: A Geiger counter would totally pick up on the radiation in here!
Employee: Ummm...
Boss: But it's not really a problem -- it would take decades of exposure to effect you, really.
Employee: I've been here 18 years.
Music agency
Vienna
Austria
5PM Don't Get Out Much?
Employee on phone: How's the weather there? Is it sunny?
Speaker: It's raining.
Employee on phone: Oh. So is the sun shining?
Des Moines, Iowa
4PM 9999: "Other"
Grunt #1 on phone: They said that I was down there for one of two reasons -- to buy drugs or find a prostitute.
Grunt #2, after #1 hangs up: I don't want to know. As long as it was billable...
Grunt #1: What's the task code for hiring a prostitute?
180 North Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: in tears
3PM Dr., Have You Noticed That the Men in This Ward Have Seizures Every Weekday Afternoon?
Old man worker #1, across the room: Is the softball team jumping around again?
Old man worker #2, looking out the window: No, they're running now.
Old man worker #1: That's just as good.
College Boulevard
Overland Park, Kansas
2PM Most Extras in Hollywood Are Golems Now
Foreign producer on phone: I tell him it's okay if you're dead... We'll make from him a midget...
Film studio
Hollywood, California
1PM Large and Cold and Benign?
Worker #1: Did you vote?
Worker #2: I can't vote.
Worker #1: Why not?
Worker #2: I'm not a citizen.
Worker #1: You're from here, no?
Worker #2: No, I'm from Canada.
Worker #1: Oh... You don't look like a Canadian.
45 Rockefeller Center
New York, New York
12PM What Happened to Bacon?
Intern girl #1: What's that smell?
Intern girl #2: What smell?
Intern girl #1: It's like... Grape Popsicles.
Intern girl #2: Ah, yes. That's the smell of the law.
City Hall
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Rachel
11AM Bring a Friend
Male coworker: When are you going to come out of your cave and socialize?
Female coworker: Why don't you just come in my cave?!
810 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Hmmm... Maybe I will
10AM And Is That a Giraffe?
Female office worker: I think I like this purse more than my Coach purse. It fits more stuff. I could fit a burrito in here! Actually, I do have a burrito in here.
350 Los Ranchitos Road
San Rafael, California
9AM Pointless Self-Glorification?
Employee emerging from stockroom, singing: Tookie's in the house! Y'all already know what he's about!
Office supply store
New York, New York
Overheard by: NCS
5PM I Place the Blame Squarely on Television
Worker bee to another: Did you hear our children are going to be the first generation to be stupider than their parents?
Pharmaceutical company
New Jersey
Overheard by: Intern
4PM But It Turns Out I Was Wrong
Receptionist on phone in earshot of a client: She said that she told her manager, 'I hate my fucking job.' I told her that it was completely inappropriate to say 'fuck' at work.
Austin, Texas
3PM How about Just the Minor Drug Offenders?
Coworker: Did you hear? Jerry Brown is our new Attorney General!
Boss: That's it! Open up all the prisons! Set the prisoners free! And give them all marijuana on the way out!
708 Fiero Lane
San Luis Obispo, California
2PM Whether You Live There or Not!
Boss: You shouldn't throw glass stones at a house!
155 North Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
1PM The Locals Always Suffer When There's a Vibrant Tourism-Based Economy
Coworker: I asked HR for two rubbers and she only gave me one! This happens every time.
Rama 1 Road
Bangkok
Thailand
Overheard by: Bangkok Lawyer
12PM Mitt Romney?
Office peon: Well, guess who one of them was? Guess who one of the lesbian gypsies was?!
202 West 1st Street
Los Angeles, California
11AM To What Extent Are You Her?
Old, crazy worker lady: Hey, what department do you work in?
New girl: I work in XYZ department*.
Old, crazy worker lady: Oh, what do you do there?
New girl: I'm an assistant.
Old, crazy worker lady: Oh, you're a lawyer?
New girl: No, I'm an assistant. My name's Erin Murray*.
Old, crazy worker lady: Oh, Erin Murray! Oh, I know her -- I'm a big fan of her work.
South Carolina
Overheard by: stuck in sc
10AM I Promise Not to Hold Your Hand to the Waffle-Iron Again
Manager to petrified new waitress: Relax, dammit! I said to relax!
8511 Lilley Road
Canton, Michigan
Overheard by: Megan
9AM Purring and Headbutting Means She Likes You
Receptionist: I told him, 'It doesn't matter if she's weird or if she meows like a cat, she's still your teacher...'
4 Choke Cherry Road
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: I never had teachers like that
5PM Because I Borrowed It
Secretary to lawyer: Was that your condom they found on the second floor of the parking garage?
Cleveland, Ohio
4PM I-W-I-S-H-I-C-O-U-L-D-F-I-R-E-Y-O-U
Boss: Hey, how do you spell 'Japanese'? [Peon spells it.] Hmmm, do you think she was Japanese? How do you spell 'Chinese'? [Peon spells it.] I don't know if she was Chinese, though... Here's what we'll do -- [begins typing letter] 'The child speaks Asian...' Wait, how do you spell 'Asian'?
1000 West Central Road
Mount Prospect, Illinois
Overheard by: I work here?
3PM Love the Orange Lipstick, Though
Blonde manager: These hooker shoes are killing my feet.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
2PM But You're Certainly Correct about Her Gargantuan Gazongas
Male intern, about passing coworker: Wow... Those were some tremendous titties.
Female manager: Okay, so you know I'm your manager, right? You probably shouldn't say 'titties' to me.
Plymouth, Michigan
1PM Dude, You're on Speakerphone
VP, after phone call: What are these guys, incompetent? [Looks at phone] Is that thing hung up?
Ventura and Balboa Boulevards
Encino, California
Overheard by: Wish I didn't work in the Valley
12PM I Beg Your Pardon
Coworker: So, when a new client comes in we lock them up in the Olive Garden.
Manager, after a moment: You mean 'walled garden'?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I am hungry
11AM Just Let 'em Eat While They Nap
Cube chick: How do you love a hamster?!
11460 Johns Creek Parkway
Duluth, Georgia
10AM Customers Are Starting to Complain
Sales rep answering phone: Sales department... Oh, hi... Really? Thank God, because I have been scratching down there all night!
Boston, Massachusetts
9AM I Wouldn't Wait, If I Were You
Loud lady peon: Hey, Sheryl*, whenever you want to come over here and smell me, go ahead!
Fairchild Court
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: Tina
5PM Fridge: Beginning Ice Dump. Overwrite BIOS?
Lab rat #1: What was the IT guy doing here?
Lab rat #2: Connecting the refrigerator to the Internet... There's a sentence I never thought I'd say.
Fordham University
New York, New York
Overheard by: Andrea
4PM Since Most of the People We Deal with Are Essentially Potted Plants
Sales guy, about customer: She's an idiot.
Customer service manager: Awesome!
4755 Walnut Street
Boulder, Colorado
3PM Slightly below That Monkey Who Typed Shakespeare
IT guy: There's a spectrum between those who are completely illiterate and those who are completely literate, and the people who write the news are somewhere in-between.
Tonopah, Arizona
Overheard by: AndyDan
2PM ... He Brings a Different Wife to Every Office Party
Boss: I'm not saying he's a polygamist, but...
29th Street
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: mfk
1PM So You Might Want to Hold Your Nose
Accountant to another: Have I mentioned that I need to depreciate?
Anselmo Lane
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Carlen
12PM She's the Most Dedicated Veterinarian We Know
Office girl #1: I wonder where's Karen's* been.
Office girl #2: The bitch convention.
Office girl #1: She's probably the keynote speaker.
Jackson Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: another karen* hater
11AM Mrs. Clinton Takes Care to Maintain Her Authority
Boss, yelling in gruff voice: Mine's bigger!
55 Water Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Mickey the Intern
10AM The Plot Thickens...
Cube rat on phone: I saw the puppy on my lunch break... Yeah, now I have to go home and scrub the bathroom floor with my teeth.
Irving, Texas
9AM Roughly 200 of Those in Elevators
Repairman in elevator, to another: So, what's wrong with having sex? People been havin' sex for hundreds of years.
Research Drive
Durham, North Carolina
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