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5PM Tonight's Movie: Debbie Does Droids
Lady peon, imitating a robot: I love you. I love you, too. We should swap transmission fluids.
135 West 50th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Lowly Human
4PM And We Can Sit around on Our Assets
Male legal assistant: Sean*, all we need is vaginas.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Confused Coworker
3PM Who Hasn't Been, in This Town?
Woman peon: I think she's okay. She got serviced...
11th Street NW
Washington, DC
2PM I Was Aiming for Your Crotch
Male peon: I didn't want to grab your... area.
Sierra College Boulevard
Rocklin, California
1PM We Work for Smithfield, for God's Sake!
Worker bee, discussing his 75-year-old uncle's brain injuries: I don't want him to be a vegetarian for the rest of his life!
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: worker bea
12PM So There's No One to Stop Me
Boss, about former employee: She smelled like my grandmother's underwear drawer.
Underling: Do you spend a lot of time in your grandmother's underwear drawer?
Boss: Well, she died a while ago...
1100 Hamilton Court
Menlo Park, California
11AM To Withhold Kitchen and Bedroom Services
Female employee, about customer: He's afraid of his wife.
Male employee #1: And may I ask who isn't?!
Male employee #2: I don't fear my wife, I just respect her power.
Eden Prairie, Minnesota
10AM Would You Just Give It a Feel?
Mexican worker: Does my banana look sick to you?
Coworker: I am not looking over there.
306 Oak Court
Beavercreek, Ohio
9AM Um, Should It Be?
Lady worker on phone: So, is this a bring-your-own-rubber-chicken kind of party?
Coffee brewery corporate center
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Gryndyl
5PM At Least I Think They Were My Pants
Employee #1: Why are you so late, man?
Employee #2: I got loaded last night and shit my pants on the way to work.
1300 St. Laurent Boulevard
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
4PM You've Dropped an Ice Cube in Your Stomach?
Worker #1: See this article on how ice makes you gain weight?
Worker #2: That's so true, because if you drop an ice cube in your stomach it has to melt before it can be absorbed.
Staten Island
New York
3PM You Dare Find My Motivational Slogans Laughable?
Boss: There's no 'I' in 'unity'! Wait... There's no 'me' in 'team'!
Employees: [Laughter.]
300 East Randolph Street
Chicago, Illinois
2PM People without Boundaries Need Special Handling
Friendly worker guy: Hey, you guys -- I just took one sip of this energy drink and I don't really want it. Does anyone want it? [No one answers. A few minutes later] Hey, you guys -- there is a lot of turkey on this sandwich. Does anyone want some?
Normal worker guy: Hey, you guys -- I've had this peanut M&M in my mouth for four days. Does anyone want it?
12th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: social
1PM Explains a Lot about the Condition of Journalism in This Country
Managing editor: Our system's down until 2:50.
Reporter: To the bars, then!
Other reporters: Yay!
Editor-in-chief: Why the hell not?
400 East Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
12PM You Know That's Only Allowed on Casual Fridays
IT tech #1: What are you doing over there?
IT tech #2: We're blowing people.
Waterview Parkway
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Dont_want_to_know
11AM Or Am I Now Cleared to Take a Pencil from the Supply Cabinet?
Professor: Do I need to sign something saying I signed something?
Langford Architecture Center, Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
10AM We're Still Paying Off the Judgment in the Dumpty Case
CEO: We don't want to get sued because someone has a ridiculously large head.
Wausau, Wisconsin
9AM ... But No
Ancient lesbian waitress: You ever tried to buy dental dams at three A.M. in the Bible belt?
Wide-eyed teen bus boy: Uh... I have sooo many questions about what you just said...
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
5PM Are We Done Sharing Now?
Distracted sexy woman: I'm in room 7439*.
Bellman: I'm happily married.
Hotel and casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Laurence Crews
4PM Does It Mean I Can Stop Wearing Heels?
50-ish lady peon: Oh, honey, you don't have to lift those boxes!
20-ish lady peon: No, it's okay, I really don't mind. They're not very heavy.
50-ish lady peon: But that shows on a woman later in life!
20-ish lady peon: Shows? What do you mean?
50-ish lady peon: Well, you know, makes you big... Like the She-Hulk, or that hermaphrodite wrestler! You don't want people thinking you're not a woman, do you?
University of North Carolina, 208 Raleigh Street
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
3PM You're Cruisin' for Another Time-Out
Peon, reading: 'The essence of client trust accounting is contained in these three words: Client, trust, accounting.' Really? I would have thought more like, 'Thermometer, Frankenstein, candle.'
Hall of Justice
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Jeffner
2PM The Insult-Comic Dog?
Chipper corporate trainer: You put an extra '-umph' at the end of 'tri-', and what do you get? Triumph!
4635 East Elwood Street
Phoenix, Arizona
1PM With the Bloody Daggers and Vests of Human Hair?
Attorney: Can we file this psychopathically?
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Legal Cube-Dweller
12PM Just Look at These Blisters!
Director of tech support, in heavy French accent: Busy week, yes. I have had to beat off many clients.
Tech dude: Wait, what?
Director: Oh, yeah. At least 30.
Tech support conference call
California
11AM But I Just Got You a Princess Dress, Raoul
Grunt: Man, this consultant is absurdly high maintenance. I swear, the woman's going to ask for a pony next!
Boss: Just get her what she wants. We need her on-board.
Grunt: Well, if she gets a pony, I want one, too.
Washington, DC
10AM If You Do, They Know
Lady: I don't like catfish. Catfish scare me 'cause I'm afraid they can walk.
Coworker: Do you eat the eyes?
414 East 12th Street
Kansas City, Missouri
9AM That's How We Write These Headlines
Boss: I wonder what I could accomplish if I had 10 more hours in a day and a bucket of speed.
East Street
Goderich, Ontario
Canadia
5PM Why Pavarotti Had to Write His Lyrics on His Hand.
Music agent slamming phone down angrily: God, he's so unintelligent! I mean, even for a tenor!
1st District
Vienna
Austria
4PM Is This Gonna Get Me Fired?
Female worker to another: I was gonna show you something. You wanna go to the ladies' room?
Seneca Street
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: MonkeyPantaloons
3PM In and Out of the Side Pockets
Boss: He can work the balls so nicely. In both directions.
Baltimore, Maryland
2PM It's a Logical Syllogism
Lawyer on phone: Well, if you're a girl, I must be the queen's bimbo.
Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
1PM Oh, It's All Connected
Rep on phone: Sir, the character limit for your domain name has nothing to do with your World of Warcraft game.
Phoenix, Arizona
12PM Agnes Realizes She May Have Shared Too Much at Lunch
Peon #1: Stop yelling! You're just like my dad!
Peon #2: Yeah, except I'm not drunk and I'm not beating you.
Braintree, Massachusetts
Overheard by: not there anymore
11AM Sadly, That's the Most Specific Feedback I've Gotten All Year
Failed hipster boss to peon: You're really quiet today. Stop being so fucking inclusive.
Middleton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: The Friendliest Emo of All
10AM Denver Wife or New York Wife?
Assistant: Keith*, Melanie's* on the phone.
Keith: Who is that?
Assistant: Your wife.
1515 Broadway
New York, New York
9AM Would That Help?
Coworker #1: Yo, I need a shredder for all my junk mails that I get. I get mad junk mail at home.
Coworker #2: You print out all your junk e-mail?!
27th Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Michael
5PM Sounds Like It's Gonna Be Some PTA Meeting
Agent on phone: Good afternoon, Mrs. Arrington*. I just wanted to remind you to purchase a very snug belt before July 20th because you will get your pants rocked off.
6000 East Camelback Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
4PM Better Ask Somebody Your Own Age, Kiddo
Six-year-old girl at front desk: Do I look sexy?
1 Main Street
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: Switters
3PM It Won't Get Out of Bed for Less Than 10 Thousand
Employee on phone: You couldn't pay your dick three thousand dollars to work!
Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: jen
2PM Well, for One Thing, They Aren't There
Peon calling supervisor about note from employee: Did you check your pants today?
Production supervisor: What kind of question is that?
Madison, Wisconsin
1PM A Reclining One
Female worker: Something about his office seemed very home-like. I think he had a couch in it.
Male worker: It was a lamp.
Hillcroft Street
Houston, Texas
12PM Translation: I Don't Want to Understand Computers
Tech guy: The mouse won't work if it's off.
Coworker: You said reboot! I thought that meant to turn the computer off. I don't understand computers.
Midtown
New York, New York
11AM That Kind of Unpredictability Is Half the Fun
Manager: It starts on the first half, and all of a sudden we're on the next-to-last half.
100 Broadway
New York, New York
10AM Then You're Failing Me All Around
Male hippie #1 standing at printer with no paper: Aren't you supposed to be watching this? What do I pay you for?
Male hippie #2: To shave my legs and wear the skirt.
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: please no more
9AM I'd Rather Have Been Out of the Loop on All of That
Male cube rat: I got all excited because she said she needed blood money!
Female cube rat: Blood money?
Male cube rat: Yeah. But she just wanted quarters for the tampon machine.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
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