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5PM Amphibians Have Always Been the Key to American Wealth
Woman: What would you do with a million dollars?
Man: I would buy all the frogs in the world and start a frog farm!
111 Founders Plaza
East Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Bamber
4PM All Part of the Element of Surprise
Senior officer: They keep changing the uniforms! I can't tell who's in the Navy and who's parking cars!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
3PM But If a Cops Film Crew Shows Up, the Shirt Is History
Seminar coordinator: Between keeping my shoes on and keeping my britches on, there'll be no running from me!
14 Fairfield Drive
Brookfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Marissa
2PM Some PAC Money and We're on Our Way
Supervisor on phone: Yeah, it usually takes about, I don't know, three or four days to get the good whores, and then...
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
1PM Are You Immune to Postal Death Rays? We're Hiring!
Girl: One stamp please. [Crusty mail lady puts Christmas stamp on envelope.] Oh, ummm, does it need to be that one? [Crusty mail lady shoots death rays with eyes.] But they're Jewish! [More death rays.] But I'm asking them for a job! [Crusty mail lady rips off Christmas stamp and replaces with flower stamp.] Ummm...
Crusty mail lady: Fifty-one cents.
Post office
Michigan
Overheard by: Jen
12PM They Tilt Their Heads Just So to Avoid a Lifting Body Shape
Chubby office girl #1: ... And I'm a big girl, okay? The wind was blowing so hard that I almost fell over. I dunno how other people stay on the ground.
Chubby office girl #2: I've often wondered that.
Chubby office girl #1: Why I'm so fat?
Chubby office girl #2, laughing: No, how skinny people aren't airborne more often.
Chubby office girl #1: They're more aerodynamic, I guess.
State Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Liz
11AM I Knew It!
Engineer #1: So, what do you think?
Engineer #2: About what?
Engineer #1: I never knew that they made clip-on ties in such a variety of colors.
Tech lead, wearing bright purple, non-clip-on tie: Haha... Aye. Very funny.
Engineer #2: Yeah, I need to strap one on this weekend.
Cranberry, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Slappy
10AM Dude, If It Doesn't "Die" within Five Hours, You're Supposed to Consult a Physician
Worker guy: Ya know, my wife and I have a parakeet that just will not die!
Mayland Drive
Richmond, Virginia
9AM Like I Was Away on Maternity Leave, or That Our Company Doesn't Exist?
Boss on phone with lawyer: Last year? What? I don't remember last year. Hell, I hardly remember yesterday, let alone last year... Can't we just make something up?
Pearl District
Portland, Oregon
5PM Or Should It Go Under "B" for "Bubble"?
Admin: We received a brochure for a fog and bubble machine in the mail today... This is cool! Why are they sending us this?
Coworker: Oh, Alan* saw that at the trade show and wanted it. If we had a bubble party, would you show up in a bikini?
Admin: Of course! We'll file this under 'Awesome.'
San Luis Obispo, California
Overheard by: blueangelrock
4PM Billable Hours of Sweet Oblivion
Assistant: Are you leaving early?
Attorney: Yep.
Assistant: Why? It's only 3:30.
Attorney: 'Cause I like to drink.
1900 Pearl Street
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Staja
3PM That Was the Moment We Could Have Turned Back from the Brink
Student: So, now we have an extra microscope. Could we return it and get credit from the company?
Professor: Let's sell it on the black market and use the money for a really big party!
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
2PM Bridget Jones on the Fire Pole?
Valley girl: I could not believe it -- they were showing her vah-jay-jay over and over.
Office bathroom, 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
1PM Our Spy Was Mistaken. These Were Actually Congressmen
Maintenance man #1: Oooh, my date last night had some fine titties.
Maintenance man #2: Yes siree, when we hooked up I loved me some of them.
Maintenance man #3: I've seen better than hers. [Gesturing to passerby] Look at those. But I guess I'd have to see them naked to really compare.
Office building, House of Representatives
Washington, DC
12PM So Sometimes Yes, Sometimes No
Art teacher: So, we'll just add some black to this painting...
Girl: Hunter, isn't black your favorite color?
Boy: It's the color of my soul.
High school, 700 Broadway
Nashville, Tennessee
11AM It's the Stooges, on Conference Call
Tech on phone: Hello, sir, I'm calling to-- Yes, hello, this is Aaron* from-- Yes, hello, I'm calling to verify an order you placed wi-- Don't say 'hello' again! I know you can hear me!
216 Mitch Lane
Hopkinsville, Kentucky
10AM The Meter Is Running Even As We Speak
Incompetent project manager, after asking redundant questions: Um... Are you going to charge this time to my project?
Competent cube dweller: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna charge this! I'm gonna charge the fuck outta this project!
940 6th Avenue SW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Carver Stone
9AM I'm Talking Quantum-Singularity Black
Manager: Could you make this a lighter red?
Designer: You mean pink?
Manager: No, not pink. A lighter red.
Designer: Uh...
Manager: And this part here -- do you have a darker black?
Designer: No, black is pretty much black.
Manager: Well, it needs to be darker than black.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: bobby
5PM Our Role in the Service Industry?
Employee to another: You're down on your hands and knees eating a banana. How do you not know what that symbolizes?
Route 209 and Weir Lake Road
Brodheadsville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: CW
4PM Eh, the Whole State Has a Permanent Case of Colony Collapse Disorder
Grunt #1: Oh, man, I need a bagel. I weighed myself this morning and I'm lighter than I should be.
Grunt #2: One thirty-nine?
Grunt #1: Yeah, that's bad... Even for me.
Grunt #3: Carbo-load.
Grunt #2: Put butter and cream cheese on the bagel.
Grunt #1: Oh my god, did you hear about the bees?
Grunt #2: No.
Grunt #1: They're dying.
Grunt #3: Oh, yeah, I think it was Einstein that said if the bees die, you know, culture dies...
Grunt #2: Bee culture?
Grunt #1: No, like us -- California culture.
Grunt #3: Performing arts?
1355 Sansome Street
San Francisco, California
3PM For a Dollar, All You're Getting Is an Estimate
Shipping guy: How much handling can you get for a dollar?
Richmond Road
Bedford Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Shannon
2PM How'd This Get in Here?
Manager to self, while cleaning store's sign: Scrubbing the N, I'm scrubbing the N... Cleaning a T, I clean the T, that's right... Scrubbing the A, I'm scrubbing the A... [Reaches through the center hole of the A.] Scrubbing the A-hole, cleaning out the A-hole... Wait...
Valley View Mall
Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: Amused newbie
1PM So the Third Installment Will Be Terrible?
Boss lady: I think Rick* was talking to people in our aisle for a record 52 minutes. He's finally gone.
Assistant: Don't worry. He'll be back. Like herpes and the Terminator.
Wausau, Wisconsin
12PM And Therefore Diseased
Cube rat on phone: They're cheap and easy.
9744 Forest Lane
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Renee
11AM I'm Excited about Our Constancy of Purpose, I Should've Said
New girl: I'm excited about the new direction of the company!
Boss: Um, we try to avoid saying 'new direction' around here.
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Amused coworker
10AM That's Really at the Heart of All of Our Marital Issues, Doctor
Cake decorator: It's because you hit me with the fish!
1 Kent Road
New Milford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nik
9AM If We Can Watch
Manager #1: Time for the meeting.
Manager #2: Can I just tie a fucking bag of stray cats over my head instead?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
5PM The Best Managers Don't Even Show Up to Work
Chief technology officer: Can't we find someone else to do it?!
495 Circle 85
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Lizerati
4PM It Means God Leaves Us Alone and We Do Likewise
Former Mormon chick: I'm not really into religion anymore.
Dude: Oh, yeah?
Former Mormon chick: Yeah. I think I'm a Deist.
Dude: That's interesting.
Former Mormon chick: I need to research what that means, though.
Salt Lake City, Utah
3PM God, Will This Freakin' Day Ever End?
Worker bee: So, there are seven categories, and each category has seven sections. Seven times seven is... a lot.
Mercer Street and Fairview Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: passed 3rd grade math
2PM Or Your Christless Superstition
Manager at staff meeting: Let's go around the table, and everyone state your religion.
Pasadena, California
1PM Where Do You Buy the Big Paper?
Algebra TA: Um, did anyone get this answer?
Dude #1: Well, I did, but it was after many beers and a really big piece of paper.
Dude #2: That's the philosophy of math, isn't it?
University of Pittsburgh, 3990 5th Avenue
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Didn't get the same answer
12PM And So Began the 2007 Rold Gold Rush
CEO: I need you to call Dan*.
VP: Why?
CEO: I need you to distract him while I steal his pretzels. I need those pretzels.
Broomfield, Colorado
Overheard by: Cubeville denizen
11AM Professor Prospero Is Interdisciplinary to a Fault
Grad student presenter: ... So we think that the protein might be diffusing.
Professor: Well, according to the dream I had last night, that couldn't happen.
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
10AM Sorry, Just Filling Out a Cosmo Quiz
Senior biologist: Don't have them call me with any technical questions. Have them call Jack* in Municipal.
Redneck engineer: Ya ever tie two cats together by the tail and throw them over a clothesline?
Senior biologist: What?!
Engineering Firm
New Cumberland, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: intern liberal biologist
9AM The Streets Are Filled with Earnest Strivers, Though
Straight cube girl: Straight people are a dime a dozen! It's hard to find a good lesbian lover. You, of all people, should know that.
Straight cube guy: I know, I know.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
5PM We're Highly Motivated to Accomplish the Mission
Supervisor: You were loud.
Underling: We were just talking.
Supervisor: You were screaming.
Underling: Well, we always scream.
550 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
4PM I'm Sorry, Our Time Is Up for Today
Employee #1: Do you ever have dreams about losing your teeth?
Employee #2: Um, no.
Employee #1: I feel as if they are inadequate.
12012 Sunset Hills Road
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
3PM Uncle Walter, for Shame!
Cube rat on phone: Yeah, last year I did about 75 kids, and I'm hoping to do more this year.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
2PM If It's Not Coming, We Need to Know
Suit: We need that information RSVP.
Minion: Uh, ASAP?
Suit: I don't think so.
Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Joe
1PM Enlighten Me about the Vietnamese While I Jot Down Notes
Newbie: Are you Chinese or Japanese?
Korean working the register: What?! Japanese are rich, ignorant fools, and Chinese are murderous barbarians. I am Korean!
Newbie: Oh. I never knew that...
Korean deli, 1700 Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Septimus
12PM You Really Need to Go with Original Manufacturer's Equipment for Internal Organs
Girl on cell: I totally need to go to a doctor. I think I have that imitation bowel syndrome!
Office
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Jason Carr
11AM Nice Work If You Can Get It
HR girl: Have you looked at that guy's resume?
HR guy: Yeah, but I'm a little concerned about his spermatic work history.
HR girl: ... Sporadic?
HR guy: Yeah. My bad.
Terrell, Texas
Overheard by: HR girl 2
10AM Just Getting You Back for the Infamous Glitter Incident of '05
Coworker entering another's cube with hole-puncher, stack of paper, and beginning to punch holes: If I do this in my office, then there will be little paper circles all over my floor, and that's really annoying.
1632 Da Vinci Court
Davis, California
9AM You Guys from Nantucket Are So Sensitive
Cube rat #1: Dude, I'm going to send you a poem.
Cube rat #2: Okay.
Cube rat #1: Don't get offended, okay?
Cube rat #2: Okay.
Cube rat #1: Dude, promise me you won't get offended.
4949 Westown Parkway
Des Moines, Iowa
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