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5PM What Do You Think "Gay" Means?
Patient: I'm going to see The Lion King tonight.
Nurse #1: Can you imagine doing shows like that every night, traveling all the time?
Nurse #2: Most of them are gay anyhow, so it's no big deal.
Red Cross van
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Taxman
4PM Hey, Listen, I Gotta Go Fly a Plane. Talk to You Later?
Loud guy on cell: No way! Last time they didn't charge me with a felony!
Blue Grass Airport
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: Glad to be leaving the States
3PM Since I'm about to Saddle You with a Ton of Paperwork
Coworker #1: Did you drive or take the train today?
Coworker #2: Train.
Coworker #1: What time are you leaving?
Coworker #2: I don't know...
Coworker #1: Oh, I think I'm leaving before that.
Office building, 47th Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
2PM He'd Better Bring His "A" Game or a Friend
Film crew girl #1: So, it was really awful, then?
Film crew girl #2: Oh my god, it was worse. He gave me the worst sex ever. I mean, the least you can do when you've made me pay for dinner and the cinema and drinks and stayed at my house all weekend is give me a right good seeing to.
Film crew girl #1: Seeing him again?
Film crew girl #2: Tomorrow night.
Brick Lane
London
England
Overheard by: Nics
1PM Which Is Why These New Retinal-Scan Pencils Will Really Catch On
Worker bee: The easier pencils are to find, the easier they are to steal.
Plymouth, Michigan
Overheard by: Tim
12PM It's What Dad Would've Wanted
Woman on cell: ... So now instead of going to the funeral we're going to the strawberry festival.
Indiana government center
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Mmm... strawberries
11AM Yep, the Bad Samaritan Is Straight
Garbage man to another: I was driving a truck on the on-ramp and I seen a naked guy runnin' alongside the freeway. I yelled at him, 'Yeah! Way to go! Naked people are cool!' It wasn't like it gave me a chub or anything.
Garbage company
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: the dispatcher whose heard it all
10AM Plus, They're Doing Amazing Things with GPS These Days
Indian woman: I gave my 11-year-old son his introduction to sex last night.
White woman: Uh... What did you do with him?
Indian woman: I explained to him everything he needed to know. It's part of our traditions.
White woman: You explained to him about orgasms, and where the clitoris is?
Indian woman: Oh, yes, and I was quite surprised to find out how much he already knew.
White woman: Such as...?
Indian woman: He told me he knew what the G-spot was, and how to find it.
White woman: Where would an 11-year-old boy learn about things like that?
Indian woman: From his friends. Many of them have sisters and mothers who they have seen in the nude.
White woman: Well, uh, good luck.
DMV office
Westbury, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
9AM Boyfriends Are So Difficult to Maintain
Engineer to room full of coworkers: Well, I figure if he takes a crap every day, he's eating enough, right?
West Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Maybe Engineers Shouldnt Be Fathers
5PM If That's Not Normal, I Don't Want to Know What Is!
Metrosexual CSR: I don't know -- I just feel like most normal straight men shouldn't know all the lyrics to Rent.
915 Broadway
New York, New York
4PM Freud Discovers Psychoanalysis and Calls His Mom
Manager on phone: Oh, yes, I remember now. Fuck you!
75 Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
3PM You'd Pick It Then Turn It into Sauce?
Boss: I don't produce much chest hair, but if I did, I would tend to it like a gardener tends to a beautiful tomato.
Waltham, Massachusetts
2PM Doctor, We've All Developed These Murderous Impulses
Old coworker: You don't know anything about the Beatles.
Young coworker: Sure I do. They were influenced by the Monkees.
90 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Shaun G
1PM And Cool, Sweet Existential Despair
Peon #1: The French are pretentious, but every once in a while they invent something cool.
Peon #2: Yeah, like wife-swapping.
504 Main Street
Colorado
Overheard by: shaine
12PM Why Is Blackwater Security Even Doing a Children's Project?
Employee digging for appropriate giveaway for children's project: Let's see what we got... Oooh, a grenade! Kids love grenades!
Noho
New York, New York
11AM I've Got Quotas to Meet
Cop: Is there any such thing as too many crackheads? I don't think so. There are just never enough.
Academy Street
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Dude
10AM And Are There Any Leftover Sausages?
Waitress: I ate so many pork sausages yesterday at the picnic, when I fart it sounds like a pig squealing [makes loud squealing sounds over and over].
Waiter: Did you used to be a guy or something?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
9AM Watch Out! She's Packing an Oozy
Secretary: Stop it... Stop it! I will menstruate all over you!
Citic Tower
Hong Kong
China
5PM Don't Try -- Just Say "I'm Sorry" and Shake Hands
Associate: I have a hard time crying over dead children.
910 Louisiana Street
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: The Man
4PM Prepare to Be Snubbed and Not Recognize It
Company rep: Good morning, monsieurs and madames! I thought we were all friends, but I've heard that someone here thinks I'm pretentious.
Law firm
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Megsie
3PM Cubicle Butt
Sales guy: So, Tim*, you're finished training that guy already?
Support dude: Yeah, it was going to be all day, but his bottom got sore and he had to go home.
Islington
London
2PM I've Got 99
Customer: Can you direct me to the problems office please?
Receptionist: The problems office? I've never heard of them.
Customer: Oh... Maybe they closed down...
Receptionist: What kind of problems did they solve?
Customer: Any kind of problems!
Receptionist: Am I able to help?
Customer: Nah...I'll just come back another time.
Gold Coast
Australia
Overheard by: Cam
1PM Caller: Good News! They Told Me It Was Okay!
Coworker on phone: I believe the court will look unfavorably at you getting arrested, yes... Well, yeah, obviously a misdemeanor would be better than a felony... I am not saying it's okay. I'm saying that the court tends to sort of get pissed off at you when you get arrested at all, but it's even worse when you get arrested for a felony-level offense. What do you mean, you're not planning on getting caught? You're asking me about what your chances would be of getting your kids back if you got arrested... I'm pretty sure that's a felony. And no, I don't think the court will be lenient with you if you say you hold the drugs to make money to get your kids back. Not the criminal court or our court... Um, that's definitely a crime. Okay. Bye [hangs up]... How weird is it that I felt like there was nothing wrong with that conversation until after I got off the phone with her?
425 Shatto Place
Los Angeles, California
12PM Use a Spoon Like Everyone Else
Woman gazing wistfully into yogurt cup: If my tongue was long enough, I'd lick my bottom.
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Mark
11AM I Already Have Your Address
Cashier #1: I don't understand why people act like such assholes to us, you know?
Cashier #2: Because they know we can't say anything back.
Cashier #1: But... for all they know we could be mentally unbalanced and one little comment from them could send us over the edge, and we could get their addresses and hack them into pieces one night.
Cashier #2: I'm telling my mama not to go through your line no more, you crazy bitch.
Grocery store
Farmville, North Carolina
Overheard by: MB
10AM 16 Years Old Is Legally Too Young to Consent to Dill
Woman to boss: You should absolutely take your daughter to see To Kill a Mockingbird. Unless, of course, you're worried about rape.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
9AM I Wouldn't Still Be Here If It Weren't My Company
Admin girl: Are you sure you don't have any meetings scheduled this afternoon or want to leave early to get a start on your weekend?
Boss: Nope, I'm all free this afternoon and thought I'd catch up on paper work.
Admin girl: Oh, okay.
Boss: Why?
Admin girl: Because when you leave early I normally give you 10 minutes' headway and then sneak out myself.
Boss: Ugh, just go already.
Brisbane
Australia
5PM Although Osteoporosis Is a Close Second
Coworker #1: I wonder who'll get the Pfizer account...
Coworker #2: I hope I do! I love reading about erections!
Fort Point
Boston, Massachusetts
4PM I Was Shocked, but Not Surprised
Admin #1: Oooh, there's cheesecake in the fridge!
Admin #2: I don't really like cheesecake.
Admin #1: There's pecan pie, too.
Admin #2: I only like pecan pie if I make it.
Admin #1: What?!
Admin #2: I said, I only like pecan pie if I make it.
Admin #1: Oh! I thought you said 'if I'm naked'!
619 Dolley Madison Road
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Not the receptionist
3PM It's a Free-Range Office
Client: Is it North or South of Route 24?
Manager: Well, that depends on where you're coming from.
Client: Oh, really? How does that work?
Huntington, New York
2PM He Sent Pictures, See?
Assistant checking weather online: Ohhh! Derek* got 12 inches yesterday!
Cube rat: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Assistant: He got 12 inches!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
1PM I'm Way Better at It Than Jack Is
Coworker: Don't close my door. Jack* and I like to communicate.
Jack: What'd you say?
Williamsburg, Virginia
12PM Unlike These Ammunition Rounds, Which Are Totally Still Live
X-ray machine attendant, picking stuffed panda up off belt: This one's dead... He didn't make it through the machine.
Airport
Los Angeles, California
11AM But That's Not Important Right Now
Male peon: Oh, I love this song!
Lady peon: Really, what is it?
Male peon: Uh... Music...
178 Middle Street
Portland, Oregon
10AM You Don't Start Out Hating Them
Angry girl coworker: Goddammit! I fucking hate people!
Friend: But you work in HR...
501 Front Street
Norfolk, Virginia
9AM In Fairness, the Hanger Had One of Those Foam Covers
Social worker: Honestly, what parent in their right mind hands a toddler who is just learning to walk a wire hanger as a chew toy in goodwill and thinks it's a good idea?
Medical Center
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: makin a difference
5PM Avast, Ye Lubber!
Lieutenant: You work for a law enforcement agency, not a pirate ship!
Employee with sideburns: Sir?
Columbus Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
4PM I Thought I Told You Never to Call Here Again
Caller: That's 'A' as in 'elbow'...
400 Main Street
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Bewildered
3PM The Art of the Blue Job
Painting professor: I paint for people who look at art. Like, my mom will look at this and go, 'Oh, I like the blue.' And I don't have to explain to my mother that this is actually about some weird sex thing I did.
Providence, Rhode Island
2PM You Know It Doesn't Involve Real Fire, Right?
Branch manager: What do you want me to do? Do you want me to fire him? I'll fire anyone -- I don't care!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
1PM When Good Deeds Become Career-Limiting
HR clerk: Excuse me, ma'am, but it appears that you have something stuck in your pantyhose on your left leg.
Visiting manager's wife: I'm not wearing pantyhose!
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
12PM You're Not at High Times Anymore, Toto
Managing editor, on drug screening: We even test the interns. I was shocked by that. I thought everyone just assumed they were stoned all the time.
Newspaper office
Ohio
Overheard by: I didn't get the job
11AM And Fourth, If You Ever Incorrectly Cite That Movie Again, You're Fired
Guy in jeans and flip flops walks into office at 11 a.m. and high-fives two employees on the way.
Newbie in suit: Dude, he's totally pulling an Office Space. We better watch him -- he might set the building on fire. Or start gutting fish at his desk.
Cube dweller: Okay, first of all, that was Milton who set the building on fire, not Peter Gibbons. Second, it's Casual Friday, which is probably why he's dressed like that. And third, he doesn't work here.
Insurance office
Long Island, New York
10AM But at Least You've Stopped Throwing Your Cat Up into Trees
Scientist at desk to tech in lab: Just because you want to see hot firemen doesn't mean you have to set off the alarm!
20925 Crossroads Circle
Waukesha, Wisconsin
9AM I'm a Harvard MBA, for Christ's Sake
General manager: I've got a small favor to ask you...
Sales guy: I am not getting in a chicken suit and dancing on the roof again!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Stayin' until 5...
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