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5PM Since No High-Profile Plane Crashes Have Happened Recently, Everyone Laughed Good-Naturedly at the Pilot's Joke
Pilot: Folks we'll be flying at 28 thousand feet today, however, the folks at maintenance only gave us enough fuel to fly at 22 thousand feet. So, we'll see what happens. Enjoy your flight!
Delta Airlines flight
4PM Men Have a Gift for Compartmentalizing Information
Janitor #1: Daaamn man, I feel you!
Janitor #2: Yeah, man, but then there was that other thing...
Janitor #1: What you talkin' 'bout, man? She's fucking hot!
Janitor #2: The whole gang-rape thing. Dunno 'bout that.
Janitor #1: ... Oh.
Main Breezeway, Johns Hopkins Hospital
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: just another med student
3PM That Requires Dinner, a Certain Charm, and All the Steps on This Process Map
Managing director handing envelope to secretary: Do you have a wet thing?
17 State Street
New York, New York
2PM What Kind of Focus Group Is This, Anyway?
Copy chief: I'd rather see hooters than toe fungus any day.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
1PM I Didn't Go to MIT to Under-engineer Things
Boss: So, how can we cut our costs?
Engineer #1: We could add cheap filler to the plastic.
Engineer #2: But that would reduce the strength.
Engineer #1: Okay, so it wouldn't work for a space station, but it will work on a bucket.
2100 Adelbert Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Just passing through
12PM The Kids Will Reduce Him to a Skeleton in Minutes
Coworker #1 on phone: Yes, this is Allie*... [Screams.]
Coworker #2: What's wrong?
Coworker #1: They think my prize steer is loose on the playground.
741 Griffin Road
Albany, New York
11AM You'll Have to Find Someplace Else to Store Your Plastic Scuba Divers
Principal over loud speaker: Attention, students, I repeat: the 400-level office is not an aquarium!
Montour High School Administration Building
McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: nemo
10AM The Wind in Willow
Tall lady: This wind is blowing up in my vagina!
Suit: I thought I heard something.
Taylor Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: stan
9AM The Global War on Terror Hits Another Snag
Tech #1: There. Translations are done. All nine languages.
Tech #2: That was fast. I didn't even know you spoke Arabic much less any of the others.
Tech #1: It's easy -- just highlight the text and change the font.
Tech #2: What?!
Tech #1: Yeah. We should hear back from the Army in a day or so. I went ahead and sent the new files off.
Tech #2: [Huge sigh.]
2000 Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlanta, Georgia
5PM Or Shaped Like Giant Doorways, in Case of Earthquakes
Guy clerk: Hey, this safety pamphlet says to get into the bathtub if a tornado is coming.
Gal clerk: Well, duh, why don't they just build houses shaped like giant bathtubs?
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
4PM It's an Executive Privilege
Boss: I think it's time for a sodey!
Coworker: What, like, mix it yourself?
Boss: Yup! I'm going to jerk it right here at my desk!
Rockefeller Plaza
New York, New York
Overheard by: talking-to-hr-about-moving-my-desk
3PM No, Just Lilies
Supervisor #1: Did one of you guys grab my obituary off the printer?
Employee: You're dead?
Supervisor #2: Let's go see if she has anything good on her desk.
19th Street and Douglas Street
Iowa
Overheard by: Lloyd
2PM It's an Old Alaskan Prostitute Adage
Coworker #1: Man, it's cold in this room.
Coworker #2, pointing to thermostat: If you're cold, blow on that.
Coworker #1: What's that going to do for me? [Pause.] If it will make me warm, I'll blow anything.
Broad Street
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Coworker #3
1PM Well Played, Gang
Project manger: From now on all of the questions are going to be rhetorical.
Group on speakerphone: [Silence.]
Project manager: You know what rhetorical means, don't you?
Group on speakerphone: [Silence.]
Project manager: Anyway...
Fairfax, Virginia
12PM Reminds Me of My Days As a Teenager in Jersey
Hissing sound comes from reception area.
New graphics intern: Is that compressed air?
Admin: Oh, yeah.
New graphics intern: Sweet.
Washington, DC
11AM Which Is Probably Why All My Blowfish Keep Dying
Disgruntled employee: I like my rage. I hold it close, like a really scratchy blanket. Or a blowfish.
Wausau, Wisconsin
10AM I Thought That Was 'Revise Facts to Fit Hypothesis'
Five-year-old boy: I have a tooth that's loose! It's gonna come out, and then I'm gonna put it under a pillow, and then I'm gonna get money and buy a tooth, and then I'm gonna put it under my pillow and get money and buy a toy, and then an adult tooth will grow in.
Librarian: Wow! You learn something new every day!
Five-year-old boy: It's the basic law of science.
Library
Bronxville, New York
9AM Or Making Them Spicy
Yuppie mom on cell: I mean, I swear -- America is turning into, like, old-school Russia. You know, with like, the Gazpacho running around killing people.
Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Deadly and Delicious
5PM Zebra X: Sticking It to the Horse
IT guy: The serial number is T as in 'Thomas,' X as in 'zebra...'
Ephrata, Washington
Overheard by: Lost in Space
4PM You Just Need to Decide If You Want Them to Come Rescue You after One Week or Two
Insurance rep: Do you know what flood zone you're in?
Client: What are my choices?
Insurance rep: It's not really a choice, FEMA assigns them.
North Great Neck Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia
3PM Why Pot Is Still Illegal
Numbers guy: Wait, where did you get these numbers from?
Boss: Wikipedia.
Numbers guy: We can't use those numbers!
Boss: Why? Only reliable people post things there so it's okay to use the numbers in the report to the FDA.
St. Louis, Missouri
2PM So You'd Have a Reason to Call Me, Hot Stuff
Receptionist: Hi, this is Pat*. I was calling to see if you wanted to set an appointment.
Customer on speakerphone: Yes, I do.
Receptionist: So, it looks like I set you an appointment before. What happened?
Customer on speakerphone: ... You cancelled it.
Receptionist: Hm. I wonder why.
Atlanta, Georgia
1PM And Eating Pimp Scout Cookies
Writer: So, if I get the new position I'll be your boss.
Designer: That's what I hear.
Writer: I could be all... pimp-slapping you if you got out of line. Or, like, assigning you all kinds of work while I'm laying on the beach drinking one percent milk.
Designer: With that raise you could be drinking whole milk!
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
12PM The Unauthorized Biography
Bookstore clerk: Hehe, there's a book called The Idiot?
Barnes & Noble
Emeryville, California
11AM Bossie and I Are Just Friends
Male graphic designer: This looks like a uterus, but it's supposed to be a cow. Can we use it?
Female boss: You don't have a girlfriend, do you?
Windward Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: Mary
10AM Or, Like, Smart Enough to Wear a Coat
Sorority girl #1: It is so cold.
Sorority girl #2: I wish I was, like, Asian. You know, like, those masks they wear? Over their faces? That would be so warm.
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
9AM Sounds Boring and Blasphemous, Either Way
Coworker #1: This weekend I was Wiiing for Jesus.
Coworker #2: What the hell? You took a piss for God?
Coworker #1: No, you moron -- Nintendo Wii. I played at my church's youth group fair... You are one sick bitch.
Binghamton University
New York, New York
Overheard by: Cube Farmer
5PM Two in the Skull
Worker: Didn't the doctor say that you have to lose weight because it was pressing down on your diaphragm and giving you breathing problems?
A/P drone: Men have diaphragms?
Century City, California
Overheard by: Squelch
4PM Full of Empty Pizza Boxes
Manager: Everybody who was smoking pot in here last night is fired! ... Okay, looks like I have a vacant building.
Schenectady, New York
Overheard by: fired
3PM Singing Telegram?
Boss: So, your voicemail kicked me off because my message was too short. I can understand it cutting you off if you start in on a monologue, but what if you just want to leave a message saying, 'Fuck you'?
Rockefeller University
New York, New York
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
2PM Why She Cuts the Brake-Lines on All of Her Employees' Cars
Bridal manager to front desk receptionist: Yes, I understand it's difficult to be yelled at by 30 consultants, but let's think back to last year after you were almost killed in that car accident -- wouldn't you have been lucky to be yelled at by just two consultants?
Bridal store
New York, New York
1PM Why Was He Playing with His Instrument in the Closet All by Himself?
CSR on phone: Hello? What? Your son popped his G-string on his instrument? ... Was it on his personal instrument?
Duluth, Georgia
Overheard by: Yellow
12PM It's the Next Class after Walking and Chewing Gum
Telephone grunt #1: There was someone pooping in the hallway?
Telephone grunt #2: That's what she said! Hold on, I'm going to call her. [Calls non-telephone-based grunt] She was pooping and walking? In the garage? Okay. I guess I just had to hear it again to believe it.
175 South 3rd Street
Columbus, Ohio
11AM Something I Would Advise Against
20-something woman to 50-something man: I am not telling you what a Dirty Sanchez is. If you're so interested just Google it!
Oak Park, Michigan
10AM You Know -- Australian Yoga
Guy: What are you going to do in Melbourne?
Girl: One of the days I'm there I'm going to go from bar to bar -- you know, just explore myself.
Mounts Bay Road
Perth
Australia
9AM Where It's Win or Lose without the Rolling Disasters
GM: So, how are you doing?
Clerk: Well, I was almost fired today, so, you know, I've been crying a lot.
GM: You know what? You should really be having fun out here! Try to have a little fun out here!
Clerk: [Blinks.]
GM: Okay! Now I have to go coach Little League!
Howe Street
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
5PM I Told You I'd Take Care of It
Office grunt: That lady died? She's the one that stole our air freshener out of our bathroom!
277 Coalinga Plaza
Coalinga, California
Overheard by: I love my co-worker
4PM Robert Regrets Taking Home Economics Instead of Shop
Clumsy guy: Hey, man, I need one of those banger things and some pointy shits.
Employee: Please tell me you don't mean a hammer and nails...
Clumsy guy: That's what it's called... Hammer... Yes.
Home Depot
Brook Park, Ohio
Overheard by: Telka
3PM All My Promises to Myself
Coworker #1: You touched the nipple? You broke it?
Stan*: I didn't break the nipple!
Coworker #2, walking in: What did you break, Stan?
420 5th Avenue
New York, New York
2PM Joe Bfstplk, As I Live and Breathe!
HR lady: I remember your name. What's your name?
School
Fairfield, Ohio
1PM They're All Like, 'Boo Hoo, Who Moved My Cheese?'
Coworker to another about manager: So he said, 'If someone comes into your office crying, just ignore it. It used to freak me out, but now I realize it happens all the time.'
46th Street and 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
12PM They Never Did, You Sick Poser
Tech: I wonder if Bert and Ernie still share a bed.
555 International Way
Springfield, Oregon
11AM 'You Suck' -- Now That's Criticism!
Angry manager: ... And you are in no way the Leah* you should be! Do I make myself clear?!
Tearful employee: ... Yes.
Angry manager: Are you always like this?
Tearful employee: No, I usually respond well to criticism, it's just--
Angry manager: --It's not criticism, it's feedback!
Pride Park, Derby
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Glad I work in another department
10AM Sometimes Only Interpretive Dance Will Do
Manager: How do you tell the client that they're an idiot? What's the wording I should use for that?
1 South Road
Harrison, Ohio
9AM Bringing the Grand Total to Three
Young, blonde female: Um, wow, I just cracked my spine and grew, like, an inch.
Male supervisor: Yeah, I just grew, like, an inch watching you.
3rd Street and Colorado Street
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Miss Informed
8AM Celebrity Wit
After four years of documenting the insights of the Unknown Man in the Street,
we're branching out and documenting the insights of the Celebrity, too. Let
us know what you think of our new site, Celebrity Wit, by e-mailing us at
hatemail@overheardinnewyork.com or lovemail@overheardinnewyork.com
Team Overheard
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