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11AM I'm Also a Little Unclear on This 'Hat' Concept
Woman: My boyfriend wants the Florida Marlins hat with the swordfish through the 'F.'
Man: You mean the marlin through the 'F'?
Woman: What's a marlin?
Charlestown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Taylor
11AM The Litter Box Next to the Bed Might Be a Mistake
Female employee: I don't mind thinking I'll be a creepy cat lady. I just don't want to be a creepy virgin cat lady.
Crosspoint Boulevard
Indianapolis, Indiana
2PM Can We Say I'm in St. Tropez?
Teen boy: I want you to keep writing for the school newspaper. You can be our foreign correspondent!
Teen girl: Foreign? I'm not foreign just because I left the school.
Teen boy: Yes, you are. You're so far now.
Teen girl: I'm on the other side of Scarborough, and you're saying I might as well be in Bolivia!
Teen boy: We can say you are, if you want.
Ontario Universities' Fair, Metro Toronto Convention Centre
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: made me laugh
9AM Exactly What We Need to Jump Start Our Marketing Campaign
Marketing Director: There's one student there I'd love to get a photo of. She's drop dead gorgeous and hardly ever wears clothes.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, AZ
1PM The Internet Has Somewhat Dampened Joshua's Sense of Wonder
Dude: What I really wanna see is a baby shot out of a cannon through a waterfall of gasoline, over a bundle of lit sparklers, and knock an old lady off a horse, 'cause then I could say I really saw something. [notices cleaning lady] Oh, shit.
Dearborn, Michigan
Overheard by: dude thats fucked up
12PM She Waits on Her Roof For Aliens Every Night
Female cashier: Hey, is that your purple car out there?
Stock dude: Yeah, it is. The chicks love it.
Female cashier: I like it. I want a purple Probe.
Stock dude: Yeah...I heard that about you.
436 Southbridge Street
Auburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I heard that too.
9AM I Know the Perfect Position For You!
Employee #1: I don't know how you got a better review than you did last year.
Employee #2: Yeah, me either.
Employee #1: You know, I really only get about 50% out of you each day.
Employee #2: Yeah, that sounds about right. Some days more, some days less. Usually less.
Employee #1: Wouldn't it be great if I got that 100% out of you, though?
Employee #2: Probably, but I really just don't feel like it.
901 Warrenville Road
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Recovering Workaholic
11AM You Could Probably Steal One From a White Castle in the Bronx and No One Would Notice For a Week
Woman: Oh, I want the baby. I just don't want the pregnancy. If I could just go to a fast food place and order a baby, I would.
4910 16th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
5PM We Need a Quorum to Get High
Vice-president #1, to vice-president #2: Now all we need is a bong and multiple partners!
37th Street and 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Jenn
4PM Yep, PDA's Are Definitely What's Going to Precipitate the Second Coming
Older black lady, at a young couple kissing and groping in a line of people waiting to pay their power bills: What the hell is wrong with these peoples? Jesus needs to come down and knock some damn sense into their stupid motherfucking ass.
Nevada Power Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Annmarie
12PM Lunch
Supervisor, watching The Apprentice: I like that British guy, I hope he wins. Or that English guy. Wait, what's the difference?
Coworker: Are you kidding?
Supervisor: There's a difference, right? Do they want to be called something else?
800 Market Street
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Erin Eff
5PM That's a Wrap
Attorney: This work shit has got to stop. It's really bringing me down.
301 Merritt Seven
Norwalk, Connecticut
5PM That's a Wrap
Coworker #1: I am going to come in on Monday and tell [Dave] to shove it.
Coworker #2: Do I even want to know why?
Coworker #1: I'm going to win the lottery this weekend. Fifty-six million dollars!
Coworker #2: If I win the lottery, I will go around running into every person in Houston who has ever cut me off! And those that come out of the parking lot right when the light turns green and then cross all three lanes in front of everyone, I'm just gonna floor it...
Coworker #1: Uh, I was just talking about not having to work for a while.
2875 Antoine
Houston, Texas
9AM Back to Work
Matthew McConaughey's mother: I wish you were Woody Harrelson. He always has better pot than you.
Patrick McConaughey: I fucking hate you too, mom. [out the window] Hey babe... don't you know who I am?
Matthew: You people bring me down.
Backseat of the car I was driving
Austin, Texas
4PM Asset Management
Boss: Chinese women have no asses. They dream of having a big round ass. Like a black ass. You see that? That is a big black ass.
9925 Jefferson Boulevard
Culver City, California
Overheard by: Roland Kellar
3PM Smoke Break
Jr. Developer: What we need is an alien invasion.
Deveveloper #11: We have one. Mexicans.
Jr. Developer: [sigh] What we need is an extraterrestrial alien invasion.
Developer #2: Boy, you sure have it out for the aliens.
Developer #1: I can't help it. I'm a xenophobe.
Jr. Developer: The whole world is xenophobic. We need the extraterrestrial invasion in order to unite the globe and to make us stop fighting amongst ourselves.
Developer #1: Until after they left.
Jr. Developer: No, because they came from space, there could always be more of them. As paranoid humans, we have to hunt them down and exterminate them all in order to protect ourselves.
Pause
Jr. Developer: Besides, they might have oil.
501 Corporate Centre Drive
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: Brian
2PM Staffing Up
Boss: I need to hire someone, but I need that person to be unexperienced, so that they don't stupidly think they know what they are doing here before I train them.
Underling: Wait, then why did you hire me? I knew what I was doing when I started here.
Boss: You are the reason I now require people to be unexperienced. I couldn't train the arrogance and stupidity out of you.
800 East, Utah State University
Logan, Utah
Overheard by: tm
4PM Cruise Job Listings
Co-worker #1: If I ever get fired, I really want to sell myself on the streets.
Co-worker #2: Like a prostitute?
6350 Transit Road
Depew, New York
10AM Autopsy
Boss: I was hoping you could take care of it without a bunch of rigor mortis.
1701 Monterey Street
San Luis Obispo, California
2PM Post-meeting
Worker #1: I can't believe [Jim] didn't show up for the meeting.
Worker #2: I know. He has some nerve.
Worker #1: I hope he gets a painful rash in the anal region...if you know what I mean.
245 5th Avenue
New York, NY
2PM Prepare Mailer
Manager: I hope those envelopes don't have subpar glue on them.
Boss: I don't know; I'm a lover not a licker.
7 Middlesex Road
Tyngsboro, Massachusetts
5PM That's a Wrap
Assistant #1: I want to stab my eyes out. Is that normal?
Assistant #2: Yes.
Assistant #1: Just wanted to make sure.
640 5th Avenue
New York, NY
3PM Smoke Break
Marketing Manager: You know it would be so awful if that hunting guy died, but yet, it would be so awesome if that hunting guy died.
16430 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
4PM Call Client
Admin on phone: Hi [Jeff], I've sent you 4 emails and left you 3 messages. Today is my birthday. What I really want for my birthday, more than anything else, is for you to call me back and answer my questions. Thanks. Bye.
10550 N Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California
3PM Smoke Break
Accounts Payable: I wish sometimes I was tippin' it at my desk.
Accounts Receivable: Tippin' what?
Accounts Payable: You know, the bottle.
Accounts Payable: Yeah, but you gotta be a good alcoholic, and at least show up for work every day. That's what I do.
2000 Plainfield Pike
Cranston, Rhode Island
3PM Snack Break
Co-worker #1: I really want to go get a cookie from the food cube, but [Anne's] using the computer in there
Co-worker #2: Well, go get one anyway. And tell her to pull her pants
down.
127 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
2PM Call Maintenance Deptartment
Woman on phone: You need to have someone come by and fix the fan in the men's restroom. If that thing is not working, we are dead, baby!
Kirtland Air Force Base
Albuquerque, New Mexico
9AM What a Cheerful Morning
Co-worker #1: Hey! Welcome back. I can't believe you have mono!
Co-worker #2: Yeah, [Tamra] wants to make out with you so she can lose 50 pounds.
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Stephani
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: There's so much free food in this office!
Co-worker #2: At least we're young and not obese.
Co-worker #1: Seriously...when you turn 45 and you're working for the State, they should just pay for your gastric bypass surgery.
The Capitol Building
400 South Monroe Street
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Kara M.
1PM Lunch
Employee #1: Look at all that food you have there.
Employee #2: It's going to give me a heart attack, but I love it; especially all the greasy bacon and sausage.
Employee #3: I wish I knew someone who knows CPR in case you have a coronary.
Employee #2: [Sean] and [Gina] are medics, they should know CPR.
Employee #1: What do they know about CPR? They are ambulance drivers.
2727 Walker Avenue NW
Grand Rapids, Michigan
2PM Brainstorming Meeting
Co-worker: I just thought of a cool new club idea. There's a big warehouse-sized room with strobelights and trance music, everyone has a bicycle and is naked.
Monson Way
Tunbridge Wells, Kent
UK
11AM Order Books
Construction worker: Man, just being in this place makes me want
to learn how to read.
841 Broadway
New York, NY
5PM I Overheard That the Genie is Still Laughing at You
Co-worker #1: Wanna go in, say...10 minutes? Or do you need longer?
Co-worker #2: How about 15?
Co-worker #1: I knew that was what you were going to say!...I think I wasted my wish when I said, "I'd like to know what people are
going to say, right before they actually say it."
1835 Terminal Drive
Richland, Washington
12AM "...I'm thinking neon camouflage."
Client: We'd like the design to stand out. But in a really subtle way.
437 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
4PM "Hi, [Libby]!" replied the group in unison that night.
Co-worker: I really wish they served beer in the vending machines...by the way, I'm not really an alcoholic, it's just been one of those days... oh, by the way, you're new, right? My name's [Libby], nice to meet you!
300 South Main Street
Blacksburg, Virginia
12AM Think of His Lungs Like Giant Beakers
Technician: Man, I gotta go grab a smoke. I've been upstairs mixing chemo for hours!
427 Victor Street
Lincolnton, North Carolina
Overheard by: Suzette Truesdell
6AM He Learned This the Hard Way
Tenant: You know, it has been so nice outside, I wish we had windows that would open.
Building manager: Yeah, me too, but if we did, everyone would be jumping out of them to kill themselves.
270 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: JB
12PM On the Count of Three, Quote Rankin-Bass
Config Manager Guy: It's like the island of misfit toys over there.
DBA: I don't want to be in support, I want to be a dentist.
2202 N. Westshore Boulevard
Tampa, Florida
