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2PM Customer: Wouldya Look at This Bullshit?
Assistant manager, about e-mail to customer: Wow, that was so much bullshit I didn't even know when to stop!
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
9AM They Don't Tell Me What They're Storing, and I Don't Ask
Deputy: That guy told the judge that the crack they found up his ass wasn't his.
Police station
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: more information than anyone needed
4PM Amanda Hugginkiss Had Responded and Was Befuddled by the Accusation
Manager: We've noticed that you haven't responded to the anonymous survey. We'd like your feedback as soon as possible.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
2PM Can We Say I'm in St. Tropez?
Teen boy: I want you to keep writing for the school newspaper. You can be our foreign correspondent!
Teen girl: Foreign? I'm not foreign just because I left the school.
Teen boy: Yes, you are. You're so far now.
Teen girl: I'm on the other side of Scarborough, and you're saying I might as well be in Bolivia!
Teen boy: We can say you are, if you want.
Ontario Universities' Fair, Metro Toronto Convention Centre
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: made me laugh
12PM Sometimes He'd Euphorically Do Body-Shots Off of me and Ned From Accounting
Female coworker: I'm so tired of being alone but it's impossible to meet any available men here. I should have taken John* up on his offer.
Male coworker: Who?
Female coworker: You know, John Smith*. The guy who was here about eight years ago and got booted, then came back a few years later, then got booted again a couple of years ago.
Male coworker: Oh he's been booted more times than that! What are you talking about?
Female coworker: Didn't I tell you? He came back last fall trying to get reinstated and stopped by to see me. He said he'd been thinking about me. He wanted to know if I was interested in getting together but I didn't want to get into that so I lied and said I was seeing someone. Now I wonder why I did that.
Male coworker: Maybe because he's a bipolar bisexual alcoholic?
Female coworker: There is that...But I bet he wouldn't have bored me.
Small town, Washington
Overheard by: i'm lonely too - but not that lonely
12PM There's Nothing That Can't Be Accomplished Through Sex and Dishonesty
Coed #1: He had told me not to do anything special for his birthday. He said to forget he was having a birthday at all. But then he came over, and I could tell that he was down.
Coed #2: Because it was his birthday, and he was thirty.
Coed #1: Yeah.
Coed #2: And he's dating an eighteen-year-old.
Coed #1: Shut up. So then we had sex? And it wasn't, like, the most amazing time, but I faked it. But, like, really over the top? And he was happy the rest of the day!
University & College Avenues
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: over 30
4PM Unless You Have an 11?
Woman: I take an exact size 9.
Salesgirl: We only have an 8 and a 10.
Woman: I'll take the 10.
Niagara-on-the-Lake
Ontario, Canada
Overheard by: bored at work
3PM What Does He Think the Mad Cows Eat?
Editor, looking at ad for "Summer Garden Madness": Why is everything "madness"? There's nothing "madness" about a basket of vegetables.
2 Penn Plaza
New York, New York
Overheard by: angry carrot
12PM Lunch
Girl: So, I just had my exit interview with HR and they were all like, "Be honest, why did you just up and quit out of nowhere?"
Guy: Did you tell them the truth?
Girl: I told them that I was in love with you, and that the sexual tension and frustration was creating a poor work environment for me.
Guy: So then you did tell the truth.
Route 1 South
West Windsor, New Jersey
10AM Copyright Infringement
Lawyer: So you actually filed a copyright application?
Creative director: Oh, no, we just slapped a circle "c" after everything.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
9AM Back to Work
Employee #1: I was on time every day this week.
Employee #2: What? No way. You? Please, you're always late.
Employee #1: No, seriously.
Employee #2: Dude, weren't you late today? You're always late on Fridays.
Employee #1: I got here at 8:35 but normally I show up at 9am, so I wasn't late today.
Employee #2: 8:35 is late. Everyone else shows up at 8.
Employee #1: I have to take my daughter to school so that's why I'm typically late...but um...her school's out now for the summer so...yeah, I just forgot to set my alarm.
3320 West Cheryl Drive
Phoenix, Arizona
9AM Back to Work
Sweaty, middle-aged man in running shorts: Hey,wait! Hey, wait! How old are you two?
Young business woman #1: Why?
Sweaty, middle-aged man in running shorts: I just wanted ask one of you out, but I can't tell how old you are under your sunglasses.
Young business woman #2: Umm...no. We're working.
Sweaty, middle-aged man: Oh, never mind.
2825 Eastlake Avenue East
Seattle, Washington
9AM Back to Work
Coworker on phone: Honest? I am very honest. I am also very loyal to the company I work for. I give 110% to them every day.
Pause
Coworker on phone: Sure, I can interview with you tomorrow morning.
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
Overheard by: El Gee
12PM Project Meeting
Employee: I figured out a good way to make our guests happy.
Manager: How's that?
Employee: Remorseless lying.
1939 Dixie Highway
Fort Wright, Kentucky
3PM Smoke Break
Marketer: So after sitting in her funky trailer for about 2 hours
listening to her talk about God, this lady was like, "Baby...I have been reading my Bible for 53 years...and I can tell you read your Bible, too..." So, I in my best Southern voice, said, "Yes, ma'am...I
read my Bible every day. I try to live my life according to the
Word." But, I was just bullshitting. I'm probably going to hell. I mean she is like 90 and lives in a single-wide behind her daughter who lives in a double-wide...She can't wipe her own ass...She's about to die...and I am lying about reading the Bible. But we had a patient pass yesterday and we need one to take his place. Gotta keep the bodies moving...gotta get that bonus. Y'know?
1441 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
10AM Update Resume
Worker #1: I make less than everyone. People on unemployment make less than me.
Worker #2: Is that true?
Worker #1: No.
6727 Odessa Avenue
Van Nuys, California
5PM That's a Wrap
Junior Boss: I once crashed a car into a tree for the insurance money.
31401 Via Della Pace
Vicenza
Italy
Overheard by: Lorelie Long
11AM Project Assignments
HR #1: Why would anyone agree to take on more responsibility if we're not going to pay them more?
HR #2: We're giving them more projects to work on that will be more advanced than what they're working on right now. I think people look for a challenge and they will be willing to take on more responsibility if it promises to be rewarding. Besides, most of them are in their twenties and need to start somewhere. So you see, we really are paying them more...in experience.
HR #1: Who is ever going to fall for that?
150 Garden Street
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Snoop E.
5PM That's a Wrap
CSR: Today needs to be over. I'm so seriously ready to slit my wrists--
The phone rings.
CSR: Good afternoon. This is [Nelly], how can I help you? Oh...hi! How are you doing?...Oh, I'm great! Mm-hmm, yes, of course! I just have to pull up your previous order...Oh, really? Oh! Well, that's okay!...No, really!...Oh, stop it! Ha, ha! Okay, well thanks for calling anyway! Yes...Thank you, I will! You also, okay? M'kay, bye!...Jesus. Okay, so, what the fuck was I saying again?
950 Tower Lane
Foster City, California
3PM Shannon's Goodbye Party
Admin: We're going to miss you around here.
Employee: Well, I'd like to say that I'll miss being around here, but that would be untrue, so I'm not going to say it.
6111 Oak Tree Boulevard
Independence, Ohio
4PM Sensitivity Seminar
VP: Are you pregnant?
Worker #1: No!
VP: I'm just asking because it seems like you get pregnant every two months.
Worker #2: Hey! You can't ask people if they are pregnant!
VP: I didn't ask her if she was pregnant.
625 Mount Auburn Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts
10AM Sales Reports Due
Co-worker #1: ...I think you have a future in fertilizer sales, man.
Co-worker #2: I wouldn't be surprised.
20 Park Plaza
Boston, Massachusetts
3PM Smoke Break
Co-worker #1: Will someone please tell me what the fuck is wrong with [Josh]? When he gets up in the morning does he have some kind of funhouse mirror? Does he fucking see Tom Cruise when he looks in the mirror in the morning? Because when I look at him I just see an asshole.
Co-worker #2: Why?
Co-worker #1: He is bullshiting everyone and saying he slept with the new CSR.
Co-worker #2: Does it really matter? She don't speak English!
2801 Red Lion Road
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1PM Lunch
Copywriter: I was accosted by a woman with a French accent at the mall at lunch today.
Art Director: Really? How odd.
Copywriter: Yeah, she buffed my nails and I purchased her product. Only now am I remembering the accent as being fake.
Art Director: I had a run in with the cops over lunch.
930 South Calhoun Street
Fort Wayne, Indiana
10AM Cancel New Headset Order
Employee: My headset for my phone doesn't work. Can I have a new one?
Supervisor: Let me see that. Oh...you see what's wrong? Sometimes the data can get caught in the phone line...so just straighten the cord. That makes the voice data come through more quickly and it won't get all caught up.
11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska
9AM Just Grit Your Teeth and Deal
Manager: Remember, the customer is always right.
Assistant manager: Right, except when they're wrong.
Manager: No, they're always right.
Assistant manager: Totally, except on the odd occasion when they're wrong.
Manager: ...you are so retarded...
557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
4PM You Might Call It "The Business Motto"
Technician: We don't make mistakes. We may create new opportunities and challenges, but we don't make mistakes.
645 Paper Mill Road
Newark, Delaware
