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5PM Yeah, but I Always Do
Designer #1: Hey Susan*, did you have a traditional Pearl Harbor celebration?
Designer #2: Yes, I did. I--
Designer #1, interrupting: --Did you make airplane noises on the drive home?
495 Union Avenue
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: one cubicle over
12PM But All It Said Was "Please Remember to Recycle"
Female sales exec: Did you get that e-mail I sent you?
Male sales exec: Yeah.
Female sales exec: What'd you think?
Male sales exec: I'd give it a 90 percent.
Female sales exec: What made you take 10 off?
Male sales exec: It didn't say anything about Jesus being the savior. I mean, that's why we celebrate Christmas. You can't have Christmas without Easter.
Female sales exec: Oh.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: So I can't call it Xmas?
9AM Until I Woke Up Topless on the Jungle Gym with the Kids Staring at Me
Assistant, about the company holiday party: Shit, I didn't even know where I was! I had the best time!
Beverly Boulevard and Fairfax Avenue
West Hollywood, California
10AM Why We Can't Wait
Recruit: This friend of mine is having a party Sunday. I can't decide whether or not to go.
Coworker: Why wouldn't you?
Recruit: It's in honor of Martin Luther King, Junior.
Coworker: What's wrong with that?
Recruit: Well, it's a lingerie party.
Coworker: Oh...
13th Street and Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: I have a dream
1PM Must... Resist... 'Crappy Gift'... Joke...
Guy #1: So, what did you get her for Christmas?
Guy #2: Oh, man, she's gonna love it -- I got her a padded toilet seat!
Guy #1: Cool.
Lime Ridge Mall, 999 Upper Wentworth Street
Hamilton, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: laughing myself stupid
1PM I Woke Up Three Months Early!
Cashier #1 to customer: Have a good Easter.
Cashier #2: And have a Merry Christmas.
Cashier #1: Oh, shit.
Woolworth's
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Lydia the Great
4PM No Matter What, Dick Cheney's In!
IT guy #1: What is boxing day, anyway?
IT guy #2: Well, I Wikipedia-ed it and could only gather that it either has to do with killing birds, beating up servant girls, or selling off Christmas stuff nobody wants.
650 Park Avenue
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dani
5PM I See Your Attempt at Humor, and I Refuse to Acknowledge It
Deskie #1: What's that smell? Sulfur? Rotten eggs?
Deskie #2: I have it figured out: It's Halloween, and all these girls are walking around with nothing covering areas which haven't been exposed in public since last Halloween.
Deskie #1: I don't get why that is relevant.
Front desk, Central Michigan University
Mount Pleasant, Michigan
Overheard by: Not A Deskie
1PM If It's Too Hard to Process, Just Pretend You Didn't Hear It
Avis clerk: I just love your little beanie!
Jewish guy: It's actually called a yarmulke. I'm Jewish, and all Jewish men wear them.
Avis clerk: Oh! Well, you have yourself a merry Christmas!
Charlotte Airport, North Carolina
Overheard by: Renjeau
5PM You Don't Have to Be Dead to Work Here, But It Helps
Lawyer: Did you hear about Vanessa*?
Secretary: No. What about her?
Lawyer: Yeah, poor Vanessa. She woke up dead on July 4th.
Broad Street
Louisville, Georgia
12PM Lunch
Engineer: So, did you enjoy your Cinco de Mayo?
Secretary: Um. I was in Rhode Island for the weekend...
Engineer: Yeah, so?
Secretary: Ever been?
Engineer: Yeah, couple of times... what's your point?
Secretary: Heh. Rhode Island is like the white-bread capital, at least the part where I go is.
Engineer: Okaayyy... so there was no Cinco de Mayo celebration?
Secretary: Dude, lemme put it this way for ya: It's so damn white up there, they have white gardeners. Mexicans are like freakin' nonexistant up there. And don't even get me started on the nonexistance of black people. Hell, the last time I saw a black person while I was up there was the one we brought with us. . .and she kept singin' "Massa got me workin'" just to freak the rest of the whities out.
One Penn Plaza
New York, New York
Overheard by: *snicker*
1PM Vacation Memo
Boss: Did I forget to tell you that we will be open this Monday? I decided not to close the office after all.
Employee: For what?
Boss: It's Labor Day, and I was going to close the office, but decided not to.
Employee: It's not Labor Day! Memorial Day is this month, but not until the end of the month.
Boss: It says right here on my calendar it's Labor Day. I thought it was weird that Labor and Memorial Day were in the same month.
Employee: Let me see that calendar. . . Oh, for God's sakes, do you see that M by the date?
Boss: Ummm, yeah.
Employee: That means Labor Day for Mexico!
Boss: No kidding! Wow, I feel really stupid!
Employee: Yeah, you should! Happy Labor Day, Senorita!
4302 West Crystal Lake Road
McHenry, Illinois
Overheard by: Gramma
5PM That's a Wrap
Employee: Hey! Doesn't your ma get you anything from the Easter bunny?
Supervisor: It's been years since I've gotten anything.
Employee's boy: You live with your mom?
Supervisor: So what? So do you!
Employee's boy: No, I don't.
Supervisor: Huh?...Oh...Ah, shit.
6101 Wetzel Avenue
Fort Carson, Colorado
3PM Easter Party
VP: This'll be the director's Easter present to you.
Coordinator: Oh, you mean I don't get any eggs this year?
VP: No, you don't.
Coordinator: Well, can you at least hide it so I can find it?
VP: Yes, we can do that.
900 Simpson Street
St. Paul, Minnesota
5PM Here Comes a Long Weekend!
Co-worker #1: Hey, we get off for February 20th, too.
Co-worker #2: Oh, for President's Day? Wait, when is Independence Day? That's in the summer, right?
Co-worker #1: Uh, yeah, that's July 4th.
175 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Peter H
3PM James' Birthday Thing
Birthday: Thanks.
Office: Speech!
Birthday: I want you all to know that this is the oldest I've ever been.
150 River Street
Hackensack, New Jersey
4PM Update Timesheets
HR: You miscoded your timesheets as vacation instead of holiday.
Employee: What difference does it make? It's a day off. Can't you just fix it?
HR: The difference is that it put you over on your vacation time for the year.
Employee: But it was a holiday. Can't you just fix it?
HR: Do you know how many days off you have per year?
Employee: Yes, but holiday/vacation, it's all a day off.
HR: Tell that to the employee that just got let go for miscoding time.
Employee: ...I'll fix it.
4400 Post Oak Parkway
Houston, Texas
4PM Tinsel Everything
Worker #1: Must be nice to have so much time to put up all these friggin christmas decorations.
Worker #2: You have time. You just never decorate.
Worker #1: That's right, everyone knows not to touch my area. I'd be pissed if they did.
Worker #2: Hmm...wait till tomorrow, I think I'll piss you off with some holiday cheer.
Worker #1: Go ahead, I'll just take it down. What a waste My husband does that crap at home too!
3949 Jefferson Road
Ashtabula, Ohio
11AM Schedule Vacations
Co-worker #1: Is it bad to take holidays just after you start a
new job, like within the trial period?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I took, like, 10 days in the first week of starting.
WCP Harlaw Road
Inverurie, Aberdeenshire
Scotland
Overheard by: JBlair
3PM Hand Out Secret Santa
Co-worker #1: Hey, [Eric]. I know what I'll get you for Christmas.
[Eric]: Oh yeah? What?
Co-worker #1: Some wifebeaters to wear with white shirts so I don't have to see your boobs through the shirt anymore.
Co-worker #2: All right...I've heard enough about [Eric]'s manboobs.
839 Marshall Phelps Road
Windsor, Connecticut
5PM Luckily We Do...for Four Days!
Customer: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Vietnam?
Employee: Um...no?
2063 Camden Avenue
San Jose, California
4PM The 3 Day Weekend is Nigh!
Co-worker #1: So, do you get Columbus Day off from school?
Co-worker #2: No, we only get holidays for black people and Jesus.
6101 Broadway Street
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: Salena Arledge
9AM What'll It Be Today?
Co-worker: Ugh! Easter's on a Sunday this year!
6300 West Loop Freeway S
Bellaire, Texas
1PM Lunch Break
Co-worker #1: I heard that the wood plant is going to take a floating holiday and shut down for opening day of hunting season.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, kind of like IT's unofficial holiday for opening day of Star Wars.
901 44th Street SE
Grand Rapids, Michigan
