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1PM But First I Want Them to Pay
Young woman: Do you want your patients to die?
Older woman: Well, that would be one approach.
Rochester, New York
11AM A Move Known As "The IT Sidestep"
Temp: We found some old mice in the trashcan. I don't really think they belong in there.
Tech guy: I think that's a problem for facilities. Are they dead or alive?
Maryville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Cinderella
2PM That's Why I'm Well-Behaved. And Deaf.
Loud old woman #1: Did you hear about that huge fight that took place over the weekend where that teenager got killed?
Loud old woman #2: That's why people should beat their children! Then this wouldn't happen!
3430 Courthouse Drive
Ellicott City, Maryland
5PM I'd Fix It Myself, but I'm Heading Out Soon
Young drone: Do you realize that everything you print has the heading 'Dead' on it?
Old drone: I wish they'd change that.
441 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York
2PM And While We're on the Topic, How Come You Never Call Me at Night?
Guy on cell: I can hardly hear you. It sounds like you're in a coffin.
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: brian
3PM He Keeps That Totally on the DL
Coworker #1: I was berated by Susan* yesterday because I asked for my light fixture to be fixed... again... after 13 days. She got angry because she 'has more important things to worry about.' Apparently, her husband's in the ICU.
Coworker #2: Dude, she's going to have to unplug him.
Coworker #1: I understand that, but I resent the accusation that somehow my asking for my light to be fixed betrays an insensitivity to the plight of her almost-dead husband.
Austin, Texas
9AM I Wish She'd Make Up Her Mind
Coworker #1: Don* sent me flowers today.
Coworker #2: Why did Don send you flowers? Did your grandma die again?
16th and K Street NW
Washington, DC
4PM Being the Truth Fairy Is Less Fun Than I Thought It Would Be
Bearded man in green pixie wig, pink feather boa, and fairy wings: I think about death every day.
577 Western Avenue
Westfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: it's halloween
2PM You Should Have Had a Few Spares
Administrator on phone: Yeah, my cat passed away last Sunday. I put him in a paper bag and put it out on the curb for... for trash pick-up... What else could I do? Can't put him in the back yard. Yeah, I gotta get a new place. I can't stand the mice anymore.
Department of Education, 65 Court Street
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Emma
5PM Don't Have an AutoFit
Tech support assisting with Excel: Whoa! No, no, no, no! I said I was going to adjust your columns, not kill you!
Trilegiant office
Trumbull, Connecticut
Overheard by: Redfox Alpha
11AM You Say They Have Computers That Do That Now? Here, I'll Give You a Push
Male employee: Oh, I'm sorry. I could've scared you and you could've fallen.
Female employee sitting in an open, screenless window: That's okay, you didn't scare me.
Male employee: You look like you're going to jump. Please don't jump out the window. We really need someone to answer the phones.
98th Street and West End
New York, New York
Overheard by: adrienne
10AM I Will Never Forget Our Little Chat
Manager: So, my wife had to give me an enema this weekend. I thought I was going to die.
New girl: Are you serious?
Manager: Yes. I am always serious.
Christina Street
Sarnia, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Leoness
5PM And No Time for Breeder Drama
Large lesbo on cell: What's new with me? Oh, nothing too much. Oh wait -- yeah, I got a new dog! Yeah, another one. Well, my neighbor was killed in a murder-suicide with her boyfriend, so the dog had post-traumatic stress disorder. Oh, it's a Irish Settler. It's pretty cute... A little overweight, though. Besides that, not too much. You know me -- work, work, work.
Marriot Hotel Concierge VIP room
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Miguelito Morrison
2PM You Think until Thanksgiving?
Coworker on phone: Can I ask you something off-topic? If a family pet dies, how long can you keep it in the freezer?
Frances Avenue
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
10AM An Hour Later You'll Want to Watch the News Again
Art director: Is it wrong that I saw something on the news about a triple homicide in Koreatown, now I'm craving Chinese food?
Los Angeles, California
10AM To Be Fair, It Was His Asthma Medication
Kid holding toy: If I don't get this, I'm going to die.
Dad: You're not getting anything today!
Kid: Do you want me to die? You want me to die! You're killing me! You're killing me!
University Mall
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
10AM Usually If You Hate the Jews, You Just End up Getting Slapped on the Wrist for a DUI in Malibu
Teen boy: Did Walt Disney hate the Jews?
Teen girl: No, I don't think so. I mean, that's not why he died or anything.
Harper Road
Clemmons, North Carolina
Overheard by: Po
1PM Because, after This Conversation, I May Need to Blow My Brains Out
Boss: How was your day?
Employee miming pointing a gun to his head: Know what I mean? But it's over now.
Boss: My father killed himself six months ago.
Employee: Did he use a gun?
47 Catherwood Road
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: I prefer the
9AM Receptionists Have a Limited Ability to Extrapolate
Manager: It is important that you put any call through to me today -- my mother-in-law is dying.
Receptionist: Is she okay?
Manager: No, she's dying.
Davey Street
Hobart
Australia
2PM And What about Graverobbers? Sometimes They'll Kill You Just to Get Your Jewelry
Girl #1: It's so scary hearing about people dying.
Girl #2: Yeah, totally... You can die from so many things. You can die from death, sickness...
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: elle
3PM Now Make him Define Irony!
Brother: Is he dead?
Brother's friend's brother: I think he's asleep.
Brother: Hey, you awake?
Brother's friend's brother: Hey! Say something.
Brother's friend: Make me.
Mishawaka, Indiana
Overheard by:
9AM Might Have Swallowed the Spring, the Way the Conversation's Bouncing Around
Coworker #1: Well one time, I was eating here, and I found a piece of metal in my mouth! You know, a long thin piece. But bunched up. I chewed on it and it like exploded in my mouth. In my mouth! Can you believe it? It was all twisted or something. Coiled. Oh yeah. It was a spring! A spring! Anyway, I chewed on it and it like boinged in my mouth. Wait, wait, wait. Can you believe it? Boing, boing, boing! So I spit it out and look at it and think, 'What the hell is this and what is it doing in my food?' But really, can you believe it? Boinging all over the place!
Coworker #2: Ok. Enough already. You're making me sick. It's like having lunch with Roseanne Roseannadanna. Next you'll be telling me about the time you found a toenail in your cheeseburger.
Coworker #1: Oh yeah. Wouldn't that be great? Lunch with Roseanne. But she's dead, you know. Cancer.
Coworker #2: Gilda Radner died of cancer.
Coworker #1: Who? Why are you always changing the subject?
Coworker #2: I'm eating at my desk.
1500 University Avenue
Madison University Hospital & Clinics Cafeteria
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Just lost my appetite
11AM Eva Braun Waxes Rhapsodic
Co-worker: If I killed someone, he would totally lie to the police for me. Either he would be my alibi or he would lie and say he did it so I could be free.
225 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Am I Next
11AM Actually She Just Had a Cold, But We Take Her Living Will Very Seriously
Employee: You know my friend didn't die the other day when they, uh, disconnected her.
Manager: Oh no?
Employee: But she's dying right now. It took forty-eight hours. I wonder if she's hungry.
365 West Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
9AM Antie Maim
Employee #1, on ant infestation: I noticed there were a few just walking around by themselves on my desk.
Employee #2: Those are scouts! Kill them or they'll go back and tell the others the coast is clear, then you'll have a rope of them!
Employee #1: I know, so I tried breaking the legs on one of them hoping he'd go back and tell the others not to come, it's not safe, but all he did was walk around in circles on my desk, so I just smashed him.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Employee #3
10AM Tupac's Propaganda Machine, on the Other Hand, Is Alive and Thriving
Counselor: Is that a Tupac T-shirt? You're five. Tupac wasn't alive when you were born. What do you know about Tupac?
Kid: I know the haters killed him.
Counselor: Touché.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: SB
9AM He Should Ask to Speak to a Buddhist CSR, Fluent in the Language of Reincarnation
Heated caller: So let me understand this: if I die, I get $100,000?
CSS rep: No. If you pass, your beneficiary will receive $100,000.
Heated caller: But it is my money. I am paying the premium for it. I should be able to get my money. Why can't I have my money?!
CSS rep: Because you will be dead, ma'am.
Heated caller: That's ridiculous. I want to speak with a manager.
1 Sartan Way
Merrimack, New Hampshire
Overheard by: CSS Nightmare
9AM How to Tell If Your Co-Worker Is Actually a Robot
Male exec: I won't be able to be at the pitch. My grandfather died.
Female exec: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
Male exec: It's okay, I still have my other grandfather.
Female exec: That's why you have two children, right? If one of them dies, you've still got the other one, so it's not so sad.
Dreamworks, 100 Universal Plaza
Universal City, California
Overheard by: Shrek
10AM They Say, 'Come Talk to Us When the Dead Answer You'
New-Age employee: Yeah, my granddaughter is an Indigo Child. She can talk to the dead. But, if you ask me, her parents really aren't doing enough with her talent.
1712 Spring Garden Street
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Atheist cashier in the wrong line of work
5PM You Don't Have to Be Dead to Work Here, But It Helps
Lawyer: Did you hear about Vanessa*?
Secretary: No. What about her?
Lawyer: Yeah, poor Vanessa. She woke up dead on July 4th.
Broad Street
Louisville, Georgia
4PM And Susan Was Maimed. Isn't That Great?
Boss: I wouldn't even be able to kill myself right today. I'd screw it up.
Employee: If it makes you feel better I knocked myself unconscious this weekend.
Boss: Yeah, actually, it does.
323 East Grand River
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Pam Beasley
9AM Uh-Huh...And the Address?...1600 Pennsylvania Avenue...Got It.
Employee #1, on phone: Good morning, sir, my name is Brad*, and I'm from an execution service agency.
Employee #2: Dude. It's executive search agency!
Den Bosch
the Netherlands
Overheard by: Meme
4PM Why IT Dude Is Regularly Beaten Up
Deputy: There was a wreck this weekend where a guy hit a tree at 60 miles per hour. Ripped off the right side of his head. You could actually see inside his skull. We never could find his brain, though.
Project manager: Did it kill him?
IT dude: Nope, he is walking around, managing projects.
US Highway 69/75
Oklahoma
Overheard by: Firewall
12PM Pretty Much His Deal With God, Too
Boss: I'm pretty much unavailable all afternoon since I have to go to the funeral, but if you really need me, you can call me between the church and the cemetary.
Boston, Massachusetts
10AM Dear World, I'm Killing Myself at This Time to Inconvenience Cousin Bob
Co-Worker: My cousin died in a car accident yesterday.
Boss: Oh, I'm sorry.
Co-Worker: Yeah. The funeral is Saturday in St. Louis.
Boss: Will you be going?
Co-Worker: Oh no! That's not enough time for me to get everything around and make it down there! I mean, maybe if they had given me a week's notice...
Olentangy River Road
Columbus, Ohio
10AM I Said, 'Mr. Samsa, There's Nothing You Can Do!'
Border patrol agent: I tried to tell the guy his brother was dead. Metamorphosis had already set in.
3423 Interstate Highway 35
Cotulla, Texas
9AM Anyway, We're Not Sure You're the Sort of Sales Rep We Want at Dead Cat in a Basket, LLC
Older woman: Yes, I have fifteen years of commission-only sales experience, and I'm accustomed to traveling four days out of the week.
Interviewer: Oh, um, well that's great. Um, yes, some of our new hires don't like traveling because it's so lonely and can be far from home and, um, you know, like solitudish and lonely.
Older woman: That's okay with me. Travel is fine, but I can't travel for three weeks out and one week home. I have two cats. I can leave them for four days at a time but not three weeks.
Interviewer: Oh. Well, that's unfortunate 'cause we really would like you for the job. Well, um, if something would happen that would mean you could take this job, um, like I won't get into what that would be or anything morbid or sad or anything...but you could always re-apply.
6500 Matalin Place
Louisville, Kentucky
5PM In Death Everyone Gets a Little Classier
Laywer: So you were locked in a room that had a gas leak?
Client: Yeah. Man, we was trying to get out quick as we could. I mean, if we didn't make it out when we did, we could've been sophisticated!
Lawyer: Asphyxiated?
Client: Whatever.
Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
11AM Over Six Million Sold
Copywriter: How about 'Widget* is your final solution for packaging needs'?
Copyeditor: I think we should use any other description.
Copywriter: Why? Does it not make sense?
Copyeditor: Only if you're not talking about the Holocaust.
4th and Congress
Austin, Texas
11AM Have You Considered Art School?
Girl #1: I should be a professional killer
Girl #2: What are you talking about?
Girl #1: Well, I was really good in riflery in camp. I hate people. And I love wearing black.
40 West 57th Street
New York, New York
12PM Dibs on His Fur Coat
Staffer: I understand you want to complete a living will.
Patient: That's right.
Staffer: Do you know what this means?
Patient: Yes, it means I don't want to be kept alive if I'm in a persistent vegetarian state.
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
1PM Group Therapy
Coworker: Sometimes I just go out to the warehouse dock and stand on the edge and think about jumping.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
10AM Under Sales Goal
Salesman: Yeah, I'm fucking fed up with that guy. He hasn't sent in his reports for weeks. Just keeps flying out to Texas. What the fuck are we paying him for, anyway?
Manager: Texas? What's he doing in Texas?
Salesman: Oh, apparently his dad died or something.
3000 Birch
Brea, California
12PM Lunch
Receptionist over the intercom: Obituaries...Mmmmmmm....
16 Bailey Avenue
Ridgefield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nikki
5PM That's a Wrap
Funeral director: So, you know all the procedures now, right?
Secretary: Yes, I believe so, I just never had to go get the organ out for a service.
Funeral director: Well, you know where it's at, right?
Secretary: Yeah, so you just go in the back and pull it out and stick it in there, right?
2157 Oak Street
Wyandotte, Michigan
10AM Distribute Paychecks
Employee #1: Hey, have the paychecks come in yet?
Employee #2: I just heard [Aaron] ask and the boss said no. We are going to have to put [Aaron] on suicide watch until the checks get here.
5760 Highway 80 East
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
2PM Follow Up with HR
Secretary: I could swear that I read that if you have a death in the family you automatically get two days off.
Nurse: Well, I looked it up in the protocol. You can have days off, but they're just regular PTO.
Secretary: Right, I know they're PTO, but I swear I read that they're automatic if you have a death in the family.
Nurse: No, it's like any other PTO, you have to have them approved by your supervisor.
Secretary: I swear I read that you get those days off for a family death.
Nurse: Well, I'm sure every supervisor would be happy to quickly approve your PTO if someone dies.
Secretary: Yeah, but I swear I read somewhere that you get two days automatically for that.
Nurse: Please, tell me one more time about how you read that somewhere.
Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
9AM Back to Work
Employee on phone: Yeah, I'm leaving early today...Because if I don't, I'll kill someone. No, I mean it, someone will literally die at my hands, so I figure I'm helping out the company by leaving early.
900 Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
2PM Hearing
Secretary: How'd things go with the Sixth Circuit?
Paralegal: Hold on, let me re-enact it. You be Tuck, I'll be the judge. Now get me a ballbat and stand still while I beat you with it for thirty minutes straight.
Tuck: Ha...ha...ha.
319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Tuck's Boss who he thinks doesn't know about this site
5PM That's a Wrap
Secretary: I've been meaning to ask you a question.
Lawyer: Sure, what's up?
Secretary: So you're Indian, right? I'm going to an Indian funeral today. And I'm not sure how to act.
Lawyer: Well...you're not supposed to laugh.
Secretary: But they're so Indian that they're going to have her cremated.
Lawyer: That doesn't mean you can laugh. Also wear all white.
1425 K Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: callmeahab
3PM Smoke Break
Marketer: So after sitting in her funky trailer for about 2 hours
listening to her talk about God, this lady was like, "Baby...I have been reading my Bible for 53 years...and I can tell you read your Bible, too..." So, I in my best Southern voice, said, "Yes, ma'am...I
read my Bible every day. I try to live my life according to the
Word." But, I was just bullshitting. I'm probably going to hell. I mean she is like 90 and lives in a single-wide behind her daughter who lives in a double-wide...She can't wipe her own ass...She's about to die...and I am lying about reading the Bible. But we had a patient pass yesterday and we need one to take his place. Gotta keep the bodies moving...gotta get that bonus. Y'know?
1441 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
4PM Call Ambulance
Boss: If you're going to get electrocuted, do it on your own time.
4610 Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Hugo Delgado
1PM Lunch
Co-worker: The worst thing you can do is pull over on the side of the road and get into your trunk. It's a good way to get yourself killed.
1201 West Peachtree Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
11AM Beta Testing
Director: We simply can't idiot-proof everything. Sometimes the idiots just have to suffer and die.
Co-worker: I think that's called "evolution".
2100 I-70 Drive SW
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Amy Zing
3PM Smoke Break
Employee: Would it be better to buy life insurance while I'm still alive?
4740 44th Avenue SW
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Lisa Marshall
3PM Smoke Break
Marketing Manager: You know it would be so awful if that hunting guy died, but yet, it would be so awesome if that hunting guy died.
16430 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
1PM Lunch
Writer: What the heck is going on with you?
Designer: Why?
Writer: Because I messaged you like three times.
Designer: Oh. I didn't see it.
Writer: Thank god I wasn't sending you my suicide note.
Designer: You would do that through Yahoo!?
Writer: I don't know. Maybe. Is it too informal?
Designer: Kind of. I mean like print it out or something. Then somebody could drop it in my box.
Writer: What font would I even use?
16430 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Miel
5PM That's a Wrap
Co-worker #1: Yeah, some guy just fell from the 72nd down onto the 6th floor.
Co-worker #2: Is he dead?
350 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY
5PM That's a Wrap
Boss: What are you still doing here? I told you to go home early.
Employee: I know. Have you ever seen Shawshank Redemption?
Boss: Yes.
Employee: Remember what happened to the prisoner that finally got his freedom? He ended up hanging himself because he didn't know what to do with his free time.
440 9th Avenue
New York, NY
11AM Beta Testing
Co-worker: I mean, I love [our product] and all, but I don't want it to kill people.
5450 Tech Center Drive
Colorado Springs, Colorado
5PM That's a Wrap
Assistant on phone: One time I was in Oklahoma and I don't know if they do this anymore but they had a prisoner rodeo! They would release bulls into a pen and the prisoners had to get $100 bills stuck in the fences. Some would die but it was cool!...I mean, not that I would go again or anything.
900 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
9AM Back to Work
Teller: So how was your weekend?
Customer: Oh, it was all right...my husband died.
1600 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: indigo
5PM Pick Up Kids
Teacher on phone: But [Matt], it's just the sound of a gun. The audience won't even see it!...Not even the sound effect?...Are you kidding me?...So, what, we're not allowed to do Hamlet now because somebody has to die in the end?...I know they don't use real swords; we aren't using a real gun!...How is anyone supposed to die?
2155 Napier Avenue
Macon, Georgia
1PM Lunch
Designer: So I took the dead cat by the tail and chucked it over the fence and I thought, "Man. If the people at work could only see what a bumpkin I am."
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
5PM Out of Here
Suit: We don't need to do that right away, we can do it tomorrow.
Boss: We should do it today. Why put off until tomorrow what we can do today?
Suit: I was thinking about killing you yesterday.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
11AM EOY Staff Meeting
Manager: We're all sharks. Remember, guys.
Employee: Huh? Sharks?
Manager: Yeah, we're all like sharks. Sharks have to keep moving their whole life or they'll die. They never stop moving. So keep moving, guys! We're sharks!
Employee: So basically what you're saying is that if we stop moving, you'll kill us all?
208 Chain Lake Drive
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
1PM Lunch
Co-worker: I'm like a dead person wrapped in a living person. It's like a pigs-in-a-blanket, except made out of dead people and living people.
631 King Edward Avenue
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
11AM Go Over Resumes
Manager: "...I was forced to take a year off work to look after my sick mother. She's dead now so problem over."
33 Paradise Road
Richmond, Surrey
UK
3PM Coffee Break
EA: ...she's still learning to change a diaper and all that.
Suit: Really?
EA: Yeah, but it's been extra hard emotionally because our family is really strict and my dad still can't admit to himself that this happened. All he's said is, "I sent you to private school! Don't they have sex ed there?" and "How could this happen?" Which doesn't help her at all.
Suit: No, probably not.
EA: It's like, "Dad, the baby is already here, get a grip." But, well, she's the baby of the family and I guess we all know how fathers are.
Suit: No, actually, I don't. I never met mine.
40 IDX Drive
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Bubble Wrap THIS
1PM Lunch
Partner: Tell me something. Does anyone around here care about me at all? I mean if I were to drop dead right here and now in the middle of the floor would just leave me lying there or at least push me into a dark corner?
Receptionist: I'm sure I could manage a little bit better than that.
Partner: Well, thank you. At least someone cares.
1218 Webster Street
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Office Slave
3PM At the Water Cooler
Peon #1: Those Jordanians are really teed off.
Peon #2: Is that even a word?
9115 Harris Corners Parkway
Charlotte, North Carolina
Boss: Did you hear about the terrorist attacks in Jordan?
Secretary: Um, yes; a suicide bomber killed hundreds of people at a wedding.
Boss: You see, you shouldn't attend so many weddings. The odds are against you.
10550 North Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California
11AM Call Maintenance...Again
Co-worker #1: It's so dry in here, I can feel the skin on my face drying up from the inside out.
Co-worker #2: Do you use moisturizer?
Co-worker #1: Oh yes, if I didn't my face would look just like my grandpa's...and he's been dead for seven years.
1301 West Chestnut Street
Virginia, Minnesota
9AM Doctor's Appointment
Nurse #1: It's more important that we get rid of the dead things in the clinic.
Nurse #2: The smell's still there?
Nurse #3: Have you tried spraying the air with something?
1230 York Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Molly the Mole
3PM Coffee Break
Boss: Your brother is Wiccan?
Drone: Yes.
Boss: So he does magic?
Drone: He likes to think so.
Boss: And he's not Christian?
Drone: ...No.
Boss: So he can do whatever he wants? Like kill someone?
Drone: ...No, he still has to abide by the laws of the land.
557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
9AM Doctor's Appointment
Doctor: Did you put the drugs in the drug room?
Nurse: No! I can't find where they are supposed to go. Every time I try and find the drugs in that room I want to kill somebody!
Doctor: Please don't. We shouldn't be killing any more patients anyway.
250 West Bridge Street
Dublin, Ohio
10AM Review Napoleonic Code
Attorney #1: The governor suggested that everyone not evacuating write their social security number on their arm in indelible ink. I'm going to go through our database and tattoo the SSN of our richest client on my chest with my children as beneficiaries.
Attorney #2: You better get that tattoo on your ass because you're going to be floating face down in the floodwater.
8555 United Plaza Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
9AM I Wish I Was His Cat
Co-worker on phone: Yeah, my cat died around 2AM, so obviously I worked from home the next day. Yeah...yeah...
22265 Pacific Boulevard
Dulles, Virginia
3PM Cigarette Break
Admin: Hey, Simon Wiesenthal died! Who's he?
Suit: Oh, he hunted Nazis or something. Cool!
Admin: Cool that he died?
Suit: Cool that he's in my dead pool!
1600 Broadway
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: C. O'ntracter
11AM Update Data
Co-worker: He's either "dead" or "passed away."
9111 East Douglas Avenue
Wichita, Kansas
Overheard by: Nate
1PM Lunch Break
Assistant: How's your day going?
Office worker: I wish I was dead.
Assistant: Good to hear.
3990 Old Town Avenue
San Diego, California
12PM Update Records
Man: I'd like to change the name on the account. She's been dead for a while now.
CSR: For how long?
170 Utopia Road
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: Mellen
3PM Work on Newsletter
Graphic designer: I'm looking for those "In Memoriam" listings. I know they're buried around here somewhere.
2400 Grove Boulevard
Austin, Texas
1PM Lunch
Co-worker: Every time I board an airplane nowadays, I look around and figure out who I'm going to eat if we crash.
115 Perimeter Center Place NE
Atlanta, Georgia
3PM Cancel Joe's Surprise Party
Receptionist: Joe Barnes, please come to the office, you have a phone call.
Employee: You might have to speak up. And also? If he shows up, I'm leaving.
Receptionist: Why, don't you like him?
Employee: No, it's not that, it's just that he's been dead for two years.
5900 West Chester Road
West Chester, Ohio
12PM Check for Mail
Secretary: All morning I've been so happy, singing and dancing and now the whole day is ruined. Oh, I could commit carry harry right now!
Monson Way
Tunbridge Wells, Kent
UK
Overheard by: Benjaminov
9AM Another Week Begins
Engineer: Don't kill anyone.
Tech Writer: Can I maim them?
Engineer: Yeah. If you maim them you seem like more of a team player.
1550 Buckeye Drive
Milpitas, California
5PM Don't Ask Him Why His Cell is Off
User: If you don't turn my cell phone back on today, I'll tell the families of my patients and their lawyers that you are responsible for the patient's death, because I couldn't be reached!
Call center operator: Sir, if you are expecting your patients to die, perhaps they should switch to a different physician...
310 W. Bakerview Road
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Josh Sinnett
12AM A Jewish Vampire, Apparently
CSR: Is Mike there?
Man: Do you know what day it is?
CSR: What does that have to do with anything?
Man: Well it's Sunday!
CSR: I know that! Can I talk to Mike?
Man: No it's Sunday and he isn't alive on Sunday because he's a vampire!
375 Ghent Road
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: No Longer Employed
1PM I Think That's Some Kind of Wallaby
Guy #1: So my dad was going to complain that they didn't give him his grievance pay.
Guy #2: What's grievance pay?
Guy #1: Well, you know when a member of your family dies? You get
grievance pay so that you can have the day of the funeral off and the day after. My dad's pissed 'cos they won't give him his grievance pay.
Guy #2: Why won't they pay him?
Guy #1: Because they said his nana's not part of his intermediate
family.
153 Campbell Street
Bowen Hills, Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: Murad
7AM Hell Hath No Fury Like a Reporter Spurned
Reporter: We can't give Gary an award.
Copy editor: Why not? You know, if it's the best story and he was here during that month...
Reporter: What, we're going to give him a posthumous award?
Copy editor: You know, Gary's not dead.
Reporter: He is to me!
189 W. Main Street
Spartanburg, South Carolina
Overheard by: W. Texas Mike
12PM Not Quite What George Lucas Had in Mind
Office guy: As I told him, it's not the speed of the train that matters when a train hits you, it's the force. They tried to do CPR and their hands just disappeared into his chest...
515 7th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Rosskel
6AM He Learned This the Hard Way
Tenant: You know, it has been so nice outside, I wish we had windows that would open.
Building manager: Yeah, me too, but if we did, everyone would be jumping out of them to kill themselves.
270 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: JB
12AM We've Found Our Foreman
Lawyer: Have you been involved in any bike accidents?
Potential juror: I was hit by a car while riding my bike in the Hamptons. I was seriously injured, but I didn't die.
60 Centre Street
New York, NY
12AM That Isn't Right, Idiot
Guy: I just don't think it's right that they killed [Terry Schiavo]just because she had a disability.
350 5th Avenue
New York, NY
4PM Technically It's the 2nd Thing
Security lady: The first thing you gotta do, you gotta kill all the witnesses.
150 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Animal
8AM "I didn't wake up on time this morning. The Jews again."
Lunching lady #1: It's the fault of the non-Catholics and non-believers that Terri Schiavo didn't wake up Easter morning.
Lunching lady #2: It's so true, you're so right. They just don't believe.
401 Merritt 7
Norwalk, Connecticut
Overheard by: Not a Catholic
12PM Phases of Arrogance, Idiocy and Ignorance
Coworker: Those people in the Tsunami, they deserved to die. They were being greedy, collecting fish from the sea...they should have known there are three phases of a Tsunami.
60 Livingston Avenue
St. Paul, Minnesota
12AM Does It Come With a Buzz?
Building Engineer: A freon leak won't kill you. It'll just asphyxiate you a little.
2100 Second Street, SW
Washington, DC
8AM "Somewhere by the ocean, I think."
Girl: This whole thing is such a tragedy.
Guy: I know, I actually have some old friends there that survived, luckily.
Girl: Where is Tsunami, anyways?
21 Spectrum Pointe
Lake Forest, California
Overheard by: Brandon Walter
