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5PM That Flogger Really Brings Out Your Eyes
Teacher: If you wish to have a discussion, raise your hand and I will call on you if you are worthy enough.
Student: I love you?
140 Brandies Road
Newton, Massachusetts
5PM Nobody's Gonna Build There a Second Time
Coworker: What's the deal with these lot loans?
Manager: Your mom's a lot loan.
San Ramon, California
Overheard by: cracking up
2PM Like a Seizure That Ends in Conversation
Coworker #1: Who's ringing?
Coworker #2: Not me. I vibrate.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
2PM How to Get Fired in Albuquerque
Boss: I can't get this damn phone to work.
Coworker: It helps if you're just a little bit smarter than the technology.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
9AM ... For Sleeping with My Husband
Attorney: I'm so pregnant... My husband always says, 'Honey, you're a whale!' And then I tell him, 'Shut up! You're an immigrant!'
Admin: You should really stop saying that to him.
Attorney: Well, he is, and it's a term of endearment! Like when I call you a dirty whore!
Hackensack, New Jersey
3PM And Devote Your Full Attention to It
Peon #1: Did you devote your full attention to this?
Peon #2: Bite me.
Wausau, Wisconsin
1PM But First I Want Them to Pay
Young woman: Do you want your patients to die?
Older woman: Well, that would be one approach.
Rochester, New York
11AM I Suggest You Glue Your Ass to Your Own Chair
Office drone #1: What's a funnier prank -- if I tape the the receiver to the boss's phone, or if I fix it so she can't open the drawer?
Office drone #2: Um, maybe you should... [looks pointedly at returning boss behind drone #1].
Office drone #1: I know! I'll glue her coffee mug to her desk. Bitch'll be spewing!
Boss, standing right behind drone #1: Bitch is behind you.
Harris Street
Pyrmont, Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: get back to work!
11AM Jesus: The Way You People Treat Each Other, I Hate You All!
CSR, sighing at computer: Jesus hates me. [Alarmed when notices customer] I didn't mean that.
Customer: No, it's okay. He probably does.
1400 Apalachee Parkway
Tallahassee, Florida
3PM I Didn't Say You'd Contributed Much
Cube rat girl: You've really contributed to my progress as a human being. Like, I've learned all these new terms from you. Like 'owned,' and 'oh, word?' And 'meh'!
Cube rat guy: See? So what would your life be like without me?
Cube rat girl: Well, I think pretty much the same, but with a few less words.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
5PM Oh, and Smallpox Victims!
Boss: Oh, you met Beth* from the London office? How old did she look?
Woman on phone: Oh, well, she looked older than me, so she must in her 50s. Then again, sometimes people look older than me, but they turn out to be only 35.
Boss: Cigarette smokers.
Woman on phone: ... And meth addicts.
Sears Tower
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: 22 and never doing meth
12PM Being Filled with Salty Remorse
Chick shoving sandwich at guy: Do you want this?
Guy: No, why? You don't want it?
Chick: No, I'm stuffed. I just had an ass-load of salami.
Guy: So, what does that feel like?
401 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: brooklynhero
10AM Whatever. Distract Him While I Get the Rope
Exasperated meeting contact: I think the temp I hired is mildly retarded, so I'm going to need your help with this.
Concierge: My mother drank and smoked while pregnant with me.
Penn and Liberty Avenues
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
5PM Been Carrying It Since Last Tango in Paris
Guy: Man, having cigarettes without a lighter is like having peanuts without the jelly!
Lady: Don't you mean butter?
Guy: Oh, no. I got the butter.
1450 East Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: smoking some distance away
9AM I'm Not Much, but I'm All I Think About
Mother: Put those toys away. Think of the other kids who come here.
Little kid #1: Yeah, we've gotta think of the other kids.
Little kid #2: I don't want to think of the other kids. I only want to think about me.
Doctor's waiting room
North Rocks, Sydney
Australia
2PM Pretty Picky for Somebody without Hedge Clippers
Coworker #1: So I was talking to my friend on the phone, and there was a snake in his room! I would have snapped it in half! I would've come after it with a pair of hedge clippers.
Coworker #2: It wouldn't so much snap as it would snip.
405 Main Street
Milford, Michigan
Overheard by: John M.
11AM Sure, Hog the Brain Damage
Lab tech finding other scientists spraying glue: Ahhh! Free isocyanates!
Scientist: Get out of here!
Rockland, Maryland
Overheard by: Chemdork
5PM Patient: Hey! It's Damn Cold in This Paper Gown
Physician: What can you tell me about this X-ray?
Student: It's a male pelvis with two fractures.
Physician: It's shaped like a male pelvis, but it's not.
Student: How can you tell?
Physician: The lack of a penis outline on the X-ray helps.
Emergency Room, University of Kansas Hospital
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: Stifling the Laugh
12PM Of Course They're Expensive --They're Moloko Dispensers
Hick girl #1: Look, I'm just saying, that bitch was a bitch.
Hick girl #2: She is such a bitch.
Hick girl #1: I know. And her costume wasn't even funny.
Hick girl #2: I don't think they're supposed to be funny. I think they're supposed to be scary.
Hick girl #1: Her tits are scary.
Hick girl #2: She's always showin' her tits. I don't wanna see them scary-ass tits.
Bitch: My tits are expensive, you stupid hick bitches.
Hick girl #1: Why didn't you say you were in there, bitch? God, you're a bitch.
Hick girl #2: Bitch.
Nashville, Tennessee
4PM He's Been Burned Before
Skank: Can I use your bathroom?
Clerk: Only if you promise not to pee on the floor.
Skank: Okay.
7-Eleven, Westmoreland Street and Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lane In Richmond
1PM And the Importance of Personal Protective Equipment
Boss: I'm not the one who brought up fucking a goat.
Minion: I was explaining the hazards of his job.
Bend, Oregon
5PM I'm Also Real Good at Hiding in the Stock Room
Chick: So you don't know anything about anything behind the service desk?
Old manager: No, nothing.
Chick: So what happens if someone comes in here and robs us? You don't know how to push the button to call the cops?
Old manager: No.
Chick: So... what if that happens?
Old manager: I do know how to hire a new person.
Lawyers Road
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: CSReppingsucks.
1PM And That's When I Remembered the Nipple Piercings
Employee: I would really like to apologize for running late this morning. It won't happen again.
Boss: Could you please turn your shirt right-side out?
350 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Susan
12PM Unless You Want to Be Skinny
College girl #1: I keep thinking I should smoke more often.
College girl #2: That's probably not a valid assessment.
Binghamton University
Binghamton, New York
2PM And I Won't Read to the Blind Either! They've Got Braille!
Suit #1: Hey, you always participate in the office Volunteer Day events. You did the March of Dimes Walk earlier this year. Are you going to paint the homeless shelter next month?
Suit #2: No. I did the March of Dimes Walk because the babies can't walk it. The homeless can paint their own shelter.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
9AM Me Neither. Isn't Advertising Cool?
Art director: Don't you have to be educated to do your job?
IT guy: Nope.
11 E 26th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Jeremy
3PM Pretty People Still Have to Stand Up
Female coworker: I wish I was disabled.
Male coworker: What? Why?
Female coworker: 'Cause then people would do things for you, like carry your stuff and get you things.
Male coworker: People do that for pretty people -- why don't you wish to be pretty?
910 Louisiana Avenue
Houston, Texas
5PM Everyone Was Relieved When Emo the Magnificent Finally Checked Out
Professor: It smells like fall, doesn't it?
Student: It smells like depressing cold and the inevitable onset of winter.
Brandeis University
Waltham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I didn't smell anything
10AM Dare to Dream, Little Queen
Female coworker: I think I'm going to go home. I'm not feeling well.
Gay coworker: I hope it's not contagious.
Female coworker: No. It's... woman problems. I don't think you'll get infected.
Gay coworker: You'd be surprised.
14th Street and Rhode Island Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Suprised
3PM A Whacking Good Reason
Female customer #1: They have lotion in the women's bathroom that is phenomenal.
Female customer #2: There was a line for the women's room, so the owner let me use the men's room when nobody was in it. They didn't have any lotion in there.
Man: There's probably a good reason for that.
3520 Erie Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Please tell me you washed your hands
11AM You Want a Bite?
Female coworker: Dude. What's with the mutton chops?
Male coworker: Just keepin' it awesome, babe.
Wausau, Wisconsin
11AM Now Here Are Some Condoms and a Hole Punch...
CFO: Our budget has been balanced the last few years because of unpaid maternity leaves, and we are working that into our models for coming years.
Committee member: So our financial solvency is based on people in the company having sex?
CFO: Basically.
Klaipeda
Lithuania
12PM Because Their Secretary Told Me They're Missing Page 47 over There
Boss: I've got part of the Kama Sutra on my wall.
Employee: Do we need to talk to H.R.?
175 South 3rd Street
Columbus, Ohio
10AM No, I Quit Because None of Them Were Prostitutes
Male administrator: So, are you a prostitute?
Female administrator: Excuse me?
Male administrator: It's a line from that movie, Monster.
Female administrator: You can't just go around saying things like that to people.
Male administrator: Oh. Well, I used to do it all the time at my old job.
Female administrator: Is that why you're not working there anymore?
Connecticut Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: the fly on the wall
10AM Come to Think of it, it Does Smell Incredibly Fuzzy and Cute in Here
Student: It kinda smells like bunnies.
Supervisor: What?
Student: Yeah, bunnies. Haven't you ever smelled bunnies?
Supervisor: Uh, no, I don't go around sniffing rodents usually. And besides, I'm congested, so all I'm smelling today is boogers.
1145 E. South Campus Drive
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Rasputin
2PM I Love the Law: The Smell of the Jury, the Sobbing of the Witness
Lawyer #1: So I finally got myself in front of a jury!
Lawyer #2: Really?
Lawyer #1: Yeah! It was a rape case.
Lawyer #2: That's fantastic! Well, for you anyway.
Allegan St
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: o rly?
1PM He's Manager for a Reason
Restaurant manager, to hobo panhandling inside the restaurant: You need to leave right now.
Hobo: Man, how you know I not here for some crab cakes and fine wine?
Restaurant manager: Because you have human shit all over your pants.
Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
1PM But I'm the Janitor!
Account biller #1: Let me ask you something, what am I supposed to do with those claims the boss just gave me?
Account biller #2: Your job, perhaps?
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Cala
3PM Pssst. Humans Are in Heat all the Time
Male coworker: It says I have to create a 'heat ticket.' Where is that?
Female coworker: Just open a general service ticket. I haven't had to go into heat to get that done.
50 Beele
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: JuJuBe
9AM Actually, That's What Happened to My Ankles
Sales guy: How can you sit like that? It's disgusting.
Information specialist: I have weak ankles. I'm sorry I disgust you.
Sales guy: You don't disgust me, just the way you sit. Besides, you're always making fun of my women.
Information specialist: Say, do you have one of those auto-lifts in your bedroom?
Sales guy: I see what you're saying. Because I like big women.
Information specialist: I mean, in case you get pinned or something.
Sales guy: Funny thing is, I know how to maneuver one of those, from a previous job.
Information specialist: I'll take that as a yes.
Washington DC
12PM It's the Fifty-First!
Clerk: Ma'am I can't take this money.
Lady: Why not? It's good American money.
Clerk: Ma'am this money is from Canada.
Lady: Is Canada not the 50th state of the U.S. or are you stupid or something?
Clerk: I'm not the one that's stupid.
13697 W. Colonial Drive
Winter Garden, Florida
2PM She's Already Seen His Briefs
Lawyer: Hey, here's something that might interest you!
Secretary: I doubt it.
3415 South Sepulveda Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: i love this place
2PM If a New Jersey Resident Falls in His Kitchen, And No One Is Around to See It, Is It Still Funny?
Employee #1: Well, you should move to New Jersey. There are great apartments in my complex.
Employee #2: I don't know that I want to move out there.
Employee #1: The apartments are great, lots of closet space, granite countertops in the kitchen.
Employee #2: I don't want granite counters. If I fall and hit my head on them, it would hurt.
1 Liberty Plaza
New York, New York
10AM But I'm Watching You, Pal
Security guard: Um, we have a problem here.
Traveler: And what might that be?
Security guard: Do you have any other form of identification? Your driver's license is expired.
Traveler: No, it's not... this is 2006.
Security guard: You may pass.
General Mitchell Airport
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Feeling Secure
3PM Here, I'll Show You with My Fingers -- The Difference Is the Long One in the Middle
Senior consultant: Hey, what's the difference between four and five?
Consultant: How am I getting paid less than you?
Waterloo, London
Overheard by: he said what I was thinking
12PM Which Reminds Me: It's Performance Review Time
Coworker #1: How's the weather outside?
Coworker #2: Pretty good, it's like getting spit on.
Brooklyn Army Terminal
Brooklyn, New York
11AM And It Took Him Three Days to Get Over It
First-grade teacher: CHARLES! Give me those! Those are NAILS! Nails are unsafe and do not belong in your hands.
Student: Pshhh, unless you're JESUS!
New York, New York
Overheard by: i want to adopt this kid
5PM For Your Comfort and Safety, Remember That Kids Are Pretty Literal
School social worker, to kindergartner on lap: So what happened right before you ran out of your classroom?
Kindergartner: I'm peeing.
Social worker: What do you mean, you're peeing?
Kindergartner: I'm peeing.
Social worker: [jumps up, displaying huge wet spot on her pants]
Kindergartner: I TOLD you I was peeing.
5130 Roxbury Road
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Fair warning given
1PM And What Could I Cover It With?
Customer: What's this called?
Sales associate: A duvet cover.
Customer: No, no... what's inside it?
Sales associate: A duvet.
IKEA
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
12PM No, I Have a Plane Ticket and a Shovel
Lady #1: I'm saving myself for Mozart.
Lady #2: That's going to be quite a wait, honey.
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Overheard by: Sarah
1PM No, You've Just Got Those Little Wings on Your Lapel
Customer: By chance, was your mom a flight attendant?
Employee: Why, do you think you're my dad?
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: Still laughing now
12PM But on That Note, What's Your Availability?
Customer: Wow, you must be in high demand this time of year.
Employee: I guess so.
Customer: Oh, I meant the store. Not you.
Columbia, Maryland
Overheard by: party rental stores are no party
10AM The Tits, I Just Left There
Man: I've heard that you've been to New York before and tried to be a stripper there.
Woman: Yeah, I've taken my ass back now.
Shanghai, China
1PM The First-Ever Suggestion That College Leads to Sobriety
Woman: Man, I got so shitfaced last night. Major hangover. I'm not gonna get anything done.
Lackey: Well, good thing you're a VP. You can get away with that kind of thing.
Woman: I know, right? And I don't even have a college education!
Lackey: Guess I wasted those four years and workday sobriety for nothing. And all this time I could have been a hungover dropout.
Woman: Live and learn!
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Kate
2PM Dog: Sweetie, All You Have to Do Is Say 'Please'
Chairman: It will be easy, like pulling a greasy stick out a dog's arse.
Employee: That's all well and good, but we have to get the greasy stick in there first!
Barrow-in-Furness
Cumbria, England
1PM He Means It's Inauthentically Trying to Be Like Soup Without Actually Being Soup
Customer: Excuse me, miss!
Waitress: Yes, sir?
Customer: My soup is too soupy.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry, sir, if your soup is too soupy, but it is soup.
Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Overheard by: he deserved it
12PM Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Desk
Girl: Can you keep this desk clean?
Guy: What? The desk is clean. Stop hating!
Girl: Hey, hey, don't say that, I'm not a cock-blocker. I don't cock-block.
Guy: What the fuck does that have to do with my desk?
350 South Figueroa
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Sexual tension in the workplace?
10AM Tupac's Propaganda Machine, on the Other Hand, Is Alive and Thriving
Counselor: Is that a Tupac T-shirt? You're five. Tupac wasn't alive when you were born. What do you know about Tupac?
Kid: I know the haters killed him.
Counselor: Touché.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: SB
11AM From the Ancient Canadian Folk Tale 'Chickens Are from Hell, Eh?'
Teen #1: I swear, those chickens were from hell.
Teen #2: All chickens are from hell.
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia
4PM Can We All Agree That What They Do Is Not 'Acting'?
Client #1: Yeah...[My girlfriend] used to be an actress.
Client #2, looking at photo on client #1's desk: Yeah? I think I have seen her before.
Client #1: Yeah? You watch a lot of porn? She used to be a porn actress.
Client #2: [Silence]
Airport Plaza
Long Beach, California
10AM Yeah, They Have All Kinds of Crap
Female suit: This chair is too high. My feet barely touch the floor. I should order a step stool from the Office Supplies Department. Do you have the catalog?
Male suit: They have stool samples in there?
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
4PM He Runs a Brothel
Supervisor: Different day, same shit.
Employee: That's my favorite saying! "Different day, same shit."
Supervisor: We probably shouldn't swear; I don't want to offend the customers.
Employee: Probably.
Supervisor: You know what my favorite saying is? "Fuck that!"
Mount Prospect, Illinois
9AM Jeez, You Don't Leave Me Much Room to Maneuver
Co-Worker #1: Hey, I got a new joke. Anyone want to hear it?
Co-Worker #2: Not if it involves poop.
Co-Worker #3: Or chickens.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: disturbed
3PM Why Generation Y Already Out-Earns Generation X
Assistant: You ever do something repeatedly--so much, that you're like, "Whoa, this isn't real. I'm not doing this!"?
Intern: Umm...
Assistant: Like, when you're staring at your face in the mirror for so long that you're like, "Whoa! That's not my face! This isn't real!" Hasn't that ever happened to you?
Intern: No. That's usually when I stop drinking.
900 2nd Street NE
Washington, DC
11AM That's My Kind of Morning Update!
Staffer #1: Well, thanks, everyone, for not telling me my fly was open.
Staffer #2: Your fly was open?
Staff #1: Yes. I just now looked down, and there it was, wide open! You didn't notice?
Staffer #2: Well, I don't spend a large portion of the day staring at your crotch.
Staffer #3: Yeah, I only do it during our morning update meetings.
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
11AM And Blackmail? That Pretty Legal, Also?
Lawyer: Put your John Hancock on these documents, please.
Daughter: You sure this is legal? I mean, with me being your kid and all?
Lawyer: It is very legal. Far more legal than any of the drugs you have experimented with on my credit card.
Broad Street
Louisville, Georgia
4PM They Should Get Married
Giddy woman: You like alcohol, don't you?
Not-So-Giddy woman: I like when everyone around me's drunk. It makes my life easier.
Giddy woman: I like when I'm drunk. It makes my life easier.
10 Exchange Place
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: 3rd cubicle to the left
3PM And Welcome to the Federal Civil Service
Recent business school grad: You know, working for this company is not for the weak of heart. There is not a lot of recognition handed out to people.
Senior executive: Recognition? You want recognition? You are a dumbass. How's that?
Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario
Canadia
2PM Way-Too-Casual Friday
Co-Worker #1: I have to go expose myself to Bob* and Mike* in a meeting now.
Co-Worker #2: Maybe I should skip that meeting.
1701 North Collins Boulevard
Richardson, Texas
1PM Teens Really Should Be Cleaning That Up Themselves
Female co-worker #1: So my ob-gyn has been seeing all these young girls for their annuals this summer. She was amazed at how much sex they're having. Like 2 to 3 times a day. She had to tell them they had to stop having intercourse for a month so the Pill could take effect, and they say, "What are we supposed to do all summer?" She was shocked.
Female co-worker #2: How old are these girls?
Female co-worker #1: She said they're between 17 and 20 years old.
Female co-worker #2: Geez. Even if I had time to have sex 2 times a day, I'd have better things to do!
Female co-worker #1: Yeah, like clean up after my teenagers!
Motor Vehicle Building
Trenton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Not getting any either
11AM Thought I'd Rob Your Punk Ass, Is Why
Employee: Can I help you find something?
Customer: No, you don't have it.
Employee: Then why are you still here?
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
5PM Isn't That a Felony in Most States?
Boss: Wait, I have a question: they're fucking retarded!
Underling: That's actually not a question...
Boss: Whatever, they're still fucking retards.
13546 Rockland Road
Lake Bluff, Illinois
Overheard by: Victa G
5PM Cuban Business Customs: The Short Course
Canadian: Is there anything I should know about Cuban business customs before we get started?
Translator: No.
Girl with tray of espressos walks in and hands one to each person.
Canadian: I don't drink coffee.
Translator: You do today.
Cuban Health Ministry
Havana, Cuba
Overheard by: Drank the coffee
11AM No, I Still Work Here
Boss: Do you know what the difference between you and me is?
Employee: About 20 IQ points and a sense of style?
1 Lincoln Plaza
New York, New York
Overheard by: tried not to laugh out loud
2PM Being a Muppet Is Not a Choice; They're Made That Way
Security guard #1: You hear about that wedding today? Someone's gettin' married in the park.
Security guard #2: Who? Bert and Ernie?
GR rep: Not in this state.
Sesame Place
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
1PM So That's Two Dead Angels Right There
Woman #1: What are you listening to?
Woman #2: Bing Crosby. Do you even know who that is?
Woman #1: Duh. It's that guy who said, "Every time a light bulb goes out, an angel dies."
Woman #2: You idiot, that's Jimmy Stewart.
315 North Broadway
Tyler, Texas
12PM Yes, Matt Lauer Says the Same Thing
Male customer: Well, we're definitely interested. We'll be back this week to make the purchase.
Sales chick: It was a pleasure to meet you. My name is Katie.
Female customer: Oh, Katie. We'll remember that name!
Sales chick: Oh?
Female customer, whispering: Katie is the name of my "other" personality.
Sales chick: Oh?
Female customer, turning to male customer: Katie is not very nice, is she, darling?
Male customer: No, dear, she's not.
Northridge, California
Overheard by: charlotte
9AM ...But I've Got to Pay the Coke Bill, So Gimme $50, and We'll Snuggle
Supervisor: So I said to my son, "You want me to cuddle with you?" And he said, "No, Daddy, I've already slept with enough people today."
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
9AM I Know the Perfect Position For You!
Employee #1: I don't know how you got a better review than you did last year.
Employee #2: Yeah, me either.
Employee #1: You know, I really only get about 50% out of you each day.
Employee #2: Yeah, that sounds about right. Some days more, some days less. Usually less.
Employee #1: Wouldn't it be great if I got that 100% out of you, though?
Employee #2: Probably, but I really just don't feel like it.
901 Warrenville Road
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Recovering Workaholic
3PM From the Shaolin Preschool Song Book
Co-Worker: If you're happy and you know it...?
Co-Worker's 2-year-old daughter: ...don't touch a knife!
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: manda b
5PM And the Smell of Pending Litigation
Electrician: I think I may have made a mistake.
Owner of office: Ya think so? What gave it away, the flames?
528 Newtown Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Mike
4PM Why IT Dude Is Regularly Beaten Up
Deputy: There was a wreck this weekend where a guy hit a tree at 60 miles per hour. Ripped off the right side of his head. You could actually see inside his skull. We never could find his brain, though.
Project manager: Did it kill him?
IT dude: Nope, he is walking around, managing projects.
US Highway 69/75
Oklahoma
Overheard by: Firewall
10AM He'd Rather Do It Avocationally
Manager: Why do they send so much of this stock? It's never gonna sell. What bunch of arseholes thought this up at head office?
Peon: This is really getting to you, isn't it? I get the feeling you applied for a job there, and they turned you down.
Manager: A job at head office? No thanks, I've no desire to be an arsehole for a living.
Peon: But you'd be so good at it.
4 The Sidings
Lincoln, United Kingdom
5PM Why Night Guy Volunteered to Work Nights
Boss: Why didn't you build those three displays last night?
Night guy: I couldn't find the stuff to do it with.
Boss, going back and pointing to the only three pallets of stuff in the back room: This is the stuff you couldn't find all night?
Night guy: You should have put in my note that I should look harder.
Albertson's
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Bill
4PM And I Wrote It in the Funbag Programming Language
Engineer #1: What the hell were you thinking when you wrote this code?
Engineer #2: Boobs.
Engineer #1: Huh?!
Engineer #2: Truthfully, it's likely I was thinking about boobs.
Columbia, Maryland
9AM Okay, People, You Are to Cease Using the Austin Powers Films in Management Training
Underling: Is that what you need?
Boss: I was asking for a shark with laser beams, and I got a manatee with flashlights? Thanks.
Kadena Air Base
Okinawa, Japan
Overheard by: R U Shittin' Me
12PM No, He's Reading Too Loud
Children's librarian: Do you mind?
Chick with breast exposed, nursing her baby: I'm sorry, is he sucking too loud?
York County Library
Rock Hill, South Carolina
5PM And Sales Girls Prefer to Be Called 'Customer Revenue Facilitators' But Keep Dreaming
Sales girl #1: Hey, guys, there are two Oriental ladies walking to the back. Help them if you can.
Sales girl #2: We Orientals prefer to be called "Asians."
South Coast Plaza
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: another oriental
3PM Memo to All Staff: There Will Be a Meeting to Discuss What Can be Done to Curtail the Number of Meetings
Office grunt #1: I hate all these fucking meetings!
Office grunt #2: Didn't you set this meeting up?
Office grunt #1: Yeah, but that's not the point.
Oil company office
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Lara
3PM The Crystal Ball Shows Me Outta Here and You Buying Three White Fur Bucket Hats
Admin: Can I go home after we've finished this bit? I don't usually work long Fridays.
Boss: I've got two nephews to buy presents for and then decide what to wear for a pimps and hos party after this, and you think you've got problems?
Woodingdean
Brighton, United Kingdom
11AM He Got an Oscar for Best Posthumous Cross-Dressing Performance
Woman #1: I saw The Devil Wears Prada this weekend. It was really good, especially Marlon Brando.
Woman #2: Marlon Brando?
Woman #1: You know, that lady! What's her name?
Woman #2: Meryl Streep. Marlon Brando is dead. And a man.
245 5th Avenue
New York, New York
4PM Thank God I Have This NyQuil in My Desk
Worker #1: I went to all the liquor stores this morning, and they were closed. They don't open until 10 AM.
Worker #2: Well, that's retarded. Haven't they ever heard of mimosas?
Worker #1: Or alcoholics?
37 West 20 Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: shenanigan
1PM No, That's Question #15
Nurse, pointing to birth control questionnaire: Ma'am, I think you answered this question incorrectly.
15-year-old girl: No, that's right.
Nurse: It asks how long you've been with your current partner. You said five minutes.
15-year-old girl: That's how long it took.
616 Court Street
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Vicky
2PM Donated By Public-Spirited Clitizens
Librarian #1: Take a look at these new book donations that just came in.
Librarian #2: Oh, it's just a bunch of Chick Lick; we don't want it.
Librarian #1: Don't you mean Chick Lit?
Librarian #2: I stand by my statement.
501 Maitland Avenue
Maitland, Florida
Overheard by: Kristen
1PM Corporations Can Write Off Crazies on Their Taxes, Can't They?
Co-Worker #1: Don't say "big business." They'll just write us off as anti-corporate crazies.
Co-Worker #2: But we are anti-corporate crazies.
Pause.
Co-Worker #1: Yes...but we don't want to be written off as anti-corporate crazies nonetheless.
1700 Connecticut Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: ECO
11AM Nah, Turns Out It Was Just a Life Insurance Scam
Person #1: I just read that there has been a 104% increase in the numbers of lost or stolen cows recovered in Texas and Oklahoma.
Person #2: So they found 4 more cows than were actually lost?
650 California Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Gilligan
2PM And Delaware Is a Small Town
Intern: Is DE the state code for Detroit or Delaware?
Graphic designer: Um, Detroit is a city.
Intern: [Silence]
10 Office Park Circle
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Stacy Kate
2PM The Last Temptation of Chris
Married dude: The regular girl wasn't there so they sent the cute one.
Happily-Married dude: Uh huh, the ugly one wasn't there so you met with the cute one.
Married dude: I find her very attractive.
Happily-Married dude: You are married!
Married dude: But she's paralyzed from the waist down.
Happily-Married dude: You're married! So you are paralyzed from the waist down!
226 Fifth Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Dag
12PM Faith-Based Employee Assistance Program
Upset worker: Oh, Lord! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!! Lord, help me!
Voice from her speaker phone: You called?
8900 NW 35th Lane
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Cin
11AM Before I Put It in Mothballs For the Summer
Warehouse worker: You look nice today. You going somewhere after this?
Girl in dress: No, I just wanted to air out my vagina.
Emeryville, California
Overheard by: warehouse peon
10AM Time Management Improves the Bottom Line
Employee: I'd like a minute to talk with you about my contribution here and my compensation.
Manager: No.
Falls Church, Virginia
Overheard by: GAMA Girl
5PM I Heard Otherwise From the Last Guy Who Filled Your Cocoa Slot
Worker #1: They're out of orange juice again.
Worker #2: Yeah, and they haven't refilled the cocoa slot, either.
Worker #1: They're also out of Dr. Pepper.
Worker #3: Well, you could just have the Diet Dr. Pepper.
Worker #1: I'm not an animal!
1166 Sixth Avenue
New York, New York
9AM Wait, I Thought Jessica Died Last Week
Co-worker #1: That's what I love about Jessica*; she's always so quiet. Never complains about anything.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, and if you had a lobotomy you'd do the same thing.
25 Winthrop Street
Worcester, Massachusetts
4PM Blue...No, Red. Red!!
Employer: If I were to ask you for one thing you are not good at, what would it be?
Interviewee: Uh...answering questions like this one?
Insurance HR office
Toronto, Canadia
11AM But We Totally Whine Better
Male co-worker: That's the thing about black people. They'll just sing their favorite song out loud. Like they don't care that they're in public.
Female co-worker: Well, that's because they have better voices than we do.
1000 Techwood
Atlanta, Georgia
1PM The Trick Is Eating Kim Chee and Never Showering
Asian guy: Hey, look! A butterfly!
White guy: Why don't you go catch it? That's what Asians do.
Asian guy: No, we catch flies.
White guy: With fucking chopsticks?
Asian guy: Yeah, but if you give me two cigarettes I could probably use those.
Parkland Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Gloria
10AM Do Your Part to Prevent the Spread of Management
Administrator #1: A-chooo.
Administrator #2: A-chooo.
Administrator #3: A-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Administrator #4: Ah, the sounds of summer.
Falcon Way
Welwyn Garden City, UK
9AM It Means I'm Gay
PM: Hey, Craig*, can you [makes weird slurping noise]?
Craig: No thanks, I'm married.
PM: I don't know what that means.
191 Oak Plaza Drive
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
4PM Well, Pardon Me While I Prestidigitate Your Complementary Anaphylaxis
Account manager: You did a fantastic job on these business cards!
Art director: Shut up! Don't condense me.
Account manager: I'm serious! You're a curiative genius!
214 West 39th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Trey Givens
2PM Dress Code
Coworker #1: I just got this suit at Paul Stuart. Do you like it?
Coworker #2: Yeah, you look like the Easter Pimp.
101 East 42nd Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Amazed
10AM Control Room
Database administrator #1: You can either spend half a day showing them how to do it and another three weeks constantly answering questions, or you can just take half an hour and write the code for them.
Database administrator #2: Well, we should teach them how to fish instead of just feeding them every day!
Database administrator #1: You can teach them how to fish, but they still won't know how to write code.
880 Carillon Parkway
St. Petersburg, Florida
10AM Copyright Infringement
Lawyer: So you actually filed a copyright application?
Creative director: Oh, no, we just slapped a circle "c" after everything.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
9AM Back to Work
Employee: Welcome back. Are you feeling better?
Supervisor: Well, I am fully clothed.
1930 Bishop Lane
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Eve's Dropper
5PM That's a Wrap
Coworker #1: She was such a bitch to me for no reason! I think I'm beginning to hate people.
Coworker #2: You used to like people before working here? That's so freakin' cute!
430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: I Heart Condescension
3PM Benefits Summary
Female: My nipples are boring.
Male: Does our insurance cover that?
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
2PM Small Talk
Coworker: You are very bright today.
QC guy in yellow shirt: Oh, why thank you.
Coworker, walking away: And I don't mean that in the mental sense.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
5PM That's a Wrap
Assistant: Sir?
Boss: Don't talk to me. It's Game Seven.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Lindroid
12PM Lunch
Attorney's wife: I'm getting so fat.
Attorney: You're not fat.
Attorney's wife: Aw, well...
Attorney interrupts: You're old. You just look fat.
319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky
11AM Between Meetings
Suit #1: Whenever it rains, you come to work wearing plastic pants. Why do you get to wear plastic pants? My boss wouldn't let me wear plastic pants.
"Suit" #2: If you could do what I can do, you could wear plastic pants, too.
4 Irving Place
New York, New York
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
11AM Filing
Boss: All of these folders need to be filed right away, but I can't trust the desk guys to do it.
Tutor #1: Isn't that their job?
Boss: Yes, but they need to be filed alphabetically, and they can't do that.
Tutor #1: They can't file alphabetically?
Boss: Apparently not. [Tutor #2] spent two hours yesterday trying to put everything back in order.
Tutor #2, breaking into laughter: Is that what you thought I was doing? Shit!
Boss: What were you doing, then?
Tutor #2: I dropped my ring in the drawer, and I had to take out all the folders to find it! It took forever, too.
Boss: Did you at least put them back alphabetically when you were done?
Tutor $2: Are you on crack? That's the desk guy's job!
101 Braddock Road
Frostburg, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
1PM Student-Teacher Conference
Teacher: That's an interesting name. It is a type of flower right?
Student: Yeah, but I am a hard flower. I am so tough, I am almost a weed.
1001 SW Avenue M
Belle Glade, Florida
Overheard by: substitute
5PM That's a Wrap
Male developer: I want to make sure the data loaded correctly, pardon me if I'm a bit anal
Female project manager: I enjoy anal.
2025 Euclid Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
5PM That's a Wrap
Assistant: Are you going to be in next week?
VP: Yes, unless al-Qaeda does something.
1120 20th Street NW
Washington, DC
11AM Next Generation of Workers
Mother to son: Don't play with that stapler!
Passerby: Happy take your kid to work day.
One Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio
5PM That's a Wrap
Employee #1: I don't believe in God. I believe in ghosts, but not God.
Employee #2: What about aliens?
Employee #1: Oh, totally!
Boss: Don't you guys have something more important to be doing?
Employee #2: I have about 1,000 other things to do. None of them is more important than this.
2223 East Speedway
Tucson, Arizona
12PM Lunch
Male co-worker #1: Stay away from [Pam]. She knows kickboxing.
Male co-worker #2: So? I know how to run very, very fast.
1250 Broadway
New York, New York
11AM Budget Meeting
Boss: I am not going to repeat myself... I said I am not going to repeat myself.
Suit: You just lost all credibility.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
1PM Making Copies
Secretary: Why are these reports formatted so weird?
Boss: Well, because the Germans made them. Those Germans are weird.
Secretary: Hey, now... Be careful, I'm German.
Boss: Uh oh, you're not a lesbian too, are you?
Secretary: Well, I'm not really German.
Main Street Financial Office
East Hartford, Connecticut
9AM Back to Work
Co-worker #1: I just can't get enough sleep. My mom wakes me up yelling that I get too much sleep, then I drive to work and almost fall asleep!
Co-worker #2: Uh huh.
Co-worker #1: Doesn't she understand I need my sleep? She's driving me crazy.
Co-worker #3 [from down the hall]: Why don't you go to bed earlier, when she puts your jammies out?
6200 Savoy Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Frankendude
2PM Network Check
IT guy: Let me make sure everything is kosher with the server.
Brand manager: Do you need a rabbi for that?
IT guy: All the servers come with a rabbi chip now.
259 Granby Street
Norfolk, Virginia
4PM Customer Service Call
A customer is on speakerphone.
Customer: Which one is the spacebar?
Co-worker: How can you not know where the spacebar is?
Customer: I'm not good with computers.
Co-worker: But you've used a typewriter before, haven't you?
Customer: Yeah, so?
460 Hillside Avenue
Needham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S. Griffin
1PM Running Diagnostics, Part 2
Assistant #1: Did you get out for lunch today?
Assistant #2: I did! It was so nice out I didn't want to come back.
Assistant #1: I think we should all get medals for making it back to work after lunch
Assistant #3: Or a straightjacket.
345 Park Avenue
New York, New York
9AM Back to Work
Boss: Did you have a computer ethics class in college?
Programmer: [Scoffs] There is no ethics, it's a computer.
10 Salt Creek Lane
Hinsdale, Illinois
Overheard by: Bill Dwyer
3PM Decaf Break
Implementation person: I usually don't get pregnant from moving into a new apartment.
Operations person: But that's the first step, though.
1 Liberty Plaza
New York, New York
10AM Comfort Room
Female co-worker: Oww, my ovaries are falling out.
Male co-worker: Do you want some glue?
720 Washington Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
1PM Lunch
Employee #1: Kinda ridiculous that a George Foreman mini-grill is able to take down power for half of the floor.
Employee #2: Dude, you're grilling in the office and you're going to talk about what's ridiculous?
1899 L Street NW
Washington, DC
10AM Budgets Due
Supervisor: Are these numbers right?
Employee: Yeah, I double-checked.
Supervisor: The sales manager said that they were under budget!
Employee: Well, numbers don't lie. Salespeople do.
17777 Center Court Drive
Cerritos, California
4PM Intern Interviews
Boss: Who is your supervisor?
Intern: Um, technically, you are.
1 University Station
Austin, Texas
11AM Research Tuition Options
Worker #1: I am thinking about going to medical school sometime.
Worker #2: I'm pretty sure you couldn't handle medicine...
Worker #1: Just for that I'm going to be a medicine!
Worker #2: What?
1166 Gorham Street
Newmarket, Ontario
Canadia
9AM Back to Work
Underling: Can I borrow your scissors?
Boss: Depends if you're going to committ any crimes.
Underling: Just crimes against filing.
1 Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio
4PM Performance Reviews Meeting
Exec: Hey [Nick], I've got a question for you.
Tax Manager: Yes?
Exec: I was thinking about you while I was in the shower this morning and--
Tax Manager: You probably shouldn't be thinking about me in the
shower [James]; you're a newly married man.
Exec: ...
123 Robert S. Kerr Avenue
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
1PM Lunch
Secretary: You look kind of like Bill Gates.
Specialist: I don't look dorky enough.
Secretary: How dorky do you not think you look?
25 Sigourney Street
Hartford, Connecticut
9AM Back to Work
Foreman: Today is Shadow Day.
A/P: What's that?
Foreman: They let the kids off school to go with a parent to see what they actually do at work.
A/P: And she picked you?
3559 Belgium Lane
San Antonio, texas
5PM Out of Here
Worker #1: But isn't the ceiling a fire hazard?
Worker #2: Only if there's a fire.
133 Falmouth Road
Mashpee, Massachusetts
9AM Back to Work
Manager: So, you're back! How was your vacation?
Contractor: Well, I think I got a lot done.
Peon: That's the most depressing thing I've ever heard.
909 A Street
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Barnstable
5PM That's a Wrap
Co-worker #1: We have so much more room in the office now, [Erin] and I can dance.
Boss: Let's see you dance
Co-worker #2: Naw, she can't do it without a pole.
50 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
12PM Load Up the Machine
Co-worker #1: Where is the copy paper?
Co-worker #2: Office Depot.
5201 Ravenswood Road
Dania Beach, Florida
12PM Planning Meeting
Worker #1: So did I answer your question?
Worker #2: No, but you entertained me.
242 West 36th Street
New York, NY
9AM Back to Work
Marketing Manager: Hey, so welcome back! First day at work with your new boobs, huh?
Writer: No, it would appear the same old ones still work here.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
11AM Reports Due
Co-worker: I was trying to fix the report, but it is unedible.
Boss: It doesn't taste good?
222 Severn Avenue
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Tits McGee
10AM Application Performance Testing
Tester #1: This kinda seems like that Olivia Newton-John video for Let's Get Physical, don't you think?
Tester #2: No.
901 Lakeside Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: mr.doitall
1PM Lunch
Clerk: Why is there a wet floor sign on the carpet?
Supervisor: Sometimes I get excited.
Clerk: I miss working with you. You always know just what to say.
1201 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jessica Kalup
9AM Back to Work
Editor #1: Should we tell the author we lost that whole section of the manuscript?
Editor #2: No, let's not announce that we're incompetent.
Editor #1: Yeah, let's let it be a surprise.
8700 Shoal Creek Boulevard
Austin, Texas
3PM Coffee Break
Receptionist: You should use tap water instead of Poland Spring to make coffee.
Secretary: You make coffee your way, and we'll make it our way.
Receptionist: How much do each of those jugs cost?
Secretary: What? Look, just...The water is brown and it smells bad.
Receptionist: The water is not brown and it does not smell bad.
Secretary: Well, you're entitled to your opinion.
Receptionist: Since when is a known fact an opinion?
113 University Place
New York, NY
12PM Update Personnel Files
Manager #1: Are you sure you don't need anything more? We've got the extra money to spend.
Manager #2: Haven't you heard? I'm cheap and easy. It doesn't take much to please me.
Peon: That's what I read on the intranet last week.
5442 Martway Street
Mission, Kansas
Overheard by: Office Gnome
12PM Project Meeting
Manager: The first deadline is April 31st and second deadline is May 31st.
Employee: There's no 31st in April...So we have just one deadline.
Cyber Gateway building
HITEC City, Hyderabad
India
12PM Fix Cabinet
Attorney: Is this the drawer that's broken?
Co-worker: Yes. I've already told you how to fix it. I mean, it's not as serious as cancer.
Attorney: Thank you for that assessment.
1999 Harrison Street
Oakland, California
9AM Back to Work
Help Desk #1: If I'm going down it ain't gonna be for rocks. It'll be a bank or something.
Help Desk #2: Or manure.
1900 East 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
3PM Coffee Break
Accountant: Why did you switch from coffee to green tea?
Analyst: Tea is easier on my throat and it has more antioxidants.
Accountant: What are antioxidants?
Analyst: They keep me from having oxidants...Come on! That's funny, dammit!
100 East Rivercenter Boulevard
Covington, Kentucky
10AM Sales Meeting
Sales #1: That customer just called to thank me for doing my job. That's better than a kick in the nuts.
Sales #2: Just so you know, that offer is still on the table.
9772 Princeton Glendale Road
Cincinnati, Ohio
11AM Pre-meeting
Boss: So, is there any other duty that you do on a daily basis that we should include on this list?
Worker: You mean other than miscellaneous bullshit?
Boss: Well, how much time do you spend on miscellaneous bullshit everyday?
Worker: Depending on the day, between 10 minutes and 8 hours.
4913 West Laurel Street
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: hang on voltaire
9AM It Begins Again
Boss: Where the fuck is my breakfast? Why hasn't it been delivered yet? I'm not even hungry anymore, I could have raised my own fucking chicken for the eggs and planted my own fucking orange tree by now.
Worker: You didn't order anything with eggs.
135 West 36th Street
New York, NY
5PM That's a Wrap
Product Manager: You know, I don't like playing dumb.
IT: Yeah, well, I don't either, but sometimes I just have to.
6475 SW Fallbrook Place
Beaverton, Oregon
1PM Lunch
Doctor #1: I always say, "Carrots are like sandpaper for the colon."
Doctor #2: Yeah, see, most people I know just eat them.
1500 East Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan
9AM Back to Work
Supervisor: Okay, let me give you some advice. I've seen a lot of Lifetime movies, and--
Employee: You know, I think I gotta ask someone else about this. Thanks, though!
107 Jackson Street
Berea, Kentucky
11AM Work on RFP
Office Worker: This file won't unzip! Unzip, you! Dammit, unzip!
Supervisor: You should try sweet talking it a little bit. Maybe you should buy it dinner first.
105 North Hudson Avenue
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
10AM Sales Meeting
Sales Rep #1: I'm afraid we're going to lose a lot of customers this season.
Sales Rep #2: Huh. My biggest fear is ending up on Oprah's couch and having her say mean things to me.
21250 Hawthorne Boulevard
Torrance, California
9AM Back to Work
Attorney: Did you spray the air freshener after you used the bathroom?
Secretary: ...We're getting to know each other too well in this office.
319 West Woodlawn Avenue
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Tuck Tabler
3PM Gerald's Birthday Thing
Trader: Happy 75th, old man! We got the pizza for your birthday.
Senior Trader: I would have rather gotten a blowjob.
30 South Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
4PM Work on Spreadsheets
CCA: My Excel's not working.
Manager: I don't care.
CCA: What should I do if my Excel's not working and you don't care?
Manager: Call the Ghostbusters.
2 Charlotte Street
Sackville, New Brunswick
Canadia
1PM Lunch
Account Manager: I totally disagree with this, with every fiber of my being.
Creative Director: Wow, thats a lot of fiber.
720 East Pete Rose Way
Cincinnati, Ohio
12PM Reboot Servers
Unix Admin #1: Hey [Garth], are you hung?
Unix Admin #2: Yeah, I would say that we all are.
8001 Development Drive
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
Overheard by: El Gee
5PM Out of Here
Messenger: Going down?
Passenger: You want we should go sideways?
15 West 39th Street
New York, NY
12PM Schedule Interviews
Co-worker #1: What happened to that [Veronica] girl?
Co-worker #2: She quit already.
Co-worker #1: After one day?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I don't think she was that into this whole thing.
Co-worker #1: What, marketing?
Co-worker #2: No...Work.
175 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Peter
11AM Company Meeting
Employee #1: So you're saying the rumors about the possible merger aren't true?
Board Member: Yes. It's like we're dating. We're going out but we haven't kissed yet.
Employee #2: You may not have kissed yet, but it sure seems like you're sleeping together.
1500 Wallace Boulevard
Amarillo, Texas
4PM Buy New Fax
Boss: So that fax machine is jamming again? I thought the repairman was just in here fixing it? What did he say?
Employee: No, it was that one that he fixed. You switched the faxes, right? So the good one is up here and the bad one is in the back?
Boss: No. I told you this morning that I wasn't going to do that because your mom was coming in to fax tomorrow so we might as well just get the bad one fixed.
Employee: Who were you talking to? The repair guy? Are you sure you were talking to me?
Boss: No, I was talking to the post.
18 Sycamore Avenue
Ho-Ho-Kus, New Jersey
Overheard by: GrIzZlEbEe!!!
11AM Staff Meeting
Employee: Do you always have to act like a child?
Manager: This company is all about innovation. And studies have consistently shown that the most innovative thought comes from the ages of five and under.
31601 Pacific Hwy South
Federal Way, Washington
10AM RFP Due
Director: Thanks for all your help on that project.
Peon: No problem...It's not like I had a choice.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
9AM Back to Work
VP:I swear to God, the assistant at [DouglasCo] is so stupid.
Admin: Hey, even stupid people need jobs.
Coworker: Yeah. Some of them even make it to VP.
388 Greenwich Street
New York, NY
4PM Staff Meeting
CIO: So, we're okay now?
Manager: No, we still have problems, but they're higher quality problems.
5000 Ellin Road
Lanham, Maryland
Overheard by: Cantabile
5PM That's a Wrap
CSR on phone: Call back tomorrow and we'll see if we can get the world to revolve around you.
175 South Third Street
Columbus, Ohio
4PM Work on Server
Dev #1: Why would we ever deny the faculty access to Moodle?
Dev #2: We might have always cut the ends off a ham because our mom taught us to.
Dev #1: ...
1600 Clarkson Road
Chesterfield, Missouri
5PM That's a Wrap
Architect #1: She's an artist.
Architect #2: No, she's crazy.
515 Canal Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Emma B
9AM Back to Work
Co-worker #1: Who are you talking to?
Co-worker #2: Myself.
Co-worker #1: Are you getting any answers?
100 Park Avenue
New York, NY
1PM Lunch
Enginee: I'm gonna beat you up!
Senior Engineer: What are you going to do, beat my chin up with your nuts?
117 South Street
Hopkinton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Fat French Kid
11AM Talk in Conference Room
Receptionist: What did you think of that visiting speaker? He was kinda cute!
Engineer: What a dork!
Receptionist: So he was a dork by dork standards? Wow!
ASU Engineering Center
Tempe, Arizona
12PM Development Update
Programmer #1: How do I turn on logging in the web application?
Programmer #2: Talk dirty to it.
5450 Tech Center Drive
Colorado Springs, Colorado
1PM Lunch
Manager #1: If I worked at this office every day, I'd never get anything done. You guys spend all your time walking around and socializing.
Manager #2: Now that's not true. I also spend a good amount of time in the bathroom.
1700 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
5PM That's a Wrap
Boss: What are you still doing here? I told you to go home early.
Employee: I know. Have you ever seen Shawshank Redemption?
Boss: Yes.
Employee: Remember what happened to the prisoner that finally got his freedom? He ended up hanging himself because he didn't know what to do with his free time.
440 9th Avenue
New York, NY
11AM Pay Bills
Customer: I want to pay my bill. I know it's two months overdue, so I
wanted to come and pay it in person.
Customer Service: According to our records they shut off your cable today.
Customer: But they said I had until today to pay the bill.
Customer Service: Well, your cable has been shut off today.
Customer: But today's not over yet!
Customer Service: It is for you.
11020 Flatlands Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Paul
9AM Back to Work
Sales: I am so cranky today. I must be getting my period.
Co-worker #1: Again? You just had it last week.
Sales: Yeah. The PMS starts every week Monday and ends on Friday.
Co-worker #2: That's not PMS, that's menopause.
11694 Lackland Road
St. Louis, Missouri
5PM That's a Wrap
File Clerk: Are there many good benifits for joining Mensa? It looks like I have the option, but wonder if it is worth the effort.
Attorney: I believe one of the admission requirements is being able to figure out if it's worth it.
1445 Ross Avenue
Dallas, Texas
2PM Pick Up Promo Shirts
Receptionist: What are the new shirts made out?
Clerk: They're 100% cotton.
Receptionist: Cotton? That's the stuff that grows on sheep, right?
Clerk: No, cotton comes from rabbits. That's why they're called cottontails.
10 Miles South of Battle Mountain
Battle Mountain, Nevada
9AM TGIF
Co-worker #1: Didn't you wear that shirt two days ago?
Co-worker #2: Huh? What? I don't know...
Co-worker #1: Yeah, I remember you had that sweater on a couple of days back.
Co-worker #2: Did you look that up on www.victoriaknowswhateveryonewears.com? Oh wait, it kicks back to another site, www.gofuckyourselfvictoria.com.
460 West 34th Street
New York, NY
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: I'm so busy today.
Co-worker #2: Why? Thursday is the new Friday.
521 5th Avenue
New York, NY
12PM Server Upgrades
Server support: The server is still taking errors?
Network support: Okay?
Server support: Did you run the new cable we asked for?
Network Support: Yes.
Server support: Are you sure you ran it to the correct server?
Network support: Yes.
Server support: Did you test the cable?
Network support: Yes.
Server support: How did you test it?
Network support: I farted on one end and I could smell it on the other.
1600 Dublin Road
Columbus, Ohio
4PM Interviews
CSR: That guy was such a moron! And he kept trying to tell me he had a
photographic memory. I thought to myself, "Yeah, well you must be out of film."
7350 Tilghman Street
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: jara
11AM Staff Meeting
Manager: ...And this paper has a timeline for the changes that will benefit you in the coming months.
Employee: So this is kindling for the smoke you're blowing up our asses?
1005 17th Street
Denver, Colorado
4PM Call [the Client]
Secretary: [The client] keeps calling and asking for me. And you know what? The next time he does that, I'm going to tell him that you lied to him.
Boss: What? Why?
Secretaty: Because you tell him you're going to do all these things for him, and you don't!
Boss: That's because he's an idiot!
527 West Jefferson Street
Louisville, Kentucky
1PM Lunch
Manager: New haircolor, huh? Did you fall into a bucket of paint?
Employee: New belt, huh? Did you fall into a buffet?
5760 Highway 80 East
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
12PM Mail Invoices
Co-worker #1: So do they have offices in the Northern part of Texas?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, like up in that chimney portion of the state.
Co-worker #1: Oh. I'll show you a fire.
Co-worker #2: What?
611 North Broadway
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
9AM Back to Work
Worker: Can you please help with the thingy, you know, um, over there?
Manager: Well done, very descriptive.
11766 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
5PM Finally, the Weekend
Suit #1: How did your glasses break?
Suit #2: A big girl sat on them.
Suit #1: Next time take them off your face first.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
2PM Print Termination Letter
Boss: You know what my problem is? I'm too nice a guy. I fired [Lenore] this morning. I should've kept her on till the end of the day, but then I would've felt like I was using her. I'm an idiot.
Salesperson: That's two problems.
40 Shuman Boulevard
Naperville, Illinois
5PM That's a Wrap
Worker #1: How do you spell "vulnerable"? V-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e?
Worker #2: No, it has an "l" in it. V-u-l...
Worker #1: Pfff, no. It's v-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.
Worker #2: It has an "l" in it. V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.
Worker #1 gets the dictionary and struggles to find it under v-u-n.
Worker #1: Oh...How peculiar! Hang on.
Worker #2: V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e. Would you like me to give you the Latin root and related words? Vulnerare...vulnus...
Worker #1: Well, I never! It has an "l" in it! Well, well. You don't pronounce it like that, though. What's the "l" for?
Worker #2: ...It's for making it a real word.
200 Green Lanes
Palmers Green, London
UK
Overheard by: Peachey
4PM Order Supplies
Co-worker #1: Can I borrow a colored pen?
Co-worker #2: Here's a red one, but I may need it later for drawing fire.
525 7th Avenue
New York, NY
4PM Snowmobiling?
Worker: Can I take the rest of the day off?
Boss: LetmethinkaboutthatNo.
Worker: Don't you want to hear why?
Boss: No.
Worker: Some of the guys are going snowmobiling and I wanted to meet up with them...
Boss: What do you think this is, a resort?
Worker: If it were a resort, I wouldn't have to leave; there'd be things to do.
900 Simpson Street
Saint Paul, Minnesota
2PM Client Meeting
Attorney: I heard [the client] was whiny.
Client in waiting room: I'm whiny because I'm sick and this is the first time I've left the house.
Attorney: Oh shit.
110 N. Washington Street
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Joan
12PM Programming
Front Desk: What does code 99499 mean?
Coder: "You're a dirty whore."
Front Desk: They have codes for that?
675 North St. Clair Street
Chicago, Illinois
3PM Snack Break
Co-worker #1: Hey, did you all bring in cookies?
Co-worker #2: God, you're like a shark when there's blood in the water.
3701 Wayzata Boulevard
Minneapolis, Minnesota
9AM Rise and Shine
Sales Manager: You are really getting on my nerves today!
General Manager: Good, I can cross that off my list!
2700 Corporate Exchange Drive
Columbus, Ohio
5PM Out of Here
Manager: You hear her? Usually, she says, "I'm coming", and I say "So is Christmas." But now I guess I could say, "So is", uh, "the Fourth of July."
11400 West Olympic Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: lonecomic
12PM Meeting with HR
Co-worker #1: I have to crawl under this desk so much my knees hurt.
Co-worker #2: Oh, so that's why you got promoted.
2105 Bancroft Way
Berkeley, California
11AM Finalize Contracts
Boss: This subcontractor really chaps my butt.
Senior VP: Is it a good butt chapping or a bad chapping?
Boss: Bad.
Senior VP: Glad to know there's a differnce.
812 Moorefield Park
Richmond, Virginia
5PM Pick Up Kids
Teacher: I don't know if my students will regress enough to qualify for summer services.
Principal: You should play music really loud when you test them.
299 Rathbun Willard Drive
Attleboro, Massachusetts
4PM Complete Project
Worker #1: Wow, that was a tough job.
Worker #2: Yeah, they should give us something.
Worker #1: Like a basket?
Worker #2: Yeah, a basket of rifles!
2455 Faber Place
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: for meltnbean
9AM Another Sucky Year
Manager: Look at you! You look so nice today!
Broker: Shut up. I always look nice.
Manager: No...sometimes you look like you got hit by a truck.
1610 SE Bybee Boulevard
Portland, Oregon
9AM Only Eight More Hours of This
Manager: Good morning ladies. What are you whispering about?
Secretary #1 & #2: You.
11909 Spencer Road
Houston, Texas
4PM Order New Fan
Co-worker #1: You should get that fan fixed. It's really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don't mind it.
Co-worker #1: It's really loud.
Co-worker #2: I don't mind. I just pretend I'm working in my private jet at 30,000 feet. It's noisy for a computer fan but it's really quiet for a jet.
2137 Highway 35
Holmdel, New Jersey
Overheard by: Chuck Roast
3PM Smoke Break
Business Officer: You remember when I told you that?
Editor: No, I was drunk at the time.
409 Prospect Street
New Haven, Connecticut
4PM Send Out Tuition Check
Housing: You need to sign this form that talks about the potential risks of lead paint.
Student: Lead paint? Could that be dangerous?
Housing: No.
Student: Really?
Housing: Well, I wouldn't lick the walls.
400 West 119th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: djlindee
1PM Christmas Party
Co-worker #1: Can you make those changes I requested?
Co-worker #2: Did you ever email me the information?
Co-worker #1: No. I'll have it to you in 10 minutes.
Co-worker #2: Sorry, party starts in 4 minutes.
1932 Highland Avenue
Cincinnati, Ohio
12PM Meeting with HR
Supervisor: I didn't just say that to him because he's gay, I would've said the same thing to you.
Worker: Oh yeah? How do you know I'm not gay?
Supervisor: I don't. Are you?
Worker: Yes.
Supervisor: Okay then, have a nice day...
716 West Genesee Street
Syracuse, New York
4PM Meeting with the Brits
Client: I measured it, it was 4 centimetres!
Salesman: What's that in millimetres?
Client: Did you even go to school?
297 Munster Road
Fulham, London
UK
Overheard by: Marshall
2PM Sales Meeting
Co-worker #1: [Aaron], you just don't get it.
Co-worker #2: I've got two hemispheres working here, [Mike].
910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas
11AM Party Planning
Worker: So the Christmas party is mandatory?
Boss: Of course not, but if you don't show you'll probably be ostracized.
Worker: ...And I have to sign a waiver to drink?
Boss: Do you think a company of lawyers would let everyone drink, then drive, and not cover their asses?
962 Coronado Boulevard
Universal City, Texas
2PM Staff Meeting
VP: There is only so much you can do with one hand.
Co-worker: I'm not going to touch that.
910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas
10AM Monitor Calls
Accountant on speaker: Okay, I tried entering my password and it didn't work.
Tech: I reset it to "password."
Accountant on speaker: Okay, let me try my password again.
Tech: Make sure you type "password."
Accountant on speaker: It didn't work again.
Tech: Iou typed far too many letters for the word "password." Did you type in "password" as your password?
Accountant on speaker: Yu never told me to do that.
Tech: So what part of my sentance confused you: "Type in the word
'password' when it asks you for your password", or "I reset it for you, your password is now 'password.'"
Accountant on speaker: I have a CPA, don't talk to me like that.
Tech: I can make up acronyms too. I'll be in your office in five
minutes. In the meantime, ponder this one: I'm OMGWTF certified.
220 Woodbine Road
Downingtown, Pennsylvania
3PM Cigarette Break
Nurse #1: But don't be swayed by the money.
Nurse #2: I'm not swayed by the money. I like being poor.
157 East 86th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Kira
1PM Lunch
Analyst #1: I hate going into that lunchroom when the people from claims are in there having a potluck.
Analyst #2: I know, it's like the bar scene in Star Wars.
4645 East Cotton Center Bouelvard
Phoenix, Arizona
1PM Lunch
Worker: Lemon cod, please. With pasta and--
Server: Pasta's an entree. Not a side.
Worker: Oh, I didn't see it on the entree sign.
Server: That's because it's a side.
9000 Wisconsin Avenue
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Barb
3PM Smoke Break
Suit #1: Over on 49th, there's a truck parked with a bunch of girls dancing in bikinis. It's to promote Cancun.
Suit #2: For you it's to promote a heart attack.
383 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
9AM Work Makes Me Sick
Bean Counter #1: Opening the shades really changed the colors in the
room.
Bean Counter #2: Yeah, the walls are now a different color puke.
4 High Ridge Park
Stamford, Connecticut
10AM Product Meeting
Peon: Well, you know as they say, "Necessity is the mother of all invention."
Boss: That's cool, did you just make that up?
800 E. 28th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: jearu
2PM Find New Intern
Secretary #1: That was a funny email you sent earlier; I couldn't
stop cracking up.
Secretary #2: Hey, I just try to make you all laugh.
Intern: For you to make them laugh all they have to do is look at
your face.
28 State Street
Boston, Massachusetts
11AM Finalize Mailing
Editor #1: Did you check these names religiously?
Editor #2: Yeah, he's praying they're all right.
2 Holt Steet
Surry Hills, New South Wales
Australia
10AM Work on Prints
Engineer: How much longer will you be using those prints?
Safety Manager: Five minutes.
Engineer: What if I borrow them for three minutes and then give them back to you?
Safety Manager: I'd say yes, but you won't give them back in three minutes. So, no, you can't borrow them.
Engineer: You're so much like your dad, it's not even funny.
186 Gilman Avenue
Campbell, California
Overheard by: Shannon
4PM Get Messages
Co-worker #1: I finally found that fax you were looking for.
Co-worker #2: Great where was it?
Co-worker #1: On this 3x4 pink message pad. It was a phone message you freak.
30 Riverview Park
Red Deer, Alberta
Canadia
3PM Cigarette Break
Co-worker #1: It happened at 9:30 this morning...Between 9 and 10.
Co-worker #2: Is that when 9:30 is?
1633 Broadway
New York, NY
Overheard by: The Muskrat Jones
1PM Lunch
Nurse: How did I know this elevator was going down?
Man: I don't know; my guess would be the down arrow above the
door, though...
Davis Avenue at East Post Road
White Plains, New York
10AM Finalize Vacations
Co-worker #1: Where's [Kate]?
Co-worker #2: She's off all week.
Co-worker #1: I'm off Wed through Fri. What are you off?
Co-worker #3: Her rocker.
7000 Cardinal Place
Dublin, Ohio
Overheard by: Thenodrin
9AM It's a Bright, Sun-Shiny Day
Boss: Those are pretty. Who are they from?
Secretary: Myself. Sorry men send flowers. I don't need any sorry men in my life.
8555 United Plaza Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
5PM Calling It a Day!
Underling: You've got mail!
Financial Analyst: I don't know that person. All right, I'll take it.
Underling: There was some white powder in there, but I smelled it; it seemed fine.
Financial Analyst: Well, that's good. Terrorists don't use anthrax anymore.
Underling: Just family and friends now, huh? Excellent.
27 Terrace Drive
Vernon, Connecticut
9AM Thanksgiving...Come Back...
Secretary: You can't do that!
VP: I'm like Bush. I answer to God.
Secretary: You answer to me!
VP: Isn't that what I just said?
10559 Citation Drive
Brighton, Michigan
Overheard by: Abigail Fisher
4PM Work on Audit
Manager: This audit is driving me crazy!
Receptionist: Oh, you won't have to drive there. For you, it's just a short walk.
50 East Exchange Street
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Ed Poe
12PM Conference Call
Office Manager: Well, I'm done with my conference call.
Employee: That wasn't very long.
Office Manager: Sorry about that. I aim to satisfy.
132 East Central Avenue
Lake Wales, Florida
4PM Call [ColdCo]
Owner #1: We need to get the freezer fixed.
Owner #2: Well, we can call [ColdCo].
Owner #1: [ColdCo] raped us last time!
Owner #2: True. But this way at least we know our rapist.
201 North 78th Street
Omaha, Nebraska
1PM Lunch
HR #1: She said she's going to be on it for life! What kind of doctor gives you Valium for life?
Accountant: A good one!
HR #1: And what doctor would mix Valium, Vicodin, and Demerol?
HR #2: What's this doctor's name, again?
1776 Main Street
Springfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: ribbon
5PM That's a Wrap
Associate #1: Well, you look nice today.
Associate #2: Stop being mean to me!
11755 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: AJ Feuerman
3PM Birthday Cake!
Boss: And happy birthday to [Chris]. Today is his birthday
[Chris]: My birthday isn't today, it's in May.
Boss: This [planner] thing is useless.
Employee #2: It's only as good as what you put into it.
111 South Michigan Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan
10AM Review
Worker: Can you review this for me?
Manager: Why are you asking me all the time?
Worker: Because you're my team leader.
Manager: There are no team leaders anymore.
Worker: What? Yes, there are.
Manager: No, there aren't.
Worker: Well, I asked [Jesse] yesterday, and he said he couldn't do it because he wasn't my team leader. Why would he say that if there aren't team leaders anymore?
Manager: Because he didn't want to do your review.
137 Iroquois Avenue
Essex Junction, Vermont
9AM Monday, Monday
Receptionist: Yeah, but if you say that then you're being illogical--
Exec: Ah, that's your problem, you've brought logic into the argument.
Receptionist: Um...
271 Rathdowne Street
Carlton, Victoria
Australia
5PM This Office Stinks; I'm Done
Co-worker #1: Hey, do you remember back in school when every school had the smelly kid? You know, he had no particular reason for smelling and no one could never place it but, nonetheless, he had a bad, stale smell to him?
Co-worker #2: Ha, ha. Yeah, I do. Why?
Co-worker #1: If this office was a school, you'd be the smelly kid and you need to do something about it.
270 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Matty K
1PM Lunch
Secretary: Oh wow, these are good.
Attorney: What are you eating?
Secretary: They are meatless meatballs.
Attorney: So essentially, you're just eating balls.
1050 Thomas Jefferson Street NW
Washington, DC
10AM Set Up Booth
Interviewer: So, how long have you been at this address?
Applicant: All day until I heard about this job fair.
450 Clyde Fant Parkway
Shreveport, Louisiana
3PM Shannon's Goodbye Party
Admin: We're going to miss you around here.
Employee: Well, I'd like to say that I'll miss being around here, but that would be untrue, so I'm not going to say it.
6111 Oak Tree Boulevard
Independence, Ohio
1PM Head Out for Lunch
Co-worker #1: Why do they only lock the girls' bathroom and not the guys'?
Co-worker #2: So you don't come in and rape us.
Co-worker #1: Yeah, that's true.
475 Park Avenue South
New York, NY
4PM Sitdown with Accounting
Co-worker #1: Are you dipping in the company ink?
Co-worker #2: Nope, the ink was red.
4221 74 Avenue NW
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
3PM Coffee Break
Engineer: Man, I can't write code today. Someone must have stole my
talent.
Manager: That would be petty theft.
8000 West Sunrise Boulevard
Plantation, Florida
3PM Coffee Break
EA: ...she's still learning to change a diaper and all that.
Suit: Really?
EA: Yeah, but it's been extra hard emotionally because our family is really strict and my dad still can't admit to himself that this happened. All he's said is, "I sent you to private school! Don't they have sex ed there?" and "How could this happen?" Which doesn't help her at all.
Suit: No, probably not.
EA: It's like, "Dad, the baby is already here, get a grip." But, well, she's the baby of the family and I guess we all know how fathers are.
Suit: No, actually, I don't. I never met mine.
40 IDX Drive
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Bubble Wrap THIS
10AM Programming Update
Engineer #1: You don't understand...the program's got unresolved
symbols that won't work.
Engineer#2: Yeah, I got 2 unresolved symbols for you right here.
8000 West Sunrise Boulevard
Plantation, Florida
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: You like nice today.
Co-worker #2: No I don't, I look like a big slut! Can't you see my cleavage falling out of this shirt?
Co-worker #1: Oh, I didn't notice.
240 Princeton Avenue
Hamilton, New Jersey
11AM Handle Employee Complaints
Boss: Why hasn't the mail come in yet?
HR: We have a new postal carrier and she hasn't come in yet.
Boss: Is she nice looking?
HR: Well, she's inconsistent. Sometimes she delivers at 2:30, sometimes it's 1:00.
Boss: What has that got to do with how she looks?
HR: It doesn't. Welcome to HR.
81 Apsley Street
Hudson, Massachusetts
2PM Follow Up with Sasquatch
Exec: Look, I don't care about the Weekly World News. All I want to know is how this affects the Bigfoot cover!
Star Magazine
1 Park Avenue
New York, NY
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: Is that pumpkin cream cheese?
Co-worker #2: I think so.
Co-worker #1: You mean you just blindly put that on your bagel?
Co-worker #2: What else would make it orange?
Co-worker #1: ...Um...orange?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, what else is orange but pumpkin?
225 Bush Street
San Francisco, California
10AM Call Evan to See If He's Checked In
Hotel Manager: Can we help you, ma'am?
Guest: My husband just got on the elevator without me, I can't believe that little shit/
Hotel Manager: Well, if we track him down we can send him your way.
Guest: If I can't keep track of him after 30 years you won't either.
9 East Wilson Street
Madison, Wisconsin
3PM Coffee Break
Co-worker #1: How do you put up with that constant gossiping right next to your office?
Co-worker #2: I have a door.
1370 Ontario Street
Cleveland, Ohio
12PM System is Acting Buggy
Staff: You have a second?
IT: Nope, completely out of stock on those.
200 Front Street W
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
10AM Take Care of Jury Duty
Judge: So what does your wife do for a living?
Potential juror: Nothing.
Judge: She does nothing?
Potential juror: Nope.
Judge: Do you have kids?
Potential juror: Yes.
Judge: Yeah, she does "nothing".
265 East 161st Street
Bronx, New York
Overheard by: John
3PM Finally, Some Downtime
Employee #1 is fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror.
Employee #2: You look handsome today.
The toilet flushes and out comes the firm's president.
President: Do you two want to be alone?
352 Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1PM Lunch
Worker #1: Did you pass the bar?
Worker #2: Yeah, the salad bar.
Consultant: I don't eat salad.
Worker #2: That's why you passed it.
100 Summer Street
Boston, Massachusetts
1PM Lunch
Worker #1: He has a groin pull so he's asking for pain pills .
Worker #2: He told me he hurt his leg.
Consultant: Yeah, my third leg. I'm a tripod.
Worker #1: A tripod wouldn't have hurt himself playing basketball with a 50 or under league.
100 Summer Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Regina C
5PM That's a Wrap
Sales #1: Have you called any previous customers yet?
Sales #2: I've called customers till I'm blue in the ass.
973 Opelika Road
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: Rob Byrd
10AM Company Reorientation
Vice Principal: Hey there, did you get my email?
Teacher: No, I didn't...
Vice Principal: Wow, and I sent it to both [Ed Hildick]s so you'd be sure to get it.
Teacher: Yeah...but my name is [Jeff].
901 Locust Street
Herndon, Virginia
4PM Get More Hole Punches for Office
Sales engineer: Hey, you can't use that, that's a sales punch!
Accountant: Care to see a finance punch?
59 Marsh Lane
Solihull, West Midlands
UK
12PM Order 10 More "Gigabytes" (?)
Boss: Do you know where the gigabytes are? I need some more for my computer.
Employee #1: What are you talking about?
Boss: Are they in the closet?
He goes looking in the closet for about five minutes.
Boss: Seriously, do you know where more gigabytes are?
Employee #2: Maybe they're in your pants.
N59W14909 Bobolink Avenue
Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin
Overheard by: LeeAnn Michaud
4PM Release Due
QA: That enhancement doesn't work, you need to fix it.
Dev: I guess it won't be in the patch, then.
QA: I didn't spend all that time testing and documenting it, we need to release it.
Dev: I'm not going to fix it now.
QA: You just said it was going to be in the patch, now you are saying it's not going to be fixed in this patch but it is in the patch.
Dev: Your Jedi mind tricks will not work on me.
16388 Westwoods Business Park
Ellisville, Missouri
Overheard by: Marc Brooks
3PM Coffee Break
Boss: Your brother is Wiccan?
Drone: Yes.
Boss: So he does magic?
Drone: He likes to think so.
Boss: And he's not Christian?
Drone: ...No.
Boss: So he can do whatever he wants? Like kill someone?
Drone: ...No, he still has to abide by the laws of the land.
557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
9AM Why, Monday, Why?
Co-worker #1: I'm really tired this morning.
Co-worker #2: Why don't you try Red Bull?
Co-worker #1: That stuff doesn't work for me.
Co-worker #2: Well, have you ever tried it without the vodka?
2783 Lancashire Road
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
1PM Lunch
Manager #1: Back in the 90s I wanted to be in a Salt 'n Pepa video. I was in shape back then. You could bounce a quarter off my ass.
Manager #2: Was that a quarter or a quarter pounder with cheese?
4235 South Stream Boulevard
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Sanman
12PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: Okay, that's it.
Co-worker #2: What? Tell me that song doesn't make you want to laugh.
Co-worker #1: It makes me want to shoot someone, then laugh.
270 South Flower Street
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Eric Johnson
4PM Another Day Draws to a Close
Co-worker #1: Okay guys, I'll see you next week. I'm heading off to Tennessee to see relatives.
Co-worker #2: Well, don't hook up with anybody.
456 North Kimball Place
Boise, Idaho
11AM Sitdown with HR
Worker #1: Hey, do you have a sec?
Worker #2: Sure, I have lots of secs.
16101 North 82nd Street
Scottsdale, Arizona
4PM On That Note, It's the Weekend
Co-worker #1: What is a good exercise for the lower abs?
Co-worker #2: Well, I can think of one exercise that's really good for the abs...
Co-worker #3: yeah, but only if he can last longer than 5 minutes.
The copy repairman pops out from under the copier.
Repairman: Well ladies, it's been an entertaining afternoon.
8565 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway
Portland, Oregon
9AM TGIF
Manager #1: I don't feel like working today.
Manager #2: So why don't you go home?
Manager #1: 'Cause I don't get paid to do nothing at home....
3200 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Cathie
3PM Coffee Break
Sports editor: I think you need to apologize for that.
Opinion editor: Okay, but you need to meet me halfway. I'm sorry for hitting you, but you need to apologize for existing.
5211 Old Charlotte Highway
Monroe, North Carolina
9AM It's Gonna Be a Long Day
Secretary: Wow, this is not much work for Friday!
Boss: ...Except that it's Wednesday today.
Dogwood Ave, Building 1
Johnson City, Tennessee
12PM Dry Out Printer
Co-worker #1: How do I make this print faster?
Co-worker #2: Put water on it.
10960 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Selaf Nek
4PM The 3 Day Weekend is Nigh!
Co-worker #1: So, do you get Columbus Day off from school?
Co-worker #2: No, we only get holidays for black people and Jesus.
6101 Broadway Street
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: Salena Arledge
1PM Lunch
Employee #1: Look at all that food you have there.
Employee #2: It's going to give me a heart attack, but I love it; especially all the greasy bacon and sausage.
Employee #3: I wish I knew someone who knows CPR in case you have a coronary.
Employee #2: [Sean] and [Gina] are medics, they should know CPR.
Employee #1: What do they know about CPR? They are ambulance drivers.
2727 Walker Avenue NW
Grand Rapids, Michigan
1PM Lunch
Spot op #1: [Bill] tells good stories, he's an excellent storyteller; me, I'm a stuttering prick when I tell a story.
Spot op #2: I tell stories, but they're not very funny.
Spot op #1: Or interesting.
245 West 52nd Street
New York, NY
Overheard by:
10AM Review Napoleonic Code
Attorney #1: The governor suggested that everyone not evacuating write their social security number on their arm in indelible ink. I'm going to go through our database and tattoo the SSN of our richest client on my chest with my children as beneficiaries.
Attorney #2: You better get that tattoo on your ass because you're going to be floating face down in the floodwater.
8555 United Plaza Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
11AM Presentation
Manager: Will you guys stop talking during my presentation?
Underling: I wasn't talking, I was asleep...
Abingdon Science Park
Abingdon, Oxfordshire
UK
2PM Data Management
Co-worker #1: I'm not sure that's right, though. I pulled it out of my database.
Co-worker #2: Is that what you call your ass, sir, a database?
2000 Navy Pentagon
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Salted Fish
11AM Distribute Nameplates
Co-worker #1: Peter? Since when do you go by Peter?
Pete: Well, it was a more formal thing, so we used that.
Co-worker #1: I'm not used to seeing Peter.
Co-worker #2: That's not what we heard.
5450 Frantz Road
Dublin, Ohio
3PM Cigarette Break
Admin: Hey, Simon Wiesenthal died! Who's he?
Suit: Oh, he hunted Nazis or something. Cool!
Admin: Cool that he died?
Suit: Cool that he's in my dead pool!
1600 Broadway
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: C. O'ntracter
2PM Work on Presentation
Co-worker #1: So will you give the presentation to the new intake?
Co-worker #2: No.
Co-worker #1: Why not?
Co-worker #2: I have made a personal lifestyle choice not to be helpful to anyone in the company.
120 Tonbridge Road
Hildenborough, Kent
UK
10AM Project Due
Underling: So when did you want this by, yesterday or an hour ago?
219 N. Milwaukee Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
3PM Meeting
Employee #1: Where the hell were you?
Employee #2: In the bathroom.
Employee #1: For twenty minutes? God, I thought you were sleeping with the feces.
320 17 Avenue SW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
1PM Lunch
Chick #1: I have like 3 pairs of shoes in the trunk of my car.
Chick #2: Oh really?
Chick #1: Yeah, like one pair of tennis shoes 'cause you never know when you need them.
Chick #2: I keep all kinds of stuff in the trunk of my car for that. You never know when you need that stuff, if you know what I'm talking about
Guy: I keep my wife in the trunk of my car.
Dead silence for the rest of the elevator ride.
3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: n-ro
11AM Restock Supply Closet
Employee #1: Where is my pen? Someone stole it...
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: My pen is gone.
Employee #2: Check your ass.
Employee #1: There it is, in my hair.
Employee #2: Like I said...
909 Fannin Street
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Helecia Helton
2PM Fill Out Questionnaire
Woman: I hate working here. It makes me want to throw my morals out the window, and become a slut.
Co-worker: A slut...There's an image for you.
Woman: I don't mean I want to be a slut. I just want to know what all these people are like in bed. No one small, of course.
Co-worker: So you'll be handing out a questionnaire?
56 59 Junction
Baldwin City, Kansas
3PM Sensitivity Training
Office Manager: There's a time and a place for shoulder massages and it's not here and now.
Employee: It's not a massage. I was rubbing my hands up her.
Aldine House, New Bailey Street
Salford, Manchester
UK
3PM Cancel Joe's Surprise Party
Receptionist: Joe Barnes, please come to the office, you have a phone call.
Employee: You might have to speak up. And also? If he shows up, I'm leaving.
Receptionist: Why, don't you like him?
Employee: No, it's not that, it's just that he's been dead for two years.
5900 West Chester Road
West Chester, Ohio
5PM Thank God the Weekend's Finally Here
Co-worker #1: Have you ever been to Greece?
Co-worker #2: Yup.
Co-worker #1: Did you go see ruins of Pantheos?
Co-worker #2: You mean, "the Parthenon?"
Co-worker #1: Yeah, that's it! Aw man, today I've got...what's that called?
Co-worker #2: Stupid?
Co-worker #1: Ha, ha. Very funny. No...oh! Mind dyslexia!
Co-worker #2: As opposed to body dyslexia?
216 W. Jackson Boulevard
Chicago, Illinois
6PM You're There for Yourself, Not the PC
Guy #1: eHarmony. Maybe I should try that.
Guy #2: You'd have to know how to log on to a computer first.
190 N. Main Street
Roanoke, Indiana
12PM They're Finally Gonna Cork That Pesky Volcano
Co-worker: Would you like a donut?
Enormous woman: No, thank you.
Co-worker: Why not? Are you on a diet or something?
Enormous woman: Actually, yes, I am on a diet. I am going on vacation to Hawaii at the end of the month and I have only six more pounds to lose until I reach my goal! I want to take a helicopter ride over Kilauea, but the helicopter company charges $100 more if you weigh more than 200 pounds. Hope they don't weigh me on the spot since I am not sure I will be less than 200 pounds unless it's in the morning, after I've had a pee, and I'm nude...Does anyone have any topics they'd like to add to the agenda for today?
Manager: Um...yeah, I do, but give me a minute.
560 McCarthy Boulevard
Milpitas, California
Overheard by: CW Slave
8AM Their Bedroom Banter is Annoyingly Vapid
Co-worker #1: ...no, the cervix is attached to the uterus, but it's not the uterus, the uterus is different--
Co-worker #2: You guys have the best conversations first thing in the morning.
Co-worker #3: You just missed the bit about the penis.
Co-worker #2: No, I didn't.
557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
12PM Ah Yes, "The Eddie Murphy Principle"
Office Manager: How do you go out to lunch and come back with a huge cucumber?
Employee: How do men go out at night and come back with hookers?
Office Manager: Huh?
Employee: It's the same basic principle.
110 N. Washington Street
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Joan
9AM Don't Put Him to Sleep Until After the Raise
Employee: Why can't you just install that for me?
Supervisor: Because I'm not going to spend an hour out of my day installing this on your crappy computer only to find out that it still doesn't work and end up spending even more of my precious time trying to fix something that isn't fixable and wind up making my life hell by hearing you bitch about this all the time. Only to make you happy.
Employee: So, is that a no?
Supervisor: You're damn right it is.
Employee: Well, then can I just get a new computer so I won't have this problem?
Supervisor: Fine. Anything to get you off my back.
Employee: Can I get a raise?
Supervisor: Don't push it.
Employee: I think you need to take a nap.
1801 E. 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
3PM I Dream That We Can All Talk That Way to Mgmt.
Former VP: I heard you were dreaming about me.
Executive Assistant: If the person gave you the impression that it was in a positive connotation, they were gravely mistaken.
1000 Voorhees Drive
Voorhees, New Jersey
5PM Don't Ask Him Why His Cell is Off
User: If you don't turn my cell phone back on today, I'll tell the families of my patients and their lawyers that you are responsible for the patient's death, because I couldn't be reached!
Call center operator: Sir, if you are expecting your patients to die, perhaps they should switch to a different physician...
310 W. Bakerview Road
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Josh Sinnett
9AM Honesty: The Best Way to Qualify for Unemployment
Bossman: Were you able to answer all of her questions?
Worker: No.
Bossman: Why?
Worker: Because I didn't know what to tell her!
9500 Owensmouth Avenue
Chatsworth, California
9PM Self-serve is Cheaper, But Kind of a Mess
Quebecois co-worker: I'm not driving there. Do you have any idea how much fucking the gas costs?
Anglo co-worker: No, and I don't think I want to find out.
9995 de Catania Avenue
Brossard, Quebec
Canadia
7PM "Big Fat Kim" Doesn't Have the Same Ring
Managing Director: Hey, there's something wrong in my sister's account. Her street name is spelled wrong.
Assistant: Is she a rapper?
1999 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: oink
12AM That's About As Funny As I'd Expect a CEO to Get
VP: It's not working. I can't get it up. I can't get it up.
CEO: They make a pill for that now, you know.
28 Crescent Street
Middletown, Connecticut
4PM Now You've Gone and Spoiled the Ending
Scientist: What are the goals of this management plan?
Project manager: The goal is to come up with a plan to manage the system, but we are not authorized to actually manage anything.
Scientist: So the goal of this meeting is really an excuse for you to draw on the white board and act important?
3301 Gun Club Road
West Palm Beach, Florida
1AM Don't Piss Off Jesus. Just Don't Do It.
Customer: Well, maybe I could find something at a lower price that needs fixed up. I do a lot of remodeling work.
Real-estate agent: Sir, if you're a carpenter you won't be able to afford anything in this area.
Customer: I'm a contractor and I have more money than I know what to do with. If I say I'm going to climb into your ass and renovate, that's what I'm going to do.
109 Lafayette Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Dirtpatch
7AM Hell Hath No Fury Like a Reporter Spurned
Reporter: We can't give Gary an award.
Copy editor: Why not? You know, if it's the best story and he was here during that month...
Reporter: What, we're going to give him a posthumous award?
Copy editor: You know, Gary's not dead.
Reporter: He is to me!
189 W. Main Street
Spartanburg, South Carolina
Overheard by: W. Texas Mike
7AM That's More of a Pliers Job
Worker #1: Your friend came over. She wanted to borrow a screwdriver.
Worker #2: Why, to shut her fucking mouth?
3600 Las Vegas Blvd South
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Frank Grimes
12AM Technically, He's for Affirmative Action
Manager: It's just that I don't want any of those old, white computers. The only good ones are black nowadays.
Engineer: That sounds pretty racist...
Manager: Well, I don't care.
41000 Vincenti Court
Novi, Michigan
Overheard by: Stefan Bankowski
1PM He's #1, Obviously
Supervisor #1: I am here to give you a hard time.
Supervisor #2: Take a number.
2 Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
6AM We're Not As Stupid As You IT A-holes Think...
IT guy: Do you have a license to install Photoshop?
Employee: You need a license?
IT guy: Yeah.
Employee: It's not that hard to install, you just double click on the icon.
IT guy: You don't understand.
Employee: Yeah I do, I'm just fucking with you. Jokes are funny.
2 W. 2nd Street
Tulsa, Oklahoma
7PM That Long Weekend is Finally Here!
Lawyer #1: I now ask that this binder be admitted into evidence.
Lawyer #2: We would object to that, Your Honor.
Judge: What is your basis for introducing this into evidence?
Lawyer #1: The "moving things along faster" basis.
Judge: Denied.
500 Pearl Street
New York, NY
6AM There Goes the Whole Function of Language
Businesslady: Where the hell is my charger, did I leave it at the office? I thought I put it in, but...Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk to myself.
TSA lady: Well, that's OK, Sugar. Sometimes we have to talk to ourselves because we're the only ones who can understand.
Sky Harbor Airport
Phoenix, Arizona
8AM Do You Have Any Idea How Many Pies Are in One of Her?
Big fat receptionist: Ooh what is that?
Office worker #1: A caramel mochiatto from Starbucks.
Big fat receptionist: I hope you brought me one!
Office worker #2: Do you have any idea how many calories are in one of those?
200 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Sebastian O'Conner
6AM Taking the Work Out of "Co-worker"
IT guy: Does anyone want to help me move some equipment into the U-Haul downstairs?
Co-worker #1: You know I would, but I'm just not wearing the shoes for it today.
Co-worker #2: Why don't you put on your tennis shoes? I see them under your desk.
Co-worker #1: Shh!
3100 West Lake Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Samantha Quinnsbury
12PM If They're Screaming, They're Talking to Themselves
Co-worker #1: I'm waiting for your response.
Co-worker #2: I just said something!
Co-worker #1: Oh, I can't tell when you're talking to me or to yourself.
330 Madison Ave
New York, NY
Overheard by: LRC
6AM The Tissues Were Doused in Self-love
Employee: Ew! You're dousing your sandwich in tabasco sauce!
Intern: I'm dousing it in self-hatred.
4 W. Oakland Avenue
Doylestown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Vivian X
12AM The Definition of Unionism
Teacher: Am I going to have a job here next school year?
Principal: Only if you want to work at a school where you're not welcome.
419 East 66th Street
New York, NY
12PM That's Hamilton's Corpse You're Sniffing
Jersey girl: It smells like foot in here!
Coworker: Just one foot?
1000 Harbor Boulevard
Weehawken, New Jersey
12AM Apparently It's Our Editor Who's the Idiot
Guy #1: I saw a grammatical error on overheardintheoffice.com, but I was too lazy to email them and point it out.
Guy #2: You are an idiot.
1st Street & Ninth Avenue
Charlestown, Massachusetts
6AM He Learned This the Hard Way
Tenant: You know, it has been so nice outside, I wish we had windows that would open.
Building manager: Yeah, me too, but if we did, everyone would be jumping out of them to kill themselves.
270 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: JB
8AM Terry Schiavo? The Pope?
Yard worker: I raked the yard yesterday and I figured I'd be sore but I'm not.
400 lb. woman: I would be. You're in better shape than I am.
Co-worker: Who isn't?
246 Scoville Hill Road
Harwinton, Connecticut
4PM Progress: Driving in Circles in an Ever Faster Rate
Superior: I'm going to need you to drive me around the block and then drop me back off here.
Underling: But what about this fax?
Superior: The receptionist can do it, this is urgent.
1218 Webster Street
Houston, Texas
4PM Ask a Hippie to Explain
Editor: I was going to go to that show last night but I got distracted.
Production Assistant: Why?
Editor: It was 4/20, man!
Production Assistant: That's mature.
1515 Broadway
New York, NY
12AM 15% is Customary
Jet-Setting boss: I have to go to fucking Appleton, Wisconsin. Appleton, Wisconsin! What am I going to do there?
Secretary: Well, there's always cow-tipping.
512 7th Avenue
New York, NY
12PM It's Snobby in California
Product Manager #1: It's Spring Break.
Product Manager #2: How come we don't get Spring Break?
Intern #1: Because you're no longer young.
Intern #2: Or pretty.
777 4th Street
Los Angeles, California
8AM Leaving That Market Wide Open for Competitors
Woman: Yeah, I managed to get rid of him by telling him that he needed someone to surgically remove the stick that's up his ass, but that we don't do that here in this office, so...
626 Thayer Road
West Point, New York
12AM But Do They Gnaw Pro Bono?
Guy #1: Those lawyers are like rats, they know they suck but do it anyway.
Guy #2: Rats don't know they suck...
210 Highwoods Blvd.
Raleigh, North Carolina
4PM "You mean this 'phone' device allows me to speak to other places?"
Guy: That person I just talked to was so nice. He sounded so relaxed, and people from New York never sound like that.
Woman: He's in Miami.
228 East 45th Street
New York, NY
12PM "Fortunately, I managed to rightsize the baby in time."
Supervisor: Trust me. I'll take care of it.
Employee: The last time I heard that line I ended up pregnant.
631 Dickinson Avenue
Greenville, North Carolina
12PM On the Count of Three, Quote Rankin-Bass
Config Manager Guy: It's like the island of misfit toys over there.
DBA: I don't want to be in support, I want to be a dentist.
2202 N. Westshore Boulevard
Tampa, Florida
12AM Paging Donald Trump
A bagel left unattended in a microwave sets off the fire alarms. The microwave, charred and smoking, is carried outside and is placed on the sidewalk.
Fireman: Is this the object that started the fire?
Office Worker: No. When we take a break, it takes a break.
626 Thayer Road
West Point, New York
12AM Sharks, Snakes, and Legal Eagles Mostly
Worker #1 answers the phone: Hello?...No, this is a law firm. A law firm!
Worker #2: Who did they want?
Worker #1: The SPCA.
Worker #2: Heh.
Worker #1: Although there are a lot of animals working here.
120 West 45th Street
New York, NY
12PM The Open Door Policy: Solutions at our Discretion
Project Manager: Hey, can I ask you a quick question?
Chief of office: Well I hope you don't want an answer!
Project Manager: Do you mean now or, um, ever?
Chief of office: Ever!
830 5th Avenue
New York, NY
12AM Lunch: One of the Three Most Important Meals of the Afternoon
American Coworker: Lets do Chinese!
Native Chinese Coworker: I know good p[l]ace!
American Coworker: Real Chinese food from real Chinese cooks?
Native Chinese Coworker: No, cooks all Puerto Rican.
11804 Cherry Grove Drive
Gaithersburg, Maryland
12AM There's No "U" in Team Either
Coworker #1: My palms are sweaty. What do you think that means?
Coworker #2: It means you're annoyed.
Coworker #1: Really?
Coworker #2: No, I guess I was just projecting.
330 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
4PM "...and use an envelope if you'd like to make a deposit."
Session Leader: I'll leave this badge on the desk. If you need to use the facilities, just take it with you and swipe the reader on the bathroom door.
Participant #1: You need to swipe from the bottom up, right?
Participant #2: Not if you're a girl!
One Chase Plaza
New York, NY
4PM Welcome to Our Company: Our Values are Now Yours
HR Guru: The only person you can change is yourself--
Infidel: I keep trying that, but she's still being a bitch!
2025 E St, NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bendystraw
1PM Isn't the Tour de France...oh, wait.
Guy #1: God, I'm so tired. I feel like I just ran the Tour de France.
Guy #2: Yeah, I'd love to see you get hit by a bunch of bikes.
737 Main St.
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: chris b
4PM "By 'worked out', I meant 'snorted Twinkies'."
Sales guy: When I was in Princeton [NJ], I worked out every day and I still gained 7 pounds.
Engineer: I gained seven pounds and I didn't work out at all.
Sales guy: That's why you're an engineer!
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
10PM I Only Drive Drunk in Moderation
Suit: It was 6 hours of nonstop powerdrinking. My wife was at a Christmas party and asked me to pick her up, and I said, "Even I would not get behind the wheel now!"
350 Madison Ave.
New York, NY
