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3PM And He Brings Death to His Enemies
Student: Voldemort is like Bill Fates. He's good at marketing, but he didn't actually come up with Windows.
33 East Congress
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Stubby Boardman
2PM Well, Good Talking in Your General Direction
Programmer #1: Do you watch Maggie and the Ferocious Beast?
Programmer #2: [Silence.]
Programmer #1: Well, Hamilton is the pig. I don't know his last name, but he's the pig in the show.
Programmer #2: [Silence.]
100 Larrabee Road
Westbrook, Maine
1PM If Anyone Asks, We're 10-Year-Old Orphans Who Live in a Maytag Box
Sorority girl #1: I'm just worried we aren't going to have enough money.
Sorority girl #2: No, we wrote a letter to Oprah.
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: frightened grad student
9AM Wait, No - That's Why I'm Afraid of Fire
Woman: You know I'm afraid of birds, don't you? It's because of that movie and the time my mother burned down a gas station.
Cal State Northridge
Northridge, California
Overheard by: Scott
2PM No, No, Wait -- It's the One with Mr. Toad, Right?
Ad rep #1: The best movie is on TV tonight.
Ad rep #2: What movie is that?
Ad rep #1: Gone with the Wind.
Ad rep #2: Is that the same as...? No, that's A Walk in the Clouds.
Programmers: What?!
Ad rep #2: I got confused -- they're similar. Well, which one is Gone with the Wind?
Ad rep #1: It has Clark Gable.
Ad rep #2: Is that the guy that played Superman?
120 West 1st Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
3PM Oh, Triple-H! Take Me Away from All This!
Little girl running to discounted WWE book half her size: Yes! Now I've got it!
Waldenbooks, Victoria Mall
Victoria, Texas
10AM Filed in the Necrophiliac Section? Incompetent Bastards.
Chick: What is this, pedophile music?
Munkegata, Oslo
Norway
11AM No Shirt, the White Stretch Pants...
Hipster: You know, you can really tell who loved the Smurfs as a kid.
610 SW Broadway
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Maggie Mae
11AM Gives a New Meaning to 'Dirty Cop'
Cop: Oh my god! This peanut butter pie is so good, I just want to rub it all over my ass and dance around the lobby!
Tanner Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Xtina
1PM Life: 1 Art: 0
Male coworker: How's the book I lent you?
Female coworker: It's good. I got up to the part where he changes his name, but I was on the bus and a girlfriend started fighting with her boyfriend, so I stopped reading to watch that.
139 Highland Street
Port Chester, New York
Overheard by: soon to be hired
1PM Help, There Are Trammps in Our Refrigerator!
Employee #1: Now, where did 'Disco Inferno' come from?
Employee #2: Not me! It's not on my iPod!
Employee #1: I think it came from the refrigerator!
Employee #2: Oh really?
Employee #1: No, this is serious! You're not the one with 'Disco Inferno' stuck in your head!
Chevy Chase
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: kitchen watcher
10AM They May Be Deltas
Guy #1: I really want to find this book that I read in high school... It was called, like, Brave New World or something.
Guy #2: Um, no, you're thinking of 'I Can Show You the World.'
Guy #1: Oh! ... Wait, no, that's that song from Aladdin.
Guy #2: Oh, yeah... So what section would it be in?
Guy #1: I don't know, Fiction? No, wait -- Non-fiction!
Barnes and Noble
Savannah, Georgia
Overheard by: Leia
2PM But He Is My Son
Office manager: He kinda looks like a Ninja Turtle.
Receptionist: What?
Office manager: A Ninja Turtle. Don't you see it?
Receptionist: Ummm...
Office manager: You know, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Receptionist: Oh, that kind of Ninja Turtle... I don't see it.
2661 Riva Road
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
9AM Or You Could Throw One in before We Lose Any More People in Iraq
Coworker #1: So, you're saying that in the movie he twisted the towel so tight it became a sword?
Coworker #2: Yeah, like, if you spin a towel tight enough it gets rigid, but if you put Kung Fu in it, it's like a weapon.
Government agency
Washington, DC
Overheard by: kung fu master
2PM How You Know Your Coworker Is Straight
Employee: Did you see the Accounting Department? They are all dressed up like the Village People... or the Seven Dwarfs -- I'm not sure.
100 Mountain Road
Framingham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Snow Whitefish
1PM Renoir: Doc, I'm Going to Need More Tetrodoxin
Blonde #1: I wonder... Did they have photography when this artist was alive?
Blonde #2: Well, I don't really know. Why do you ask?
Blonde #1: Well, how did they get the people to stand still long enough to paint their faces and stuff?
The Louvre
Paris
France
Overheard by: Mindy WIlson
3PM Like If They Smoke a Lot of Pot
Senior partner: What are you listening to? That's some funky music.
Paralegal: Phish.
Senior partner: Oooh, Phish -- I've heard of them but never heard them. Wow, they have a great sound.
Paralegal: Yeah, I really like them.
Senior partner, with fixed gaze: When you know someone listens to funky music, that can really tell you a lot about a person.
Washington, DC
5PM I Don't Have to Imagine. Wait, Did I Say That out Loud?
Editor #1 watching CNN: Can you imagine how hot JonBenet would be by now?
Editor #2: What?
333 N Meridian Avenue
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9AM If At First You Don't Succeed, Lower Your Standards
Drunk chick: Hey, bartender! Did anyone ever tell you you look like Luke from Gilmore Girls?
Bartender: No. What's Gilmore Girls?
Drunk chick: It's a show on TV. You should look it up. [To guy standing next to her] Hey, you look like this guy in this porn I have!
Dickson Street
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: laughing into my beer
2PM Where U.S. Army Officials Go to 'Investigate' Suspected Homosexual Acts
Old man: So, this was a good queer movie.
Video store clerk: Ummm...
Old man: Where are the other movies about dykes and queers?
Video store clerk: Ummm...
Old man: I want to know if they are really sexy, though.
Cedar Street
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: silenced
10AM No, I Quit Because None of Them Were Prostitutes
Male administrator: So, are you a prostitute?
Female administrator: Excuse me?
Male administrator: It's a line from that movie, Monster.
Female administrator: You can't just go around saying things like that to people.
Male administrator: Oh. Well, I used to do it all the time at my old job.
Female administrator: Is that why you're not working there anymore?
Connecticut Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: the fly on the wall
9AM Refuses to Watch Baseball Because of the Flies
Suit: The other way I learned it, from Schoolhouse Rock, is that the alligator is hungry and so wants to bite the larger one.
Woman coworker: Ohhh... I see. That would confuse me, because it's got animals.
919 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: i guess graduating elementary school just was
4PM Maybe You Should Try Singing with Your Mouth
Employee on phone: Church choir practice kicked my ass last night!
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: DB
12PM Why Can't You Be Like Mulan? She Was Asian, but She Could Take a Punch!
Asian coworker to black coworker: Why can't you be like Akeelah in Akeelah and the Bee? She was black, but she could spell!
235 E 42nd Street
New York, New York
10AM In the Same Way Cher Is 'Real'
Female editor: Hey, is Plastic Man a real superhero?
Assistant: Yeah. There's been some dispute about his origins, though.
Female editor: Oh, really? But he is real, right?
Assistant: Yeah.
Female editor: Okay, great, thanks.
233 Spring Street,
SoHo, New York
12PM Well, You'll Have Lots of Time to Practice, Because You're Fired
Supervisor: Did someone order colored pencils from the office supply place?
Assistant: I'm thinking of becoming a caricaturist.
330 Madison Ave
New York City
4PM They Keep A Few Wheelchair Seats on Hold in Case Any Celebrity Cripples Show Up
Customer: You mean you don't have any wheelchair seats left for that matinee?
Assistant manager: No ma'am. We have a lot of senior citizen groups that come to matinees and they tend to fill up our wheelchair seats.
Customer: Well, I would say put me and my husband in two regular seats, but he doesn't have any legs!
Husband: It's true, I don't have any legs!
Assistant manager: Ummm, ok. Let me see what I can do for you.
Shenandoah University Theatre ticket office
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: Jennifer Ellerbe
12PM When You've Had that Many 'Shrooms, who Can be Sure?
BK guy: What did you do this weekend?
BK girl: I went to Ohio for a concert.
BK guy: Ohio? You went all the way over by California for a concert?
BK girl: Ummm... No...
Burger King, Rhode Island
5PM Sure. And "Prosaic" Means a Mosaic Made of Prose.
Bookstore clerk: Prose? I thought that was a kind of poetry.
Bookstore, Connecticut Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Doctor Whom
5PM Sorry, I Don't Bi That
Control room guy: I'm sorry, but if you get a hard-on from another guy, YOU'RE GAY. You can't just say you were just acting. DeNiro couldn't even act that well.
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
11AM So Act Like a Robot That Acts Like a Human Being
Woman on phone: Could you please just act like a human being?... Oh, right, I forgot. You're a Transformer.
42nd Street
New York, New York
10AM Except Today They Were Spouting Some Nonsense About Loving My Neighbor
Coworker #1: What radio station do you listen to on your way to work?
Coworker #2: I listen to a Christian station so I can prepare myself for dealing with you assholes.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: one of the assholes
4PM Lifting, Puking, and Shooting: The Lloyd Roid Story
Designer: I can't find a photo to represent personal trainers. The only stock images we have are too creepy. Look kind of like an after-school special.
Writer: Like a molesting-kids after-school special? Or the kind about bulimia?
Designer: A cross between those and the ones about steroids.
Creative director: Oh. That sounds OK. Use whatever you guys have.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
12PM No, I Have a Plane Ticket and a Shovel
Lady #1: I'm saving myself for Mozart.
Lady #2: That's going to be quite a wait, honey.
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Overheard by: Sarah
4PM Actually, It's a Generational Rorschach Test
Twentysomething new hire: Why is there a Harry Potter picture in our lobby?
Fortysomething manager: Actually that's a painting of John Lennon.
Silicon Valley, California
Overheard by: Pop Culturally Literate
1PM Can't Wait 'Til He Puts on the Darth Vader Mask and Tells the Baby He's Her Father
Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn't know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She's adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How'd it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you serious? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my contractions were about two minutes apart, he got nervous and attempted to distract me. So he kept making that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those robot things made in Revenge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you're talking about. What a jerk! That's so funny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stomach and called him a bastard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were getting a divorce. Poor guy wouldn't even talk to the nurses after that.
777 Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan
11AM But That Wasn't Working, So I Switched to George
Suit #1: So I was banging Alice in her office, and she started crying. It reminded me of George and Meredith in Grey's Anatomy.
Suit #2: Wow! That must have been a turnoff.
Suit #1: No, I kept going. I just pretended I was banging Meredith.
80 J Street
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Extra Character
10AM One-Handed, Too
Customer: I know it sounds like my husband drinks too much, but he really doesn't.
Alcohol-company CSR: Hey, I talk about alcohol all day long. You can't shock me.
Customer: Well, I write erotica, so I talk about sex all day long!
Alcohol-company CSR: Really?
Customer: Yeah. I just turned in my manuscript today, but it was three weeks late. I keep telling my editor, "I don't write smut on demand!" But I write very good smut.
800 Market Street
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Easily Entertained
10AM Tupac's Propaganda Machine, on the Other Hand, Is Alive and Thriving
Counselor: Is that a Tupac T-shirt? You're five. Tupac wasn't alive when you were born. What do you know about Tupac?
Kid: I know the haters killed him.
Counselor: Touché.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: SB
11AM Maybe Gidget Goes Pentecostal
Little girl, pointing at Ann Coulter's Godless: Who's that lady, daddy?
Dad: She's some crazy lady who doesn't know what she's talking about.
Little girl: She looks like she should be in movies.
Dad: [Shocked silence]
Little girl: But not very good movies.
Dad: Ha! That's my girl.
Auntie's Bookstore
402 West Main Avenue
Spokane, Washington
3PM Would You Like to Sue Maury? Because We Can Help You There.
Receptionist on phone: Hello, law offices...Excuse me? I think you have the wrong number. This is a law office. No, this law office has nothing to do with the Maury Show. Sir, you know, I really think you have the wrong number...No, our number is nothing like that...Well, I don't know, are you drunk? Really? Well, good for you...Okay, well, good luck in getting through to Maury.
350 Fifth Avenue
New York, New York
1PM The Scary Thing Is, I Agree With Both of Them
Male co-worker: It just ticks me off that Elmo is more popular than Grover. My other job was really boring, and one day I was fantasizing...
Female co-worker, interrupting: I think we've heard enough.
20890 Kenbridge Court
Lakeville, Minnesota
Overheard by: Gigi
2PM See the Gauloises, the Berets, and the Spacecraft?
Little girl, pointing to Coneheads DVD: Daddy, what's wrong with those people?
Dad: Oh, they're just from France.
Blockbuster, University Village
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: David in Seattle
9AM Maybe 'Shape It Up' Might Have Been More Appropriate
Employee: Can I help you find something?
Female customer: No...Actually, yes. I can't find any CDs by Devo.
Employee: Hm. What genre?
Girl: I would say rock, but...
Employee: D-I-V-O?
Girl: No, D-E-V-O.
Employee: That sounds really familiar. Let me go take a look. [Starts to turn]
Girl: Yeah, "Whip it!" [Makes whip crack motion]
Employee looks hurt and oblivious as he walks away.
1515 West Highway 114
Grapevine, Texas
3PM Those Will Cost Extra to Remove
Painter in room with painters' tape everywhere: Do you like the new colors?
Customer: I don't like the blue stripes.
Concord, New Hampshire
Overheard by: another painter
11AM You're Fired
Woman #1: I don't think I can handle a two-hour meeting.
Woman #2: The trick is to doodle in your notebook the whole time; it looks like you're taking notes.
Woman #1: I can design outfits for my cat rodeo!
330 South 3rd Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Cora
1PM ...Or to Geography Class
Nurse #1: You better grab that. It's leaning like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Nurse #2: Oh, I've never been to France.
339 Windermere Road
London, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Amanda
1PM Her Withdrawal From Popular Culture Began in the Eighties and Was Complete by 1998
Younger girl: So the guy who played Kramer turned 57 this week. I had no idea he was that old!
Older woman: Kramer? You mean from the movie Kramer vs. Kramer?
Younger girl: Who? Um, no. Kramer. Kramer from Seinfeld.
Older woman: Who?
Younger woman: This is probably why we don't talk more, huh?
323 East Grand River
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Pam Beasley
1PM So That's Two Dead Angels Right There
Woman #1: What are you listening to?
Woman #2: Bing Crosby. Do you even know who that is?
Woman #1: Duh. It's that guy who said, "Every time a light bulb goes out, an angel dies."
Woman #2: You idiot, that's Jimmy Stewart.
315 North Broadway
Tyler, Texas
3PM From the Shaolin Preschool Song Book
Co-Worker: If you're happy and you know it...?
Co-Worker's 2-year-old daughter: ...don't touch a knife!
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: manda b
5PM Your Daughter Is So Precocious!
Little girl, pointing to ad poster: Dog!
Father, looking at the ad: No, honey, that's Ellen Degeneres.
Target Shopping Center
Avon, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
11AM He Got an Oscar for Best Posthumous Cross-Dressing Performance
Woman #1: I saw The Devil Wears Prada this weekend. It was really good, especially Marlon Brando.
Woman #2: Marlon Brando?
Woman #1: You know, that lady! What's her name?
Woman #2: Meryl Streep. Marlon Brando is dead. And a man.
245 5th Avenue
New York, New York
10AM Or Maybe Stop By and Start a Fire
Co-Worker #1: I was just over at [your new boss]'s office, and the first thing I noticed was that it's really quiet over there!
Co-Worker #2: Oh, I know.
Co-Worker #1: No, really, you're going to go crazy! It was almost nine o'clock, and nobody was talking! You'll have to play yourself some music or something.
Co-Worker #2: Yeah.
Co-Worker #1: So I decided what I'll do is call you sometimes and just yell over the phone!
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
2PM Donated By Public-Spirited Clitizens
Librarian #1: Take a look at these new book donations that just came in.
Librarian #2: Oh, it's just a bunch of Chick Lick; we don't want it.
Librarian #1: Don't you mean Chick Lit?
Librarian #2: I stand by my statement.
501 Maitland Avenue
Maitland, Florida
Overheard by: Kristen
10AM Nothing Says Romance Like Suicide While Fleeing the Law
Guy: I always thought we would go out Thelma and Louise style when we were both in our 90's.
Girl: That sounds about right.
Guy: I'm going to move that up about 60 years if this meeting doesn't end soon.
32 Washington Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: I agree
4PM I Want to Dip a Hamster In It, and I've Heard Stories
Guy: I'm writing this script that takes place in an office and I was wondering, is toner flammable?
570 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Ethan
12PM It's the Color Your Heart Turns When You Reject God's Will
Sales manager: So as of our next issue, the logo will no longer be purple.
Rep: How come?
Sales manager: Because purple is associated with homosexuals.
Rep: I thought rainbow colors were the gay color tip-off?
Sales manager: No, it's purple. And I know that's true because that's what they paint their front doors.
Rep: I have never heard that. Why would they do that?
Sales manager: So they can identify themselves to each other.
Rep: Oh, I get it. So when they're driving around the city they can say, "Oh look, Dwayne, a purple door! Let's stop in and get some decorating tips!"
600 East Main Street
Louisville, KY
11AM But We Totally Whine Better
Male co-worker: That's the thing about black people. They'll just sing their favorite song out loud. Like they don't care that they're in public.
Female co-worker: Well, that's because they have better voices than we do.
1000 Techwood
Atlanta, Georgia
9AM She Prefers Movies About Superheros...Made by Jewish People
Customer: What movie starts next?
Box office girl: That would be Keeping up with the Steins, at 11:55.
Customer: And what's that about?
Box office girl: I believe family problems around the time of the kid's bar mitzvah.
Manager [under her breath]: It's about Jewish people, duh.
Customer: Two for X-Men, please.
510 North Orlando Avenue
Winter Park, Florida
4PM Well, Pardon Me While I Prestidigitate Your Complementary Anaphylaxis
Account manager: You did a fantastic job on these business cards!
Art director: Shut up! Don't condense me.
Account manager: I'm serious! You're a curiative genius!
214 West 39th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Trey Givens
5PM That's a Wrap
Coworker: I love that movie Dazed and Confused! It's one of those that you don't have to be smart to enjoy.
1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Jayce
10AM Damage Control
Coworker: I didn't mean to diss Madonna! It's just that I feel at this moment in my life, I'm over her.
163 Freelon Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper
12PM Lunch
Supervisor, watching The Apprentice: I like that British guy, I hope he wins. Or that English guy. Wait, what's the difference?
Coworker: Are you kidding?
Supervisor: There's a difference, right? Do they want to be called something else?
800 Market Street
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Erin Eff
4PM Smoke Break
Overlord: It's just like "Devil Went Down to Georgia" -- the devil clearly wins but, they try to sell it like Johnny did.
Underling #1: Oh, yeah, the devil clearly wins.
Underling #2: No, it's about the fiddle playing, you can't bring the band of demons into the mix. Johnny wins on fiddle playing.
Underling #1: I can see what you're saying but, the devil's flash takes it.
Overlord: Right, the groove is undeniable.
Underling #2: You know what, let's not have this discussion again. I don't want to be mad on a Friday afternoon.
2525 State Road
Bensalem, Pennsylvania
10AM Coffee Break
Employee is showing off her new belly-dancing outfit.
Supervisor: So, you're really going to belly-dance in public?
Employee: Yeah!
Supervisor: I never really liked going to strip clubs when I was younger.
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: I love this place!
3PM Tea Run
Admin #1: Without extremes, normalcy wouldn't exist.
Admin #2: Wow, we're getting heavy now.
Admin #3: Back from tour one day, and you're already waxing poetic?
Admin #1: Wait, isn't that what fractals and Jurassic Park are about?
Admin #2 & 3: What?
Admin #1: Extremes, fractals and Jurassic Park. Wasn't anyone a nerd like me?
Admin #2: Um, no.
3 Lafayette Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
3PM Out for Some Fresh Air
Courtyard dweller #1: I am not sure I should hire him.
Courtyard dweller #2: Why? He seems cool enough.
Courtyard dweller #1: I asked him what he was listening to on his iPod when he walked in.
Courtyard dweller #2: Yeah, and?
Courtyard dweller #1: He was listening to Celine Dion.
Courtyard dweller #2: Enough said.
10050 Wolfe Road
Cupertino, California
9AM Back to Work
Nurse aide #1: I was up all day watching the old Batman marathon today.
Nurse aide #2: The one with Adam West, right?
Nurse aide #1: Yep, the original.
Bed alarm sounds in the back hall.
Nurse aide #2: Holy Alzheimer's, Batman!
1111 Crater Lake
Medford, Oregon
5PM That's a Wrap
Funeral director: So, you know all the procedures now, right?
Secretary: Yes, I believe so, I just never had to go get the organ out for a service.
Funeral director: Well, you know where it's at, right?
Secretary: Yeah, so you just go in the back and pull it out and stick it in there, right?
2157 Oak Street
Wyandotte, Michigan
3PM Smoke Break
Real Estate Agent: So she totally knows this guy that's on The Real OC; he's a loan guy that she used to work with.
Loan Rep: What character does he play?
Real Estate Agent: He's a loan rep.
Loan Rep: I know, but what character does he play?
22342 Avenida Empresa
Rancho Santa Margarita, California
1PM Lunch
Director: I feel like she's staring into my soul.
Producer: It's a good feeling, isn't it?
35 West 4th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: jen d.
5PM That's a Wrap
Co-worker #1: We have so much more room in the office now, [Erin] and I can dance.
Boss: Let's see you dance
Co-worker #2: Naw, she can't do it without a pole.
50 Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
10AM Application Performance Testing
Tester #1: This kinda seems like that Olivia Newton-John video for Let's Get Physical, don't you think?
Tester #2: No.
901 Lakeside Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: mr.doitall
3PM Smoke Break
Boss: When [Martin] first started working for the company he called me up to introduce himself and told me how great the owner thought we were and how they should order all their appraisals from us. Then he said that he was a little confused by one thing the owner had said about me personally. He said that I liked showtunes.
18 Sycamore Avenue
Ho-Ho-Kus, New Jersey
Overheard by: GrIzZlEbEe!!!
10AM Sales Meeting
Sales Rep #1: I'm afraid we're going to lose a lot of customers this season.
Sales Rep #2: Huh. My biggest fear is ending up on Oprah's couch and having her say mean things to me.
21250 Hawthorne Boulevard
Torrance, California
12PM Actuarial Seminar
Instructor: My entire pedagogical technique is based on James Bond.
700 Royal Avenue
New Westminster, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: SarahSideEffect
5PM That's a Wrap
Architect #1: She's an artist.
Architect #2: No, she's crazy.
515 Canal Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Emma B
5PM That's a Wrap
Boss: What are you still doing here? I told you to go home early.
Employee: I know. Have you ever seen Shawshank Redemption?
Boss: Yes.
Employee: Remember what happened to the prisoner that finally got his freedom? He ended up hanging himself because he didn't know what to do with his free time.
440 9th Avenue
New York, NY
5PM That's a Wrap
Assistant on phone: One time I was in Oklahoma and I don't know if they do this anymore but they had a prisoner rodeo! They would release bulls into a pen and the prisoners had to get $100 bills stuck in the fences. Some would die but it was cool!...I mean, not that I would go again or anything.
900 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
2PM Call Tech Support
Co-worker #1: Did you hear about that audition?
Co-worker #2: No.
Co-worker #1: You didn't get that email?
Co-worker #2: No. My email must be broken.
Co-worker #1: What else haven't you gotten?
Co-worker #2: Well, if my email is broken, how could I possibly know that?
270 Lafayette Street
New York, NY
5PM Pick Up Kids
Teacher on phone: But [Matt], it's just the sound of a gun. The audience won't even see it!...Not even the sound effect?...Are you kidding me?...So, what, we're not allowed to do Hamlet now because somebody has to die in the end?...I know they don't use real swords; we aren't using a real gun!...How is anyone supposed to die?
2155 Napier Avenue
Macon, Georgia
5PM That's a Wrap
Worker: Dude, come look at my cubicle.
Manager: You mean you weren't working?
Worker: No, I had to decorate.
1700 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1PM Lunch
Analyst #1: I hate going into that lunchroom when the people from claims are in there having a potluck.
Analyst #2: I know, it's like the bar scene in Star Wars.
4645 East Cotton Center Bouelvard
Phoenix, Arizona
2PM Client Meeting
Manager #1: Do you think Christmas carols are appropriate for when the
prospective client comes in at 2?
Manager #2: What's wrong with Christmas carols?
Manager #1: I just feel like it doesn't represent us.
Manager #2: You're asking the wrong person, because I love christmas carols.
Underling: Well, [the CEO] is the one who put this playlist on.
Manager #1 & #2: Oh, okay.
552 Broadway
New York, NY
3PM Coffee Run
Co-worker #1: I'm getting restless. I feel like I wanna go running or something.
Co-worker #2: It's awful cold out there.
Co-worker #1: Well, plus, I'm wearing a suit, huh?
Co-worker #2: Ever see that movie Falling Down?
1241 South Wabash Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
4PM That's a Wrap
Co-worker #1: You're really getting good at that.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, but I keep thinking the little running chef in
BurgerTime looks disturbingly like Jim Cramer.
Co-worker #3: Can't you at least pretend you're working?
250 West 55th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: MadMoney
2PM Q3 Conference Call
Sony CFO: Next quarter, though, we will also have a--I mean, during this quarter, we will have a difficult comparison for next quarter due to the fact that we had Spider-man 2 last year, which obviously was an outstanding performing film. So that's just something to keep in mind as well.
11 Farnsworth Street
Boston, Massachusetts
3PM Smoke Break
Co-worker #1: We're like The A-Team.
Co-worker #2: I get to be BA Baracus since I'm the only black one.
1634 Broadway
New York, NY
9AM I Want to Go Home Already
Man #1: I'm redecorating my cube with black velvet paintings.
Man #2: I've got a black velvet prom dress...
333 Corporate Woods Parkway
Vernon Hills, Illinois
12PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: Okay, that's it.
Co-worker #2: What? Tell me that song doesn't make you want to laugh.
Co-worker #1: It makes me want to shoot someone, then laugh.
270 South Flower Street
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Eric Johnson
11AM Schedule Events
Musician on speaker: We are super-psyched, yo. It is huge for us.
Producer: You need to do this show, if you do this show you are going to blow up. Blow up like shit!
441 East 12th Street
New York, NY
9AM Why Can I Hear Them?
Co-worker #1: Is there an ice cream truck outside?
Co-worker #2: I would be very surprised.
Co-worker #1: Are you sure?
Co-worker #2: There's a trash truck outside...
Co-worker #1: ...Oh, it's your radio.
Co-worker #2: You mean the Bach Concerto?
130 West Canal Street
Winooski, Vermont
Overheard by: Kelly G.
1PM Lunch Break
Co-worker #1: I heard that the wood plant is going to take a floating holiday and shut down for opening day of hunting season.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, kind of like IT's unofficial holiday for opening day of Star Wars.
901 44th Street SE
Grand Rapids, Michigan
3PM Coffee Break
Co-worker #1: Hey, what did you last night?
Co-worker #2: I wanted to watch Joey last night but the President was on. Every time I turn on the TV anymore, it's hurricane this and hurricane that. Makes me wish the hurricane never happened!
Co-worker #1: ...I think Joey was on later in the night.
Co-worker #2: Damn it!
500 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado
1PM Lunch Hour
Patron: Can you please tell me where I can find post-modern American fiction?
Librarian: Post-modern? That would be in the future, there's no such thing.
Patron: Uh, okay. Can you tell me where science fiction is?
100 S. Potomac Street
Hagerstown, Maryland
Overheard by: Vince Valenzuela
3PM Coffee Break
Battleaxe: You know, pretty soon we'll start to see refugees from New Orleans at this school...I'd rather that than the Muslims.
695 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Carl Limbacher
Co-worker #1: Man, New Orleans has sure turned into something out of Lord Of The Rings.
Co-worker #2: Don't you mean Lord Of The Flies?
800 Hennepin Ave S
Minneapolis, Minnesota
3PM Those Red Pills Taste Like Cherry!
Woman: What the hell? People disappear like it's the damn Matrix.
32 Old Slip
New York, NY
Overheard by: Kevz
1PM Think of It Less as Creation and More as Intelligent Design
Art Director: We had another "captain literal" sighting in a client
meeting today. People are stupid.
Copywriter: Be less creative. It always works for me.
930 S. Calhoun Street
Fort Wayne, Indiana
12AM Balki's Almost Got the Idiom Down
CSR #1: We've had problems like this all day.
CSR #2: Yeah, there's something going on somewhere in Denmark.
28001 Napier Road
Wixom, Michigan
7PM "Big Fat Kim" Doesn't Have the Same Ring
Managing Director: Hey, there's something wrong in my sister's account. Her street name is spelled wrong.
Assistant: Is she a rapper?
1999 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: oink
12AM "...I'm thinking neon camouflage."
Client: We'd like the design to stand out. But in a really subtle way.
437 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
12AM You know Sith? From Accounting?
Intercom: Luke! Luke, I am your father.
Woman #1: What is that?
Woman #2: Um, I think it's the PA system.
Intercom: Luke, I am your father!
Woman #1: Yup, this place just keeps getting weirder every day.
735 Brewerton Road
West Point, New York
12PM The Religious Right Have Taken Over the Old Testament, Too
Co-worker #1: Hey, what movie was that from?
Co-worker #2: I don't know. Let's hear it again.
Co-worker #1: No "let's hear it again!" It was a great movie, made in 1959. Something about a Jew. Got falsely accused of attacking a governor.
Co-worker #2: I don't know.
Co-worker #1: It had Jesus or someone in it. Great movie.
Co-worker #2: Ten Commandments?
192 S. Utica Avenue
Tulsa, Oklahoma
12AM More Like Cinema Verite
Boss: Wow, this [stapler] is heavy.
Co-worker: It's from a movie.
Boss: What movie?
Co-worker: Office Space.
Boss: Is that a comedy?
1 Railroad Avenue
Cooperstown, New York
12PM If You Can't Produce, At Least Be An LA Cliche
Producer guy #1: She's just awful.
Producer guy #2: And it's not like she's smokin' hot!
Producer guy #1: Yeah, if you can't act at least be smoking hot.
10201 West Pico Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
6AM Everything's Upside Down in Oz
Co-worker 1: ...they're always very nice people, though.
Co-worker 2: Who are?
Co-worker 1: Gay people. Very good linedancers.
Civic Drive
Greensborough, Melbourne
Australia
4PM It's Not Like They Need Volunteers, Guys
Co-worker #1: Hey guys, there's a comedy show next week to benefit breast research.
Co-worker #2: Breast research?!
Co-workers #3 & #4: Breast research?
Co-worker #1: sorry, I meant breast cancer research.
Co-worker #2: That's totally different!
685 Cathcart Street
Montreal, Quebec
Overheard by: Timmy O' Toole
8AM "...and then up, and then down..."
Producer #1: I saw the naked pictures just now.
Producer #2: And?
Producer #1: I think he should take them down.
12 West 27 Street
New York, NY
12PM Anti-semitism at Work (Pun!)
Counselor #1: Why is it that we didn't get a snow day today? For Christ's sake there's only five kids here!
Counselor #2: Because this place is a conspiracy, like the one in Hollywood.
2375 E. 23rd Street
Brooklyn, New York
6AM Business Means Asking the Right Questions
Law Firm Girl: Who gives a shit about work; do you subscribe to Good Housekeeping?
100 Maiden Lane
New York, NY
