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4PM Don't Trust Anyone in Double Digits
First grader #1: Miss D.*, how old are you?
23-year-old Miss D.: Well...
First grader #2: Shhh! Don't you know you're not supposed to ask an old lady how old she is?!
Hauppauge, New York
Overheard by: Toni
1PM If You Can Develop This Thesis, You'll Get an A
Poli-Sci professor: John Locke said, 'In the beginning, all the world was America.' What did he mean by this?
Student: Continental drift?
University of British Columbia
Canadia
11AM Future Conservative Policy Advisor
Chemistry student: You know what? Every year I hear about global warming, and then, like, three months later, it gets cold again!
Class: [Stunned silence.]
Parkland High School
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Out-Of-Here-In-Six-Months
9AM Never Again
German teacher: Well, we're going to have to relocate to another classroom for a while. It seems there's a rat problem in this one.
Student: Are you going to gas them?
Glenunga International High School
Adelaide, South Australia
3PM How Was My Penmanship, for Example?
Student to professor: So, the only comment you made on my paper was that I completely missed the point of the assignment... So everything else was okay?
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia
4PM Excuse Me, Do You Carry Lead Condoms?
Student studying energy, to another: Do you think this a controlled or uncontrolled nuclear erection?
International School of Milan
Milan
Itlay
9AM And for My Presentation, I'll Be Performing 'Bop Gun'
Third grader: Hey, for our project do we gotta write about a black person?
Teacher: No, you don't have to write about a black person.
Third grader: My mom wants me to write about George Clinton.
Teacher: Do you mean Bill Clinton?
Third grader: Nah, I meant Thomas Jefferson.
Teacher: Oh, he's okay.
7th Street & Sansom Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Teacher Noga
9AM I Probably Would Never Do That with a Real Baby
Girl #1: Um, where is your baby?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Your baby -- where is it?
Girl #2: Shit.
Girl #1: You forgot it, didn't you? You know those things have computer chips in them that register every time it cries or burps or poops, right? Your grade depends on that chip's happiness!
Girl #2: Um, I think I left it in my boyfriend's truck... since Thursday.
Home Economics class, Ironwood High School
Tucson, Arizona
3PM All That Is Covered in the Illustrated Syllabus
Teacher: Okay, so now that you know the basic rules of the computer lab, I have to ask you one more question... Do any of you ever check out the NMBLA website? [Silence.] Well I do, frequently. I want to know who the enemy is. Also, I like to look at the new Russian brides on Fridays.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Cupcake1
12PM Probably Some Sort of Throw Pillow
Student: What is this bit?
Professor: Which bit?
Student: The kinda-purplish, squishy bit.
Professor, to assistant: Do you know what that is?
Assistant: No.
Professor, to student: That's not important. You can ignore that.
USC Anatomy lab
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kylie
4PM An Unexamined Life Not Being Worth Living
Student: You look very excited.
Professor: Yeah, 'cause I just peed!
Rolfe Hall, UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Josh M.
9AM They Can't Recruit, So They Have to Reproduce
College boy #1: She's engaged now.
College boy #2: What?!
College boy #1: Yeah, she just got engaged, like, a week ago.
College boy #2: That's gay.
12th & Q Street
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: Confused
9AM He Learned Science in Kansas
Male geology TA: So yeah, I had this student in lab today who asked me, 'So, are these minerals... are these, like, things that can be found, like, out there...? Like, in the real world?'
Female grad student: What? Really?
Male geology TA: Yeah, it just blew his mind that this stuff actually existed in the real world.
Geoscience department, University of Iowa
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: another grad student
11AM Nope, Sold Them to the Gypsies to Pay the Bills
Student: Mrs. Smith*, do you have any kids?
Mrs. Smith: No, I don't have children.
Student: Did somebody steal them?
1212 Cheyenne Boulevard
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Sheri
9AM Thanks for the Gratuitous Prejudice, Though
Freshman #1: So I talked to my ex-girlfriend from high school this weekend. She's totally changed and she's dating this jerkish guy.
Freshman #2: Turkish, or jerk-ish?
Random chick turning around to join conversation: I hate Turkish people.
Freshman #1: Jerkish.
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: thinking she was armenian
1PM They're in the Faculty Freezer Now
Teacher: Hugh*, why are you out in the hallway? You should be in the classroom.
Student: Well, I had skidmarks in my underpants so, you know, I was putting them away...
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: another teacher
9AM Especially the Cats' Eyes
Kindergarten boy: Mrs. Jones*, I need to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: No, you just went.
Kindergarten boy: Please, Mrs. Jones*. I gotta go.
Teacher: No, you were told you had to wait.
Kindergarten boy: But I have to go now! My marbles are itchy!
Manitoba
Canadia
11AM NewsFlash: Student Expelled for Refusing to 'Dumb Down' Answers
Teacher: Scott*, can you give the next answer?
Student: Religion is the belief in a supernatural and the relationship with this being.
Teacher: Could you please speak normally next time?
Student: I am.
All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
2PM Well, Yes, But Only on an Evolutionary Time Scale
Young white girl: You need to wear sunscreen. My mommy told me that skin gets dark if you don't wear sunscreen.
Young black girl: I was BORN dark.
Young black boy: Me, too.
Young white girl: Really?
Young black boy: I wear sunscreen, too.
Young white girl: You were born that way? So it's not the sun? Really?
Preschool
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Amused Pre-K teacher
1PM The Best Diagnosis Canada's Health Services Have Been Able to Come Up With
Student #1: Do you have a learning disability or something?
Student #2: Yeah. I'm ADD.
Student #1: Oh.
Student #2: Just kidding! I'm just stupid.
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada
Overheard by: Going to class
3PM And Kindergartners Have Way Better Drugs
Mother: They're trying to hold him back again. He's been in preschool twice already. Preschoolers are dull and boring!
The Loop
Chicago, Illinois
10AM Student Conference
Teacher: Are you sure that this is a note from your mother?
Kid: Yeah, she wrote it with her own hand.
Teacher: Okay, so you are going to tell me that you were out for two weeks because your mom had to go to Chicago to buy a bed?
Kid: That's right. We only buy our furniture in Chicago.
Teacher: Okay, but I don't believe it. That's like the note you sent me saying you would be attending a funeral in two weeks. That your grandma was going to be dead in two weeks.
Kid: Yeah, so what.
Teacher: Well, you tell me, was that planned or did she come about with some unfortunate accident?
Kid: They can never pin it on me.
Desert Marigold Lane
Las Vegas, Nevada
