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3PM Almost Everyone's, I Think
Waiter: Is it your birthday today?
Customer: No.
Waiter: Oh, sorry. It's just that there are a lot of birthdays this year.
Minot, North Dakota
Overheard by: Taggart Snyder
12PM If It Feels Good, Don't Say It
Coworker on the phone: No, sir, I am doing everything I can... Sir, you aren't listening... Sir, as I have already said... Sir... I'm gonna kick you in yo' head!
40th Street and 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: New to the company
12PM I'll Pipe Some Random Noises into Your Earpiece
Admin on speaker: Can I please have the Electronics department?
Sears rep: Okay, hold for a while.
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
11AM Hey - Lesbians Can Be Superficial, Too!
Hostess #1: I wish I were a lesbian sometimes.
Hostess #2: Why is that?
Hostess #1: Oh, you know, so I could dress how I want.
Hostess #2: Ummm... You can do that anyway.
Hostess #1, laughing: Oh, you know what I mean! Baggy clothes!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: scd
9AM Let's Say, 'Within This Fiscal Year'
Dad: I swear, I am going to break her arm by the time she is two.
Mom: She is two.
Dad: Three, then.
Outback Steakhouse
Green Brook, New Jersey
10AM And by That I Mean Those Little Plastic Containers Shaped Like Lemons
Waitress to customers: We take vodka and add fresh-squeezed lemon juice... from lemons.
Pamplico Highway
Florence, South Carolina
Overheard by: I Prefer Limes
5PM Millions and Millions Puzzled
Guy: I'll have a Number Three, and can I have a small chocolate shake?
Bimbette employee: No.
Guy: No, I can't have a shake?
Bimbette employee: Nope.
Guy: Are you saying no to the 'small,' the 'chocolate,' or the 'shake...'?
Bimbette employee: Both.
Guy: So, both of the three, huh?
Bimbette employee: Yes, but you can have vanilla.
Guy: I would love vanilla, thank you.
McDonald's, 53rd Street and 2nd Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: brian
3PM And I'm Not 100% Sure about Kangaroos, Either
Pizza Hut driver: Would you rather fight a kangaroo or wolverine?
Pizza Hut CSR: Well, kangaroos are pretty tough, but wolverines aren't real.
7th Street and Union Hills
Phoenix, Arizona
2PM The New Racism
Man: Why are you allowing a day spa? I didn't think you allowed day spas in this town. When you have day spas you attract people who get facials, and we don't want those kinds of people in this town!
Redlands City Hall
Redlands, California
4PM He's Been Burned Before
Skank: Can I use your bathroom?
Clerk: Only if you promise not to pee on the floor.
Skank: Okay.
7-Eleven, Westmoreland Street and Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lane In Richmond
11AM None of Us Are, Kid -- We're All Just Fakin' It
Newbie: I told you, I'm not brave enough to be a real waitress!
US-285
Conifer, Colorado
3PM And We Must Never, Ever Utter It Aloud
Waitress to another: No! There's a reason I don't eat the coleslaw! No!
Cafe
Salt Point, New York
Overheard by: Not eating it either
11AM Another Victim of the 'Math Is Hard' Barbie
Barista: What are you going to do when you grow up?
Little girl: Doctor.
Barista: You want to be a doctor? That's wonderful!
Little girl: No. Mommy told me to marry doctor and have kids. I want 27!
Ft Valley Road
Flagstaff, Arizona
10AM 'Yiddish' Is Jew-Speak for 'Fuck You, Jesus Boy'
WASP: I know what that says! It's written in Jewish!
Bagel wench: Yiddish?
WASP: Are you Jewish?
Noah's Bagels, Manhattan Beach Boulevard
Manhattan Beach, California
Overheard by: just wants to make bagels in peace
2PM This Explains Much About Tennessee
Mother: What are you going to have?
Daughter: Chicken nuggets and a Dr Pepper.
Mother: I'm not getting you a Dr Pepper. It's not good for you.
Daughter: Fine. I'll have a Coke.
Mother: That's better.
McDonald's
Tennessee
2PM She Couldn't Find the Container of White Powder
Blond barmaid: What's in a whiskey and coke?
Pesto Café
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: retired from the service industry
5PM When Your Job Is Over Hard
Waitress: Can I ask you something? This customer wants two eggs. But he wants them fried. Do we even do that here?
Manager: Um, yes. Actually most eggs are fried. There's over easy, sunny side up, over hard...
Waitress: Oh, really? OK. Whatever.
30th & Walnut Streets
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Just having oatmeal
12PM Tough Love At the Massage Parlor
Supervisor: Jeremy* did not come in or call for three days. What should we do?
Manager: Spank him?
803 West Seale
Nacogdoches, Texas
Overheard by: Glinda Bright
12PM But You Can Pour This Cappuccino in Your Underpants
Starbucks customer: Yes, I'd like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that's what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't sell that here anymore.
Starbucks, Indian River Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: a smarter customer.
12PM Lunch
Fat lady: I want your 21-piece bucket of chicken.
Rude employee: Is that for here, or to go?
Fat lady: You think I can eat this whole thing by myself?
Rude employee: I don't know your life. Bitch!
1406 Saint Charles Avenue
New Orleans, Louisiana
12PM Lunch
Waitress #1: The chicken is layered with proscuitto, sage, and pecorino cheese...
Customer snickers.
Waitress #1: What's so funny?
Customer: It's just... the cheese! [snickers again]
Waitress #1 to waitress #2: What is funny about pecorino cheese?
Waitress # 2: You said "pecker."
Victorian Square
Sparks, Nevada
Overheard by: waitress # 1
9AM Back to Work
Car dealership counter guy: Yes, may I help you, sir?
Customer: Uh, yeah, I think I blew a seal.
Car dealership counter guy: Pal, that sounds like a personal problem to me.
1499 Route 46
Ledgewood, New Jersey
1PM Quality Control
Supervisor: You can't be doing stuff wrong all the time.
Waitress: I'm not the only one doing stuff wrong. You do a lot wrong, too.
Supervisor: I can do more wrong because I do more right. It evens out.
1770 Mill Street
Wailuku, Hawaii
12PM Lunch
Food service worker: What type of soda would you like today?
Female customer: Large.
Food service worker: Yes, mam'm. But what type or flavor did you want?
Female customer: I said large.
Food service worker: Yes, ma'am. Diet Coke? Sprite? Coke? What type?
Female customer: Are you fucking stupid or something? Large. A large soda. How many times do I have to tell you?
San Diego Mall Food Court
San Diego, California
4PM OSHA Regulations
Male bather: Oww! That dog just scratched my nipple!
Female groomer: Now you know why we wear boulder-holders.
92-12 Liberty Avenue
Ozone Park, New York
2PM Customer Care
Passenger: Is this flight going to be full?
CSR #1: Yes, we expect a full flight today, sir.
Passenger: Why is that?
CSR #1: Um... well, I guess a lot of people made reservations, sir.
Passenger: Uh...No, I mean, it's Tuesday. People don't fly on Tuesdays.
CSR # 2, whispering to coworker: Wow! A talking dog!
Avenida Tael S/N, MEX (Mexico City International Airport)
Overheard by: Trece
10AM Making Copies
Manager: So yeah, you've got a bit of an accent there, are you from here?
Kinko's guy: Yeah, I mean, no, not really, I lived in Ireland until I was 3, and my family still has a pretty heavy tongue.
Manager: REALLY? That's fascinating! Can you speak some Irish for me?
Kinko's guy: 'hello'?
3374 W Tharpe Street
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: laughed out loud and totally busted my own eavesdropping
1PM Custom Solutions
Manager: Do you need these pants hemmed?
Customer: Yes
Manager: Do you have one leg that is shorter than the other, sir?
Customer: Yeah, the middle one.
3255 Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
