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2PM I'm Just Here for the Drinking
Student: Can I get a list of people who write theses?
Receptionist: You mean, the list of typists?
Student: No, I want the list of people who'll write my thesis for me.
California
9AM Wait, No - That's Why I'm Afraid of Fire
Woman: You know I'm afraid of birds, don't you? It's because of that movie and the time my mother burned down a gas station.
Cal State Northridge
Northridge, California
Overheard by: Scott
4PM We Know It's Gonna Be Good for Us
Manager: There is a difference between playing with ourselves and playing with our customers.
8033 Lory Student Center, Colorado State University
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: Alli
3PM You'd Be Surprised What's in There
Teacher's aide: Where did you find the sticky, gooey stuff (Tacky Finger)?
Secretary: In my drawers.
Contour Road
Gaithersburg, Maryland
10AM I'm Never Going Back to Girls, Man
High school senior #1: That's an awesome bruise you've got there.
High school senior #2: Yeah, I punched a squid. You know that's how we get ink? We squeeze them.
High school
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Alleged pre-calc student
4PM Hey, Academic Freedom Isn't Free
Professor: ... And so, if X equals three, then Y--- [loud commotion out in the hall] ... I've been a little jumpy ever since this one time when I got stabbed in class by a student.
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: thinking about transferring
9AM Still Curious about the Gasoline, George?
Computer nerd: Last night I had to set my monkey on fire.
California State University
Northridge, California
Overheard by: Scott
4PM I Nodded Off During the Part About the Rain Forests
Gay drama teacher: We're going to McDonald's, did you want us to pick something up for you?
Hippie guitar teacher: No, I don't eat there.
Gay drama teacher: Why, because of the movie Supersize Me?
Hippie guitar teacher: No, I stopped eating there ever since they started cutting down the rain forests to make room for more cow pastures for their meat.
Gay drama teacher: So... then, you don't want McDonalds?
1311 E Katella Ave
Orange, California
12PM Mainstreaming Dung-Beetle-Americans in the Public Schools May Have Been a Mistake
Teacher #1: I can't teach this kid anymore.
Teacher #2: Why?
Teacher #1: He can't keep his hands out of his pants.
Teacher #2: So?
Teacher #1: Look, do I have to spell it out? He doesn't know the difference between shit and food.
Teacher #2: Oh my god, I'm gonna barf.
Teacher #1: Not around this kid. He might thinks it's a snack.
3035 Desert Marigold Lane
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: don't want to eat the food
3PM And So Is My Other Mom -- And My Dad
Distressed eleven-year-old boy: Ms. B., Aaron called my mom gay and she is gay!
School
Poway, California
5PM I Clung to the Ceiling Until the Board of Regents Granted Me Tenure
Japanese professor: The peroxides are very volatile. If you drop them, we have to be out of the building before they hit the floor.
Grad student: I won't drop them.
Japanese professor: And only Japanese ninja can move that fast.
Grad student: OK.
Japanese professor: I am well trained in the art of the ninja.
10900 Euclid Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
3PM She Unwittingly Picked Her Career on 'Opposite Day'
Very pregnant elementary school teacher: God, I hate screaming kids!
1 Raider Circle
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Fellow Teacher
2PM What You Just Snorted Two of?
Reading tutor #1: It's your turn.
Reading tutor #2: Shut up, I know. I'm thinking. [Places letter on Scrabble board] There.
Reading tutor #3: What's a gee-ram?
Reading tutor #2: Gram, you idiot.
Lusher Elementary School, Lowerline and Willow
New Orleans, Louisiana
4PM No, But Seriously, You've Gotta Clean Up That Blood
Teacher #1, to teacher #2: I like my vagina the way it is, I wouldn't change a thing about it.
Aberfoyle Park High School, Taylors Road East
Aberfoyle Park, South Australia
Overheard by: Megan
10AM Collect Letters of Intent
Professor: A "letter of intent"? Whaddya mean, "intent"? I intend on getting myself a sweet little girlfriend like [Nick] has; is that what you mean by "intent"? Get a Korean girlfriend on the side?
San 69-1
Churye 2-dong, Sasang-gu
Busan City, South Korea
