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Nevada All Categories > Places > United States > Southwest > Nevada
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12PM Is There Anything It Can't Do?
Web artist: Man, it's cold out here! Thank God I bought my mittens.
Graphic artist: I hate wearing mittens... When my hands are cold, I just use my crotch.
731 Pilot Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sr. Graphics Goddess
2PM I Had a Very Progressive High School Biology Teacher
Cube monkey #1: It's not like there are a lot of straight people at this office to sleep with.
Cube monkey #2: You could sleep with the IT guy -- Harold*.
Cube monkey #1: Ew, he's a whore. I don't want to get crotch rot.
Cube monkey #2: What on earth is crotch rot? I've never heard of that.
Cube monkey #3: Not only have I heard of it, I have smelled it!
731 Pilot Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Anna
2PM Is That the Code of the West?
Coworker: All the hot guys kill people! Well, at least the black ones.
Pecos and Sunset Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
12PM Faced with an Employee Like This, Voicemail May Be Your Best Option
Worker bee: I don't have his cell phone, but he's always at his desk... Except when he isn't.
4339 Corporate Center Drive
Las Vegas, Nevada
9AM Not the Kind of Market Penetration We Want
Communications manager: Conclusion is, don't eat your sex toys!
Sex toy factory
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: TinkMom
2PM Dude, It's Not for That
Account exec #1: So, are you still taking calcium?
Account exec #2: Yeah, and I'm still fucking crazy.
289 Pilot Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
10AM Um, Isn't That Why Bob Left in the First Place?
Woman #1: The classified logo scripts aren't working.
Woman #2: Bob* is working on them, but he's going on vacation tomorrow so the scripts won't be done until September.
Woman #1: September?!
Woman #2: Yeah, well, you can have IT work on it, but then who knows how long it'll be before they get around to doing it.
Woman #1: Think they'd do it faster if I showed them my boobs?
1111 West Bonanza Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
9AM It Hasn't Updated Its Blog in a While
Copywriter: Have you seen Terri*? I have to ask her about her G-spot.
Sex toy company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
1PM That Looks Like... My Wife's Pumpkin!
Grunt, alone in cube: Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater... Fuckin' bitch.
North Las Vegas, Nevada
5PM Are We Done Sharing Now?
Distracted sexy woman: I'm in room 7439*.
Bellman: I'm happily married.
Hotel and casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Laurence Crews
3PM They're Not the Brightest Neon Lights in the Casino
Cocktail waitress #1: What's a late-term abortion?
Cocktail waitress #2: I'm not sure, but I think it's when you have an abortion when the baby's being born.
Cocktail waitress #1: Ew! They can do that?! [A few minutes later] Where is Washington state?
Cocktail waitress #2: I think it's near Seattle...
Cocktail waitress #1: You think they meant to say 'Washington, DC'?
Cocktail waitress #2: I don't know, but that's pretty dumb of them if they did mean DC. People can get confused, you know?
Hotel and casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: HannA
4PM I Want to See the Baby Eat the Cobra
Art director: Does anyone want to see a baby wrestle a cobra?
West Sahara Avenue
Las Vegas, Nevada
10AM Incoming or Outgoing?
Cube dweller: So, do you have any policies about bodily functions?
1800 City Circle
Las Vegas, Nevada
12PM God, I Miss Elementary School
Woman: I don't know if I remember that movie. When did it come out?
Man: Sometime in the '70s, I think.
Woman: Oh. I definitely wasn't sober then.
Nevada
12PM Hey, Artie, Do We Take Money?
Cashier: And what form of payment will you be using today?
Customer: Money.
Robb Drive
Reno, Nevada
4PM He Can Be Ready in 60 Seconds
Teacher: Can you tell me what states I might find on the West coast of the United States?
Student: The big one on the bottom. Mexico is part of the United States.
Teacher: No, that is wrong. Mexico is a country, try again.
Student: Look, my parents live here and they said we're American and they came from Mexico. It's part of the United States.
Teacher: I am telling you, you are wrong. Mexico is a country -- it has its own government.
Student: Look, if it was its own country then why is everyone just walking over here? That's what I did and I'm still here.
Another student pulls out cell: Not for long.
School, Desert Marigold Lane
Las Vegas, Nevada
5PM Bad Judgment, Then?
Sergeant: I need you to call an ambulance for a 32-year-old pregnant woman.
Control room operator: What do I tell them is wrong with her?
Sergeant: Well, she's pregnant!
Clark County Detention Center
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: cro
3PM Have You Considered Not Sleeping?
Teacher: Explain that to me again.
Parent: I just don't gets it. I's lay with a man, and he gets me pregnant.
Teacher: Are you serious?
Parent: Look, bitch, I gots me seven kids, and I don't know where they be comin' from. You gots to help me. I goes to sleep, and then I's wake up pregnant.
Teacher: Look, I'm referring you to the counselor. This is out of my hands.
Parent: Bitch, that ain't gonna help!
Teacher: Look, I don't have a direct line with Jesus to help you out, so the counselor is the next best thing. Got that, bitch?
School
Las Vegas, Nevada
3PM Help Him, Obi-Wan Kenobi, You're His Only Hope
Lady coworker: I really need to rent the Star Wars movies and watch them again. I only remember, like, the old guy and the little robot thingy.
4505 Maryland Parkway
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Princess Leia
11AM That's My Time!
Old lady, told class would run late: I have to get home and toss my husband's salad!
Class erupts with laughter, and the boy next to her explains the innuendo.
Old lady: If I was going to lick his ass, I'd say so... But it isn't something I'd do before dinner.
CCSN campus
Las Vegas, Nevada
12PM They Save the Real Lobster for the Paying Customers
Interviewer: When I was visiting the Culinary Institute in Hyde Park, the chefs created a lobster sorbet that was really interesting. Did you have to make it when you went to school there?
Candidate: Yeah, that shit is the cat's litter.
Interviewer, confused: Really?
3350 Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada
12PM Mainstreaming Dung-Beetle-Americans in the Public Schools May Have Been a Mistake
Teacher #1: I can't teach this kid anymore.
Teacher #2: Why?
Teacher #1: He can't keep his hands out of his pants.
Teacher #2: So?
Teacher #1: Look, do I have to spell it out? He doesn't know the difference between shit and food.
Teacher #2: Oh my god, I'm gonna barf.
Teacher #1: Not around this kid. He might thinks it's a snack.
3035 Desert Marigold Lane
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: don't want to eat the food
10AM Do the Math? Do the Math? You Can't HANDLE the Math!
Customer: They're three for $0.99.
Cashier: We don't sell them at that price. They're $0.33 each.
Big Lots Store #1906, 498 South Boulder Highway
Henderson, Nevada
Overheard by: Lee Hall
11AM She's Jockeying For 'Most Improved'
Employee #1: Where's Anne*?
Employee #2: I dunno, but she's sure going to be late to her time management training class.
980 Kelly Johnson Drive
Las Vegas, Nevada
4PM Yep, PDA's Are Definitely What's Going to Precipitate the Second Coming
Older black lady, at a young couple kissing and groping in a line of people waiting to pay their power bills: What the hell is wrong with these peoples? Jesus needs to come down and knock some damn sense into their stupid motherfucking ass.
Nevada Power Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Annmarie
2PM Facilities Issues
HR assistant: So, Paul*, when are you gonna take a look at my thing? I'm bursting at the seams, right?
Paul the safety director: [laughing] I can't look now -- and will never look at your thing.
HR assistant: But, dang it! I need some space! Look at how my file cabinets are overflowing!!
Paul: HR isn't the only department that needs filing space!
HR assistant: [sighs] I just need someone to look and to care!
4730 South Fort Apache
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Corporate Paralegal
2PM Update Database
SysAdmin: What users do you want me to move to the Gig Harbor office?
User on speaker: [Melinda] from Kirkland.
SysAdmin: I show [Melinda] as being in Reno.
User on speaker: Oh, maybe that's her sister.
SysAdmin: Her sister is also named [Melinda]?...Hello?
User on speaker: Can I call you back on that?
8655 South Eastern Avenue
Las Vegas, Nevada
10AM Interviews
Interviewer: Tell us about your experience working with a team on a shared goal. We have a team environment here. We carry each other's balls all the time.
6275 Neil Road
Reno, Nevada
2PM Call Technician
Copier Technician: Sir, your software isn't compatible with this machine. It's outdated.
Offie Manager: Well, the sales guy promised it would work.
Copier Technician: Did you try it out before you bought it?
Office Manager: No, I trusted the sales guy that it would do what he said it would do.
Copier Technician: Well, this isn't the first time you've dealt with a sales person, is it? When I make a significant purchase, I try it before I sign the contract.
Office Manager: How you ever going to get married, son?
Copier Technician: Sorry?
Office Manager: I said how you ever going to get married?
Copier Technician: I am married, sir.
Office Manager: Well, did you try out your wife before you got married?
Copier Technician: What?
310 Dorla Court
Zephyr Cove, Nevada
10AM Call 911!
PVC worker: Hey [Neil], I don't mean to sound like a pussy, but I just cut my finger off.
1000 Eden Valley Road
Golconda, Nevada
2PM Pick Up Promo Shirts
Receptionist: What are the new shirts made out?
Clerk: They're 100% cotton.
Receptionist: Cotton? That's the stuff that grows on sheep, right?
Clerk: No, cotton comes from rabbits. That's why they're called cottontails.
10 Miles South of Battle Mountain
Battle Mountain, Nevada
9AM There They Go Again
Co-worker #1: Do you have a dog?
Co-worker #2: No, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, let alone another dog.
2645 South Mojave Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
11AM Return to Construction Site
Clerk: It actually hurts talking to you.
Receptionist: Hey, it hurts talking to you, sometimes. You use big words too much.
Clerk: Go away, I've hit my stupid quotient for the day.
Manager: You are so mean to her.
10 Miles South of Battle Mountain
Battle Mountain, Nevada
10AM Visit Construction Site
Receptionist: What's that?
Worker: It's the Phoenix Project logo.
Receptionist: Why's there a bird on it?
Manager #1: You have got to be kidding?
Receptionist: What?
Manager #2: Bird, Phoenix? Hello?
Receptionist: I don't get it.
Clerk: Okay, the bird...it's a phoenix.
Receptionist: Phoenix is a city.
Clerk: ...Phoenix is, also, a mythological bird.
Receptionist: Named after the city?
10 Miles South of Battle Mountain
Battle Mountain, Nevada
12PM Conference (Cont'd)
Manager: Okay everyone, here are some ways you can spot a shoplifter--
Associate: Just look for someone that looks like a Gypsy.
Manager: That's really not appropriate.
Associate: I'm telling you, they're all over Italy!
3200 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Cathie
9AM TGIF
Manager #1: I don't feel like working today.
Manager #2: So why don't you go home?
Manager #1: 'Cause I don't get paid to do nothing at home....
3200 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Cathie
4PM Finalize Contracts with New Account
Vendor: Hey, can you do me a huge favor?
Boss: Sure, what do you need?
Vendor: I am trying to land this account, and the guy won't sign with me unless you sleep with him.
Boss: I am not going to sleep with him! Wait a second, is he cute? Does he have lots of money?
Vendor: No.
Boss: Well, okay but just this once.
3663 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Rick
12AM Nothing is As Happening As Pleated Pants
Suit: On days other than Fridays, slacks are preferred. If you must wear jeans, black jeans are permitted, because they can look like, uh, a slacks process...is...happening.
490 S. Center Street
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: Good Guy
6AM You Just Know She's Hot as Hell
Eastern European cocktail waitress: So what is this "stepping up to the plate" you spoke of in our meeting?
Bar manager: It's an analogy...OK, it's like this: in baseball, you step into the batter's box. You step up to the plate to try and hit a home run. That's what we need, is home runs here.
Eastern European cocktail waitress: I don't understand your speech at all.
Bar manager: Great! Now I'm going to have to explain what an analogy is.
Bourbon Street Casino
120 E. Flamingo Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: KellyMarie
