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Georgia All Categories > Places > United States > Southeast > Georgia
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10AM Um, Is That How It Works?
VP: I just completed sexual harassment training! Who's gonna be my first victim?
Assistant: Me!
1 Glenlake Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
1PM It's Hard to Be Kind to the Example-Challenged
Assistant branch manager: Have you ever watched that show called Bizarre Foods?
Employee: No. What is it about?
Assistant branch manager: Well, it's this show called Bizarre Foods, and they have the most bizarrest foods!
Employee: ... Hence the name!
Northwest Parkway
Georgia
1PM Would "Macadamia Melee" Have Sounded Less Creepy?
Minion #1: Oh, yeah, I try not to go shopping during the holidays.
Minion #2: You can't avoid it -- the music, the squealing children, everything -- it's like a peppermint orgy.
Assistant, startled: Uh, what?
12th and Peachtree
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Say what?
11AM Wait 'til He Discusses "Rectifying" the Situation
Presenter, during company-wide meeting: As this slide demonstrates, the company did it in arrears. [Giggling from the back, and presenter sighs.] Yes, your mom and I did it in arrears. Moving on...
Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Christin
4PM I Got That Ages Ago
Mom: Oooh, guess what I got while I was in Atlanta yesterday?
Daughter, faking excitement: Herpes?!
Mom: No, I got-- Wait, what?!
Mall
Georgia
Overheard by: P-Nuckle
1PM And I Haven't Even Gotten Started on Helen's Yeast Issues
Coworker #1: Hey, does anyone here have the athlete's foot?
Coworker #2: Not currently... But I think Jerry* has jock itch.
Coworker #1: Thanks. You've been real helpful.
Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
Overheard by: disease free
12PM Probably Shouldn't Take 'Em in the Office, Though
Cube rat to another: Yay! I love the blue pills! Yaaay!
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: i want some
4PM ... She Was Telling Me a Pointless Story.
Eager peon: Did I tell you I had a dream about Whoopi? It's so funny, because -- and you'll find this funny -- it's so weird, I promise you. I had this dream with Whoopi, I guess because she's on The View now, and I had this the weekend before she was on The View, and I had this dream that it was just me and Whoopi and we were all alone--
Coworker, interrupting: --I had a dream about your mom.
Bank
Atlanta, Georgia
4PM The Perfect Time to Tell Him It's Not His Baby
Pregnant customer: Why didn't you tell me I had a zit under my nose?! I'm so freakin' embarrassed.
Husband: You need to be worried about that mustache, not that zit.
North Point Mall
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: wannabmilf
9AM But You're Just Motivating the Hell Out of Me Today
New senior manager: So... When have you ever given a shit?
Employee: I don't know. It's been a while.
Interstate Parkway North
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Deno
2PM And We're Getting the Most Peculiar E-mails
Boss: I don't know when we became such a mecca for church groups.
1975 Vineville Avenue
Macon, Georgia
3PM Be Warned, Dear Reader, There Is a Cumming, Georgia
Secretary: Oh, come on. You can do more than you can do.
Boss: I try... It just won't work.
Cumming, Georgia
11AM I'd Almost Rather Go with Extensions
Suburban housewife: So, then she explained to me what a Brazilian wax was, and I was like, 'I don't know...'
Salon
Dunwoody, Georgia
Overheard by: Ang
10AM My Label Says "Keep Away from Children"
Coworker #1: What?
Coworker #2: [Blank stare.]
Coworker #1: What?
Coworker #2: [Slight smirk.]
Coworker #1: What is it?
Coworker #2, smiling: Are you with child?
Coworker #1, growling: No!
Coworker #2: [Turns and quickly walks back to her office.]
600 Peachtree Street Northeast
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: cant believe she said it
2PM I Feel Bad for Him after the Tar-and-Feather Incident
Peon, after colleague leaves: I thought we agreed you weren't going to talk to him so he wouldn't come over any more!
Alpharetta, Georgia
5PM Doesn't Seem to Help the Itching Much
Worker bee on phone: Isn't your husband anointed? Well, why don't you just have him lay hands on you, then?
171 17th Street
Atlanta, Georgia
9AM Someone's Been Listening to State of the Union Addresses Again
Waitress #1: What's with your couple at table five? It's impossible to tell how old they are. They could be in their 20s or 50s.
Waitress #2: That's 'cause they're foreign. All foreign people look like vampires.
River Street
Savannah, Georgia
5PM To Hear Me Speak Like an Automated System, Press 1...
Pharmacy tech on phone: Thanks for calling ABC Pharmacy*... Yes, ma'am. Ma'am... Ma'am... Ma'am! Just speak your refill number to me -- don't punch it in your phone!
Braselton Highway
Dacula, Georgia
Overheard by: PharmDawg
2PM And Where Else Would We Store Our Hash?
Male cop: Just so you know, no matter what she said, I was not trying to play with her boobs. I was just trying to throw something down in there... You can ask Susan* -- she was there.
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: uh... didn't need to know that
11AM Just Let 'em Eat While They Nap
Cube chick: How do you love a hamster?!
11460 Johns Creek Parkway
Duluth, Georgia
11AM That'll Be a Thriller
Old woman: She's been doing the moonwalk.
Young woman: That's great!
Old woman: They're waiting to find out the results of her biopsy.
Young woman: Yeah...
417 3rd Avenue
Albany, Georgia
9AM A Concept As Realistic As Pixie Dust
Sales guy to another: Hey, have you ever tried that green fairy stuff? You know, abstinence?
Atlanta, Georgia
11AM And Sing Polly Wolly Doodle All the Day
Boss: I need to leave work before I get too drunk!
1819 Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
1PM With the Bloody Daggers and Vests of Human Hair?
Attorney: Can we file this psychopathically?
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Legal Cube-Dweller
9AM Because I'll Be Coming Directly from Work
Assistant #1: So, what are you wearing to the party? You've been pretty secretive about it.
Assistant #2: Well, I'm wearing an old blue slip and a pair of pumps with mirrors on the heels.
Assistant #2: Nice.
Atlanta, Georgia
2PM Earl Takes Issue with the Gregorian Calendar
Clerk: This form is made out for June 31st, but there isn't any June 31st.
Salesman: Why not? Is this a leap year?
Brunswick, Georgia
Overheard by: Julian Calendar
11AM Because We Could Use Interns Instead
Grunt #1: We need to buy a couple of monkeys and have monkey knife fights.
Grunt #2: Is there anything against the law about that?
2540 Satellite Boulevard
Duluth, Georgia
9AM Free Will in the Delivery Room
Coworker, about a newborn: Then her husband cut the Biblical cord...
171 17th Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
5PM The Best Managers Don't Even Show Up to Work
Chief technology officer: Can't we find someone else to do it?!
495 Circle 85
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Lizerati
4PM That's Where the Magnifyning Glasses Grow
Bimbette #1: We are so lucky we can't have forest fires here in Georgia.
Teacher: Forest fires can happen anywhere.
Bimbette #2: Nah, you gotta be closer to the equator than Georgia.
123 Broad Street
Dacula, Georgia
Overheard by: smokey the bear
4PM By Then It's Too Late
Lady peon: What do you call those cows that you eat?
114 New Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: russ
4PM Then How Come X-Rays Are Black and White, Smart Guy?
Office manager: Have you ever seen the images from an MRI? It's amazing the beautiful colors that are inside of our bodies!
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: glorified gopher
5PM In the Crisper, behind the Lettuce
Female boss: We need to add more scrotum!
Male designer: ... Are you serious?
Female boss: Yeah, apparently we're missing a few.
Male designer: Got it. Where's the scrotum?
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: The Other Designer
1PM I Just Wouldn't Eat It Afterwards
Boss: I thought you were a vegetarian.
Employee: That doesn't mean I wouldn't kick a possum!
1550 Timothy Road
Athens, Georgia
Overheard by: Travis Roberts
1PM Translation: Whatever You Do Will Have to Be Done Over
Project manager: We need to get the turnover rate for the past 12 months.
Database admin: I have that. I can give you the turnover for the past year.
Project manager: Great! We'll also need it for the previous 12 months.
Database admin: I'm confused -- isn't the past 12 months the previous 12 months?
Project manager: Yes.
1055 Lenox Park Boulevard
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Iga
11AM It's Good to Get the Roles Sorted Out before the Hooker Arrives
Boss on phone: Yeah, I'll bring the bottle of wine tomorrow... No, the plan is you make fun of my gout and then tease me with the bottle... Okay, great, see you then.
2694 Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Covert Kitten
10AM Children Are Malicious Little Tape Recorders
Little boy after a loud crash: You broke it! I'm very upset with you -- very upset! Mommy broke the lamp! She's a bad girl!
9037 Highway 92
Woodstock, Georgia
Overheard by: peddler of rigid tools
11AM ... With a Dash of Corky from Life Goes On
Supervisor: [Former supervisor] was so hot -- like a cross between Colin Farrell and Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies.
171 17th Street
Atlanta, Georgia
1PM I'm Thinking of Those Little Mints
Guy seeing a purse in a chair: Who left this green bag here for me to go through?
Girl: It's mine, but there's nothing in it but an empty wallet and some tampons.
Guy: I love tampons! Oh, wait...
1280 Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Amazed
9AM Yo Quiero Matarle
Redneck employee: So, what do you call a quesadilla?
Latina employee: Quesadilla.
Redneck employee: Really? Just 'quesadilla'?
Latina employee: [Silence.]
Redneck employee: How do you say 'salt'?
Latina employee: [Walks away.]
1720 Indian Trail Lilburn Road
Norcross, Georgia
4PM I Read That in a Fortune Cookie Once
Girl: God, she is such a bitch!
Guy, matter-of-factly: Hos gotta be bitches or they get no respect.
540 Baxter Street
Athens, Georgia
2PM The Photographs Didn't Give Me Much Choice on That First One
Coworker in middle of parking lot, screaming into cell: You can admit to having your dick in my ass, but you can't admit to that bitch you love me?! You bastard!
Alpharetta, Georgia
10AM That Poster of Paris Hilton Over Your Bed, for One Thing
Dude #1: Hey, thanks dude, you really didn't have to.
Dude #2: Oh, that's okay, man -- no problem.
Dude #1: So, how did you know I liked princesses?
Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: lesley
10AM Tissues Would've Been the Logical Commodity
Customer service manager on personal call: You went to somebody's funeral and sold purses?!
Chamblee, Georgia
Overheard by: achooAlison
11AM What I Can See Is Beige
Man: What color is your interior?
Lady: Excuse me?
Man: Uh, uh... Uh... of your car.
Lady: Ohhh.
Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: it's NOT all pink on the inside, i guess
10AM But They're Starting to Learn to Chew through Their Gags
News editor: I've already passed the high point of my day where I mute Regis and Kelly.
101 Marietta Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: an amused underling
3PM Yeah, I'm Like 1/4 Lizard
Office grunt: My grandfather used to exfoliate with Comet.
Buckhead Loop
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: OMG
5PM Yes... Yes... You'll Understand Why When You Meet Him
CSR on phone: So, we've set you an appointment with the specialist. His name is Allen*... and Allen is a guy.
Atlanta, Georgia
9AM The Global War on Terror Hits Another Snag
Tech #1: There. Translations are done. All nine languages.
Tech #2: That was fast. I didn't even know you spoke Arabic much less any of the others.
Tech #1: It's easy -- just highlight the text and change the font.
Tech #2: What?!
Tech #1: Yeah. We should hear back from the Army in a day or so. I went ahead and sent the new files off.
Tech #2: [Huge sigh.]
2000 Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlanta, Georgia
2PM So You'd Have a Reason to Call Me, Hot Stuff
Receptionist: Hi, this is Pat*. I was calling to see if you wanted to set an appointment.
Customer on speakerphone: Yes, I do.
Receptionist: So, it looks like I set you an appointment before. What happened?
Customer on speakerphone: ... You cancelled it.
Receptionist: Hm. I wonder why.
Atlanta, Georgia
11AM Bossie and I Are Just Friends
Male graphic designer: This looks like a uterus, but it's supposed to be a cow. Can we use it?
Female boss: You don't have a girlfriend, do you?
Windward Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: Mary
1PM Why Was He Playing with His Instrument in the Closet All by Himself?
CSR on phone: Hello? What? Your son popped his G-string on his instrument? ... Was it on his personal instrument?
Duluth, Georgia
Overheard by: Yellow
12PM I Didn't Know That
Manager: You've already lied to me twice tonight!
Waiter, louder: But I didn't know you knew I was lying!
Haynes Bridge Road
Alpharetta, Georgia
2PM They're Both Wrong -- He's an IT Guy
Receptionist: This morning I was sitting up here and I looked out the window in the courtyard and there was a guy getting dressed.
Guy: Black guy? Construction boots? [Receptionist nods.] Yeah, he sleeps there.
Receptionist: Hmmm. I wouldn't think you'd wanna sleep in the courtyard of an office.
Guy: Well, I imagine if you're homeless that's one of the better spots.
Receptionist: Oh, I didn't realize he was homeless. I just thought he was resting or whatever...
2931 North Druid Hills Road
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM Explain Penguins, Then, Brainiac
Ghetto girl: I don't give a damn! It's too cold to be cute!
50 Hurt Plaza
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Adamn
5PM He Wants You to Do for Him What Was Done for Travolta
Drone on phone: Slammed, yeah. This new account is kicking my ass. Why is Burt Reynolds coming? I thought he was dead.
Braselton, Georgia
2PM Well, the Quarterback Gave Me Crabs Once...
Girl: Becky*, have you ever had jock itch?
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: kmslat
9AM I'm Too Old to Change, Baby
Old lady: Where is your nigger food?
Stocker: Uh, excuse me?
Old lady: You know, the nigger food. The black bird food.
Stocker: You mean the Niger seed?
Old lady: That's what I said, the nigger seed.
3803 Venture Drive
Duluth, Georgia
Overheard by: I recommend the chink pellets
10AM Why We Can't Wait
Recruit: This friend of mine is having a party Sunday. I can't decide whether or not to go.
Coworker: Why wouldn't you?
Recruit: It's in honor of Martin Luther King, Junior.
Coworker: What's wrong with that?
Recruit: Well, it's a lingerie party.
Coworker: Oh...
13th Street and Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: I have a dream
5PM Not All on the Same Day, As Her Suit Alleges
Boss: It's not like I was banging her in the supply closet.
Bigger boss: But you did bang her in the supply closet and in your office... And, for that matter, my fucking office, you asshole.
Boss: Yeah, but those were different occasions.
Alpharetta, Georgia
5PM I Thought She Loved Me 'til I Got This Gift Card
Cashier: Okay, your total is $9.63, and can I have you first name for the order?
Customer: McKnight.
Cashier: McKnight?
Customer: Yes.
Cashier: That's your first name?
Customer: Yes.
Cashier: Your mother didn't like you very much, did she?
Panera Bread
Evans, Georgia
Overheard by: Phil
12PM It's a Temporary Chemical Imbalance
Manager: Why are your eyes so red?
Waiter: I'm just really tired. Also, when I don't get a lot of sleep, sometimes I smell like pot.
Haynes Bridge Road
Alpharetta, Georgia
2PM Or Defrost a Poodle
Coworker: Oooh, look at that microwave. It's all '50s and industrial and stuff.
Boss: Yeah, look how big it is. You could cook a whole baby in there!
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Glad I'm not her baby
9AM Love All
Project manager: Man, my partner nailed me in the ass last night! [Shocked coworkers stare.] Tennis... We were playing doubles tennis!
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: CorpusChristi
3PM This'll Be the Worst Staff Meeting Ever
Manager: I purposefully wore pants with strategically large pockets for the cowbell, but it still got stuck.
72 Marietta Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: deep pockets
11AM The World Is Full of People Whose Stories Start in the Middle and Don't Go Anywhere
Client: Guess who I met today?
Staff: Who?
Client: Some guy on the bus that used to go here, but I don't know his name.
4558 Roswell Road
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM They May Be Deltas
Guy #1: I really want to find this book that I read in high school... It was called, like, Brave New World or something.
Guy #2: Um, no, you're thinking of 'I Can Show You the World.'
Guy #1: Oh! ... Wait, no, that's that song from Aladdin.
Guy #2: Oh, yeah... So what section would it be in?
Guy #1: I don't know, Fiction? No, wait -- Non-fiction!
Barnes and Noble
Savannah, Georgia
Overheard by: Leia
10AM It's in the Bill of Rights
Suit: If we wanna make fun of freakin' roosters, guess what?! We're gonna make fun of freakin' roosters.
3565 Atlanta Highway
Athens, Georgia
4PM My Colleagues' Hatred Keeps Our Marriage Spicy
Coworker #1 on phone: No, no, no, dammit! I swear, I'm going to hang up -- I mean it, I'm going to hang up. No. No. No! Dammit, I said I am going to hang up!
Coworker #2 walks over, removes phone, slams it down: There, now we can all get back to our lives!
Coworker #1 redials: Sorry baby, some crazy twat I work with is having a bad day... What? What?! No! No! No! Dammit, I hate you! I'm hanging up!
Alpharetta, Georgia
12PM And Yet, Here You Are
Coworker #1: Man, if I found out my kid was retarded before it was born, I'd get it aborted. It's not like it's going to contribute to society.
Coworker #2: Except to give jobs to teachers who want to teach retarded kids.
Coworker #1: Yeah, and if my kid was going to be physically retarded but his brain was going to be fine, I'd give him up for adoption. That way I can have a normal one -- but I didn't kill him in case he's like Stephen Hawking.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Prochoice to a new level
3PM Which Half?
Coworker #1: So, Mr. Ericson* says he is going to send in pictures of his fence to show the problems he has with it.
Coworker #2: Yeah, well, I checked the email. He didn't send us pictures of the fence.
Coworker #1: What did he send?
Coworker #2: Pictures of himself, half-naked.
Coworker #1: Well, I'm not fixing that.
Atlanta, Georgia
12PM When the Company Switched to Voodoo Performance Management
Coworker #1: What the hell am I looking at here?
Coworker #2: Could be blood, could be nothing.
Alpharetta, Georgia
1PM The Demonican Party Is Known for Its Opposition to the Space-Time Continuum
Guy: Are you a Republican?
Girl: No, I am a Demonican.
Guy: You mean Democrat?
Girl: Let's change the subject.
Guy: Okay, well, who did you vote for in the 2004 election?
Girl: Clinton.
Guy: Yeah, let's change the subject.
The Coffee Tree, 223 Watson Boulevard
Warner Robins, Georgia
Overheard by: Jonathan Willis
4PM She Was Breast-Feeding, You Sicko
Coworker on phone: And I like them already, they seem pretty cool. Nothing like starting my day with a cute chick showing me her boob.
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: i wanna see!
5PM At the Urban Legend Semifinals
Assistant #1: Did you know that one of the ingredients in gum is coyote urine?
Assistant #2: Did you know that there's something in cat urine that causes schizophrenia?
Buckhead Loop
Atlanta, Georgia
5PM That Reminds me, I have to go let Mom out of the Stocks
Hick coworker #1: There was nuthin' wrong with slavery. My family had slaves. They was like family.
Hick coworker #2: I know, I agree. My family's slaves didn't leave after emaciation because they were happy. We treated them like family.
Athens, Georgia
Overheard by: Happy I moved to a blue state
5PM In Fact He's a Boatman on the Alimentary Canal
Account manager: He's anal, all right. The wrong end of anal.
Powers Ferry
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM The Violence Is Good, But I Always End Up Married to Some Vietnamese Girl
Male interviewer: So where are you from?
Female applicant: I'm from here, but all my family is from Vietnam.
Male interviewer: Yeah? My ex-wife is from Vietnam. Ever since that war over there, I haven't really been a fan of wars, ya know?
Doc Green's, Cumberland Boulevard
Atlanta, Georgia
9AM Antie Maim
Employee #1, on ant infestation: I noticed there were a few just walking around by themselves on my desk.
Employee #2: Those are scouts! Kill them or they'll go back and tell the others the coast is clear, then you'll have a rope of them!
Employee #1: I know, so I tried breaking the legs on one of them hoping he'd go back and tell the others not to come, it's not safe, but all he did was walk around in circles on my desk, so I just smashed him.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Employee #3
11AM And Blackmail? That Pretty Legal, Also?
Lawyer: Put your John Hancock on these documents, please.
Daughter: You sure this is legal? I mean, with me being your kid and all?
Lawyer: It is very legal. Far more legal than any of the drugs you have experimented with on my credit card.
Broad Street
Louisville, Georgia
5PM You Don't Have to Be Dead to Work Here, But It Helps
Lawyer: Did you hear about Vanessa*?
Secretary: No. What about her?
Lawyer: Yeah, poor Vanessa. She woke up dead on July 4th.
Broad Street
Louisville, Georgia
3PM From the Shaolin Preschool Song Book
Co-Worker: If you're happy and you know it...?
Co-Worker's 2-year-old daughter: ...don't touch a knife!
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: manda b
1PM Even His Core Constituency Is Turning on Him
Intern: When is Bush's last term?
Employee: Um, right now. It ends in '08.
Intern: Good. 'Cause he's stupid.
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Is summer over yet?
3PM The Ancient Greek Goddess of Menstruation
Library patron: Do y'all know where this book is?
Library employee: Try looking by periodicals.
Library patron: Who?
100 Decatur Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Jebediah
10AM Anyway, They're All Too High to Read Mail
Co-Worker: Okay, on the spreadsheet we need the city and postal codes for all of your employees in the Netherlands.
Client: Uh, there's none on file. We just send to "the Netherlands."
3600 Mansell Road
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: jenny from the block
11AM As Close to a Date as I.T. Guy Will Ever Get
I.T. desk guy: Can I help you?
Annoyed studentess: Is this where you're supposed to go to change your grades?
I.T. desk guy: Afraid not. You'll want to try Professor Lucifer. He's in office 666.
Annoyed studentess: Oh, okay. So that's on the sixth floor?
Aderhold Center, Georgia State University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Iain M.
5PM I've Been Waiting Years for You to Say That!
Woman on phone: I really wanna get you off tonight. [Pause] No, I mean call your manager and see if they need you to come in! Shut up, stop laughing!
Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: sneaky pete
11AM But We Totally Whine Better
Male co-worker: That's the thing about black people. They'll just sing their favorite song out loud. Like they don't care that they're in public.
Female co-worker: Well, that's because they have better voices than we do.
1000 Techwood
Atlanta, Georgia
4PM I Find If I Don't Make Plans for the Weekend, I Just Sit Around and Watch TV
Co-worker #1: What are you up to tonight?
Co-worker #2: After the week I've had, I'm getting so drunk I pee on something.
Co-worker #1: Cool.
College Station Drive
Macon, Georgia
11AM No, For When Jay Leno Gets Bored of Spanking It in Front of the Mirror
Co-worker #1: Oh, no way!
Co-worker #2: What?
Co-worker #1: Taylor Hicks is People magazine's #1 hottest bachelor.
Co-worker #2: Taylor Hicks, the American Idol guy?
Co-worker #1: Yeah.
Co-worker #2: Is that for the Braille edition?
955 Peachtree Parkway
Cumming, Georgia
4PM Offering Feedback
Coworker #1: Yeah, so this is what I wrote back to her. [Hands coworker #2 a piece of paper]
Coworker #2: That looks fine, and you made a good argument.
Coworker #1: Yeah, and I wasn't mean.
Coworker #2: No, not at all.
Coworker #1: Though I did sign it "Stop being a fucking moron - Sarah*."
Coworker #2: Good call.
3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: n-ro
3PM Returning Calls
Boss on the phone: Thanks, hon.
Assistant overhearing: Black people don't like to be called "hon" because of the slavery days, as if they were ever really slaves.
Boss: It's okay, she wasn't black.
1403 Poplar Road
Newnan, Georgia
4PM Checking Off the To-do List
Co-worker #1: [Sneeze]
Co-worker #2: Bless you
Co-worker #1: Thank you. [Sneeze]
Co-worker #2: Bless you
Co-worker #1: Thank you. [Sneeze]
Co-worker #2: Stop that!
Co-worker #1: Thank you.
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
12PM Talk with HR
Co-worker #1: [Anna] is really mean.
Co-worker #2: It's because of her race.
Co-worker #1: What? Her race?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, whatever she is; they're all like that.
171 17th Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
12PM Managers Meeting
Hospitality Director: It's really a customer service issue. I mean, a customer could come in and their boss has gone down on them and a smile could really pick them up.
1515 Sheridan Road NE
Atlanta, Georgia
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: Are they going to do that thing where they make it get darker earlier again this year?
Co-worker #2: You mean Daylight Savings? Yes, I think so. I think it happens pretty much every year.
171 17th Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
11AM Radio for Backup?
Admin: Some angry guys are going to come in the office looking for one of the executives. They may threaten you and yell at you but just tell them to go away. Whatever you do, don't bother us with it.
Receptionist: Okay, while I'm up here fighting for my life, I'll be sure not to bother you all.
817 West Peachtree Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Elle George
5PM That's a Wrap
Admin: What time is it in France?
Worker: I think it's February.
Admin: Really?
3239 Satellite Boulevard
Duluth, Georgia
12PM Schedule Next Week's Meeting
Meeting Attendee #1: When's a good time to schedule the meeting with [Gary]?
Meeting Attendee #2: Well, he will be back from his heart attack next week.
2964 Peachtree Road NW
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM Take Care of Bills
Adjuster #1: What are you putting over there?
Adjuster #2: A legal bill.
Adjuster #1: Well, it won't get paid till Tuesday.
Assistant: Why won't it get paid till Tuesday?
Adjuster #1: What the crap? You're here today?
2550 Northwinds Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
Overheard by: David Tilley
1PM Lunch
Co-worker: The worst thing you can do is pull over on the side of the road and get into your trunk. It's a good way to get yourself killed.
1201 West Peachtree Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
9AM Back to Work
Dev #1: Did you put this in my office?
Dev #2: What is it?
Dev #1: Looks like a feather or something. Maybe from a feather duster? You always put random things in my office.
Dev #2: No, I only put things in your office I find on my body.
6205 Peachtree Dunwoody Road NE
Atlanta, Georgia
3PM Smoke Break
Agent: Can you believe that? I totally lied to her face and she had the gall not to take it as the truth!
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: What did you bring for lunch today?
Co-worker #2: Leftover Indian food from last night.
Co-worker #1: Indian food, huh? Never had it. Is it good?
Co-worker #2: It's great. This type is vegetarian.
Co-worker #1: Vegetarian? I thought Indians eat buffalo.
6035 Peachtree Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Keith Canseco
3PM Smoke Break
Manager: Did you just hear that catfight? Everyone is stressed. We need to go do something fun.
Co-worker: Yeah. We need to go drinking and then they need to take off their clothes and have a pillow fight.
3755 Mansell Road
Alpharetta, Georgia
11AM Annual Review
Employee: I think I've done pretty well, considering when I came here I didn't know anything.
31 Park of Commerce Way
Savannah, Georgia
1PM Lunch
Worker #1: I thought you were supposed to be at the doctor.
Worker #2: Look at me! I can't go in there! He'd put me on something for sure!
4182 Forsyth Road
Macon, Georgia
1PM Lunch
Software Engineer: We had free pizza today to celebrate sexual harassment or something like that. I didn't really pay attention. I just got the pizza.
30000 Mill Creek Avenue
Alpharetta, Georgia
5PM That's a Wrap
Manager: Thank you, you are an officer and a gentleman.
1175 Peachtree Street NE
Atlanta, Georgia
11AM Strategy Meeting
Project Manager: He needs to step into my office. The office of my fist. If he messes with my developer one more time, I'm gonna drop him like a bad habit. And by "drop" I mean "drop kick". And by "bad habit" I mean "communist hobo".
1375 Peachtree Street NE
Atlanta, Georgia
5PM Pick Up Kids
Teacher on phone: But [Matt], it's just the sound of a gun. The audience won't even see it!...Not even the sound effect?...Are you kidding me?...So, what, we're not allowed to do Hamlet now because somebody has to die in the end?...I know they don't use real swords; we aren't using a real gun!...How is anyone supposed to die?
2155 Napier Avenue
Macon, Georgia
11AM Monitor Calls
CSR on phone: Sir, would you mind slowing down just a little bit?You're really giving me a lot of information, and it's not really
registering in my brain because I'm still trying to type in all the
other crap you told me.
5129 Beverly Glen Village Lane
Norcross, Georgia
10AM Evaluations
Co-worker #1: How did she end up one of the bosses?
Co-worker #2: She's one of those people that keep getting promoted because she's completely incompetant and has no sense of humor.
25 Brooklyn Avenue
Forsyth, Georgia
9AM Why Am I Here?
Accounting: My cat turned off my alarm this morning and made me oversleep.
Receptionist: What?
Accounting: Yeah, normally she sleeps under the covers with me, and I hear her get up and start pacing around to wake me up. But today she must have just gotten up and stepped on my alarm.
Receptionist: Well, she must have known you needed to sleep in.
850 Mount Vernon Highway NE
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Cat
12PM Monitor Calls
CSR: Oh, you work on computers? You probably know more than I do so this should be an easy call, huh?
25 Brooklyn Avenue
Forsyth, Georgia
3PM Cancer Break
Manager: We're in Gwinnett County. You need to be 10 feet from the walkway if you want to legally smoke.
Smoker #1: Like, isn't that unfair? What if you're a midget? Your feet would be about half the size of mine...No, seriously. Look how big my feet are! They're like twice the size of midget feet...Oh! You mean like a ruler!
Smoker #2: Yeah, haven't you ever heard of the metric system?
333 Research Court
Norcross, Georgia
10AM Reply to Email
Co-worker #1: Does she always send emails in 72 point font?
Co-worker #2: Oh, that's "mad" typing.
Co-worker #1: How should I respond to this?
Co-worker #3: You should reply using 86 point font.
Co-worker #2: They don't make 86 point font. I've tried it before. You should use 8 point font in Bernhard Fashion BT or some other font that's hard to read.
Co-worker #1: Yeah, I'll do that. She won't be able to read it.
Co-worker #2: That'll really piss her off.
620 Greison Trail
Newnan, Georgia
12PM Get That Outlet Fixed
Tech: Is it working?
Co-worker #1: No, I'm only partially lit.
Co-worker #2: How many people does it take to get you fully lit?
Co-worker #3: 4. 2 to watch and 2 to do the lighting.
600 Peachtree Street NE
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: new jersey boy
9AM It's Going to End Badly Today
Co-worker #1: My corner is dark and quiet.
Co-worker #2: You should move over here.
Co-worker #3: Just make sure you don't wear Stevie Wonder glasses over at your corner.
6000 Windward Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
5PM That's a Wrap
Account Manager: Hey, do you feel like a monkey in the middle of an idiot sandwich?
Process Analyst: That would make you one of the idiots. Are you calling yourself an idiot?
Account Manager: Oh...huh?
5 minutes later.
Process Analyst: Hey, do you feel like an idiot in a monkey sandwich?
Account Manager: Ha! Now you are the idiot!
Process Analyst: No...that still makes you the idiot.
520 Guthridge Court
Norcross, Georgia
4PM You Know the Drill
Co-worker: Oh crap. We're having a fire drill today? That fucking sucks. It's too fucking cold for that shit.
Drill Captain: Yes, I know...but they are important. We need to do them at least twice a year.
Co-worker: How the fuck are they important? Did you miss fire safety week in the first grade? You don't know what to do if there is a fire? Well, here you go: take the stairs down to the lobby and go outside away from the fire. Shit, you probably still get into strangers' cars if they offer you candy.
3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: nicolette
2PM Deliver Invoices to Probation Office
Secretary: There was a black man who lived in my county. He was the only one. We called him Nigger Jim.
Co-worker: What?
Secretary: Oh, it was okay. He called himself that. He was retarded.
Co-worker: Where is he now?
Secretary: Prison.
130 East Main Street
Canton, Georgia
9AM I'm Nauseous Already
Boss: Make sure you wear something nice like that skirt you had on last weekend.
DJ: But what if it's cold outside this weekend?
Boss: Doesn't matter...the Army guys will pull more recruits if you broadcast in something a little revealing. Plus they paid a lot of money for this remote.
1711 Ellis Drive
Valdosta, Georgia
Overheard by: Todd McClure
12PM Follow Up with Building Maintenance
Employee #1: Why is it so cold in here?
Employee #2: Maybe it's the gigantic hole in the ceiling.
4770 Buford Highway
Atlanta, Georgia
4PM Clean Up Reports
Project Manager: We didn't know the old system generated those reports.
CIO: Well, you can't clean out an old warehouse without finding a few rat turds in the corner.
655 Engineering Drive
Norcross, Georgia
2PM Send Out Another Memo
Co-worker: We work with fucking children. There are boogers all over the bathroom walls again!
6000 Windward Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
9AM Saturday, Please Come Soon
Receptionist: Every time I hear that phone, it's ringing!
3424 Peachtree Road NE
Atlanta, Georgia
11AM Staff Meeting
Boss: Okay, so, there have been some changes in the past 24 hours. First of all, [Sharon] has left us for another job.
Team: Ding dong the witch is dead, the wicked old witch is dead!
955 Rumble Road
Smarr, Georgia
10AM Staff Meeting
Manager: Literally, I am the entire choir, and you are preaching to me.
530 Means Street
Atlanta, Georgia
1PM Lunch
Co-worker: So I was at the deli, and I asked for a third of a pound of meat. I asked the lady twice. She then gave me 1.5 pounds of meat. I said, "Excuse me, this isn't a third of a pound." Then she said,
"Yes, it is." Then I said, "No, it's not." So then she turns and asks her co-worker behind the deli counter how much a third of a pound is, and her co-worker replies, "Oh, a third of a pound is .75."...This is why I hate the South.
115 Perimeter Center Place
Atlanta, Georgia
3PM Research Competitors
Co-worker on phone: What is TFC? Is it like KFC? What are they doing?Chicken?
6000 Windward Parkway
Alpharetta, Georgia
4PM Run, Run, All the Way Home
Worker #1: Oh, damn! Would you look at that? I have on two different pair of shoes.
Worker #2: You're just now relizing that? The day's almost over with...what a dumbass!
Worker #1: Yeah whatever, maybe I'll switch them out tomorrow. At least they are the same color.
210 Main Street
Dallas, Georgia
12PM Meeting
Director: Like all of my meetings, I don't have an agenda. I like to just let people talk and it usually turns up interesting discussions.
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
1PM Lunch Break
Woman: I didn't know you have a turtle.
Guy: Sure do.
Woman: Is it a sea turtle?
754 Peachtree Street NE
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: M. Chavis
1PM Lunch
Chick #1: I have like 3 pairs of shoes in the trunk of my car.
Chick #2: Oh really?
Chick #1: Yeah, like one pair of tennis shoes 'cause you never know when you need them.
Chick #2: I keep all kinds of stuff in the trunk of my car for that. You never know when you need that stuff, if you know what I'm talking about
Guy: I keep my wife in the trunk of my car.
Dead silence for the rest of the elevator ride.
3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: n-ro
4PM Work on Resume
Guy: I'm guessing she's not digging her job too much.
Girl: No, she digs it fine. She was promoted to SA and she talks to her friends on the phone all day without anyone calling her on it. She better be digging her job a lot 'cause she gets away with all kinds of shit.
3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: n-ro
1PM Lunch
Co-worker: Every time I board an airplane nowadays, I look around and figure out who I'm going to eat if we crash.
115 Perimeter Center Place NE
Atlanta, Georgia
11AM Send Jeff a Card
Guy in suit: Hey man, I heard you got promoted?
Guy in lab coat: Yep. I'm pretty much all herpes now.
Guy in suit: Excellent.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
1600 Clifton Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Benay Tegoo
1PM Lunchtime
Co-worker #1: Your brain still not working?
Co-worker #2: Not so much.
Co-worker #3: Mine's not really working either.
Co-worker #1: Mine's working, it just keeps timing out.
659 Mimosa Boulevard
Roswell, Georgia
2PM The Things You Can Say on Allgood Road
Drone #1: Are you sticking around for the 4PM meeting?
Drone #2: No, the batteries are dead in my wife's stimulator and I have to do my husbandly duty...
Drone #1: Excuse me?
815 Allgood Road NE
Marietta, Georgia
11AM The Decision was Unianimous
Manager: I just want to make sure we're all in agreeance.
110 E. Clayton Street
Athens, Georgia
7PM I Suppose It Comes with the Position
Conference call guru: There are a few master brands out there to look to.
Co-worker #1: I'd love to be a masterbrander.
Co-worker #2: Then we could say, "Hey, what's she doing behind the desk?"
Co-worker #3: "Looks like she's masterbranding."
2010 Warsaw Road
Roswell, Georgia
1PM Only If It's Casual Friday
Co-worker #1: Hey, do we need to dress up when the Japs show up next week?
Boss: Don't ever refer to them as Japs! That's racist and very offensive. Please refer to them as Japanese instead.
Co-worker #2: Hey, while we're being all culturally sensitive and shit, can I show up to work dressed as a ninja to welcome them to America?
115 Perimeter Center Place, NE
Atlanta, Georgia
12AM Their Prices are IN-SANE
Boss: We're changing the name of this business unit to BSE.
Employee: You mean, like, Mad Cow Disease?
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
1PM That Thick Wooden Skull Would Sure Burn Up Nice
Office manager: In the event of fire, please use the emergency stair cases. If anyone has any problems with physical exercise--for example, if you're pregnant--please let me know so I can help you out of the building.
The room full of men burst out laughing. The Office manager simply looked around, confused.
115 Perimeter Center Place, NE
Atlanta, Georgia
4PM That Bright Light Being the Weekend, Folks!
Co-worker: That's a great idea, get a robot to sell drugs so you don't have to. That way, when the cops bust your robot, you don't get in trouble, just your robot. Just think, there's so many criminal activities you could automate, like robotic prostitutes. Until now I had thought our future was dark and grim, but how I'm seeing a bright light at the end of the tunnel.
115 Perimeter Center Place NE
Atlanta, Georgia
9AM The Budget Code is Obviously DD
Director: We might have to pay for some T&A to get someone to go visit the client.
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
5PM A Very, Very Prescient Developer
QA Manager: Who hard-coded loss of revenue into our product?
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
4PM That Doesn't Explain the Current Promiscuity
Woman: If I was in the army and was sent to war, you'd better believe
that I'd get pregnant as fast as I could so they would send me home.
475 Buckhead Avenue
Atlanta, Georgia
12PM I'm Partial to the Hysterical Praying
In a crowded elevator, everyone is quiet except for the clunking of the elevator.
Employee: That was a new sound.
Manager: My favorite is the screaming.
5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia
8AM That's More of a Lamb's Name
Super-rich boss's wife: So you know how we always call my husband God?
Employees at luncheon: [Puzzled silence]
Super-rich boss's wife: Seriously, you know how we call him God?
Employees at luncheon: [Silence]
Super-rich boss's wife: Well, I bought him a horse! And we're going to call it Jesus! Isn't that hilarious?
2725 Henry Street
Augusta, Georgia
12PM Making an Idiot Feel Stupid: Priceless
Coworker #1: I paid $700 for it back in the mid-seventies.
Coworker #2: Wow...what was $700 worth back then?
Coworker #1: $700.
1932 Wynnton Road
Columbus, Georgia
4PM Seem Like There's a Lot You Don't Know
Engineer #1: Congratulations, I heard you got married this week.
Engineer #2: Thanks, man. It was one of the best days of my life.
Engineer #1: Aren't you African though? I didn't know African people got married.
6575 The Corners Pkwy
Norcross, Georgia
