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Vermont All Categories > Places > United States > New England > Vermont
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1PM Could I Have My Head Grafted onto Your Torso?
Annoying female worker: I feel so left out... Can I just move my desk next to yours?
Manager: Absolutely not.
Howard Street
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Drone
5PM President Bush Defines "Democracy"
Office grunt on phone: I absolutely agree... with myself!
1 Howard Street
Burlington, Vermont
3PM Or Maybe Like Epcot without Them
Grunt: I don't like Vegas. Actually, I liked Vegas when the mob ran it. Now it's like Disneyland with hookers.
402 Watertower Circle
Colchester, Vermont
Overheard by: Bastian
5PM I Could Be a Politician
Worker bee: As a child -- as an infant -- I was a projectile vomiter. Laying on my back, I could hit the ceiling! It's too bad I can't do that now.
402 Watertower Circle
Colchester, Vermont
Overheard by: Bastian
5PM ... And She Lives in Nepal
Student: If I put more stamps on it, will it go faster? My sister's birthday is tomorrow.
Middlebury College Mail Center
Middlebury, Vermont
Overheard by: Disgruntled Mail Worker
2PM You're Supposed to Use a Bottle for Abandoned Wildlife
Woman: ... And then he bit my nipple so hard it started to bleed.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: not a deaf waitress
11AM Conference
Help Desk #1: Who should we send?
Help Desk #2: Let's send [Jessica].
Help Desk #3: She's perfect.
Help Desk #2: Of course, she's female.
Help Desk #1: Yeah, she's very female!
123 Pitkin Road
Plainfield, Vermont
10AM Update Report
Assistant: How about an update on the report for the database we talked about last week? Have you gotten to that yet?
IT: I'm not sure which one you're talking about.
Assistant: Well, currently there is a cross-tab that displays home addresses and a cross-tab that displays financial aid, but we need a report to show us the student records by state with home address, and we need a find-sort for all students with financial aid and a hold on their account.
IT guy: ...Um, I couldn't tell where that sentence began and where it ended.
Dean's assistant: Neither could I.
633 Main Street
Burlington, Vermont
10AM Review
Worker: Can you review this for me?
Manager: Why are you asking me all the time?
Worker: Because you're my team leader.
Manager: There are no team leaders anymore.
Worker: What? Yes, there are.
Manager: No, there aren't.
Worker: Well, I asked [Jesse] yesterday, and he said he couldn't do it because he wasn't my team leader. Why would he say that if there aren't team leaders anymore?
Manager: Because he didn't want to do your review.
137 Iroquois Avenue
Essex Junction, Vermont
3PM Coffee Break
EA: ...she's still learning to change a diaper and all that.
Suit: Really?
EA: Yeah, but it's been extra hard emotionally because our family is really strict and my dad still can't admit to himself that this happened. All he's said is, "I sent you to private school! Don't they have sex ed there?" and "How could this happen?" Which doesn't help her at all.
Suit: No, probably not.
EA: It's like, "Dad, the baby is already here, get a grip." But, well, she's the baby of the family and I guess we all know how fathers are.
Suit: No, actually, I don't. I never met mine.
40 IDX Drive
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Bubble Wrap THIS
11AM Cold Calling
Telemarketer: My name is [Adam Randor], ma'am...[Adam Randor], ma'am...Ma'am like madam, madamoiselle...No, my name isn't ma'am...No, my name is [Adam Randor], ma'am...[Adam Randor]. Would Senorita work better?
130 West Canal Street
Winooski, Vermont
Overheard by: Kelly G.
9AM Why Can I Hear Them?
Co-worker #1: Is there an ice cream truck outside?
Co-worker #2: I would be very surprised.
Co-worker #1: Are you sure?
Co-worker #2: There's a trash truck outside...
Co-worker #1: ...Oh, it's your radio.
Co-worker #2: You mean the Bach Concerto?
130 West Canal Street
Winooski, Vermont
Overheard by: Kelly G.
12AM Conscientiousness Means Attention to Detail
Manager: Marcy, have you seen the trucking report for last month?
Marcy: No.
Manager: What do you mean you haven't seen it? It was on your desk.
Marcy: Well, I think I almost saw it...
1000 River Road
Essex Junction, Vermont
