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Iowa All Categories > Places > United States > Midwest > Iowa
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10AM Possibly from Your Verbal Diarrhea
CSR: Do you like my dress? The website called it a muumuu, but I call it a dress. I don't like dresses, but I wanted to wear one today. Did you know I don't like silk dresses? They make me feel naked, and I don't like feeling naked except when I'm naked -- like when I'm naked in the shower... I ordered this dress from a website I found at work, and I got it in a box a week later. I don't think it should have been in a box, because the box could have been damaged and then my dress would have been ruined, because boxes don't protect anything.
Annoyed coworker: Um, you have a stain on your muumuu.
Coralville, Iowa
10AM Probably Ran Right to His Therapist with That One
20-ish office girl: I am so mad at him! I sent him a Christmas card, but I did not write a note in it.
8th Street
Des Moines, Iowa
4PM When It's Kill-or-Cure Time
Coworker to another who's holding McDonald's: God, I love the taste of sausage when I'm hung over.
1500 NW 118th Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: Trevor
5PM Don't Get Out Much?
Employee on phone: How's the weather there? Is it sunny?
Speaker: It's raining.
Employee on phone: Oh. So is the sun shining?
Des Moines, Iowa
1PM If It Was Bud Light, I've Lost All Respect for Him
Lady peon on cell: ... And then there was a picture of him with a beer can up his butt.
Armar Drive
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Overheard by: b
2PM I'm Inquiring about Volume, Ass
Customer: How big is the one-pound burrito?
Employee: Um, that'd be one pound, ma'am.
Forrest Avenue
Des Moines, Iowa
12PM A Ninja Pirate Robot Bunny?
Nerd #1: Done! Like a bunny, I am quick!
Nerd #2: Like a ninja bunny!
Nerd #1: ... A ninja, pirate bunny!
Telephone company
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: Jesus Christ
9AM You Guys from Nantucket Are So Sensitive
Cube rat #1: Dude, I'm going to send you a poem.
Cube rat #2: Okay.
Cube rat #1: Don't get offended, okay?
Cube rat #2: Okay.
Cube rat #1: Dude, promise me you won't get offended.
4949 Westown Parkway
Des Moines, Iowa
2PM And the Stamina to Keep It Running?
Old boss: I used to do bad things, you know.
Young employee: Really?! Yeah, right.
Old boss: Yeah, like dealing coke. How do you think we got the money to start this place?
Des Moines, Iowa
9AM If Those Are the Choices
Forklift driver: I need to reload this overweight [truck]. Do I need to unload the ass to put these two in the belly, or should I just throw them on?
Supervisor: Really, I would prefer them in the ass.
Iowa
10AM But I Heard Something about Some New Arrestive Hormone Therapy
Woman: My daughter is 16.
Guy: Wow, she's almost grown.
Woman: I know -- in two years she'll be out of the house. I almost wish she had Down Syndrome so she would have to live with me forever.
Davenport, Iowa
1PM But Why Are Male Women Getting Their Panties in a Bunch Over It?
Coworker in lunchroom: I don't know whether that's insulting to gay men or female women.
Des Moines, Iowa
3PM No, Just Lilies
Supervisor #1: Did one of you guys grab my obituary off the printer?
Employee: You're dead?
Supervisor #2: Let's go see if she has anything good on her desk.
19th Street and Douglas Street
Iowa
Overheard by: Lloyd
9AM Needless to Say, That's the Last Time I'll Try Peyote
Lady to coworker: It talked like a pig, so I could understand it. And there was a one-eyed llama with its ear hanging down, and a buck that'd been shot in the shoulder. Those were all real animals, but it was the cartoon shark that bit me.
1st Avenue
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
9AM It'll Be Reanimation Thursdays All Over Again
Coworker #1: You know what we should do? Pool our money together and buy a cat.
Coworker #2: Would anybody feed it? 'Cause I don't want no dead cat runnin' around here.
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: Gir
9AM He Learned Science in Kansas
Male geology TA: So yeah, I had this student in lab today who asked me, 'So, are these minerals... are these, like, things that can be found, like, out there...? Like, in the real world?'
Female grad student: What? Really?
Male geology TA: Yeah, it just blew his mind that this stuff actually existed in the real world.
Geoscience department, University of Iowa
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: another grad student
4PM She's Seen All of Edward G. Robinson's Films
White rich girl leaving mall with friends: I am so much more gangsta than you!
Mall
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: Am I Really in Iowa?
1PM West of the West Bank
Blonde hostess: So, I started saying, 'Oy' all the time this summer, and someone asked me where that word came from. I think it must just be a midwestern thing to say, huh?
Ames, Iowa
1PM An Employee You Can Almost Count on
Interviewer: So, how would you say you handle changes in the workplace?
Interviewee: Um...Oh! I'm really good with change. I used to work a cash register, and if the total came to $7.49 and they gave me a ten, I'd give them 3...no...$2.60...uh...$2.51!
Interviewer: Uh...okay!
Ames, Iowa
9AM It Clearly Works Differently For Managers
Manager: So you're saying that evolution works different for hobos? Okay, so as hobos get further away from the equator they become more evolved.
15 LC
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: TheChris
12PM Lunch
Credit manager: Anyone need some glasses?
Coworker: What kind of glasses?
Credit manager: Drinking glasses, water glasses. I have four and I'm not going to use them.
Coworker: Where'd ya get the glasses from?
Credit manager: I stole them from the hotel I was at last week
Coworker: You can't go around stealing stuff from hotels.
Credit manager: That's what my wife tells me, which is why I need to get rid of them before she finds out. Maybe I'll just put them in the break room.
142 Grand Avenue
Des Moines, Iowa
1PM Getting Buy-in
Supervisor: I need to know the circulation of this piece.
Underling: I put it on the job request.
Supervisor: No, not how many people it's going to...
Underlings: Uh....
Supervisor: Oh, yeah, it's on there. Never mind.
401 Southwest 7th
Des Moines, Iowa
2PM Update Database
Temp: This person gave their email address as being at "hotmail.con". Should I enter it as "hotmail.com"?
Employee: No, put whatever is on the application.
1776 West Lakes Parkway
West Des Moines, Iowa
1PM Lunch
Manager: You know, breast augmentation is becoming a much more popular as a graduation gift.
715 Locust Street
Des Moines, Iowa
5PM That's a Wrap
Clinical Services Manager: I hate it when my email is full of porn!
Clinical Services Assistant: Well, at least it's not kiddie porn.
Clinical Services Manager: Wait, they make porn with cats in it now?
999 Home Plaza
Waterloo, Iowa
Overheard by: RicaChica
1PM Lunch and Learn
Worker #1: The "Lunch And Learn" is today, right?
Worker #2: Yep.
Worker #1: Can we take our lunch in?
699 Walnut Street
Des Moines, Iowa
12AM Finally, Someone Explained TP to Me!
Customer: So where in the instruction manual does it tell me to save the receipt?
Customer Service Rep.: You're kidding me, right? You mean to say that you have to be told to save your receipt?
Customer: Yes, I do.
Customer Service Rep.: So, if you were to go out and buy a roll of toilet paper, it would have to say "Tear here, wipe there" or else you wouldn't know how to use it? Because both are pretty much common sense, sir.
835 41st Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: christiana (while doing remote observations on customer service calls)
