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12PM They Could Call Me Peter Dust-Pan
Receptionist: You know He-Man and how when he lifts his sword he gets a sudden jolt of steroids?
Stylist: Yeah.
Receptionist: Well, wouldn't it be awesome if I could lift the broom and become a broom god?!
Stylist: Um, no.
Barber shop
Noblesville, Indiana
3PM He Took the Short Bus to Management School
Coworker: Actually, there are some plants that are flame retardant.
Manager: Ha! You said 'retard.'
1212 South Rangeline Road
Indiana
Overheard by: Just Listening
2PM That, and the Floral Mumus
Lady peon looking at clothing ad from '70s: The sad thing is, how many people in this died from AIDS?
6000 Southport Road
Portage, Indiana
Overheard by: Justin Russo
9AM ... Greg.
Shouting man on cell: Titty-fucking is sex, honey! You promised!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
9AM You're the Only One Who's Ever Noticed
Office peon: You smell like a giant fruit fly!
Fishers, Indiana
4PM Sure Thing, Tammy.
Waiter #1, pointing: Tammy's* either gettin' a poochy belly, or she needs to trim that beaver.
Waiter #2: It's beaver. I fucked her last month, after her sister died, and I thought I was suddenly in a '70s porno.
Manager: You guys need to go find something to clean.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
2PM A Taser? Sweet!
Lawyer, offering cigarette: Need one?
Non-smoking secretary: I'm gonna need something a lot stronger to deal with you today!
Lawyer, exiting door to smoke: Top, right desk drawer in my office.
Law office
Indiana
2PM We Happily Bring You an Amusing Anecdote Reader's Digest Won't
Clerk: God, why is that old man so angry?
Manager: Give him a break. How many more times is he going to be buying new shoes? He'll probably be buried in these.
Old crab, from across room: I'm not deaf, you bitches!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
9AM Wait! What Kind of Razor Do You Think She Uses?
Creepy waiter: The new girl's pants sure are tight.
Mousy waitress: Yeah.
Creepy waiter: You can tell she shaves her biscuit. [Mousy waitress blinks, quickly puts on long apron, and walks away.]
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
4PM And Kids Are Pretty Slippery to Start With
Worker bee in bathroom stall: I don't mind as long as he doesn't try to lube the kids with it. After all, those burns can be nasty.
10th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
10AM I Had to Do Something While the Stereo Was Being Installed
Mousy waitress: Did it take you long to put it in?
Timid waiter: Like an hour.
Brassy waitress, walking up: We talkin' 'bout the big stereo in your car or your big wang in a skeezer's ass?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
9AM Lack of Conscience and Sense of Entitlement. Why?
Staffer #1: In your view, how are sociopaths and psychopaths different?
Staffer #2: Why are you doing this?
4555 Central Avenue
Columbus, Indiana
3PM ... And The Little Mermaid
Male peon #1: I watched that movie Roadhouse every day for like five years. Literally.
Male peon #2: I was like that with the first Lethal Weapon.
Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
10AM Really Breaks Up the Monotony of Crying and Feeding My Cat
Pretty bisexual waitress: You've got to have something to look forward to -- one way or the other, I'm getting laid tonight.
Ugly asexual waiter: I know what you mean -- I'm going to have breakfast food for dinner.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
2PM Is It Legal to Say That in Indiana?
CFO: Fourth floor is going to Hooters. I don't like Hooters. I like Dick's.
1 North Meridian Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Peon
10AM ... Which Peter in Accounting Then Buys from Us. [We Don't Ask.]
New intern taking tour of company warehouse: So, you said that we have a lifetime guarantee on all the clothes that we send out?
Warehouse manager: Oh, yeah, we guarantee all our merchandise. We'll even return underwear that's been soiled.
Plainfield, Indiana
9AM ... But No
Ancient lesbian waitress: You ever tried to buy dental dams at three A.M. in the Bible belt?
Wide-eyed teen bus boy: Uh... I have sooo many questions about what you just said...
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
1PM So People Are My Raw Material
Cube dweller #1: Hey, I'm a people person.
Cube dweller #2: What are you talking about? You're a make-fun-of-people person!
1000 East 116th Street
Carmel, Indiana
1PM Creativity? I'm an Engineer
Male coworker: I would take Beyoncé's face, Beyoncé's legs, Beyoncé's arms, Beyoncé's body, and Beyoncé's ass and put them all together to make my dream woman... And I'd name her Beyoncé.
4510 Maplecrest Road
Fort Wayne, Indiana
Overheard by: Bk-Bitch
12PM I'd Be Like, "Order Up!"
Straight server: The new chef looks like Philip Michael Thomas.
Queer server: Oooh! I'd fuck him with his chef hat on!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
3PM Certainly, Sir -- Are You Considering Suicide or Simply Alcoholic?
Man at music counter: Do you happen to have 'The Wreck of the F. Scott Fitzgerald'?
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Bearphan
10AM Could and Have
New chef: I gotta take a dump.
Waiter: There's no toilet seat in the employee bathroom.
New chef: Dude, I just got out of jail after five years. I could shit in a pickle bucket in the middle of our dining room and it wouldn't bother me.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
9AM If We Can Watch
Manager #1: Time for the meeting.
Manager #2: Can I just tie a fucking bag of stray cats over my head instead?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
12PM You Really Need to Go with Original Manufacturer's Equipment for Internal Organs
Girl on cell: I totally need to go to a doctor. I think I have that imitation bowel syndrome!
Office
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Jason Carr
12PM It's What Dad Would've Wanted
Woman on cell: ... So now instead of going to the funeral we're going to the strawberry festival.
Indiana government center
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Mmm... strawberries
10AM And Are There Any Leftover Sausages?
Waitress: I ate so many pork sausages yesterday at the picnic, when I fart it sounds like a pig squealing [makes loud squealing sounds over and over].
Waiter: Did you used to be a guy or something?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
11AM Told You We Should've Asked for an Energizer Baby
Woman pushing baby carriage: Bob*, I think it's dead.
Bob: Nah, it just needs a charge.
530 West State Street
West Lafayette, Indiana
Overheard by: Schmeckendeugler
10AM The Only Way He Can Be Watched
Busser: I'm working for Bob* tonight.
Manager #1: You smell like pot, man. You're not working.
Manager #2: It's three in the afternoon. What time did you get high?
Busser: When's Maury on?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
9AM Health Care! Get Over Here!
Black server: I named my baby Cartier.
Timid white server: Oh, yeah?
Black server: My sister named her little girl Lexus Tiara.
Timid white server: Oh, yeah?
Ghetto white server: They always name they babies after shit they can't afford!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
1PM Which We Do, Since We Voted for Bush in 2004
Partner to associates at attorney meeting: Billable hours are down for the year. Based on what we've billed so far, we have approximately four attorneys too many... assuming people are fungible.
Indianapolis, Indiana
9AM And He's Not a Cop!
Name-dropper: I know a guy who's been on Cops twice!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Quizno
3PM "Real" Means Different Things to Different People
Trekkie coworker: Dude, at the convention they had light sabers for sale for two hundred dollars.
Bored coworker: So?
Trekkie coworker: They were just plastic, they weren't even real!
County Road 427
Auburn, Indiana
Overheard by: Doesn't have a real light saber either
3PM I Think You'll Like the Results
Boss : What is that red thing on top of a rooster's head called? I can't find a description anywhere on the Internet.
Employee: Just Google 'cock' and 'diagram.'
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Sailorette
9AM And Those Are More Valuable Than a Life
Woman: My sister got out of rehab on Tuesday and died of an overdose on Friday, and I just got the rehab bill in the mail.
Friend: I'd tell thems to stick 'at bill up they asses -- that shit didn't work! It's like gettin' a bad weave! You don't pay fo' no bad weaves, does you?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
3PM For Some Foster Parents, It's about Quantity, Not Quality
Coworker: You see that door right there? We can fit, like, nine minors in there!
Bloomington, Indiana
4PM In Fact, That's Our Firm's Three-Prong Test for Fun
Attorney to another: You are always a lot of fun when your dress ends up around your waist. Or your head. Or your feet.
1 Indiana Square
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Amanda
5PM Can't You Hear the Quotation Marks, You Little Punk?
Teacher: Can you say, 'Open the door' in Spanish?
Preschooler: Open the door in Spanish.
Learning center
Bloomington, Indiana
9AM But I Won't Let It Spoil My Peyote High
Manager: Your breath alcohol came back at point 09. We are going to have to term your contract, and you can get a taxi to go get your stuff out of your truck and find a way home.
Driver: That's a bummer.
7238 Western Select Drive
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: I'm Having a Good Day!
11AM Never Trust a Man to Navigate
Waiter: She did not like it in the ass.
Waitress: Really?
Waiter: At first, I mean.
Waitress: But as she got more and more drunk, it felt better?
Waiter: I don't know about better, but she stopped yelling.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
2PM NewsFlash: Indianapolis Churro Scandal!
Newbie: I need to use the restroom.
Waiter: If you need to shit you'd better get here before the Mexicans get in the employee bathroom. I don't know what the fuck they eat, but their shit smells like it has sugar on it.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
5PM Tonight's Movie: Livestock and Two Smoking Barrels
Suit: You need to get off your ass, take control of your life, and have that stupid cow arrested before she kills me.
1 Indiana Square
Indianapolis, Indiana
4PM And Then Self-Righteously Denying It
Angry man about faulty hard drive: Don't tell me it's empty when there's shit on it! Shit is shit and empty is empty! This thing is lying to me like the White House!
Electronics store, 2721 East 3rd Street
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Tony
5PM Good Point -- You Play It As It Lays
Man describing adoption of Chinese kid: .. And eventually you get a baby's photo and a medical history...
Hick female photographer: But let me ask you, what do you do if she's ugly?
Man: ... What did your parents do?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
2PM Great, Now I Have to Explain to Her What Football Is
Young man #1: Would you rather take a shit right here in the mall and get arrested and laughed at, or have Mike Ditka sit on your face?
Young man #2: Dude, I'm on the phone... No, Mom, that was just some guy... Mike Ditka is an old football coach, Mom... No, he's not here, he's in Hollywood or somethin'.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
9AM But Unfortunately, I Can't Cross the Street on My Own Yet
Bus boy #1: I went to the new hostess's MySpace page.
Bus boy #2: The little mousey girl?
Bus boy #1: Turns out she's bi. Got a picture on there of her getting nailed from behind by another chick with a strap-on.
Bus boy #2: God, if my mom would let me, I would marry her!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
11AM No, Nothing Work-Related
Manager #1: Shit! I can't remember what I wanted to ask Al*...
Manager #2: If he's gay? If he's doing coke?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
9AM They Don't Tell Me What They're Storing, and I Don't Ask
Deputy: That guy told the judge that the crack they found up his ass wasn't his.
Police station
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: more information than anyone needed
5PM You Want Mine? I'm Suddenly Not Hungry Anymore
Boss: I hate these burritos. The ingredients aren't mixed up at all. It's like a fetus they mangled into a tortilla.
North Meridian Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Developer
5PM What about That Joe Pesci Movie?
Pledge drive volunteer: Would you like to pledge to fight hunger and homelessness?
College guy: No thanks, man.
Pledge drive volunteer: How about pledging to make higher education more affordable?
College guy: Dude, homeless people don't even go to college...
470 West 7th Street
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: pledging
1PM But That Implies You'd Rather Get the TV Than The...
Grunt #1: I figured out the perfect way to get the TV remote from my wife late at night.
Grunt #2: Yeah?
Grunt #1: I act horny. She'd rather give up the TV than give up the ass.
46 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
11AM Just a Good One with a Bad Temper
Restaurant manager shooing out two vagrants: Guys, you'll have to leave. Go on.
Vagrant #1: How long you been in the klan?
Restaurant manager, taken aback: Actually, I'm Catholic and the klan is very anti-Catholic.
Vagrant #2: No. No! They were Catholics!
Restaurant manager: You're wrong. Class dismissed. Now get your ass out of here or I'll have the dish washers put you two motherfuckers in the trash compactor, ass-to-mouth.
Vagrant #1: You a bad Catholic!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
2PM It's Actually the Frown of a Man in Bifocal Denial
Clerk: Are you worried?
Rehab counselor using laptop: No. Why?
Clerk: People always look worried while they are trying to memorize the Internet.
4555 Central Avenue
Columbus, Indiana
9AM Another Good Job Lost to Illegal Aliens
Customer, softly: Uh, someone pooped on the floor in the ladies' room.
Hostess: Ewww!
Manager: I'll get a Mexican.
Restaurant, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
4PM He Just Ordered a Pizza
Lady cube dweller: Well, didn't you get bigger last time?
Man cube dweller: Yeah, but I was thinking about something else.
Lady cube dweller: What were you thinking about?!
Man cube dweller: Your sister.
Lady cube dweller: You're an asshole.
Man cube dweller: Well, she is my girlfriend.
4015 Shore Drive
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Not her sister
9AM So Anyway, I'm Off to Hike Up His Rent and Vandalize His Car
Ugly lady: He only comes over and fucks me when he's really, really angry.
Friend: Oh. Jeez.
Ugly lady: So that's as wrong as I think it is?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
1PM Boot Camp Is Over -- We're Goin' to War
Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy.
Dad: No.
Two-year-old girl: Up, Daddy... P'ease?
Dad: No. C'mon, we taught you how to walk for a goddamned reason. Let's move it.
Target
Avon, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
11AM There Are So Few Good Roles for African-American Actresses
Customer: Last week I bought two of these toy bulldozers for my nephews, and I'd like to exchange this one for a backhoe.
CSR: Okay.
Customer: Would you like me to go back to the toy department and get the other one?
CSR: No, I'll page and have someone bring one up here for you. [Over intercom] Attention, Toy Department. Will someone please bring a black ho to the service desk? I repeat, we need a black ho at the service desk.
Value City
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Did that really just happen?
1PM The Bhagavad Gita Is Pretty Clear on This
Amateur theologian: ... And something else I was thinking -- it's like, people always say, 'Well, the cowboys are God's team.' No, they're not! It doesn't matter who wins. God knew who was gonna win 1000 years ago!
333 North Meridian Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: fransen comes alive
12PM Why You Hire Talking Dogs Is Beyond Me
Male employee: I want you to know, Cindy* will be complaining to you about something I said to her. It's all a lie, though.
Manager #1: Oookay...
Male employee: She's gonna say I called her a 'dirty fucking cunt.'
Manager #2: Ohhh, boy...
Male employee: But it's bullshit. I called her a 'dirty fucking bitch.' I don't use the 'C'-word.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
1PM It'll Take More Than That to Get in the Club
Manager: Yeah, my uncle owns a car lot -- he's a Jew.
Worker: Oh, your uncle is Jewish?
Manager: No, he just rips people off.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: She did not just say that!
1PM And Live under a Bridge Like Common Trolls?
Coworker: I wish my kids could job-shadow a homeless person.
404 Columbia Place
South Bend, Indiana
Overheard by: Dave Trowbridge
11AM The Litter Box Next to the Bed Might Be a Mistake
Female employee: I don't mind thinking I'll be a creepy cat lady. I just don't want to be a creepy virgin cat lady.
Crosspoint Boulevard
Indianapolis, Indiana
12PM Brice Now Regretted Choosing the How-Can-I-Be-Happy-in-a-World-Full-of-Suffering Meal
Guy: You know, it's really unfair we have 24-hour food, and some places have no food at all.
38th Street and I-465
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Mylisa Suzanne
3PM But When It Comes to Self-Abuse, Nothing Tops Alcohol and Baccarat
Grandma to stranger: Meth is way worse than heroin.
Granddaughter: What?
Grandma: Oh. Ummm, nothing, honey... Nevermind. Aren't we here to gamble and drink?
Caesars, Indiana
Overheard by: Fatty
11AM No, That Kind Really Sucks
20-something chick #1: Yeah, can I get a ham and cheese sandwich on fellatio bread.
20-something chick #2: Ummm, I think it's called 'focaccia' bread...
Lafayette, Indiana
5PM Of Course If We Fire Her, We'll Have the Expense of Training Another Screamer
General manager: Should we fire Missy*? She was screaming at you in front of other employees.
Manager #1: I don't know. What does Missy* feel we should do to her?
General manager: Uh, I didn't ask her.
Manager #2: She thinks we should buy her a pizza and give her a raise. What the fuck do you think she feels we should do to her?
Indianapolis, Indiana
1PM He's Manager for a Reason
Restaurant manager, to hobo panhandling inside the restaurant: You need to leave right now.
Hobo: Man, how you know I not here for some crab cakes and fine wine?
Restaurant manager: Because you have human shit all over your pants.
Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
10AM 'Fuck You' Was More of a Request Than an Expletive
Manager: Can you gather up the other guys? We have to move a bunch of stuff.
Employee: Fuck you.
Manager: What did you just say to me?
Employee: Fuck you, asshole.
Manager: Are you nuts?
Employee: Fuck you, bitch.
Manager: You're fired. Get out of here.
Employee: I wasn't clocked in. You can't fire me.
Manager walks to computer, clocks him in, says, 'You're fired,' and then clocks him out.
Employee: That's so unfair.
Circle Centre Mall
Overheard by: Shatmandu
3PM Now Make him Define Irony!
Brother: Is he dead?
Brother's friend's brother: I think he's asleep.
Brother: Hey, you awake?
Brother's friend's brother: Hey! Say something.
Brother's friend: Make me.
Mishawaka, Indiana
Overheard by:
9AM This Woman Also Finds "The Family Circus" Funny
Co-Worker: I spilled my milk this morning and my husband was like, "Don't cry over spilled milk." He's always saying funny things like that.
Carmel, Indiana
9AM This Could Explain Why Her Teeth Chipped Yesterday Morning
Woman #1: Oh, look at the pretty rock!
Woman #2: Um... that's part of a blueberry muffin.
Woman #1: Oh.
Monument Circle
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Gitcher Eyes Checked
5PM For Your Comfort and Safety, Remember That Kids Are Pretty Literal
School social worker, to kindergartner on lap: So what happened right before you ran out of your classroom?
Kindergartner: I'm peeing.
Social worker: What do you mean, you're peeing?
Kindergartner: I'm peeing.
Social worker: [jumps up, displaying huge wet spot on her pants]
Kindergartner: I TOLD you I was peeing.
5130 Roxbury Road
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Fair warning given
11AM Who Wants to Work in a Dump Like This Anyway?
Manager: We're going to have to let you go.
Employee: I didn't do nothin'!
Manager: I personally caught you defecating into the employee bathroom sink.
Employee: The toilet was filthy!
95 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
5PM He Just Doesn't Have the Underwearwithal
Woman: I haven't talked to Henry* in a week. I'm through with him.
Man: Why? What happened?
Woman: He's sooo selfish. He took the last t-shirt out of my drawer and wore it.
Man: That's it? Dumped him over a t-shirt?
Woman: I texted him and told him we're through.
Man: Wow. Dumped over a Hanes.
Woman: Yep. Infidelity I forgave, but don't take my last goddamned t-shirt out of my fuckin' drawer. Selfish!
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
3PM Time Is Cheap in Indiana
Man at photo kiosk: I just finished sending my selections and edits through, and then it froze.
Worker: Hmm. Locked up. Happens a lot. All the info is gone, unfortunately.
Man: I spent 45 minutes here, doing this.
Worker: I'm sorry. Here's a $3-off coupon for next time.
Man: Three bucks for 45 minutes?
Worker's cell phone rings. He walks away.
Avon Target
Avon, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
11AM Rule of Thumb: Don't Hire Anyone Who Has Ever Performed a Mortal Kombat Move in Real Life
Applicant, explaining multi-year gap in employment history: I got sent to jail for stabbing a guy twelve times, but it was bullshit.
Manager: Oh yeah?
Applicant: Yeah. I only stabbed him six times; I just had two knives in my hand. It was bullshit.
Manager: Hmm. I see.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
1PM Why Not Everyone Should Reproduce
Waiter, at new copy machine: Which way does this go in: face down or up, sideways or lengthways?...You're not going to tell me, are you?
Manager: We've got plenty of paper over there; keep trying until you get it right.
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
5PM Somebody Hit His 'Reset' Button
CSR: Do you know your son's name? Your secret question is "What is your son's name?" Do you know your son's name?
Person resetting password: No, ma'am, I don't know what that is either.
Mishawka, Indiana
5PM Your Daughter Is So Precocious!
Little girl, pointing to ad poster: Dog!
Father, looking at the ad: No, honey, that's Ellen Degeneres.
Target Shopping Center
Avon, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
3PM They Both Felt It Was Time For a Starter Marriage
Hostess: I don't know why they're getting married. They don't even have kids!
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
11AM You Could Probably Steal One From a White Castle in the Bronx and No One Would Notice For a Week
Woman: Oh, I want the baby. I just don't want the pregnancy. If I could just go to a fast food place and order a baby, I would.
4910 16th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
4PM Remember? Those Nine Planes?
Delivery driver: I've never had to stop and check in before.
Guard: Yes, you have. We started doin' it after two-eleven.
Delivery driver: You mean nine-eleven?
Guard, rolling eyes: No. Two-eleven, when them people crashed them planes. Two-eleven.
Delivery driver: That was in September.
Guard: Two-eleven.
Circle Center Mall Security Office
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
11AM I'm So Almost Over Her
Office drone #1: Last week I was on MySpace, and I dropped my old high school girlfriend a line. Would you see this as being friendly or creepy?
Office drone #2: Well, did you search specifically for her?
Office drone #1: No, I seriously just happened across her through my high school's page, but unbeknownst to me she had just recently set up her account. I'm just freaked out that it looks like I've been trolling the internet waters waiting for her to surface and then, bam! Ten years ago that would have been the case, but not now.
Liberty Drive
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: giselle
9AM Tragically, This Misinformation Prevented Debbie From Having Her Bullet Wound Treated
Employee #1: I went to the bathroom and I have a big hole, right in the middle of my crotch.
Employee #2: We all do, sweetie. It's called a vagina.
1907 West Sycamore Street
Kokomo, Indiana
Overheard by: vagina warrior
3PM Dude, You Have Got to Go Bury That Somewhere Before the Cops Come By Again!
Supervisor #1: I smell mothballs.
Supervisor #2: Probably just my old body.
1143 West 116th Street
Carmel, Indiana
Overheard by: Samantha
2PM Hang On...They're Like...Okay...They're About 20% Off...Just One Second...
Cashier, holding up a coupon: I'll just have to take off your panties.
Victoria's Secret, Green Tree Mall
Clarksville, Indiana
Overheard by: The next one in line
3PM Terrorism Totally Counts as Labor
Host: Well, I think that's going to be September 11th. Check the calendar.
Computer tech: September 11th? Isn't that something important? Oh, that's Labor Day, right?
Host: 9-11.
Computer tech, looking clueless: Ohhh. Well, okay.
421 NW Riverside Drive
Evansville, Indiana
Overheard by: Amanda
10AM Nothing Says Romance Like Suicide While Fleeing the Law
Guy: I always thought we would go out Thelma and Louise style when we were both in our 90's.
Girl: That sounds about right.
Guy: I'm going to move that up about 60 years if this meeting doesn't end soon.
32 Washington Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: I agree
3PM Local Sports Editor Arrested by Karma Police; Sentenced to Ride 'It's a Small World' in Perpetuity
City editor: Do you think they give you your money back if your kid dies at Disney World?
Editor-in-Chief: No, but Mickey Mouse volunteers to be a pallbearer at the funeral.
Sports editor, in a Mickey Mouse falsetto: Hey guys, what's in the box?
7 North Jefferson Street
Huntington, Indiana
Overheard by: tricky nikki
11AM Checking Gmail
Intern at computer, to self: I gotta get out of this relationship. She's sending me pictures of jewelry.
3330 Founders Road
Indianapolis, Indiana
10AM Coffee Break
Marketing manager: Maybe you should have one pink and one blue for your kids.
CSR: Oooh, yeah!
Manager: Well, wait, what do pink and blue make? Purple? No.
CSR: No?
Manager: No, black and blue make purple. Or was it black and red?
421 Northwest Riverside Drive
Evansville, Indiana
2PM Get Receipts to Billing
Boss: Did you find that receipt?
Underling: No, it's not in the receipt file. I checked every receipt for the last six months. It's not there.
Boss: Why don't you look again?
Underling: I knew you'd ask, so I looked twice already. It's not there. Is there somewhere else that you put receipts?
Boss: No, only the receipt file. But if it's not in there, it's not a big deal. Later today, if you have time, why don't you look again in the file?
Underling: Okay, but if it's not there now, it won't be there later.
Boss: Yeah okay, but why don't you just look again?
1028 East Private Road 1200 North
Farmersburg, Indiana
9AM Back to Work
Co-worker: She was like, "Nigga, just drop me off at daycare and go about your business."
11100 USA Parkway
Fishers, Indiana
Overheard by: minkey
11AM Proof Press Release
Marketing: Oh my god, I don't know what is going on with this, but I swear, I had to look up so many big words while I was doing this thing; Like..."ire"? "Emu"? What the hell are these?
421 NW Riverside Drive
Evansville, Indiana
12PM Troubleshooting Meeting
Consultant: That is correct, we've found that problem in the past to be...well...problematic.
111 East 71st Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
2PM Client Meeting
Lawyer on phone: I don't care what you want to do, just file the fucking report! Shut the fuck up and file the fucking thing!
Client: Yikes.
Secretary: He's yelling at his other secretary.
Client: ...Yeah, but--
Lawyer: I said file the fucking thing!
Secretary: It's okay. She's also his wife.
430 West First Street
New Albany, Indiana
9AM Back to Work
Receptionist: He's not in, may I take a message?...No, we don't have voice mail, but I'll be happy to take a message...I write it on a piece of paper and had it to him when he comes in.
1718 Villa Avenue
Indianapolis, Indiana
1PM Lunch
Boss on phone: Is this the driver who stole money from us and owes me some collard greens?
3451 North Shadeland Avenue
Indianapolis, Indiana
5PM Finally, the Weekend
Office Manager: It's like apples and oranges: they are all the same.
15530 Herriman Boulevard
Noblesville, Indiana
4PM Review Tentative New Hires
Boss: So with his experience, he will help us ferret those waters.
930 South Calhoun Street
Fort Wayne, Indiana
2PM QA
Tester: Dude, did you see this? There's a button in the software that says "Fuck Off."
Designer: So?...That's a feature. Did you press it?
Tester: Yeah...it just went away.
Designer: And did it make you feel better?
Tester: Strangely, yeah. Yeah, it did.
Designer: See?
211 Van Buren Street
Nashville, Indiana
Overheard by: Scott
12PM Order Staplers from OfficeMax
Co-worker: Oh, there's my stapler! I was looking for it.
Boss: Actually it's my stapler. I own this company; everything here is mine. I'm just letting you keep it at your desk.
1718 Villa Avenue
Indianapolis, Indiana
12PM Get Those Scam Salescalls Blocked
Coworker on phone: Why do you need to know what type of printer I have?...Well, I guess I could read the name of the printer to you off of the printer, if you suggest that... Here's the name written right here. It's F then U, C. Are you writing this down? K and then Y. Then finally O, U...Hello, hello?
4175 Central Avenue
Indianapolis, Indiana
2PM Managers' Meeting
Owner: You've got to tell me these things. I don't know everything that's going on...you'd be surprised at what I don't know.
2100 Goshen Road
Fort Wayne, Indiana
2PM Conference Call
Colleague on phone: We'll just have to go down there and gang bang those sites.
Silence.
3699 West Lathrop Street
South Bend, Indiana
9AM Log On, Check Email
Co-worker on phone: ...So if that wasn't enough, she signs the email
"LOL". Now you can't tell me that wasn't completely obnoxious...Yeah. Lots of luck...Oh. But, still...
1236 Shannon Avenue
Indianapolis, Indiana
6PM You're There for Yourself, Not the PC
Guy #1: eHarmony. Maybe I should try that.
Guy #2: You'd have to know how to log on to a computer first.
190 N. Main Street
Roanoke, Indiana
1PM Think of It Less as Creation and More as Intelligent Design
Art Director: We had another "captain literal" sighting in a client
meeting today. People are stupid.
Copywriter: Be less creative. It always works for me.
930 S. Calhoun Street
Fort Wayne, Indiana
11AM He's Referring to the Co-worker Evals
Co-worker #1: Hey! Stop calling me psycho!
Co-worker #2: Sorry sir, I didn't know you could read my thoughts.
401 NW 4th Street
Evansville, Indiana
9AM Still Better Than Bucknell
Co-worker #1: You mean Napoleon Dynamite?
Co-worker #2: No, Napoleon Bonaparte.
Co-worker #1: Was he that explorer guy?
Co-worker #2: No, he was a French general...if you've ever heard the phrase "Napoleon complex" that's where it comes from, because he was a short guy who thought he was the shit...
Co-worker #1: Oh...I've never heard of him.
Co-worker #2: How's that IU education working out for you?
3699 West Lathrop
South Bend, Indiana
4PM If You Don't Have Lunch, When Will You Talk Smack?
Older woman: It isn't good for your metabolism to eat too little.
Younger woman: Yeah, I remember when I was a kid and saw those starving African kids on TV. I said, "They aren't fat, look at their bellies!" That's what happens when you don't eat enough, you get bloated.
1500 University Drive
Billings, Montana
Co-worker #1: Do you want to go to lunch?
Co-worker #2: I'm on a diet.
Co-worker #1: But we're going to get ice cream afterward.
800 E. 96th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
