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Tennessee All Categories > Places > United States > Midsouth > Tennessee
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5PM Yeah, but I Always Do
Designer #1: Hey Susan*, did you have a traditional Pearl Harbor celebration?
Designer #2: Yes, I did. I--
Designer #1, interrupting: --Did you make airplane noises on the drive home?
495 Union Avenue
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: one cubicle over
11AM I Had to Bite My Tongue Bloody, Though
Coworker #1: She keeps sending me e-mails from home, wanting me to do all this shit that can totally wait until she gets back in the office... She's supposed to be on vacation, for Christ's sake!
Coworker #2: So just tell her to back off!
Coworker #1: Nah... I e-mailed her and told her she should be using this time to relax and recharge, and that we would tackle this stuff once she's back in the office and refreshed from vacation.
Coworker #2: Wow... That's the most eloquent 'Fuck you' I've ever heard!
Carruthers Parkway
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: quite impressed
10AM Younger Workers May Arrive in Your Office with No Discernible Social Skills
Peon: Yeah, that would be a total chick magnet. Just say, 'Hey, you wanna come and, uh, meet my manatee?'
1100 Broadway
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Clair
4PM Best Boss I've Ever Had
Lady worker: He's the type of person that stands outside when it's raining to see if it's wet enough!
Commerce Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: pedestrian
1PM Instead We'll Have a Class on "Constructive Disagreement"
Male boss, after female employee leaves room after argument: Now I know why men beat their wives.
465 Democrat Road
Memphis, Tennessee
12PM Like "Chubby" and "Spanky" Were Any Better?
Employee #1, reading newspaper: This guy's name is Poon Tang! I can't believe they printed his name!
Employee #2: Isn't Poon Tang something they said on The Little Rascals?
Knoxville, Tennessee
10AM Then You're Failing Me All Around
Male hippie #1 standing at printer with no paper: Aren't you supposed to be watching this? What do I pay you for?
Male hippie #2: To shave my legs and wear the skirt.
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: please no more
3PM ... Don't Ask
Budget director: Do you smell that? It smells like car wax. What is that smell?
Executive director: The interoffice memo...
436 6th Avenue North
Nashville, Tennessee
1PM A Good Way to Get People to Stop Sending You E-mail
Worker bee: Oh my god! I'm so excited, I'm gonna pee on the carpet! I got the e-mail about that 11-thousand-dollar deal! [Stands up up and lifts leg] Psss... Psss... Look at me! I'm the cat! I'm peeing on the carpet!
Nashville, Tennessee
12PM So Sometimes Yes, Sometimes No
Art teacher: So, we'll just add some black to this painting...
Girl: Hunter, isn't black your favorite color?
Boy: It's the color of my soul.
High school, 700 Broadway
Nashville, Tennessee
12PM Use a Spoon Like Everyone Else
Woman gazing wistfully into yogurt cup: If my tongue was long enough, I'd lick my bottom.
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Mark
4PM I Thought I Told You Never to Call Here Again
Caller: That's 'A' as in 'elbow'...
400 Main Street
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Bewildered
4PM (Whisper, Whisper) You Mean Those Yellow People Live Here Now?!
Peon, with Asian friend: Boss, I'd like to introduce you to my friend from Charlotte, Amy*. She's stayin' out here with me for a few days, then heading back home.
Boss: Nice to meet you! Where are you from?
Amy: Charlotte, North Carolina.
Boss: How long have you lived there?
Amy: I was born there -- 25 years now.
Boss: Wow! How do you like it?
Amy: Like what?
Boss: America!
Amy: I, uh... I like it?
Boss: Do you think you'll ever go back?
Amy: Yeah, I leave Sunday.
Boss: Wow! Well, I hope you enjoyed your American vacation!
Office party
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Jesse
12PM Or Until the Ninth Month, in My Case
Preggers peon: You know, people only think you're pregnant for nine months, but it's really ten because you don't know you're pregnant for the first month.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Mic all
9AM Your Love Is Only a Tragic Illusion. Questions?
CSR: Good morning. ABC Bank* -- how can I help you?
Customer: I'd like to talk to the person who answers the phones after hours -- y'know, the 24-hour line?
CSR: The 24-hour line is automated, but I can put you through to--
Customer: --No, no, no. I want to talk to the lady who answers the phone when you're closed.
CSR: Oh, see, that's not an employee. It's a recording.
Customer: What? No. See, I spoke to her three times last night and she knows my situation, so I need her. Is she there during the day?
CSR: ... Sir, it's not a real person. It's a recording [hangs up].
Decatur, Tennessee
11AM A Move Known As "The IT Sidestep"
Temp: We found some old mice in the trashcan. I don't really think they belong in there.
Tech guy: I think that's a problem for facilities. Are they dead or alive?
Maryville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Cinderella
5PM So How about Dinner on Friday?
Sales manager: My husband and I used that new KY warming gel last night, and I thought of you.
Female sales assistant: Ummm, could you please not think of me while you're having sex?
Sales manager: No, what I mean is...
Female sales assistant: No. Please, just stop.
Brentwood, Tennessee
Overheard by: sex object
5PM So Much Nicer Than the Blocking
Female legislator: I love professional ball players. They, uh... tackle well.
20 Legislative Plaza
Nashville, Tennessee
2PM Why Josie Spoiled in the Heat
Chick #1: Sometimes when I'm not wearing a bra and I don't want my nipples to poke out I put Band-Aids over them.
Chick #2: You put mayonnaise on your nipples?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
Chick #2: Mayonnaise?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
9th and Broad Street
Chattanooga, Tennessee
9AM And the Surgical Interventions
Client: I can't wait to get back to my car!
Hair stylist #1: Why your car?
Client: So I can take my bra off!
Hair stylist #2: Girl, my boobs will never sag, 'cause I'm a hairdresser!
Hair stylist #1: Huh?
Hair stylist #2: It's all the blow drying!
West End
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: wondering if my boobs will sag
9AM But You'd Only Be Prosecuted for the Former
College student: So, if you stab someone and then stand there and watch them bleed to death, are you killing them or letting them die?
Logic professor: Well, I guess you would accomplish both.
Middle Tennessee State University
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
10AM Quick, Pass Me That Cigar
Boss #1: You going to mass to get your ashes done?
Boss #2: Oh, Jesus, I forgot all about that! Is it Ash Wednesday?
Tennessee
12PM Before I Go in and Ask This Focus Group of Five-Year-Olds
Customer service associate to graphic artist: Yeah, I just wanted to get your uninformed opinion on that file.
Nashville, Tennessee
5PM Susan Smith: 'It Was Just a Really Late-Term Abortion'
Editor: A 35-year-old woman died, and when her family went to clean out her apartment they found three fetuses in the freezer.
Producer: Were they pre-term fetuses or post-term fetuses?
Reporter: Uh, those would be called 'babies.
Murfreesboro Road
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: lp's habit
1PM I Changed My Name -- It Was Just Easier
Cashier: You're new? What's your name?
Newbie: Ryan.
Cashier: Brian?
Newbie: Ryan.
Cashier: It's good to know you, Brian.
Newbie: Ryan. It's Ryan, with an 'R.'
Cashier: Huh? What do you mean, 'with an R'? Is there any way to spell Brian without an 'R'?
Newbie: I suppose not, no.
2020 Gunbarrel Road
Chattanooga, Tennessee
9AM Actually, Those Things Say 'Halloween Party'
Secretary: Well, I'm out for the rest of the day. I've got a doctor's appointment.
Coworker: Oh, have fun!
Secretary: Yeah... Because nothing says 'party' like bloodwork and pap smears...
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
12PM Of Course They're Expensive --They're Moloko Dispensers
Hick girl #1: Look, I'm just saying, that bitch was a bitch.
Hick girl #2: She is such a bitch.
Hick girl #1: I know. And her costume wasn't even funny.
Hick girl #2: I don't think they're supposed to be funny. I think they're supposed to be scary.
Hick girl #1: Her tits are scary.
Hick girl #2: She's always showin' her tits. I don't wanna see them scary-ass tits.
Bitch: My tits are expensive, you stupid hick bitches.
Hick girl #1: Why didn't you say you were in there, bitch? God, you're a bitch.
Hick girl #2: Bitch.
Nashville, Tennessee
10AM He's More of a Strap Things on Kind of Guy
Coworker on phone: My husband knows how to strap things down probably like your husband.
Melrose Ave
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: ihear2much
5PM There Are no Stupid Questions...Oh, Wait
Interviewer: Just fill out this application and wait to be called for the interview.
Interviewee: Does it matter if I got a crack possession against me?
420 Harding
Tennessee
1PM But I'm the Janitor!
Account biller #1: Let me ask you something, what am I supposed to do with those claims the boss just gave me?
Account biller #2: Your job, perhaps?
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Cala
4PM Shopping at Tautology
Girl: Excuse me, do you carry tonic water?
Stock boy: Yeah, I think so. I mean, if we have it, it's probably somewhere in the store.
Girl: Uh, thanks.
Schnooks
Memphis, Tennessee
2PM This Explains Much About Tennessee
Mother: What are you going to have?
Daughter: Chicken nuggets and a Dr Pepper.
Mother: I'm not getting you a Dr Pepper. It's not good for you.
Daughter: Fine. I'll have a Coke.
Mother: That's better.
McDonald's
Tennessee
3PM It Lost Its Virginity in Sixth Grade!
Blood drive participant: My blood is faster than your blood!
1924 Alcoa Highway
Knoxville, Tennessee
1PM Luckily All the Prejudice is Concentrated in Mississippi, Where We Can Keep an Eye on It
Co-Worker: You should move to Mississippi, so your children won't have to go to school with all those black kids. But people in Mississippi are really prejudiced though...
Memphis, Tennessee
12PM How Does Me Killing You and Assuming Your Identity Sound?
Boss: I found this [correspondence dated a week ago] in my inbox, waiting for my signature. It was Bill Smith's* estate tax return! Why didn't you tell me to check my inbox?? There's all kinds of stuff in there that hasn't gone out. You have to come up with a way for me to check my inbox more regularly so things like this don't happen again!
Secretary: Um, ok? Do you want me to set Outlook reminders that you'll ignore, or would you like to ignore me personally?
900 East Hill Avenue
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: She's Not Psychic
3PM Shift Switch
Coworker #1: Hey, can you cover my shift next week?
Coworker #2: Why? Where are you going?
Coworker #1: My friend's boyfriend is graduating from pharmacology school.
Coworker #2: Ew. Who would want to be a farmer?
3900 Hillsboro Road
Nashville, Tennessee
12PM Lunch
Accountant: We're taking Mark* to Joe's Crab Shack for his retirement party at the end of the month.
Secretary: Is that where you want to go? I figured you for more of a Hooters man. Wouldn't you rather have Hooters than crabs?
Mark: I thought the two went hand in hand! You can't have one without the other.
401 Church Street
Nashville Tennessee
2PM Getting Supplies
Coworker: You really can't blame her. It's easy to get attached to a pen.
1924 Alcoa Highway
Knoxville, Tennessee
3PM Smoke Break
Jr. Developer: What we need is an alien invasion.
Deveveloper #11: We have one. Mexicans.
Jr. Developer: [sigh] What we need is an extraterrestrial alien invasion.
Developer #2: Boy, you sure have it out for the aliens.
Developer #1: I can't help it. I'm a xenophobe.
Jr. Developer: The whole world is xenophobic. We need the extraterrestrial invasion in order to unite the globe and to make us stop fighting amongst ourselves.
Developer #1: Until after they left.
Jr. Developer: No, because they came from space, there could always be more of them. As paranoid humans, we have to hunt them down and exterminate them all in order to protect ourselves.
Pause
Jr. Developer: Besides, they might have oil.
501 Corporate Centre Drive
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: Brian
11AM Reception
Co-worker #1: Have you seen [Amy]?
Secretary: Not in the past several minutes.
Co-worker #1: I hope she hurries up. I have to study for a test and my boss is breathing down my neck.
Co-worker #2: Hey! How are you?
Co-worker #1: I'd be better if [Amy] would hurry up and get here. I have a boss waiting on me and stuff I have to do.
Elevator dings. All look expectantly toward elevator, hoping to see [Amy]. Someone else comes out.
All in unison, disappointedly: Awww.
Paranoid co-worker #3: What? What did I do?
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
4PM Orientation Meeting
Manager #1: He is just here to put out the fires that get lit under my ass.
Manager #2: Basically I'm the ass guard. I provide ass protection.
400 East 11th Street
Chattanooga, Tennessee
12PM Hire Receptionist
Co-worker #1 on intercom: [Renee], you have a call on line one.
Co-worker #2 on intercom: [Brenda], there is a call on line 3 for you.
Boss on intercom: All right, people. We have to stop using this all-over-the-building page thing for no good reason.
1710 Roy Acuff Place
Nashville, Tennessee
9AM Back to Work
Secretary: Don't mail your boogers to people!
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
9AM TGIF
VP: Everyone's getting pregnant here.
Co-worker: By the way, I'm going to be pregnant and gay on Monday.
1850 Elm Hill Pike
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: V. Schipani
10AM Cut Checks
Manager: They really need to pay this month's rent 'cause I lost their money order last month and that makes them 2 months behind.
108 North Belvedere Boulevard
Memphis, Tennessee
12PM Pick Up Mail
Secretary: If we call this basket "inhouse" mail, shouldn't we call this basket "outhouse" mail?
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
2PM Talk with HR
Boss over intercom: [Laurel] please come to my office for a personal favor.
1710 Roy Acuff Place
Nashville, Tennessee
12PM Update Site
Business Services Manager: I just sent you that logo in Word format.
Web Manager: Word isn't really an image format, but I can probably make it work.
Business Services Manager: Well, I probably have it in another format. I think I might have it as a Giraffe.
211 Commerce Street
Nashville, Tennessee
5PM I'm Leaving, Too
Boss #1: You're taking off for your wedding; when will you be back?
Co-worker: Two weeks.
Boss #2: Yes, and when she gets back, she'll no longer be a virgin.
609 Reliability Circle
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Arthur Vandelay
2PM Send Off Tuition Check
Admissions clerk: Can I help you?
Student: I didn't get credit for a class I took this summer.
Admissions clerk: Did you go to class?
Student: Sometimes.
Admissions clerk: Did you pay for the class or do you have a student loan?
Student: No.
120 White Bridge Road
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Susan Fanning
9AM It's Gonna Be a Long Day
Secretary: Wow, this is not much work for Friday!
Boss: ...Except that it's Wednesday today.
Dogwood Ave, Building 1
Johnson City, Tennessee
9AM Pearls of Wisdom, First Thing in the AM
Secretary: I love this new water bottle I got. It holds all the water you need for a full day. The problem is that when I drink out of it, I look like a hamster.
401 Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
9AM Here We Go Again
Medical claims analyst: Have I ever shown you the x-ray of my head?
1009 Windcross Court
Franklin, Tennessee
1PM "This" Being "Business"
Sales Rep: This is what happens when you have an idiot like me doing this shit.
435 Metroplex Drive
Nashville, Tennessee
12PM They've Got the Coroner on Speed-dial
Maintenance guy on cell: There's too many overloaded powerstrips in this building and all of the fire extinguishers are expired...you want me to call somebody?
1040 Old Yellow Creek Road
Vanleer, Tennessee
Overheard by: beth lankford
2PM There Goes the Dream of Olympic Gold...Showers
Co-worker #1: I just got this great book you should read. It's got
everything you always wanted to know about sex. It's got pictures and
positions and everything.
Co-worker #2: Books are for amateurs. When it comes to sex I'm a pro.
1215 2nd Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee
9AM He Can't Even Handle the "In" Part
Co-worker #1: We just had a premature install.
Co-worker #2: I hear lots of guys have that problem. Hell, [Alex] can't even finish an install.
26 Century Boulevard
Nashville, Tennessee
7AM Seems They Installed the Office Catapult
Bos: So, do you lift weights?
New guy: Uh, yeah, sometimes.
Boss: Because man, I'd hate to run into your chest at 40 miles an hour!
Co-worker: Why would that ever happen?
1710 Roy Acuff Place
Nashville, Tennessee
1PM Too Much Speed Makes You Want to Get to Work
Worker: I need to go home, I think I have caffeine poisoning.
Boss: Caffeine poisoning?
Worker: Yeah, I think the coffee made me sick.
Boss: Is it like being on too much speed?
810 Dominican Drive
Nashville, Tennessee
